16-31 July, 2002

Posted by Tim Ireland at 16 July 2002

Category: Uncategorized

This entry was posted on
Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
at
9:52 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20020716

Time
09:52
Topping Blogdex with an impressive 39.0 points, the news that the U.S. plans to recruit to recruit one in 24 Americans as ‘citizen spies’. Just in time for the upcoming Hate Week, too.

UPDATE – Here’s more on the same program from the Washington Post and the official recruitment site.

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Date
20020716

Time
09:56
I just read a nice article in The Times about Walmart’s exploitation of workers. Then, of course, I had to go into the bathroom to wash the ink off my hands. Happily, you can now read this same article online without the inconvenience. There might still be cause for washing your hands, though. Once upon a time

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Date
20020716

Time
10:04
An old chestnut popped up in The Register section of The Times today (yes, prompting more inky blackness).

Asks Dave Wilson of Lower Kingswood, Surrey:

“Why do we never see white canine faeces in the streets now? It was prevalent in the 1950’s?”

There are a thousands sites and posts that explain this quickly and easily – but Dave won’t find such information unless he takes that plum out his mouth and uses the correct search term: ‘white dog poo’.

The answer is that dogs aren’t eating enough bones these days. Except in cartoons.

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Date
20020716

Time
13:57
Where did I leave my keys? Did I take my medication? Hmmm, better check my blog.

Now, if only I could remember my login details…

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Date
20020716

Time
14:23
Tasteful.

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Date
20020716

Time
15:44
Secret service surfing Britney sites. No doubt looking for ‘that’ video.

(In case you’ve just arrived from Mars, yes it exists, no it’s not real.)

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Date
20020716

Time
16:39
Yet another newsagent that isn’t a public library.

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Date
20020716

Time
17:03
Of course you’ve already seen it, but I just noticed that the infamous Peter Pan has recently got smart enough to foul up any attempt to ‘hotlink’ images from his server – so I popped along to see what else had changed about the site. Not much.

Erm, but I did notice that the visit counter is now pushing close to 3 million.

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Date
20020716

Time
17:19
Fresh and steaming from the B3ta files:

Let’s Fist Again.

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Date
20020717

Time
09:55
Forget freedom. I’m coming to the conclusion that some blogs need to be controlled by a new Too Much Information Act.

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Date
20020717

Time
09:57
Peter Pan still needs another 4,410 visitors to push his counter over the 3 million mark. Visit today, or Tinkerbell will die.

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Date
20020717

Time
10:02
Operation Tips is still riding high on Blogdex and Daypop. You can get a fair idea of what people think of this scheme by researching the sources.

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Date
20020717

Time
10:08
An excellent article on the ever-evolving Google effect and the influence weblogs currently enjoy. It makes a few assumptions and overall argues that this influence is unfairly disproportionate, but details such as the factor of ‘recency’ (which has been proven by a number of SEO experiments in this very blog) make it a worthwhile read.

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Date
20020717

Time
10:21
A sensible, elegant and measured statement on the subject of Spam. In other news, Yahoo! has recently taken to editing email, erm, for your own good of course. We can trust Yahoo!, can’t we?

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Date
20020717

Time
11:16
Hooray! My religion has attracted a new Acolyte. Slowly but surely…

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Date
20020717

Time
13:08
“LONDON – Stocks were dropping precipitously last week as investors realised that corporate leaders, thought to be working for the good humankind, were actually busy trying to make a lot of money.”

Heh.

Found on this same site (in the excellent reality bytes section), a link to a forum for Christian knife enthusiasts.

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Date
20020717

Time
13:27
Screengrabs from Reefer Madness, one of the greatest anti-drug films of all time.

And it’s just given me a nice little idea….

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Date
20020717

Time
14:46
A Googlesque version of Amazon – Amazon Light – has been developed by Kokogiak, and damn it’s fast.

Kokogiak, you remember them… right?

No?

Don’t tell me that you’ve already forgotten about The MegaPenny Project!

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Date
20020717

Time
16:13
All hail the new blog of Pickled Pizza!

(Pickled Pizza is a fellow B3tan. His blog is mostly filled with Potatoshops at the moment. This situation is not likely to change.)

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Date
20020717

Time
16:20
A welcome return to form at The Onion:

“Efforts to pass legislation restricting spam… are meeting with strong resistance from the nation’s powerful penis-enlargement lobby.”

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Date
20020718

Time
08:46
Some new examples of engrish for you to enjoy.

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Date
20020718
Give me a P!
Time
08:48
Don’t have a pot to piss in? Accept no imitations! Get the original Sneaky Leaker!

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Date
20020718

Time
08:50
Amazon really are getting their ship together.

(Oh, if you missed it yesterday, check out new Amazon Lite as well.)

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Date
20020718

Time
08:52
Shudder!

… as the man who screams in the forest at night to relieve stress is asked to stop by Police because he’s freaking the neighbours out.

Cheer!

… for the old lady with a walker who took on a mean bus driver that wouldn’t let her sit in the disabled seat.

Drink a Toast!

… to Miss Teen Texas, the cleaner than clean beauty machine who has been charged with public intoxication.

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Date
20020718

Time
08:59
Some solid lunchtime reading for you to masticate on. The results are in for the 2002 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

Trust me, the winning entries are brief and entertaining enough to suit even the shortest of attention spans.

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Date
20020718

Time
09:03
Guardian Unlimited is launching the first competition to find the best British weblog.

I’m wrapping my entry in a £20 note.

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Date
20020718
How Blogs Work #329
Time
09:48
John Austen discovered my blog via Fun Junkie. He described this blog as: “great for finding funny news items in a similar way to Kung Foo”.

Without this comment, I wouldn’t have known about Kung Foo at all, but, taking a look at it just now, I notice how similar it is to CrackBaby in terms of how it groups/themes its links and news items. Subsequently, someone else is sure to read this and email me with three or four more examples of this presentation style.

(Oh, and if it’s fast updates John is after, I can’t wait to find out what he thinks of Fark.)

OK, where were we? Oh, yes. While over at Kung Foo, I found this good article on blogs, erm, and the blog of its author who, BTW, doesn’t think that blogs will become ‘a business model for anyone anytime soon’.

I tend to disagree, so I’m tempted to email him and invite him over for a visit. The funny thing is, I won’t need to. He’s sure to drop by once he gets a look at his referral stats.

Hi Adam.

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Date
20020718
Telemarketers
Time
15:33
After years of frogs in blenders and hamsters in microwaves, this makes for a refreshing change of pace. Finally, someone who deserves inhumane treatment. BTW, I got a call from Anglian Home Improvements today. We’re on some database that’s sold almost exclusively to double-glazing outfits because the previous owners of our house once bought a door with double-glazing. Subsequently, even though we’ve opted out of such calls from the electoral roll and what-not, we still pop up in these lists that are sold from company to company.

Subsequently, it’s very hard for us to get off this list, so this time I decided to roll into action and try and track down where the details were coming from.

Oh yes, the call. It went like this:

(Please note that some names have been changed to protect the innocent – and the guilty…)

Telemarketer: Helloit’sJohnfromAnglicanHomeImprovements here. Is Mr Previous Owner there please?

Me: Just a moment, let me get a pen.

(pause)

Me: Yes, could I get your name, please?

Telemarketer: My name is John

Me: And the company you’re calling from?

Telemarketer: Anglian Home Improvements. Sir, would you like to talk to my supervisor?

Me: Yes, thanks – that would be helpful.

Telemarketer (muffled): Oi! Frank! Can you talk to this guy? He’s in some kind of strop!

(pause)

Supervisor: Hello, my name is Francis, can I help you?

Me: Yes, I’m in a bit of a strop, and…

The supervisor did, quite surprisingly I thought, offer me the details of the parent company, but not the number. He claimed that he’s not allowed to know the number. This way he’s not tempted to give it out. Nice.

Anyway, I looked them up. Found the site, found the number. I also found them listed on this site, very useful for anyone who may one day have to battle the telemarketers.

I called them. I requested to have my name taken of the list. Again, quite surprisingly I thought, they admitted/confirmed that my name was from a list that they had bought. This time I got the full details over the phone and got ready to call the data agency that had sold it to them. I was approaching Nirvana.

There I was (or at least, there was Mr Previous Owner). Could I be taken off this list? Yes. Have they sold data to any other double-glazing outfits besides Anglian Home Improvements? No.

Bugger.

Judging by the number and variety of calls I get regarding double-glazing, I can deduce from this that our names are on more than one such list. So our details, sold on by the company that fitted the door at the behest of Mr Previous Owner, are now in the hands of multiple data agencies selling to a number of different companies.

Basically, we can request that our details are taken off the list each time, but it’s not going to do us a heck of a lot of good. I think it’s time to go back to a mixture of fun and abuse.

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Date
20020718

Time
16:27
We ask you to remember us in your prayers tonight, in the hope that Steve gets a solid offer on his house via the website before next Saturday.

If I had a red dot to hand, I’d ask you to focus on it. But I don’t. Focus on this full-stop instead. Or this one.

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Date
20020718

Time
17:06
I’m sorry, but this list of ads that have been haunting people for years is only interesting if you’re Australian. It’s also missing one very important ad, so please do excuse me if I let out a deep ‘Ahhhhh’ and say:

“Matter of fact, I’ve got one now.”

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Date
20020719

Time
09:58
Peter Pan has rocketed past the 3 million mark thanks to a timely plug over at Fark.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:00
This is what I like to see – a hotel with full facilities.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:03
Real-life stories of porn clerks. I’m sure you meet the nicest people. I remember one porn clerk being interviewed on late night Australian television. When asked about the worst part of the job, he told the interviewer that the (ahem) private viewing rooms certainly didn’t clean themselves – and that the back stairs were very steep and dark. He’d fallen over and worn most of the contents of his cleaning bucket at least twice. Most of us would probably quit after the first time.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:09
The great thing about being totally uncool is that you don’t end up with baggage like this in your CD collection.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:12
I said pull my finger!

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Date
20020719

Time
10:13
The city of Denver is overcoming the problem of people ‘souveniring’ manhole covers, erm, by selling them as souvenirs.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:27
Well, I finally got around to watching the movie McBain after hunting down a copy on ebay. Save your money, folks. It has its moments, but it’s nowhere near as howlingly awful as Timemasters, which disappoints me greatly. For a while there, I’d thought I’d discovered a visionary to rival the late, great Ed Wood.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:36
Man arrested for burning kitten on grill. What a stupid thing to do. The microwave is much faster.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:45
A damn good database of songs from television ads. Oh, and look, he’s smart enough to have affiliate ‘click to buy’ links. Good man.

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Date
20020719

Time
10:59
Benjamin Cohen, one of the most accomplished media whores of the dotcom goldrush days, is getting out of the porn business because it’s ‘a drain on resources’.

Damn, I could have told him that.

What next for Benjamin, I wonder?

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Date
20020719

Time
12:49
Can’t be bothered to blog? Try linkdumping instead.

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Date
20020719

Time
14:18
I haven’t been Photoshopping for a while (busy, busy, busy) but this result certainly is encouraging.

The original is from one of those naked fund-raising calendars full of wrinkly people who should know better.

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Date
20020719

Time
15:25
Beware the domain vampires.

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Date
20020722

Time
09:48
Sometimes the headline is enough: Murder attempt ends night of romance.

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Date
20020722

Time
09:49
Firda notes, quite rightly, that the CNET Glossary has the definitions for LOL and ROFL, but left out LMAO. Strangely enough, they’re also missing WTF.

Not to worry. The Acronym Finder is slightly less prudish and so carries far more entries. Erm, partially censored in places, of course. What is is about the word ‘fuck’ that disturbs people so much? Perhaps its usefulness and versatility threatens some.

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Date
20020722

Time
09:59
Today is ‘look up and live‘ day on Wall Street. Take care, kids. Oh, and don’t forget to pray to the Sun God.

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Date
20020722
Photoshopping
Time
10:01
Woo-hoo! A big winner at Fark, and it’s all thanks to Steve Irwin.

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Date
20020722

Time
10:10
It had to happen: Six Degrees of Blogeration. They need a bloody search engine for their listings, though.

UPDATE – Jim claims that ‘Co-depiction is a much more interesting demo of the theory’. I’d tend to agree, but this database (‘integrating image metadata with the six-degrees thing’) is going to need a lot more takers before it becomes truly illustrative.

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Date
20020722

Time
10:17
Now that’s what I call empowerment.

See the cripple cannon today and rethink the expense of that new access ramp.

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Date
20020722
Lycos Viral Chart
Time
10:50
My entry is still stubbornly hanging in at No. 9 in the Lycos Viral Chart after over a week of activity. One weakness that now makes itself apparant; how do I update this image now that we all know that we’ll never get a chance to vote Jade out?

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Date
20020722
How Blogs Work #330
Time
11:14
Lately, I’ve started to find more and more material for my blog from people who have linked to me.

Today’s examples: this collection of quotes at quotegarden.com, found via a link to my quiz on their M*A*S*H quotes page, and this nudist site, which has also linked to the same quiz somewhere in its message boards. Nudism? M*A*S*H? Is there a connection? I did a few searches on ‘nude/naked mash’ and was surprised to find, well, nothing really. You would think that someone, somewhere, would be sick enough to do a few fakes of the folks at the friendly 4077th, but no.

Funny, in a way I feel really let down.

Still, I did find this budding artist’s site, which features both nudes (watch out for these, they’re pretty graphic and far from appetising) and portraits of stars from the series.

Erm, and an anorexic Jim Morrison.

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Date
20020722

Time
11:54
Putting a caption-generating function in the URL is a bloody stupid thing to do.

Find out why, then feel free to make your own.

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Date
20020722
Short but Sweet
Time
13:21
Jeffrey Archer’s appeal has failed, doo-dah, doo-dah.

UPDATE – Oops, his day in court ain’t over yet.

The Guardian reports that he will also ‘appeal against his sentence this afternoon’.

(Insert joke here about a sentence by Archer being unlikely to appeal to anyone.)

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Date
20020722

Time
14:32
A good day for justice today. Erm, sort of. Property tycoon Nicholas van Hoogstraten has been found guilty of manslaughter after ordering a ‘hit’ on a business associate. It’s manslaughter instead of murder because the judge bought his line of bull that he wanted the victim roughed up, not rubbed out. He’s still facing a life-sentence, though. Let’s see what his legal team comes up with for the psychiatric reports (scheduled ahead of sentencing). They’re sure to be well-paid, so I’m hoping for some creativity.

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Date
20020722

Time
14:57
Monkey Man is back on the rampage. While we’re on the subject of old news from India, look what I found when looking for a nicer word than ‘foetus’.

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Date
20020722
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
16:14
What, no spork?

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Date
20020722

Time
16:20
Ever wondered what happened to SeeThru?

(We used to link to them – remember? You don’t? Oh, OK, ignore this next bit then…)

Here’s a very long article that goes into a little more detail than the site statement: “BBC2’s Attachments has finished its run and so has this website.”

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Date
20020722

Time
17:15
Fark’s decision to include a ‘Florida’ tag is looking more and more justified with each post. The latest is this article, featuring the following tibit from Luis Penelas (executive director of a Havana-based HIV/AIDS outreach group). He claims that sex in prison is not only condoned by officials, but encouraged by placing one gay man on each floor. OK, enough background, let’s go to the quote:

“‘In most cells they place a loca – or screamer – so inmates can relieve the tension.”

And if you think that’s too much information, have a little peek at this report on male rape in U.S. prisons.

Are we getting too heavy for Monday afternoon? OK, then – how about some pretty pictures to ease your mind?

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Date
20020723

Time
09:57
An article on digital images and how they may not be as accessible to future generations as, say, shoeboxes full of prints stored in an attic. Here it should be noted for the record that, thanks to a single invention, a large chunk of Egyptian history will now forever remain a mystery. That invention was papyrus.

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Date
20020723

Time
10:03
From ultimateinsult.net comes this link to The Apostrophe Protection Society.

Not as silly as it may seem. I see misuse everyday. Even at what would normally be considered a pedant’s convention – Extreme Computing 2002 – there was a misguided soul set to print out an example of her wares. The result was a shirt that read:

T-SHIRT’S PRINTED HERE

Scariest example I’ve ever seen? A shop window that read:

TATTOO’S

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Date
20020723

Time
10:11
Normally a complete scan of Action Comics #1 would get me excited, but somebody gave me a commemorative reprint of this as a gift 3 years ago.

If I want to read it now, all I have to do is reach under my bed.

(Yes, I keep comic books under my bed. Why? What am I supposed to keep under there?)

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Date
20020723

Time
10:18
Read about The Boot Lady. She’s taken to clamping cars that park in her office parking space and charging a $25 fine before releasing offender’s vehicles. Not surprisingly, the police have been called on more than a few occasions and are getting rather sick of the whole thing.

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Date
20020723
Look It Up
Time
10:32
The 1777 resolution regarding the creation of a flag for the United States reads as follows:

“Resolved: that the flag of the United States be made of thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new Constellation.”

Please note that there is no indication whether the stripes should go horizontally or vertically.

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Date
20020723
Flash Games
Time
10:37
Choose your target and plug away at shoot-it.org

Hm, this looks like a copy of one of B3ta’s earliest successes, Kill Your Friends.

The difference? Well, it is prettier. And it tones down the death aspect while at the same time allowing for more focused aggression (in this case your ‘friend’ is a single target, but represented as a poster image on a shooting range – so no blood, just holes in the paper). Oh, it also doesn’t allow you to share a link with other people, thereby allowing them to shoot your ‘friend’ too. It was shared choices like Geri Halliwell, Osama bin Laden and the Queen Mother that made the B3ta version such a hit (in that it spread virally via ‘healthy’ interests other web users had in common), so this version is relying almost entirely on a combination of the concept and its playability.

There you go, leave to the marketing department to suck all the fun out of reckless gunplay.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020723

Time
10:50
Funny how one photo can sometimes change your life. This woman is a UK Royal Marine. It’s a powerful photo, indicative of the times, and boy-howdy is she a looker! I’m predicting a small measure of fame as a result, and if not, she’s welcome to drop by and storm my beaches anytime.

(Oh, in case you haven’t heard, nice guys are losers, so I’ve decided to road-test a new personality, that of a somewhat delusional sexist pig…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020723
Nude People Are Watching This Site Right Now!
Time
11:59
Greetings to all of the lovely people from netnude.com who are dropping by today. As chance would have it, I just found a lovely video that you might enjoy called ‘Natural Intelligence’ (I think it’s supposed to be advertising a car or something, but this sure as hell doesn’t come across in the clip). You can download it via this page or view a streamed version by going to www.newintelligence.co.uk

Cheers all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020723

Time
15:07
The problem with a runaway success like The Osbournes is the inevitable rush of cheap copies that follow. FFS, doesn’t Anna Nicole Smith have enough money as it is? Why can’t she bog off, settle in the world’s biggest trailer home and stay out of our lives?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020723

Time
17:04
Alan Kilshaw has been struck off as a solicitor. This news, combined with the top search result for Judith Kilshaw in Google, explains the traffic spike over at Celebrity Bestiality this morning.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020724

Time
09:42
It’s going to be one of those days with little or no bloggage today, and again, it’s because of the type of meeting that lasts aaaaaaaaaaaaaall day. Ho-hum. Still, I do have one link to share; this guy thinks that Tony Blair is a werewolf. Funny, I always thought he was a lapdog.

(Actually, it’s a rather lame viral attempt promoting the movie Dog Soldiers – based, as you might have guessed, on ‘Is George Bush A Chimp?’)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020725

Time
09:14
Hm. I first saw this thread a few days ago at B3ta, but was hesitant about blogging it.

Still, as everybody is now sending it to me, I can safely assume that you’ve all seen it, so my blogging it (for the record) will do little to add to this circus.

Basically, a girl named Sarah dropped into a Watford discussion group (it’s a football team) that her ex-boyfriend Brian participates in, and announced that, while ‘playing away’ in Greece, Brian had contracted hepatitis and then returned to give it to her. His mate Pete was kind enough to fill her in with some extra details, but he was also stupid enough to reveal that he had had a hepatitis test too. Details regarding this are sketchy. Did the boys share a woman, a needle, or a night of passion? Sarah has suggested the latter, but by now she’s loving the attention, frothing at the mouth and not entirely to be trusted when it comes to the truth.

Oh, Brian has been shagging Emma from Boots, too.

Cue much laughter and many prescription jokes.

Brian even called the police at one stage, claiming harassment.

Then Brian finally addressed the board, dropping the bombshell that – *gasp*- Sarah’s dad is a Luton fan! Heh. Only in England. Or maybe Brazil.

After this, things got really nasty – and matters weren’t helped by all of those tittering, jeering and cheering on the sidelines like your classic Jerry Springer audience.

Given the season, this should reach the national newspapers by today or tomorrow.

UPDATE – You’ve read the thread, now buy the t-shirt!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020725
Look It Up
Time
09:16
Benjamin Franklin didn’t want the eagle to be the symbol of the U.S. – he thought the turkey was a far more suitable choice. No, I’m serious. He though the eagle was a bird of of ‘bad moral character’ and lived its life by ‘sharping and robbing’.

As it turns out, the eagle is the more suitable choice. Oh, and not as smart as it looks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020725

Time
09:31
The New York Times website has refused to accept new ads from Sony.

Why? Because they pretend to be articles.

Fair enough. You wouldn’t get away with it in print or traditional broadcast, after all.

The NYT tried to get Sony to include something that clearly defined the content as an ad, but no agreement could be reached. Sony will be pushing ahead on other sites.

Mr T. Scott Edwards, consumer segment marketing officer for Sony Electronics, revealed himself to be a complete twat when he said: “We’re breaking paradigms here.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020725

Time
09:40
I like him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020725

Time
09:41
Popbitch have crossed a dangerous line. Today’s issue asks:

“And which celeb hairdresser is rumoured to be the father of one of Fergie’s children? (The one that doesn’t look like Andrew, natch)”

Fergie may still be an un-person, but the palace always gets a bit iffy when people start talking about unauthorised offspring. Will Brenda strike back?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
10:23
An excellent quiz from Firda. My weblog owns 50 % of me. Does Your Weblog Own You?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726
Christianity Watch
Time
10:25
Yet another winning link from ultimateinsult.net:

Glad, a Christian version of MAD. Here The Simpsons become The Symptoms (of cultural breakdown) and Leave It To Beaver becomes Leave it to Believer. Well, they’ve changed my outlook on life forever.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
10:29
Today is System Administrator Appreciation Day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726
Look It Up
Time
10:31
The novelist Jerzy Kosinski was scheduled to fly from Paris to Los Angeles, but was delayed on a stopover in New York when his baggage was accidentally unloaded and he was forced to follow them through customs. Because of this, he missed his planned meeting with Sharon Tate and friends the night Manson’s clan turned up for an impromptu visit. Oh, and the name of the man who heard screams from a nearby campsite but, despite driving around for over 20 minutes, failed to locate the source? Tim Ireland.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
10:32
David L. Brite knew he featured in his stepgrandmother’s will, he just didn’t know where to find it. He hired a lawyer and agreed to pay 25% of the inheritance as a fee. The lawyer found it with one phone call, and duly submitted his fee – of $350,000. Mr Brite seems to think that this is a little unfair.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
10:36
Jackass host Steve-O has been named in an arrest warrant for obscenity. He (allegedly) exposed himself and stapled women’s underwear to his bare chest. As you do.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726
It Had To Happen
Time
10:47
Do you like my new title? I plan to use it often. Today: Weblogs are given the Hot or Not treatment.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
11:11
Typical. One day to go and my daily indexing goes astray. Pray, people. Pray that Steve gets an offer on his house via the website before midnight tomorrow. Papa needs a new pair of everything.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
11:15
The Brian Tindle story has reached the Register. Ananova have had it since Wednesday. The national rags are probably waiting for their Sunday editions and/or for Big Brother to end.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
16:00
The ColdPlay Shop sells ‘Trouble’ Babygrows. Heh.

You’re never too young…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
16:33
Operation TIPS-TIPS invites you to inform on informants.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
16:48
‘Brain Fog: Menopause can affect function of memory’ states the headline. They even have a pretty picture of a brain fog. Erm, but they forgot to include the article.

UPDATE – This oversight has, sadly, been corrected. Subsequently the above link has lost all of its charm and you should probably look elsewhere for cheap thrills.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
17:07
Malcolm (he of the Middle) is about to get a little brother or sister.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
17:23
A small collection of crappy banners for you to enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020726

Time
17:27
Calculate penis sizes quickly and easily with the Sizemograph.

My result told me that I was ‘big, but not big enough’.

Thanks for that.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020727
Lego Geekage
Time
10:02
My little Lego site at lugjam.co.uk has (finally) been updated. New models that are worth a peek include the new, beefier Jedi Starfighter and the Bionicle-scale Goblin Glider.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020728

Time
09:14
From the B3ta newsletter comes this gem:

For the bargain price of $100, you can take a picture of your arse and send it to Sylvester Stallone’s mum.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020728
Headlines of Glory
Time
09:19
Injured Tortoise Uses Skateboard.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020728

Time
09:21
The official cowtipping home page. Non-stop thrills, now with more cows!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020729
And She’s OK Folks!
Time
18:58
All of this happened last Thursday, so you’ll pardon me for not keeping you completely up to date, but once you take a good look at the image on the right, I’m sure you’ll see why I didn’t want you guys to worry (and when I say ‘you guys’, it needs to be pointed out that my family read this blog too).

Last Thursday, our young daughter (9 months old and fit as a Mallee Bull) got her toe caught in a hospital door.

1. You know how heavy hospital doors are.

2. Scream? That doesn’t even begin to describe it – but at that age, it’s hard to define what is pain and what is indignation.

3. If you must have an accident, the hospital is one of the best places to have one.

In short, the nurses and doctors were great, and the patient is fine. No crushing or partial amputation, just one very badly cut toe with a lot (a lot!) of blood.

Back to normality tomorrow, folks.

Have a good one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730
Department of ‘I Told You So’
Time
10:06
iVillage is dropping their pop-up ads because 95% of users think that they suck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
10:10
A woman has been arrested after firing a ‘warning shot’ at drive-by litterbugs. Britney Spear’s dad has been a bit gun-happy lately, too – but online news items regarding this seem to have disappeared into the ether.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
10:17
The owner of Boobie Blog thinks we can come up with a better name for his chesty checklist.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
10:22
Apes in Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
10:25
I would have had this set up sooner, but my main email account bounces emails from the Hot Or Not folks for some reason. OK, today we ask the question: Is my Blog HOT or NOT?

Probably not, but I’m a big boy. I can deal with rejection.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
10:31
I thought I’d plumbed the depths with my blog long ago of the Transformers Adult Fan Fiction Archive. Happily, there appears to be at least one level beyond this: ‘My Little Pony’ Erotic Fiction – and this site has tastefully arranged photographic interpretations. Nice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730
Can Weblogs…?
Time
11:10
Could Weblogs Sell My Mate Steve’s House? Well, they could, but – sadly – they didn’t.

In one of those ironic twists that makes you want to strangle a cat, Steve received a solid offer on the house about a week ahead of the deadline on the 27th, but it was from a lead via his agent.

It wasn’t until this same potential buyer got home and decided to have a peek around at other properties in the area that he saw Steve’s site.

Bugger.

Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom today.

For over two years, Celebrity Bestiality has ridden high at the 2-4 spot in Google for the search query ‘bestiality’. Last month, we dropped right off the scope. So far, the only reason I can nail down for this was a recent reshuffling of the DMOZ listings that have been in place since its inception.

Today, we’re back on the front page and – for the first time in the history of the site – in the No. 1 spot for the generic search query ‘bestiality’

No. 1!

Obviously it’s not a result I can show to all of my potential clients, but it’s still a bloody ripper, and I’m now driving a shedload of fresh daily traffic to the all-important Porn Report.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730
Latest Viral Agent
Time
12:47
According to the holiday-themed Pull-o-meter, I stand a 58% chance of scoring a little action (based on my decisions within the role-playing game). This, despite the fact that I hit the town in my Batman suit, had a drink spilled on me, dropped more than a few pills and hogged a spliff whilst dancing like an idiot on a podium in a dingy nightclub. Is it really this easy, or does the sheer pulling power of a Batman suit make you close to irresistible?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
13:30
Won’t somebody pleeeease think of the monkeys?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
15:30
A surprisingly sensible take on the ‘faked’ moon landings.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
16:26
B3ta’s message board, which shudders along at maximum capacity at the best of times, has finally collapsed under the weight of El Reg’s ‘website of the day’ plug. Flattering, yes, but most B3tans are quite pissed to be deprived of a day’s worth of kitteny goodness.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020730

Time
17:01
I don’t plan on wasting money on a cinema ticket, but Eight Legged Freaks has a kickass site.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
09:51
Is this blog Hot or Not? Well, the current rating is 9.8, but being a smug bastard about it is sure to cause a drop in ratings.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731
Department of ‘I Told You So’
Time
09:53
Porn industry leads the way in IT innovation. Well, they did invent the left-handed mouse.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
10:02
Live Action Comics presents the amazing adventures of Night Woman. This is really, really bad. You’ll love it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
10:08
Test your IQ. Erm, do I get extra points for being smart enough not to give my name, address and email to these jokers?

Tell you what, let’s play a little game today. I already know my IQ, but let’s see if any of you regulars can guess it. Emails to the usual address, closest guess before tomorrow morning wins an autographed copy of one of my books. There you go, a hint; I’m bright enough to be able to sign my own name…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
10:13
Still riding high on Blogdex, this very good article about George Bush ripping off George Orwell’s ideas.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731
Rocket Sleds To Hell
Time
10:21
The tabloids (when they aren’t rabbiting on about whether or not he deserves his new liver) quote George Best’s chances of survival at around 80%. Dogbomb has a pool going.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731
Look It Up
Time
10:28
Radio waves travel at a speed of 186,000 miles per second. Sound travels at a more leisurely 700 miles per hour. Therefore, a radio broadcast of a live voice can be heard up to 13,000 miles away before it can be heard on the other side of the studio from which it originated. No wonder they have those time-delay kill-switch thingies…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
10:58
Tom Coates of plasticbag.org is less than happy about The Guardian’s Best British Blog competition. (Yes, this is the same Tom Coates who was profiled quite favourably in Monday’s G2 section.)

The Guardian is at least smart enough to be open about the issue, and has published this email exchange, warts and all. It needs to be mentioned here that Tom is also less than happy about the introduction to this exchange, which serves mostly to set the tone in The Guardian’s favour. (Fucking hell, Tom. They’re journalists. What did you expect? Heh.)

I tend to agree with Tom regarding the need to preserve the personal freedom of expression and exchange that weblogs provide, but he fails to see that the juggernaut of commercial interest can’t be stopped. Our only hope is to make it blindingly obvious that you can’t come charging into this ongoing conversation and exploit it at will. Funnily enough, Tom’s done just that by speaking out in this case – but he seems to be of the opinion that there’s no place for commercial applications in the weblog community.

He’s wrong, but I don’t thing it’s an ignorance thing; I think it’s an idealism thing.

Yes, there are millions of fuckwits who will come in and try it on in the most ham-handed way possible, but they’ll fail spectacularly – and quite visibly.

On the other hand, there are also quite a few brands that value communication with their customers, and doing so in a way that makes them a natural part of this conversational ecosystem can only be of benefit to both parties.

Of course, without stringent resistance from folks like Tom, they’re unlikely to want to strike this balance if they think that there’s a faster, easier and cheaper way to achieve their aims.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
13:07
After spending £75m and enjoying several weeks of public ridicule, PWC Consulting have dropped their rebranding to ‘Monday’.

Gosh, I wonder why

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
13:52
My new office has a dedicated telephone hygienist. This is going to take some getting used to. Sure, I managed to keep a straight face today, but what if he drops by in a moment of weakness? I don’t want to offend the poor man…

Oh, I happened to be looking at this when he dropped by to sanitise my handset.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
15:28
Darius set to top charts. Can you feel the love in this blog?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
16:34
This image of Britney Spears giving the finger is pretty popular today, but I prefer this one. Of course, Britney doesn’t always flip the bird at fans. Often she has staff on hand to do it for her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020731

Time
16:41
More blog tools than you can shake a stick at.








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