16-30 June, 2002

This entry was posted on
Sunday, June 16th, 2002
at
6:00 pm and is filed
under Uncategorized.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020616
South West Trains
Time
18:00
Have you noticed the new stock rolling about of late? A few months ago, the Advertising Standards Authority had a go at SWT for claiming that 785 new ‘trains’ were on the way, when in fact it was more like 785 carriages. SWT’s defence was that it could claim whatever the hell it liked in its leaflets, describing them as ‘PR material’. So, don’t believe anything you read in SWT’s PR material, becuause they feel justified in filling it with complete bullshit.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020616
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
18:10
Which Willy Wonka character are you? gets plugged because WW is one of may favourite movies and provides perfect fodder for this kind of quiz.

O2’s Which footballer are you? on the other hand, scores a mention mainly because it’s yet another commercial attempt to cash in on the quiz craze that’s missing even the most basic functions that make such a quiz spread virally. Nice try, guys. Next time, do some research.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020616

Time
18:17
The word ‘blog’ is going to be in the next edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. Still no emoticons, though.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020617

Time
09:24
I find it quite telling that, knowing full well that the monarchy (via Black Rod) was ready, willing and able to tear New Labour a new arsehole, certain MPs would start a very public campaign about freeloading royalty. Ho hum.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020617
Monday, Monday
Time
11:28
Well, that’s it. Andersen are screwed. Caught with their fingers in the shredder, as it were.

Also, as part of their rebranding to ‘Monday’, PWC Consulting has just spent 5 million US dollars on the domain name and brand onemonday.com

Anybody else got a domain name with the word ‘Monday’ in it? Time to cash in, methinks…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020617

Time
11:31
Who was Deep Throat? Pat Buchanan named by students as the ‘most likely’ candidate.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618
London Underground
Time
09:45
The London Underground’s regular promo spot in the back pages of the free commuter paper Metro today touts the availability of the LU for filming. They helpfully point out that this costs £200 per hour with train hire from £400. They also close by pointing out that the following restrictions apply:

LU’s Byelaws do not permit filming of: vandalism or graffiti; ticket touting; assaults on passengers/staff; fare evasion; use of Firearms or other weapons; misuse of escalators; unlicensed busking; begging; smoking or drug taking.

So basically, if you want anything approaching realism, you had better start building a set.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618
Googlebombing
Time
10:23
The Google Challenge is sure to get slapped down sooner or later by the increasingly temperamental purveyors of the world’s greatest search engine, but – damn it – I just can’t resist a challenge.

[BTW, topping Blogdex today is an article about how Google googles itself. That makes you go blind, y’know…]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618

Time
11:05
Take a look at your online linkage family via kartoo.com – the most novel approach to search engine data I’ve seen in quite a while. Just enter your own website or blog to see how it works and start playing from there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618
Hollywood Is Out Of Ideas
Time
11:16
They’re making a movie version of The Greatest American Hero, erm, believe it or not. (Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618

Time
11:20
Go on, get it off your chest

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618

Time
11:24
How to resuscitate a drowning cat. There may well be more than one way to do it, but this is my favourite.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618
South West Trains
Time
14:06
Something I didn’t mention in last week’s rant, and that was the good impression you get when you first approach the staff room on Platform 1. I was pretty sure nobody would believe me – but I did happen to have a digital camera on me this morning and managed to get a halfway decent snap of the doorway – and the sign on the locker that pretty much leaps out at you as you look through it.

I do apologise for the fuzziness of the pic, but the nature of the message seems pretty clear – and quite indicative of the attitude most SWT staff have towards their customers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618

Time
14:15
A colleague just got a very interesting email from a complete stranger with the same last name as her. At first, I thought it might be one of those viruses that deliberately looks as if it’s arriving from friends or family – but she opened the attachment before I could stop her.

No, no virus – just a very interesting timetable that is clearly maps out the best times in which to conceive a child.

The chap seems to have had sent it to name.lastname@isp.co.uk instead of namelastname@isp.co.uk (which we presume to be his wife’s email address).

She sent the attachment back with a polite refusal – saying basically that she was flattered, but spoken for.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020618

Time
17:19
Eat more fruit!!! (nsfw)

Be sure to scroll down to the comments.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
Movie Of The Week
Time
10:54
We have a new front-runner for ‘Worst Movie Of All Time And No Mistake’. Previously, my favourite tragic failure was Starcrash, the nasty Star Wars knock-off starring David Hasselhoff as the hero and Christopher Plummer as his highness, the Emperor of the First Circle of the Universe.

Timemaster beats Starcrash for pure awfulness on all counts, plus gets bonus points for one very special reason; everybody tried so very, very hard.

In fact, if they had a token trophy for participation or even ‘most determined player’ as part of the Oscars ceremony, Timemaster would have walked away with it in 1995, there’s no doubt of that in my mind.

The scriptwriter, bless his heart, threw everything he could into this movie and boy howdy, does it show. Normally the director’s inability to bring such an inspired script to life would cause friction – but happily, in this case, the writer and director are the same person. Sadly, the genius James Glickenhaus (for it is he) hasn’t written and/or directed since. (Simpsons fans, however, will be delighted to note that he actually made a movie entitled McBain in 1991 starring Christopher Walken, and we can only hope that this movie is equally awful.)

The actors push their limited talents, erm, to the limit. Right from the opening narrative, I knew that this was going to be a special movie. Even the kids are something special. If what George Lucas squeezes out of child actors makes you want to retch, then this movie is sure to increase your tolerance for such things by a factor of 10.

The cinematography is beautiful throughout (you can literally see the money that’s been spent on it) and a special mention goes to the stuntmen who visibly earn their pay, but have no doubt been forced to leave this movie off their CV.

Similarly, some of the best sequences owe their timeless charm to the best efforts of ‘not the best special effects studio in Hollywood’. Clearly challenged by the inability to present a halfway convincing illusion, they still try so very, very hard.

Make no mistake about it; this is a movie that everybody should take the time to see. Should you happen across a copy in the dusty back rows of your local video store, you can rest assured that it is well worth the cost and any bewildered looks you may get from the staff.

Watch it alone if you must, but for peak enjoyment, I suggest viewing this excellent movie with a circle of close friends. Get a few cans of beer in, rustle up some popcorn, and get ready to throw both at the screen.

Timemaster awaits.



[UPDATE – If you want to purchase this excellent film via Amazon, it will cost you over 90 US dollars!! If you don’t believe me, go and see for yourself. The reviews alone are worth the click-trip.]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
South West Trains
Time
11:04
Well, it’s nice to know that I’m having some effect.

The offending sign in the staff room at Guildford train station has been hastily removed.

This means one of three things:

A – The staff saw me take the picture and are smarter than they look.

B – The staff saw this web page.

C – The copy I sent to Andrew Haines (MD of South West Trains) had the desired effect.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619

Time
11:13
Enjoy speedstacks.com, online home of the grand old sport of Cup Stacking.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
PWC Consulting
Time
12:42
Of course, by now you’re aware that PWC Consulting have, as part of their “Criminals? Us?” rebranding exercise, spent very silly money on the domain name and trademark onemonday.com and launched a top-heavy flash show to celebrate at introducingmonday.com

What a shame that they neglected to register introducingmonday.co.uk, which is now under the control of B3tans.

5 million for ‘onemonday.com’ and they can’t spare the 5 quid for one lousy .co.uk domain name?

Idiots.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
Well, Burger Me
Time
13:17
Fast food is sending Japanese schoolgirls into a sexual frenzy. Apparently your standard burger-induced bonk is available immediately, but if you want a schoolgirl sandwich there’s a 3 minute wait.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619

Time
14:55
If NASA gives them more coffee, they’ll never come down.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
Sore Losers
Time
15:38
Italian soccer club Perugia has dropped South Korea’s Ahn Jung-hwan from their club after he scored the goal which knocked Italy out of the World Cup. Nice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020619
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
17:12
I know it’s old news, but there’s still a few danger seekers who end up here by searching for ‘pretzels’ and ‘president’ in Google. We’re No. 2 for this, just under the lovely Betty Bowers.

I know, pretty dull huh?

OK, how’s this for today’s example – search for ‘photoshopping’ and we’re No. 4

Better?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
13:15
Celebrity Boxing, your days are numbered. Cat Boxing is here!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
13:16
I just finished reading John Cassidy’s excellent book dot.con (available at Amazon in the US, the UK, and wherever good books are sold).

It’s a great read, and includes the following quote that I feel honour-bound to repeat here:

“The United States is a nation of many strengths, but facing up to reality isn’t one of them.”

Heh. Love it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
13:23
The paedophile ratted out by “Dear Abby” just got eight years of probation for possession of child pornography.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620
PWC Consulting
Time
13:30
Oh boy, they really don’t know what they’re doing, do they? Bad enough that they let introducingmonday.co.uk slip through their fingers, but the rebranding to ‘Monday’ is sure to be complicated by the fact that they don’t own monday.co.uk either.

Find out more. You’ll be greatly amused, I assure you.

[UPDATE – Hooray! Our shenanigans rated a mention at The Register.]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
14:15
Proof positive that Corey Feldman met Spinal Tap.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
17:08
They’re not porn films, they’re morality tales.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
17:12
Following in the footsteps of the Globe of Blogs is this great London Bloggers Tube Map. I’m at Chiswick Park, and therefore a Zone 3 Blogger.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020620

Time
17:17
It is my duty to inform you that, should you wish to link to the NPR website, then you will first need to fill out this form. Thank you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621
Don’t Ask…
Time
08:43
I’m a lucky fella

And I’ve just got to tell her

That the cream works topically

Because fungus grows between my elephant’s toes

And nobody knows like me

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
08:51
I reviewed the fantastically awful movie Timemasters a few days ago, and noted that the director had done some other stunning work, including a movie called ‘McBain’. J Tirrell wrote in with the following:

Indeed, I have seen the movie McBain, and it was completely because of the Simpsons. It is quite a terrible movie, with some sort of loose plot about Christopher Walken rescuing his Viet Nam POW buddies (or something). Film highlights include an airplane-flying Walken shooting down a jet with a pistol. As Rainier Wolfcastle says, “Up and at them!”

I notice a few second-hand copies floating around here and there, so I do believe I’m going to hunt one down and see it for myself. Watch this space for a review entitled “Worst. Walken. Movie. Ever.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621
PWC Consulting
Time
08:53
Lots and lots and lots of visitors from all over the place are dropping by to see the Monday, Monday feature. Referral stats show not only a big spike via El Reg, but also a growing number of visitors from a variety of discussion groups (including one over at Motley Fool).

Yesterday, I tried a few good email combinations that would work with this domain name (I looked up things like ‘admin’, ‘info’, etc. before settling on the harmless yet amusing ‘chairman@monday’). Today, just about all of these combinations are gone.



Use them wisely, children – we don’t want this to end in tears…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
09:05
It has come to my attention that there’s some kind of feetball match on at the moment, and that I should be watching. It has also been suggested that I pretend to care, for the sake of my own health.

Oh, go on then…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
09:08
Supeheroes and science? Screw the feetball, I’m in geek heaven!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
09:11
Argh! Being dragged away from desk. Don’t want to go to smelly pub. Want to stay here and bl

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
12:54
Well, that was fun. Well worth the trip. I’m sorry that turned out to be such a downer for the all the England supporters out there. In fact, I’ve prepared the following pick-me-ups to help brighten your day:

Have a laugh at this Brazilian Beatles cover band. They look just like the real thing.

Laugh even louder at this Brazilian heavy metal band and the sheer ingenuity of their web designer.

Gaze in wonder at the Brazilian restaurant in Sydney, Australia that lets you eat barbecued chicken, lamb and beef – all in one sitting. (Confession: I actually made a television commercial for these chaps back in 1997. It was full of juicy chunks of meat and jiggling dancing girls. Quality stuff.)

Take part in this Brazilian Boycott, protesting the cruel treatment and high-tech mind control suffered by John Gregory Lambros.

And finally, consider the following:

Average life expectancy in Brazil: 63.24 years

Average life expectancy in the UK: 77.82 years

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
17:10
Wired have picked up the NPR link popularity story. Blogs do it again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
17:11
Q&A with the Googlemeister.

(link lifted from http://weblog.greenpeace.org/)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020621

Time
18:56
Please remember to rewind your DVDs.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020623
Don’t Ask…
Time
12:20
I’ve been a very good boy, and have yet to employ any major weapons from my SEO arsenal. ‘My elephant’s toes‘ comes in fine at No. 1, but rules is rules and for ‘elephant’s toes‘ alone I’m all the way down at No. 11. I’m cool with that – but next week I get nasty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
10:34
I always wondered where they picked up those undersea bases and ‘one-size fits all’ silver jumpsuits.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
10:41
Tourists flock to mystery hole in road. Obviously not a lot happens in Woodinville.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
10:44
Beer orders to the official suppliers to the Palace of Westminster have apparently doubled since October. One pundit puts it down to disillusioned MPS who don’t want to sit around in the Commons chamber, but need to stay in the building to vote. According to this article, ‘the multitude of drinking dens are crammed full’.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
12:31
Here’s a list of the Top 10 evil people of all time followed by a list of the Top 10 good people of all time, sorted in order of evilness and goodness. Also comes with many, many reader’s comments.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
13:04
Where’s Waldo?

This gag is getting old by now, but the executions are getting more effective with time.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624
South West Trains
Time
13:55
Reply received. Discussion initiated. Report to come.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
13:58
Actually, I can kind of relate to Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You?, but it rates me as an atheist. I’m not. I’m an Interactivist, and proud of it! (Never mind little rubber things, my religion lets you wear anything you damn well please on the end of your John Thomas.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
14:05
Osama bin Laden is alive and well and waiting to strike. If you want, you can create your own terror warning here or just try not to think about it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020624

Time
17:16
An open letter to spammers. Only one reader comment so far, but I have a feeling that this is about to change…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625
Googlebombing
Time
10:21
My performance in the Google challenge is improving. I’ve gone from No.11 to No.3 for the search query elephant’s toes, and I’d like to think that I’ve done it in style by using the words in a sensible and enlightening context. Here’s that song again, just for your reference:

I’m a lucky fella

And I’ve just got to tell her

That the cream works topically

Because fungus grows between my elephant’s toes

And nobody knows like me…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
10:33
It’s been a sleeper success for some time now, but we’ve just got a fresh crowd over to the

Make Baby Jesus Laugh or Cry page thanks to a plug at grouse.net.au

BTW, just in case the meaning escapes you, here’s the listing for ‘grouse’ from the Macquarie Concise Dictionary:

grouse

adjective Australian, NZ Colloquial

1. very good.

–phrase

2. extra grouse, excellent. [origin unknown]

This small page has been floating around for a while, and I must admit that I have been neglecting it. The bloody counter still resets almost randomly. Still, it did what it was supposed to do, the end result I wanted was a search result like this. It’s still only No.7 for the more generic search query baby jesus, but we are getting there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625

Time
10:49
A group of Australian school students were busted when they tried to use some fake photo licences that they knocked together using school equipment. What gave them away? They wore school uniforms for the photos.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625
Crush, Kill, Destroy…
Time
12:30
Scientists in Yorkshire have created a robot that actually thinks.

Not surprisingly, its first big idea was an escape plan.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625

Time
15:14
Japanese schoolgirls (who, if you remember, are sent into a sexual frenzy by fast food) have taken up wrist-slashing to relieve stress. Well, it does decrease blood pressure, I suppose…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625
Christianity Watch
Time
15:20
No doubt it takes a special kind of person to go out and mime for Christ. Do they do that classic impersonation of Jesus on a rubber cross? Somehow I doubt it. I’m picturing moves like ‘trapped in a box by Satan’ and ‘walking against temptation’. Hmm, now I think about it this would make for a great show. In fact, I’d pay to go and see their upcoming performance at Winfield Prison.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020625

Time
17:13
Lonely, desperate, law-abiding? Date an inmate. The list of women inmates is $3, but the list of men is free, so I might instead write to a male prisoner and make him my bitch.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
10:53
As predicted, the Google Challenge has been shut down after advice from Google that it ‘may be a good idea’ to do so. A pity, because I was doing so well with the old elephant’s toes.

Some good came of the exercise. A fellow contestant emailed me with questions regarding link popularity and how I seemed to be performing better than other sites with a (seemingly) higher indexing than myself. The answer to this question is something I’ve decided to call ‘dark links‘. (Scientists haven’t seen dark matter, they only know it exists because of the way things around it behave, thus the name.)

There are a lot of people listed in the Google database who have, instead of linking to the core URL, instead linked to a specific page or folder. These links don’t show up in your standard link popularity tests (Google bar, link: etc.), but still have a pronounced effect on my ranking.

So there you go, now you know.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626
South West Trains
Time
11:10
You may notice by the time of my first post (below) that I was a little late getting into work this morning. Actually, I started out trying to get to work earlier. Unfortunately:

WE ARE SORRY SERVICES FROM PORTSMOUTH ARE SUBJECT TO SEVERE DELAY, DIVERSION OR CANCELLATION DUE TO TRAIN FAILURE AT HAVANT

Well, crappy old rolling stock will do that to you every once in a while – or every other day.

The result? The customer information screens (not the new ones that still aren’t working, but the old ones that are just hanging in there because they haven’t been maintained properly because everybody expected the new sysytem to be online by now) made for a very depressing read. Here’s the rundown:

7:52 Waterloo – 80 minutes late

8:07 Waterloo – 70 minutes late

8:22 Waterloo – ‘diverted’

8:32 Waterloo – ‘diverted’

8:50 Waterloo – 5 minutes late

The best I can hope for from this? A partial refund on my overpriced ticket. Maybe. Will I get that hour-and-a-half of lost work time back? No.

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. Last time I was this reliant on SWT, the experience drove me Right. Into. The. Ground – and I’m sure I’m not alone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626

Time
13:20
Who cares if there’s some guy in a white coat up to his elbows in my mouth? I want a relaxing foot massage from one of them there dental nurses.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626

Time
14:27
12-year-old girl summoned to court for overdue library book. Frightened girl sends Mum in her stead. Judge says ‘not good enough’ and sets a new court date, insisting the girl attend – presumably so he can personally tear her a new arsehole. What a hero.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626
LOTR
Time
14:32
‘Two Towers’ trailers. Go get ‘em.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626
Latest Viral Agents
Time
14:51
Car, cars, cars, cars, cars!

Smart Getatway is a nice looking piece of work, but that’s a big bloody download just to sign up for the competition.

This Holden game (see the link on the right entitled ‘Cruze-O-Meter’) is equally pretty but I know I’ve seen this exact execution plugging another car in the UK before. Not that this is a cardinal sin, but I only remember the previous incarnation because I sent a comment to the agency responsible, pointing out that it had sweet bugger all to do with cars. I suppose that’s what makes it so easy to recycle…

*sigh*

Oh, and guys, if you want stuff like this to spread more effectively, it works better if people are able to link directly…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020626

Time
15:30
Young men aren’t buying chickens because they get the eggs for free.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020627
South West Trains
Time
08:03
More info on what happened yesterday (see below). Apparently, the 6:19 out of Portsmouth Harbour got stuck at Havant because somebody pulled the emergency cord and, because of a technical fault with that system, they were unable to start the trains again. I’ve seen the exact same thing happen on old rolling stock before. IN fact, I’ve been on the train in the dark for 45 minutes while they sorted it out.

Anyway, the train was stuck at Havant. There used to be a passing point at Havant, as well as two others at Petersfield and Liss. They aren’t there anymore. I don’t know why they took them out, but I can only assume it was somebody’s brilliant plan to cut costs.

So, much joy further up the line at Guildford. None of the usual Waterloo services could get there, so for the most part passengers were stuck from about 7 to bloody near 9 with no way to get to London.

No, wait, I tell a lie. Two services via Cobham (known affectionately as ‘the scenic route’) did go in this time. Packed to the hilt, of course.

There were no extra services put on this in this time to help passengers get to London. A wide selection of rolling stock sat within view of the station, and many passengers asked why these couldn’t be put into action. The answer? “Out of order, sorry.”

There weren’t even any special shuttles (or shuttle buses) to get passengers to Woking so other services could get them to London.

In short, it was a shambles. This is a network just scraping by, so when the shit hits the fan, SWT just can’t cope.

This morning, train services via Clapham Junction have been disrupted due to ‘emergency engineering works’. SWT announce that ‘short notice alterations and delays of up to 30 minutes may still occur on many trains’.

Another morning of chaos, in other words. I’ve had it. I’ve really bloody had it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020627

Time
13:20
OK, folks – it’s activity time again. A big challenge, this one – but there’s a few quid in it if you want to join in:

Can Weblogs Sell My Mate Steve’s House?

Heh – it’s probably the last time he’ll make a bet with me, but who cares?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020627

Time
20:08
From the folks what brung you www.portalofevil.com comes diminishedresponsibility.com, which includes very efficient – and I think quite fitting – use of newsisfree.com

It may even make it into the navigation bar shortly…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
10:45
Last Friday night, vandals smashed every window at the All Saints Church in Woodham Lane, Woking.

That’s not funny.

Each stained glass window will cost up to £15,000 to replace, making the estimated repair costs £270,000.

That’s not funny.

Cllr Margaret Gammon (Con, Horsell East and Woodham) said: “I am absolutely shattered.”

Now that’s funny.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
11:06
A few weeks ago, the three co-founders of the now-fucked dotcom Den, Marc Collins-Rector, Chad Shackley and Brock Pierce, were arrested in Spain on charges relating to child pornography. The linked article also states that “the men have been sued in the past for allegedly raping, drugging and threatening to kill teenage boys while they still ran the now-defunct DEN.net” (though those in charge of the wreckage are trying to distance themselves from these sordid shenanigans). The full implications of this blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda. Look, you don’t really want to read all of this distasteful dross, now do you? I tell you what, do yourself a favour, wait until everybody goes to lunch, and instead watch the whole saga in this glorious Flash animation. You’ll bust a gut.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
12:29
While we’re on the subject of pornography and fleeing the country, read about the Bill Gates of porn, Seth Warshavsky and his flight from the US with a computer under each arm and a song in his heart. You’ll never guess where he ended up…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
14:57
It’s all very Otto Sump (look it up), but if you do want to look truly unique, you could do far worse than choose from this excellent selection of fake teeth.

They even have the early Celine Dion model, which impresses me greatly.

(Thanks go to TheGlasgowKiss for the link.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
15:04
Explore the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.

Should only take you most of the day. Enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
15:11
Look for me (or you) in this picture of weblogs.

It’s an applet, so it requires gentle handling and patience.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
18:03
This is what my youngest son made at pre-school today.

(Not the carrot, just the mutilation.)

1. What are they teaching these kids?

2. Do we need to lock the vegetable crisper from now on?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
18:51
Attention all bloggers!

If you get indexed daily, you might want to join our latest experiment.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
18:52
The latest edition of Celebrity Bestiality is hot off the presses. This month: Victoria Beckham.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020628

Time
07:44
Another gem, as found by ultimateinsult.net:

Throw kids at R. Kelly.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020629

Time
12:07
First Worldcom, now everybody is nervous about Xerox. Hmm. Perhaps I should take more stock in the contents of yesterday’s FuckedCompany Sporadic. Pud warns:

I know none of you Sporadic subscribers give a fuck about business n stuff… but still, I have to say… we’re in red-alert mode. FC usually receives a few internal memos everyday, but it’s usually stupid shit like cafeteria menu changes, office supply bandits, and “stop stealing my lunch out of the fridge” type of stuff.

But the last flurry has been hardcore… in the past few days alone, hefty memos from Worldcom, Lucent, Cnet, Digex, Accenture, Excite, 3com, Verio, Hewlett Packard, Dell, and more… heed this warning people.

Run for the hills.




Remember folks, you heard it here, erm, second.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020629

Time
12:11
We do have some cheery news this morning. The latest Can Weblogs..? project just enjoyed its first big win. The target site is currently top (or top 5) result for almost every target search query. And it only took two days to achieve. And it only took the support of two weblogs.

If you’re into SEO and not researching weblogs right now, you need your head examined by a professional.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020629

Time
12:20
Hang on… it’s Saturday! I’m not supposed to be working…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020630
Babies, Etc.
Time
09:05
Ladies and gentlemen, baby Josie’s first word has arrived, and that word is….

“Dad”

Or more, to the point, “Dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad-dad”.



I know mothers can be very sensitive about things like this, so I would just like to close by saying:

VICTORY! VICTORY IS MINE!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!!

(/me closes by doing a small dance and shuffle, then pops out for more nappy bags)








About Tim Ireland

Tim is the sole author of Bloggerheads.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.