16-31 May, 2002

This entry was posted on
Thursday, May 16th, 2002
at
7:49 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20020516

Time
07:46
The inventor of sliced bread didn’t get rich – or famous. His name was Otto Rohwedder.

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Date
20020516

Time
07:49
More on US ‘intelligence’. They knew that pesky Osama was up to something involved with planes…

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Date
20020516

Time
07:52
Meet Momo. It’ll only take a minute.

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Date
20020516

Time
07:53
I want my religion to be on this list by the same time next year. A mass suicide oughta do it. Any volunteers?

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Date
20020516

Time
08:02
A woman called in the bomb squad after discovering a mysterious object that had been left in her mailbox. She thought it was a pipe bomb. Nope, it was a pipe bong.

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Date
20020516

Time
08:06
Ricky Martin and Britney Spears look-alikes beware – the Baptists are coming after you!

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Date
20020516

Time
08:08
Copy-protected CDs can be ‘fixed’ with marker pens and electrical tape. Never underestimate the ingenuity of the average cheapskate.

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Date
20020516
Viral Marketing
Time
08:11
It had to happen. After several miserable attempts to invent fake people that love their products, corporations are now inventing fake people that hate ther competitor’s.

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Date
20020516

Time
08:15
Here’s one thing you probably didn’t know about Coca Cola, and here’s another.

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Date
20020516

Time
08:21
I hope you appreciate that I woke up early just to please you guys. Now I gotta go to London. I’ll try to bring back something nice.

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Date
20020516
Star Wars Watch
Time
20:47
Just seen it – and, yes, there are dialogue moments somewhat akin to the Ep IV auditions I’m sure you’ve all seen – BUT – it is worth watching (and then some). Yes, the Yoda fight scene will take you by surprise. Yes, you can take your kids to see it. I will. Cheers all.

PS – Once Were Bounty Hunters (coming soon)

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Date
20020517

Time
08:34
“If you are a Mormon male, and if you more-or-less discreetly marry as many females as you possibly can without going to jail, and if you keep them all pregnant from the ages of 12 to 50 (the ideal Mormoness never touches a Tampax in her whole terrestrial life), and if you persuade your vast armies of spawn to join the church, and if you teach these new members to tithe – then, upon death, you will become a Mormon god yourself, and be furnished with your own planet, and a harem of numberless wives.”

Damn, I knew I forgot something when I was drafting my religion – sex. Oh well, perhaps if I can discreetly tack porn onto the outer flanges, no-one will notice. Ho-hum. Anyways, cynics will enjoy this fine opinion piece over at nthposition.com

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Date
20020517

Time
08:58
The top ten worst sequels of all time.

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Date
20020517

Time
09:08
“Well, fortunately small boys are springy and elastic.” – Willy Wonka

Sex scandal rocks Wonka factory.

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Date
20020517

Time
09:11
Private Eye readers will already be familiar with this issue: Tony Blair has defended Labour’s decision to take money from Richard ‘I don’t do dutch’ Desmond.

Why is this a big deal? Well, Richard Desmond is the media magnate behind OK! magazine, the Express newspaper, erm, and a few spicier titles including Nude Wives, Asian Babes and the new mag – which WH Smith surprisingly refused to stock – Spunk Loving Sluts.

Next time you catch your Mum reading OK! magazine, ask her if she’s read any of its sister publications.

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Date
20020517

Time
10:42
I do apologise, but this image is only funny if you’ve seen Star Wars Ep II and this fine film.

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Date
20020517

Time
11:27
“Jeff had agreed to let us build a life-size Millennium Falcon in his backyard. We told him it would only take us a month to build and tear down. I don’t think he fully realized how much of his yard a full size falcon would take up. After all, the falcon was over 40 feet wide and 12 feet tall.”

Yes, they actually did it. Kind of. Now I want one.

I’m sorry, I don’t think you heard me…

I want one!

I want one!

I want one!

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Date
20020517

Time
12:41
Well, how about that. We’re No. 3 for the search query ‘porn report’.

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Date
20020517

Time
12:43
Finally, a waste-free watermelon.

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Date
20020517
Videos, Etc.
Time
12:51
Free Porn!

“This movie requires Quicktime. If you don’t have Quicktime, invent your own video compression format and design the appropriate conversion algorithms.”

Hehehe. Love it.

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Date
20020517

Time
13:09
Want to cross swords with Mastercard? Simply put together your own collection of ‘priceless’ pics like this one over at osrm.net. Mastercard are getting smarter about this (kind of). Instead of going to the webmaster, they take their complaint straight to the hosting firm (who usually caves in immediately). It’s called ‘fair use’, Mastercard. Deal with it.

(BTW, if you’ve got some thoughts on the matter, drop into the Orsm Forum and speak your mind.)

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Date
20020517
Games
Time
15:37
“Claire (from Steps) wasn’t getting very far with her yoga meditation. She’d got the posture right and had had no trouble clearing her mind of any thought – but nothing happened until H (erm, from Steps) came up with a fantastic idea. He whipped out his alpenhorn and now together they can reach enlightenment.”

Yet another inexplicably addictive game from b3ta.com.

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Date
20020517

Time
16:05
Tee-hee. Reknowned know-all Ann Landers falls for an urban legend.

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Date
20020520
Tiscali 10.0
Time
08:52
I hate the new Tiscali commercial. Hate it with a vengeance, I does. Happy third world children gambol in the surf, for life has been made worth living thanks to an ISP catering to ignorant westerners who wouldn’t know their URL from their elbow. As with those warm and fuzzy bank ads that we all know and love, it’s a fair bet that a brand that goes purely for emotional appeal has very little to offer in the way of reality – but perhaps I’m being unfair. After all, Tiscali’s browser is 10.0 (compared with AOL, who can only manage a mere 7). Yeah, and my volume knobs go all the way to ‘11’.

Tiscali’s new browser is based on Ultrabrowser 6.0, BTW. About the only practical difference between this and other browsers is a few buttons that point you in the direction of default applications (or ‘carefully chosen partners’) and the ability to access your bookmarks remotely. I prefer this version, myself.

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Date
20020520

Time
09:12
Never mind the coffee, watch out for the burgers. A woman in the US claims a Wendy’s chicken sandwich “exploded” onto her face and hands and caused severe burns.

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Date
20020520
Christianity Watch
Time
09:15
Punks and Skins for Christ is here ‘to proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ’!

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Date
20020520
Get A Head
Time
09:20
A South African police sting operation has bagged a murderer and the human head he was trying to sell.

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Date
20020520

Time
09:26
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to pop a water balloon in space?

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Date
20020520
Star Wars Watch
Time
09:28
Empire Good. Republic Bad.

Well, at least they make the space freighters run on time.

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Date
20020520

Time
09:44
Leonardo da Vinci – what a weirdo.

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Date
20020520

Time
09:51
How to convince women to take their clothes off in front of a camera.

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Date
20020520
Latest Viral Agent
Time
11:09
I’m happy to plug this fabulous game promoting The Time Machine.

This is a simple, playable flash game with real retro appeal (think ‘Pitfall’ with Morlocks). An X-Box is up for grabs for the fastest time and everybody can enter a draw for a one year cinema pass. Good mechanism. Applause for the creators who will no doubt track down this link.

(Hi guys, BTW!)

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Date
20020520

Time
12:46
“From the summer of 2002, Nominet is planning to expand the reply message returned by the WHOIS. This will include the name and address of the Registrant, as well as the date on which the domain name falls due for renewal.”

Well, thanks, you cheeky fuckers, just what I need! A change in your service that gets my home address published – without my consent. Nominet is giving Tag Holders a ‘three-month period before the WHOIS goes live’, but judging by how long it took to get .co.uk certificate at the peak of their activity, I don’t think that they can even hope to successfully process this massive exchange of information inside 3 months if, and I say if, they get this cockamamie scheme off the ground in the first place.

I’m as mad as hell about this, and you should be too. Take action.

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Date
20020520

Time
12:50
The top 100 video game engrish of all time. Be warned that there’s a screenshot for every example, so she’s a big download.

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Date
20020520
Viral Marketing
Time
13:03
Re: Spiderman

Compare this offical offering with this simple exploitation of current weblog trends. Which do you think will get the most direct referrals? Thought so…

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Date
20020520

Time
13:14
Britney gets drunk and goes looking for a little action. Wow, could she actually be human?

Also from the ever-reliable National Enquirer this week – Bill Clinton’s love child.

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Date
20020521

Time
08:13
The most entertaining ebay auction in weeks and I missed it. Oh well, at least we can look back and laugh…

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Date
20020521

Time
08:14
A Greenpeace boat collided with France’s America’s Cup yacht during a protest against the team’s nuclear energy sponsors.

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Date
20020521

Time
08:17
It doesn’t get any bigger than this.

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Date
20020521

Time
08:20
This is an excellent article on the subject of sites like CIA for Kids.

Non-coders/designers should look away…. now!

(Take a look at the front page, BTW, and see just how seriously the CIA takes their ALT Text…)

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Date
20020521

Time
09:07
Dell is using prison labour in its PC recycling scheme.

The reactions over at Fark can only be described as typical.

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Date
20020521
Star Wars Watch
Time
09:19
Lucas is under fire over racial stereotypes. Again.

Oh, and this (ahem) thoughtful and balanced piece appeared in yesterday’s Guardian.

Oh, and a couple in the US were arrested last Thursday. They went out to see the premiere, and left their 2-year-old hearing and speech-impaired child at home. Alone. They got back home at about 2:45 am, and didn’t realise until the police dropped by about half-an-hour later that their child was missing (he had been taken into protective custody just after midnight).

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Date
20020521

Time
10:46
The 15 Finest Moments from The X-Files

WARNING: This article is peppered with spoilers that appear with little or no warning. If you haven’t seen the last episode yet (and want to enjoy it), then go somewhere else – like maybe this competition that asks you to submit a plot synopsis for the next X-Files movie.

(So it’s true. Hollywood has run out of ideas…)

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Date
20020521

Time
11:05
Here’s a little Pro Life document for you to ponder over. Which do you find more disturbing – the graphic content or the child-like scribble?

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Date
20020521

Time
11:24
The guy they based ‘Crocodile’ Dundee on was a speed-freak. Oh, and his girlfriend is a right nutter.

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Date
20020521

Time
14:22
In case you missed yesterday’s blog, here’s a link you don’t want to miss if you own a .co.uk or .org.uk domain name.

“From the summer of 2002, Nominet is planning to expand the reply message returned by the WHOIS. This will include the name and address of the Registrant, as well as the date on which the domain name falls due for renewal.”

You can take action here.

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Date
20020521
Lego Geekage
Time
14:30
I’m already on the case with the SW Ep II vehicles. First was a vast improvement on Lego’s official (and rather boring) Jedi Starfighter. I’ll have a full set of images live at lugjam in a few days.

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Date
20020521

Time
15:14
Take a look at this close-up JPEG of the DVD cover for M*A*S*H – Season Two. Is that not the worst example of photoshopping you’ve ever seen in your life? I know that images of Hawkeye saluting are kind of thin on the ground, but sheesh!

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Date
20020521

Time
17:17
Yes, I’ve seen the bald chicken. It’s been all over B3ta today, and has its very own Photoshopping thread over at Fark. I even submitted an entry. So, yes, I’ve seen it.

No, really, I have seen it. No more emails, please.

Look, I just told you, I’ve seen it, OK?

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Date
20020521

Time
17:23
Read about the boy who was attacked for making a mistake when playing badminton. Now the poor little sod can’t function without an artificial anus. I know that sounds like a joke, but it isn’t.

(Boy, howdy, they sure did tear him a new asshole.)

That, that was a joke.

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Date
20020522
Mustard Man II
Time
06:23
(DAY, ERM….)

I’m really starting to develop a dislike for the production team over at muchmusic. After over a month without a reply regarding Mustard Man, now they have the cheek to feature my site without so much as a single notification email. It’s called courtesy, you cheeky buggers. Try it sometime.

(Oh, Mustard Man will be revealed soon, gang. We’re just ironing out some of the finer details.)

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Date
20020522

Time
06:31
Oh, dear God! The’re actually going to remake Logan’s Run! If you’re not familiar with the movie (or TV series), quietly count your blessings then check out The Highly Unofficial Logan’s Run FAQ or the City Of Domes site (the latter contains many, many tragic images for you to enjoy).

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Date
20020522

Time
06:42
This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened, and it won’t be the last. The little town of Bensalem forgot to pay its bill and bensalemtownship.org has now fallen into the hands of a pornographer. Apparently, this is most outrageous thing to happen in the town “since they found the spanking tables at the ‘House of Pain’ in Andalusia back in 1994″.

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Date
20020522

Time
06:52
OK, I’m off to do the London Thing today. And tomorrow. And the day after that, etc. etc. etc.

I’ll let you know how the whole thing goes, but I’ll try not to rant about the crap service of South West Trains every day.

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Date
20020522

Time
10:43
British troops in Afghanistan were furious yesterday after learning they are to be entertained by 20st Pop Idol reject Rik Waller. American forces got mini-skirted girls.

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Date
20020522

Time
10:53
A teacher supervising an exam was pretending to work on his computer. What he was really doing was looking at lesbian pornography! What a shame he forgot to unplug the projector. The images appeared on a large screen behind him, much to the ‘shock’ of students. The teacher is now on stress-related sick leave. This is what is known in the industry as being ‘as sick as a parrot’.

The best quote that relates to this story isn’t featured at the BBC URL, so is repeated here as a courtesy to those who study British priorities and the gentle art of downplaying.

Said the head teacher in an official statement:

“The exam was a mock exam, so there is no effect on the results.”

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Date
20020522

Time
12:20
First Ananova dropped the search box from the front page – now it’s done away with the search function altogether. I suspect its something to do with this, but I can’t shift this uncomforatble feeling that they’ve made it disappear in such a subtle fashion to minimise backlash when they (re)introduce it as a charged service.

Anyway, if you want to have a little fun with them, you can quickly and easily report the missing search engine as a 404 error.



[UPDATE – OK, I’ve looked into it, and no, they’re not introducing a subscription service. Well, not really. Read Ananova’s Orange Makeover for the full story.]

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Date
20020522

Time
17:05
A Russian policeman has been captured on film punching a mother and a little girl in the face during a protest in Vladivostok. Lieutenant-Colonel Alek-sandr Lysenko, Vladivostok’s traffic police chief, has been suspended pending an inquiry. The pictures tell the story, but the full poop is over at The Times.

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Date
20020523

Time
10:51
Stuart Goddard (aka Adam Ant) appeared in court yesterday, denying charges that he broke a pub window and threatened a man with a gun. For the record, I should point out that it is alleged that the Ant-esque one threw a car alternator through the pub window. Not a common brick or bottle, but a car alternator. If you ask me, that alone shows an artistic flair that warrants leniency. BTW, the courts have yet to hear the real story behind the case. If justice is to be done, then all the facts must be presented.

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Date
20020523

Time
11:00
A suspicious vehicle cruising in a parking lot was approached by police. A naked man was inside. I won’t give away the ending, it’s far too entertaining to ruin.

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Date
20020523

Time
11:05
Freaky Secrets of the Presidency.

(Link lifted from ultimateinsult.net)

A lot of historians downplay the fact that George Washington grew hemp, as it was a common source of rope, fabric, etc. at the time. Diary entries by the man himself outlining plans to seperate the male and female plants before pollination are not widely publicised, as this practice is undertaken solely to enhance the plant’s (ahem) medicinal properties.

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Date
20020523

Time
11:22
In case you missed yesterday’s background to the article Ananova’s Orange Makeover, the disappearance of the search facility and subsequent enquiries revealed that the sneaky chappies are slipping everything useful out the back door for the exclusive use of Orange subscribers. Nice.

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Date
20020523

Time
11:47
Are you missing? You might think that you’re all there, but it pays to be sure. Confront a co-worker today and ask that all-important question:

“Am I here?”

With any luck, you’ll not only receive some form of confirmation, but also be mistaken for something of a closet philosopher. If this happens, wear a toga tomorrow and make the most of your new reputation.

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Date
20020523

Time
11:52
Plaid Cymru has apologised for poking fun at the late Queen Mother and local residents on one of its Web sites. What a pity that the Yoda picture at the centre of this story is actually the work of a B3tan. Perhaps they need to apologise to him as well for taking credit for this sublime creation?

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Date
20020523

Time
12:23
Six people were arrested in South Africa last weekend on suspicion of being involved in the infamous Nigerian email and letter fraud. And about time, too. Now perhaps we can get on with shutting down the wankers behind the white van speaker scam.

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Date
20020523

Time
12:38
If you suffer from hayfever as badly as my Mum does, perhaps you’d like to check the pollen index and see if you’re allowed to take any oxygen nasally today.

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Date
20020523

Time
12:43
I do hate to harp on about this, but from the summer of 2002, Nominet is planning to expand the reply message returned by the WHOIS. This will include the name and address of the Registrant, as well as the date on which the domain name falls due for renewal.

If this alarms or annoys you, then click here.

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Date
20020523

Time
16:30
Baby in the microwave? Yes, I know it sound like an urban legend, but it has happened. The mother at the centre of the trial even has her own official website. Watch out for the tear-jerking music on that last link, BTW.

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Date
20020523

Time
16:37
Yet another ‘broken’ link intended to provide momentary amusement. Here’s the original.

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Date
20020524

Time
09:55
US comedian Tom Mabe went undercover at a telemarketing convention and called telemarketers in their hotel rooms just a little before dawn. I haven’t seen his stuff before, but I like the guy already.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
10:00
There are three things that help you to start that long, uphill climb out of a hangover. Shower Shock, the caffeinated soap from ThinkGeek lets you undertake two of these activities at once.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
10:40
The Simon Wiesenthal Center has released a CD-Rom featuring more than 200 websites containing animated hate games ‘and other examples of transnational hate and promotion of terror after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.’

Wired has the story. Film at 11. The custard stops at Hatfield.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
10:42
Researchers at France Telecom have developed a fabric woven from plastic optical fibres that glow with a series of different images, like a TV screen. Presumably so we can now pay even more to wear an advertisement on our chest.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524
Flash Games
Time
10:47
The Ultimate Insult always manages to dig out the best of these. HubLo has a great look and presents some challenging but fun gameplay. This shark game is an oldie but a goodie, involving divers and a rogue shark. You’re the shark. Fun.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524
Oldies But Goodies
Time
14:06
Next time you’re approached in the street by a happy clappy chappie who is fearful for your soul, set his mind at ease by showing your Get Out OF Hell Free card.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
14:33
Hitler killed the dinosaurs.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
14:34
Check out losers.org for a comprehensive collection of cautionary examples. I could sit there simply submitting all day and be happy – but there’s lots to look at, too. In fact, it was via losers.org that I discovered BitchyCat, who is borderline SFW, but by no means the kind of girl you bring home to your parents. Hmm, maybe some of you think that’s a good thing, so let me present you with the following (which also includes a nice link collection for Natalie Portman fans):

“Is it me or has Natalie Portman gotten seriously hot? I’m not a lesbian or anything but I do appreciate the female form… When I was looking for pics of her on the Internet, I found a shit load of sites dedicated just to her.”

http://www.nat-sanctuary.com/

http://www.natalie-portman.net/

http://www.natportman.com/

http://www.nat-portman.net/

http://www.natalienews.com/

http://www.natalie-portman.org/

“I guess I’m not the only one who thinks she’s hot. And these are only a few of the sites I found. Damn, if I were her I would be scared shitless thinking about all the whacks out there wanting to fuck me.”

Like I said, not really parent-meeting material.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
15:16
In a job that sucks? Feel powerless? Good news! It won’t be a problem for long.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020524

Time
15:34
Some useful Pocket PC software for the slut in your life. The customer reviews for this are particularly amusing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020525
Big Brother 3
Time
09:19
Yes, there will be passing comments about this from time to time, but the focus won’t always be on the housemates:

The sound kept dropping out on E4 last night. The following message appeared superimposed over the image of Jade flapping her lips:

“We apologise for gaps in the sound. As soon as the housemates stop being foulmouthed, etc…”

What a load of rubbish – and what a cheek. It was perfectly obvious that they were blanking out Jade, who was explaining in great detail which, what, where, why and who regarding the journalist who managed to find out who some of the contestants were. Ironic that Big Brother would want to protect the private details of a journalist, no?

This seemed a pity, because it was one of the few times that I was actually interested in what she had to say. She certainly likes to talk a load of old garbage. In fact, though she’s sure to be first one out, she could get a job immediately as a fly-catcher in her local kebab store.

She’s a bit of a bushpig, too – but that’s just the superficial Australian in me talking.

OK, back to those lovely producers…

Have you noticed the increased call charges for voting?

Year 1 – 10p

Year 2 – 20p (with a percentage to charity, to calm us down presumably)

Year 3 – 25p (no word on how much to charity – yet)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
09:33
A collection of synopses for those loveable Mentos commercials. Can you guess which one is missing?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
09:38
An interesting and rather wet creation theory.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
09:42
A family doctor’s indecent-assault trial in Canada is producing some pretty damning evidence. One young flu sufferer was given a rectal exam. Another complaining of headaches was asked for a sperm sample. The good doctor offered to help out when things got awkward. A true humanitarian.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
10:00
The political portal Spinon has discovered the power of bloggage.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527
Big Brother 3
Time
10:25
I was expecting to see this in today’s papers, but I only read broadsheets this morning and there was no sign of it. Oh well.

Here’s the exclusive that everybody is scrambling to take credit for, that the BB house is soon to be split into two sections; Heaven and Hell.

Two factors make me inclined to believe this:

1. The deplorable state of the beds on one side of the house.

2. The fact that it’s claimed that the info was ‘hacked’ (for want of a better word) from the channel4 BB website which, traditionally, has always been something of a disaster from a security and usability point of view.

[UPDATE – Producers of the show, Endemol, have been denying rumours of the ‘heaven and hell’ format since early March.]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
10:30
A minimum of three million people would be killed and 1.5 million seriously injured if even a “limited” nuclear war broke out between India and Pakistan.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
10:33
From the clever folks what brung you Hitler Killed The Dinosaurs:

How to Get Rich Off the Internet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
11:50
If you’re currently torn between the need for the love of a good woman and a preference for cold impersonal sex with a doll, then allow me to present to you the perfect woman. From your point of view, that is. You twisted sicko!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527
Big Brother 2
Time
12:04
Big Brother veteran Narinder Kaur has warned that appearing on the reality television show nearly ruined her life. Funny, that. Seeing her on Big Brother sapped my will to live. This woman is so ‘scarred’ by fame that she’s now telling this same story to anyone who’ll print it – so she can use the opportunity to plug her new series called ‘Undercover Lovers’. The irony is richer and thicker than an impacted stool.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
12:24
Some woman just poked her head around the door, said ‘Baguette’, and then closed it again. She does this every day. If my brain weren’t so jellified from overwork, I’d think of a suitable one-word response for tomorrow. Any suggestions?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
16:01
The laptop with crabs. And you thought cybersex was safe…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020527

Time
16:15
If you think that the Greek entry for Eurovision was the weakest thing you’ve ever seen, then you haven’t seen the artist’s website yet. Hosted by the Technological Educational Institue of Larissa (mmm, classy) and with an ugly Flash interface that will make your hair curl, Miahlis Rakintzis’ site – quite incredibly – outdoes his performance onstage. (In case you missed it, he and his backing singers looked and sounded like a bunch of effeminate road warriors who had unwisely elected to perform Karaoke drunk on a bet. They still got 12 points from Cyprus, though.)

[UPDATE – Read about the smart folks who knew alll along that he was a bad choice. Said link is authentic and hindsight-free.]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
09:09
Firda has discovered that Falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks. I can top this. In Australia, if you order your basic fish and chips, more likely than not you’ll end up with something the marketing bods call ‘flake’, which is basically beer-battered slices of shark. In short, more people eat sharks than sharks eat people – but it still pays to be careful. Don’t go thinking that swimming around with a little plastic fork and a sachet of vinegar is going to frighten them away.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
09:24
Nothing says ‘and finally’ quite like children driving large vehicles. This two-year-old managed to climb out of his car seat and drive a van backward across the two lanes of highway – with his four young cousins inside – while Mum was off dragging yet another tot into school. (Not, we assume, a driving school.)

A quick-thinking trucker stopped him from hauling ass to Lollapalooza.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528
Flash Music ‘Video’
Time
09:37
You’d think that this full-to-the-brim Flash piss-take of Blur’s Song No. 2 would be the mutt’s nuts, but’s just kind of… bleh.

Perhaps I’m getting hard to please in my old age. Maybe I’m just distracted by the impending arrival of the mysterious lady who turns up every day to poke her head around the door and say ‘baguette’. I still don’t know what’s up with that. Perhaps it’s the secret password of the French Resistance…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
11:32
Aspiring young models, who stripped naked thinking they were auditioning for a television soap advertisement, unexpectedly found themselves to be stars of a smash hit porn flick. The story is entertaining in itself, but the design of this employment ad that appears next to the article is the icing on the cake.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
12:20
My MASH Quiz has featured in all sorts of places over the last few months, but none more entertaining than the Family, Friends & Firearms site. The link appears in this forum thread, which is immediately followed by this post:

You Might Be a Gun Nut If…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
12:40
Get your fortune told here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
12:43
I can’t bring myself to type the title of this new B3ta quiz. Describing it is equally out of the question. Sorry about that. (NSFW, obviously…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528
Big Brother 3
Time
13:09
The BB producers are charging £9.99 a month for access to live video streams from the house. I personally think that they’re taking the piss, and I’m not alone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
13:54
According to this Popbitcher, the Mark Thomas Comedy Product was cancelled last Friday afternoon by C4. The C4 microsite appears to have been withdrawn from the server on Monday.

[UPDATE – Whoops, the microsite is still there. It probably collapsed temporarily under the weight of traffic resulting from the Popbitch post…]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020528

Time
15:49
Dave Prowse, who wore the Vader costume in the original Star Wars trilogy, wants to repeat the role for Ep. 3, despite arthritis and a dodgy hip. Can I say that he finds their lack of faith disturbing without getting shouted down?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529
Richard Desmond is a Pornographer
Time
14:31
Private Eye reports that www.spunklovingsluts.com contains a subtle yet important message.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
14:49
A fun little website that’s riding high on the blog charts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
14:51
tinyurl.com is all the buzz today. It’s basically a copy of makeashorterlink.com, but the taskbar tool does look tempting…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
14:57
Bored? Give the boss the shock of his life by showing him the new version of the company website.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529
Recycling Corner
Time
15:02
Compare and Contrast:

This 2002 article by Toby Young rubbishing Star Wars Episode II

This 1999 article by Toby Young rubbishing Star Wars Episode I

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
15:38
A US-based Iranian male dancer has been jailed after returning home, accused of corrupting the youth by giving dance lessons. Can I make the Dancing In The Sheets joke first, please? Oh, go on… pleeeease?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
16:34
The selection of e-cards at MSN Germany is far more interesting than our dull selection over here in Generica.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020529

Time
16:48
Adam West has lost his Batphone privileges.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
09:23
Oh. My. God.

We finally have an e-minister who may know a thing or two.

Your mileage may vary if you try to visit his website, but this is to be expected after your typical Reg hammering. I’m greatly impressed that he runs a blog on his front page. I might even send him a nice email today and see if we can’t sort out this whole Tony Blair email thing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
09:33
Super-dog leaps out of car at 70mph and survives.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
09:35
Cybersex counts as cheating, apparently. According to Australian women, that is. It is interesting to note that – despite being such a laid-back country – your typical Aussie woman is pretty uptight. I suspect it has something to do with the heat.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
11:36
It’s a long article, but this is one of the best pieces on I’ve seen on weblogs and their relationship with mainstream media.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
13:12
Who in their right mind would want a screaming poo-machine on their desktop? I get enough of that at home!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
13:17
Ah, the sweet genius of tomsk. Bask in its glow with this great little drum’n’bass feature.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
13:42
Share in the miracle of the Amazing Elvis Pepper.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
16:41
Helping women to take a stand.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
16:44
Pakistan seem determined to flex their nuclear muscles. The US is planning to evacuate its citizens in the area. How does the old curse go? Oh, yeah:

“May You Live in Interesting Times”.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020530

Time
17:04
B3ta are getting awfully carried away with their little quiz thingies.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020531
Gnome News
Time
08:51
All but six of the 49 victims of a recent mass-kidnapping have been safely returned to their owners.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020531

Time
08:56
Hooray! Anti-abortion activists have taken to setting up webcams outside planned parenthood clinics. This wonderful site also includes information to help you be a better ‘Abortion War Correspondent’. Oh, happy day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020531
Big Brother 3
Time
16:40
Viewers of Big Brother will be more than aware of Alex’s recent lack of reliable bowel activity.

We’ve decided to take action!

Please help us in our campaign to unclog Alex’s bowels.








About Tim Ireland

Tim is the sole author of Bloggerheads.
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