01-15 March, 2002

This entry was posted on
Friday, March 1st, 2002
at
9:28 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20020301

Time
09:28
Yet more joy on the Korean front. While the bulk of the traffic is coming from yesterday’s surprise inclusion in Yahoo, there’s still plenty of link love going on out there.

Cheers to the following M*A*S*H-addicted bloggers:

http://www.captainfez.com/blog/

http://dusavon.blogspot.com/

http://www.neuroti.ca/

http://meany.mine.nu/

There’s also lots of traffic coming from this Danish site. It pleases me to think that somewhere in Denmark, one of those stereotypically blonde, sexy and ‘up for it’ chicks is looking at my crappy quiz and thinking of maybe sleeping with me. It’s highly unlikely, it just pleases me to think about it is all.

We’re still waaaaaaaay down on the blogdex charts, so we have a long way to go yet – if, indeed, we get there at all.

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Date
20020301

Time
09:31
It’s very satisfying to see that there are still ideas out there that can stand alone as text.

Check out If Star Wars was set in Glasgow.

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Date
20020301

Time
10:20
Cool Japanese flash/ad thingy. The only word I understand is ‘Panasonic’, but that’s enough for me.

Hi-ho! Hi-ho!

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Date
20020301

Time
10:24
It’s pretty sloppy work, and they did Spam me (the bastards!), but if you’re into football this might prove to be momentarily distracting.

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Date
20020301

Time
10:46
A creationist is offering a $250,000 reward for scientific proof of evolution.

This won’t win me the money, but it’s something to chew on:

- Time is linked with entropy, i.e. the movement of matter in the universe.

- This movement of matter began with the big bang, or if you’re a creationist, the moment God sneezed.

- The subsequent movement has been decelerating constantly, but in the early stages time was moving veryveryfastindeed.

- This means that God could very well have created the heavens, the earth, and got the whole messy business of creating intelligent life and an environment to support it in 6 days (at least, 6 days according to the scale of time those folks what wrote the bible could relate to).

So, there you go. Creationism can sit side-by-side with Evolutionism. If you’re on the right medication, that is.

There, that’s that problem solved. Now, back to that multiple subscription solution I’ve been working on. Should be a doddle compared to this.

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Date
20020301
Latest Viral Agent
Time
11:42
Cool! Very, very cool!

Create a curse and send it to your friends. This is fan-tas-tic, and not just because it lets you address your target by (spoken) name or use some dangdoodle cusswords to describe them.

Here’s a sample. Check it out.

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Date
20020301

Time
14:25
No. Stop. Think about it. You need money to buy crack. M-o-n-e-y!

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Date
20020304

Time
08:29
This man-morphing thing should distract you for all of 30 seconds. It’s not much, but at least it’s a start.

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Date
20020304

Time
08:31
Tee-hee. I used www.create-a-curse.com to send anonymous curses to a few friends and colleagues on Friday. I’ve only been rumbled the once so far.

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Date
20020304

Time
08:35
Blogs make the news, erm, because they make the news. Read the article – you’ll get the idea.

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Date
20020304
Cops Aren’t Dopes #341
Time
09:03
A policeman detected a dark green substance in his taco “which looked and smelled like marijuana,” and yes, that’s just what it was. A 19-yr-old employee at the taco eatery was subsequently arrested.

Not fair! If this were the movies, the cop would have eaten the taco and been completely unaware that he had consumed a controlled substance. Hilarious antics would then follow, probably to a reggae soundtrack.

I say again; not fair!

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Date
20020304

Time
10:09
Doreen Waddell of Soul II Soul fame was caught shoplifting at Tesco. She ran outside when challenged by staff and was hit by three, count ‘em, three cars and died later in hospital. I’ll drop in a news link as soon as an item appears.

Yep, here you go…

And the same story over at the BBC, where they obviously had trouble sourcing a photo of Ms Waddell. Nice choice. Coincidentally, BBC online is looking for a new picture editor.

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Date
20020304
Geek News
Time
11:05
Tim Burton is rumoured to direct Tron 2.0 – go out and celebrate with a frisbee!

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Date
20020304

Time
12:01
Yet another execise in pointlessness. Sum up your experiences in 2001 in 20 words or less.

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Date
20020304

Time
12:12
One Rev. Harvey Polstom claims that ‘Boy Bands Are Making Our Kids Gay!’

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Date
20020304
Latest Viral Agent
Time
14:48
Viral in more ways than one: supershagland.com

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Date
20020305

Time
09:54
There will be much busy-busy-busy-ness today, and therefore light bloggage. I can, however, offer you the inescapable sadness of The Xanadu Preservation Society.

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Date
20020305

Time
10:36
Behold the history of comic books! Oh, and a fine collection of comic book ads (yes, I used to own some sea-monkeys – they died). Oh, and a collection of Hostess ads, complete with running commentary.

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Date
20020306

Time
09:01
The latest edition of Celebrity Bestiality is out. This month: Jamie Oliver and puns aplenty.

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Date
20020306

Time
15:56
More Jamie Oliver bashing for your viewing pleasure. Pukka!

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Date
20020307

Time
09:06
This excellent article on weblogs and their effect on Google has been followed up with an equally good piece on Googlebombing.

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Date
20020307

Time
09:14
Just what the world needs – a virtual Rubix cube.

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Date
20020307

Time
10:13
This chap likes the colour blue. But not hyperlink-blue, which makes him a bit queer in my book.

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Date
20020307

Time
10:26


From the U.S. Copyright Office FAQ:

How do I protect my sighting of Elvis?

“Copyright law does not protect sightings. However, copyright law will protect your photo (or other depiction) of your sighting of Elvis. Just send it to us with a form VA application and the $30 filing fee. No one can lawfully use your photo of your sighting, although someone else may file his own photo of his sighting. Copyright law protects the original photograph, not the subject of the photograph.”

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Date
20020307

Time
13:03
A dictionary of Britishisms and a guide for those Americans reading Harry Potter who may not understand proper English like what is spoken over here.

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Date
20020307

Time
13:13
The human virus scanner. Pure genius. Go there now and find out what brands you’ve been infected with.

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Date
20020307
From the Department of O.O.P.S
Time
13:16
A man charged with sexually assaulting a girl at a church and suspected in two other assaults was mistakenly placed in a cell with a teenage girl, erm, whom he sexually assaulted.

Authorities have described the incident as ‘unfortunate’.

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Date
20020307

Time
13:21
William Shatner is tring to ‘do a Wheaton‘.

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Date
20020308

Time
08:56
Eleven U.S. students have been suspended for purposely making themselves pass out as part of a fad. Big deal. There was a bunch of guys at my school who had some kind of weird vomiting club going on. One of the sickest things they did was dare someone in their group to eat a packet of Fruit Tingles, throw them up onto a paper plate and then (gulp) eat them again. He did it. In front of a hude audience in the playground. For about 20 dollars (if memory serves). Considering the growing popularity of shows like Jackass it could be said that they were truly men ahead of their time. Anyways, their ability to throw up ‘at command’ improved to a level where they could easily get out of assemblies, exams and the like just with a couple of well-placed fingers. Passing out? Hah! What a bunch of pussies….

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Date
20020308

Time
09:12
Meet Sandy Allen, the world’s tallest living woman. Are all tall chicks this sexy?

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Date
20020308

Time
09:15
A juicy consipiracy theory to punctuate your day and challenge your perceptions. Take a close look at the photos. I saw the ghost of Elvis.

He must have been driving the truck.

(As usual, one of the better links of the day comes from the Ultimate Insult.)

[UPDATE – On the very day the above link gets widespread coverage on the web, some previously unreleased images of the moment of impact mysteriously appear. A staggering co-inky-dink…]

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Date
20020308

Time
14:25
$cientology Vs. The Weekly World News – is there a difference and can you detect it?

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Date
20020308

Time
14:39
Bored? Why not take a few minutes to shave your testicles? If you’re in the office right now, please do try to exercise discretion – and clean up those curlies when you’re finished!

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Date
20020308

Time
15:05
I love a good mystery, I does.

Who is this woman, what is her picture doing buried deep in the annals of the website for this Baptist Church and why, I’m wondering, is the plastic wrap necessary?

I need sleep.

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Date
20020311

Time
09:12
An oldie but a goodie, and worth blogging because the creator of this excellent distraction classifies his online work as ‘art’. Maybe I can do the same and get ten grand a pop for all the crap I’ve created over the years.

Anyway, here it is – The Simulator.

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Date
20020311

Time
09:16
In a rotten mood this Monday morning? Use the wonders of modern technology to kill everyone (or do it the old-fashioned way just like those wonderful merkins are planning).

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Date
20020311

Time
10:06
Things move pretty fast in the new, improved ‘cut and paste’ pop industry. Throughout Pop Idol, a thousand careers are conceived and aborted before our very eyes. The ‘lone’ survivor is launched two weeks after the close of the competition with posters all over London assuring us that ‘The Wait Is Over’. Now the fledgling star is outed less than a month into his career (by my estimation, at least two years ahead of schedule). In the coming week, we should expect Will to get fat and suffer from drug abuse. A comeback will then follow, probably sometime next Thursday after lunch.

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Date
20020311

Time
11:29
The Rubberband Machine Gun is for wimps. Real men aspire to ownership of a Lego Machine Gun. You have to be able to take it apart and put it back together again in 60 seconds, too. While blindfolded. And under fire. Then you have to give your Lego Machine Gun a girl’s name. Etc.

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Date
20020311

Time
11:59
Nude photography by Leonard Nimoy. That’s ‘by’, not ‘of’.

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Date
20020311

Time
13:29
Remember in Electric Dreams where the guy spills champagne on the computer and it magically starts expressing thoughts and emotions? Check out the digital camera that’s come over all arty after being dropped in a pond. Some very cool images here.

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Date
20020311

Time
14:37
Make your own mutant fish.

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Date
20020311

Time
16:44
Some wacko, far from pleased with the quality of widescreen television, took hostages in the wrong building, made them put signs in the windows (presumably so the people he actually had a beef with got the message) and then shot himself. Last report, he was still alive and kicking. And an idiot.

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Date
20020312

Time
08:35
I’ve just been described as ‘L33t’. I had to look it up. There’s irony for you.

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Date
20020312

Time
08:36
I bet young boys still look under her dress.

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Date
20020312

Time
08:38
Robbie Rist, aka ‘Cousin Oliver’, the boy who killed the Bradys, is doing the Johnny Bravo thang. Rock on, Robbie.

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Date
20020312

Time
08:46
A Texas school cancelled the performance of an anti-violence play after fighting broke out amongst students who were watching it.

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Date
20020312

Time
08:52
Learn Oirish Slang instantly! Send no money (we’ll bill you).

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Date
20020312

Time
08:54
Google kicks ass. Well, duh!

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Date
20020312

Time
08:56
Too much online love can kill you. Or at least mess you up a whole lot.

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Date
20020312
Photoshopping
Time
09:03
Yet more mainstream attention for the world’s greatest interactive art form. It even makes case for fair use, which is interesting given the focus of my main meeting for today. Oh shit, I’m late! See you soon, kids.

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Date
20020312

Time
12:09
Who’da thunk it? Jimmy Carter was a sex monster. Film at eleven.

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Date
20020312

Time
14:50
Prince Philip is a twat. And a face-changing alien.

BTW, the Queen likes it: doggie -style.

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Date
20020312

Time
15:58
Meet andrew-washington.com

He’s 33, single, and has just recently moved to Kent.

He also has a ‘three-day goatee’ (negotiable). Go get him, girls!

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Date
20020312
Not Safe For Work
Time
16:03
The loveable cynics over at Fark have only now discovered the wonders of Kelly Brook.

Who am I to discourage them?

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Date
20020312

Time
16:10
Jesus seeped!

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Date
20020313

Time
08:58
A cyber-enhanced Jesus. Not recommended for the dashboard of your car.

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Date
20020313

Time
09:00
Interrogation by torture would never happen in America – primarily because the US has been secretly sending prisoners suspected of al-Qaida connections to countries where torture during interrogation is legal. Nice one.

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Date
20020313

Time
09:03
Yahoo are hungry. And desperate, by the looks of things.

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Date
20020313

Time
09:05
Win a lunch date with David Lynch.

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Date
20020313

Time
09:09
Boy, these spammers never miss a trick. I’ve just been sent an email offering ‘OLYMPIC GAMES RAPE!!!’

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Date
20020313

Time
13:27
Ho-hum, it’s been done.

Spot what’s wrong with this picture, but only if you’ve been hiding under a rock on Mars since last year.

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Date
20020313

Time
13:29
Find Rob and win big prizes. Teehee. We like Rob, and we love bacon. We’re up for it.

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Date
20020313

Time
13:54
Almost a week later, the BBC reports on Googlebombs. Overpaid tossers.

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Date
20020313

Time
14:26
Found: the girl who talks with her eyes.

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Date
20020313

Time
14:45
Ho-hum. I had an idea for a cool quiz last night, but it’s already been done.

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Date
20020313

Time
16:08
The web has a new hero!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Mustard Man.

The worst possible moment on the worst possible day in a career going nowhere… and somebody caught it on camera.

Great things await Mustard Man. His fame will spread far and wide from this moment on. Due to his newfound celebrity, he will be rescued from the hell of the fast food kitchen and instead thrust into the heavens as a shining cautionary example to us all.

Dog bless you, Mustard Man! We salute you and the bravery with which you have faced your daily trials. Yours is a life so illustrative of the human condition that you deserve the immortality of fame like no other.

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Date
20020313

Time
16:31
Rat-bread. Yummy!

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Date
20020314

Time
09:09
I walked past a bunch of kids playing football on my way home last night. One of the first things I noticed was a tiny 7-year-old in goal. The goal mouth was absolutely cavernous compared to this poor little titch. He was covered in mud and muck, and had a big scrape on his face. He’d obviously been through hell defending the thing. It started to rain heavily, and someone shouted “OK, next goal wins!”

Within seconds, the ball went sailing through the air and right past the little goalkeeper. I half-expected him to burst into tears, but instead he screamed out at the top of his lungs:

“Where was the fucking de-fence?!?”

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Date
20020314

Time
09:17
Mmmmm, Vegemite.

On toast, the greatest hangover cure known to man. Set to music, the most uplifting anthem in existence.

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Date
20020314

Time
09:25
Be patient, this is a busy download this morning.

Listen to the UK’s next No. 1:

Meet The Kilshaws

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Date
20020314

Time
09:47
The quiz thing. It’s out of control. It’s way, way, way out of control.

What Pre-1985 Video Game Character Are You?

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Date
20020314
Mustard Man
Time
10:00
DAY TWO

The gentleman who brought Mustard Man to my attention via Fark isn’t too sure that he’s done a good thing.

All the same, I have been reliably informed that the picture came from an entry to a contest on muchmusic.

I’ll be contacting them today to see if we can track that entrant down. We must find Mustard Man and give his his due!

(Click here to see a bigger picture of Mustard Man)

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Date
20020314

Time
10:59
Lots of cool backwards masking and reversed speech examples, complete with sound files. Use it next time someone brings up the Queen/Dust/Marijuana debate.

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Date
20020314
Spam Of The Week
Time
11:14
Some twit just spammed me, trying to sell a used army helicopter of all things. I’m still trying to get my head around the full implications of this idiocy.

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Date
20020314

Time
12:11
Remember Ivor Biggun?

I remember hearing the Winkers (misprint) album for the first time during a ‘wake-a-thon’ in the very early 80s. Yes, we actually convinced our parents and supervisors that letting us stay awake in the local hall for two days running would be a good fundraising idea. Man, did we get drunk.

We ran out of things to do at about 4am, so we must have listened to this supremely stupid album about a dozen times in all. I still know the entire Winkers Song off by heart.

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Date
20020314

Time
12:26
Yet another Googles, Weblogs, Etc. article. Just if you’re interested.

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Date
20020314

Time
15:17
George Carlin is trying to out-do Roger Mellie. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then don’t bother with either link, they’re just collections of very rude words.

Oh, while we’re on the subject, the The Online Dictionary of Playground Slang deserves a little link-love.

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Date
20020315

Time
09:16
Awww, diddums. The poor little murderer keeps getting woken up from his sleepy bo-bos.

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Date
20020315

Time
09:36
Y’know, there’s such a thing as being too fond of your car. Oh, won’t somebody pleeeease think of the children?

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Date
20020315

Time
09:39
Check out this very cool flash-based identikit thingy.

This is me. Well, a younger, sexier version of me. If I’m gonna have my image splashed all over the newspapers, I want to look good, dammit!

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Date
20020315

Time
09:47
First it was Pot Noodle with the litigious piss-take (there’s a desc. of it here), and now E4 are getting in on the act.

Not surprisingly, media buyers for the real snake-oil salesmen seems to exercising restraint as a result, which means less of the original ‘you can sue somebody for free’ ads in the short term, so there is that.

BTW, what is it with the Pot Noodle new meedja approach (or lack of it)?

They go to all this trouble, but there’s no indication of the competition at their tediusly w-w-w-wacky website.

Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that another company, Luminar Leisure, already owns notpoodle.com and notpoodle.co.uk – or maybe, just maybe, they don’t know or don’t care about this communications channel at all.

Given that their site has zero (and I mean zero) arming for search engines, I’d guess that it’s a little of both.

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Date
20020315
Mustard Man
Time
10:26
DAY THREE

No reply from muchmusic.com about the possible origins of Mustard Man.

Yet.

But… I did find this woefully underpopulated and somewhat misguided support group in Yahoo and this guy who calls himself Mustard Man, but, despite devoting his life to the condiment, still lacks the punchy pathos of our hero-in-waiting.

Where are you Mustard Man? The world needs you!

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Date
20020315

Time
10:47
Sorry I’m a day late with this news. I normally avoid The Sun because Rupert Murdoch is a (can’t bring myself to say it, sorry).

The chappie who was caught having sex with a goat by a trainload of passengers that stopped alongside his tin-sheeted lovenest denied it all, but was convicted on the strength of physical evidence – goat hairs in the underwear. Always a giveaway. They should make a commercial test kit for it.

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Date
20020315

Time
10:57
Sad loner andrew-washington.com has taken his ball and is going home. The site currently carries the message ‘Website removed until further notice due to infestation of juvenile delinquents’ etc. – but, and here’s the scoop, he was over at the B3ta Messageboard last night suggesting that he might set it up as some kind of pay-per-view thing. Good luck, Andrew.

(BTW, if you missed the original site, check out the increasingly useful Web Archive.)

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Date
20020315

Time
12:32
Google continues to evolve. Its latest useful appendage is a news search. Personally, I think I prefer Daypop, because it gives you the news and what folks are saying about it. We’ll see…








About Tim Ireland

Tim is the sole author of Bloggerheads.
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