16-30 September, 2002

Posted by Tim Ireland at 16 September 2002

Category: Uncategorized

This entry was posted on
Monday, September 16th, 2002
at
10:10 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20020916
Blogwatch
Time
10:10
The Daypop drought continues. The reason for the disturbance? It ran out of disk space.

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Date
20020916
Can Weblogs…?
Time
10:13
As I suspected, no-one gives a toss about about our little train problem – so I’m having a quiet little think about what to do next. Bear with me – or get on the blower and make a suggestion.

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Date
20020916

Time
10:19
You’re sitting in a riverside restaurant. A boat arrives carrying a naked man, who begins to yell before pausing for a quick dump on nearby rocks. When the Harbourmaster objects, he reacts by wrapping himself in cling film and babbling about a ‘survival suit’.

And people are surprised?

It should be obvious the man pulled up at a restaurant because he ran out of aluminium foil. If any of the dimwit waiters had realised this and thrown him one of those swan-shaped leftover trays upon arrival, he would have left without a fuss and shat on somebody else’s rocks.

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Date
20020916

Time
10:26
Just what the world needs: a BDSM bed and breakfast. Be warned that the site has two main barriers at the front where they wish to make absolutely sure that you are an adult and not easily offended before allowing you to proceed – but once you’re inside it’s all sweetness and light.

From the FAQ:

If we don’t understand how to use some of the equipment, will you help us?

Yes. We don’t want you to get hurt. Just understand that we will help you and then leave. We are not going to interrupt your time with that special someone.

Can I have an extra egg with breakfast?

Yes, but you’ll have to pay a surcharge.

(OK, so I made that last one up…)

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Date
20020916
It Had To Happen
Time
10:35
Homeless guy runs blog. Becomes famous. Acts surprised.

To answer those two question you have:

1. He posts from the local public library.

2. No, he hasn’t asked anyone for money – but he’s not stupid, either:

“If you check through my blog you will notice that I have not made any pitch for donations. And as a homeless person, I have never asked for money from other people. Yet I have never refused money that people have offered. At the time of this post I have only recieved two ten dollar donations. I currently have no clean clothes and will use part of this money to do laundry. I also have a bad case of athletes foot, so the rest will go for medication. If you’ve every bought the stuff, you’ll know that foot creams are expensive.”

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Date
20020916

Time
11:00
Seen in The Guardian this morning and immediately submitted to Viz’s fabulous ‘Up The Arse Corner’ — –>

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Date
20020916

Time
11:05
B3ta is down this morning. Damn. And here’s me with a kitten picture just waiting for an audience.

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Date
20020916
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
11:10
Emoticon actually predates ‘original’ found and hijacked by Microsoft.

*Phew* – well, no need for the fully armed crusade, then.

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Date
20020916

Time
13:10
B3ta is back up. Just in time for lunch. Yay!

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Date
20020916

Time
15:27
Those of you who listened to my drunken ramblings on Saturday (you know who you are) will know why I was on the lookout for a custom stamp today. I just found this nice chappie offering one-off free samples, P&P only.

I’ll give a customer review when my stamp arrives – erm, and also maybe let the rest of you know what I’m up to.

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Date
20020917

Time
10:07
Ho-hum. A work-heavy day today will result in low bloggage. I also have to plow through the suggestions you sent in for Can Weblogs….?. Squidboy’s multi-suggestion email alone will take me about 20 minutes to read in full – but I did spot one in there straight away that shows great potential:

‘Can Weblogs Change Government Policy?’

That noise you hear is gears grinding away in my brain.

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Date
20020917
Christianity Watch
Time
10:27
Keep your hands above the covers.

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Date
20020917

Time
10:29
Woo-hoo! Top 10, and in the running for a free flight from Cheapflights!

Write a caption for this little image what I done made and you’re in the running, too.

The prize list includes pairs of tickets to New York, Paris, Barcelona, Dubai, Johannesburg, Havana, Rome and Guadeloupe.

Guadelope?

Ah, yes. Here it is. Population 431,170, main export bananas. Sounds nice.

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Date
20020917

Time
14:44
Buy a CD for a buck. A buck.

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Date
20020918

Time
10:27
Good morning, everyone.

I have to head into an important meeting right now, but I will be back for bloggage later.

In the meantime, I have good news.

The latest ‘Can Weblogs…?’ project is ready to roll – and it’s a cracker:

Can Weblogs Make a Politician Keep a Promise?

Thanks again to Squidboy for the prompt.

Oh, and just quickly – I still need you to submit captions for this, my entry over at Cheapflights. If I win, it’s going to be a toss-up between New York and Guadeloupe. If, by the way, anyone has actually been to Guadeloupe, please let me know what it’s like and how tasty the bananas are.

Cheers.

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Date
20020918

Time
13:11
It begins…

Bloggage rolling in already from:

http://www.funjunkie.co.uk

http://www.mba-experience.com

http://www.bbspot.com

…and so far no reports of major spelling mistakes (I wrote it in the train on the way to work on an ancient Mac with no spill chucker). Oh, and Martin wishes to claim any credit for coverage I get at the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. It’s a start, I suppose.

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Date
20020918

Time
13:35
Forget the kittens, here comes crashbonsai.com

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Date
20020918

Time
13:36
Tera Patrick is in town and the Mayor doesn’t want to talk about it?

C’mon…

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Date
20020918

Time
13:38
What a waste of a prime domain name. Trawl through the highly unlikely and mostly unfunny stunts at prank.org if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Date
20020918

Time
13:43
Virgin Atlantic Airways has to replace the baby-changing tables in their planes because budding mile-high club members keep breaking them. It’s a baby-changing table, people, not a baby-making table. Tch!

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Date
20020918

Time
13:48
See Willard Scott as Ronald McDonald in the first three commercials of this kind. I got over wondering what the weather was like in McDonaldland after I saw how shamelessly these ads shove burgers down kid’s throats. Now I’m wondering how many ‘lovely old dears’ over there actually make it to 109, what with all the bowel cancer, heart disease and all.

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Date
20020918
One Of Our Planes Is Missing
Time
13:57
Well, actually, it’s only 3 minutes on the cockpit voice recorder for Flight 93 that’s missing, but it’s enough to raise the same old whispers, such as maybe the gap is there because it formerly contained the words:

“Targeting us? What do you mean, you’re targeting us?”

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Date
20020918
Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat
Time
15:15
Dmoz duty has its moments sometimes. The Guildford Area Gay Society features its glorious acronym in the URL: www.gags.org.uk

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Date
20020918

Time
15:52
The U.S. Department of Education is overhauling its site ‘to make it easier to use and to remove outdated data’, but also destined for the memory hole just every scrap of information that doesn’t gel with the Bush administration’s political philosophy.

You all know I’ve been trying to avoid references to Nineteen Eighty-Four, but FFS, George Jnr. is not making it easy. *sigh* Oh well, at least he has accessible email address.

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Date
20020919

Time
10:00
Avast, ye swabs, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Discover ye pirate name and expand ye vocabulary, says I.

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Date
20020919

Time
10:03
New Scientist is running a competition with a top-notch first prize – immortality (erm, or a trip to Hawaii).

Basically, if you win (and choose immortality) teams will be on standby to cryogenically freeze you to arrest decay. In the future, as we all know, everyone runs around in silver jumpsuits and little things like death are easy to cure.

Pretty cool, but two problems that I see are:

1. The prize should include a wad of cash held in a trust fund, otherwise you’ll wake up with no money and won’t be able to afford a flying car.

2. What happens if you die by falling under a bus – or into a liquidiser?

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Date
20020919
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:47
Teen anarchist sues school principal and pictureyourself.org, bringing us ever closer to the rectal vanishing point.

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Date
20020919

Time
11:53
Remember folks, I still need your caption entries for this picture and I still need to hear from anybody who’s actually been to Guadeloupe.

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Date
20020919

Time
14:05
Tumbling Woman is a sculpture depicting a naked woman, limbs flailing and face freaked out, at the exact moment her head smacks into the pavement following a leap from the flaming WTC. Funnily enough, it’s drawing more than a few complaints.

(New link includes picture.)

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Date
20020919

Time
14:20
Enjoy the Elmer Fudd version of Google.

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Date
20020919

Time
14:21
What a cool pencil sharper. I want one.

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Date
20020919

Time
16:08
We close today as we began, with pirates. More specifically, with the Bearded Lesbianic Amazon Pirates (of the South Seas).

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Date
20020920

Time
09:56
Great, so now bloggerheads is evil?

When did that happen?

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20020920

Time
10:04
The teens over at fatnats.com don’t mind being fat. In fact, they aspire to it and even have hints and tips on ‘gaining’. The logo makes sense, then.

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Date
20020920

Time
10:07
The statue of the woman falling from the WTC has been covered up. Insert Flight 93 joke here.

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Date
20020920
I Want One
Time
10:09
Visit spudtech.com, ‘home of the world’s most advanced hand held laser-guided bolt-action aluminum SP9004 potato rifle’ – now with rifled barrels for improved accuracy.

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Date
20020920
Weblog Marketing
Time
10:40
It’s been on the loose for about a month now, but it wasn’t until it featured at evhead.com that WTF is Weblog Marketing? finally spread to a number of personal and business blogs. Thanks to everyone for their kind bloggage. Here’s hoping that it does some good.

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Date
20020920

Time
13:01
Live life on the edge – play P45 roulette. Gather the workmates around, take turns clicking and see who’s first to get fired. (NSFW, obviously…)

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Date
20020920

Time
13:37
Heh. There’s a new version of the Nigerian Email Scam targeted directly at bloggers. Keep an eye out for it.

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Date
20020920

Time
13:47
Alisa really likes dressing up, but she watches far too much anime for my liking. Supergirl is cool, though. I likes a bit of proto-matter, I does.

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Date
20020920

Time
14:08
Last chance to get your captions in, folks.

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

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Date
20020920

Time
14:42
Ooooooooooooooh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Waste a few moments with some pretty fireworks.

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Date
20020920

Time
15:41
Oooh, lookie – it’s an ugly Princess Di doll. Oops, and here’s another one.

Argh! Here’s a really, really big one and there’s heaps of them in here.

What is wrong with these people?

What’s so wrong with me, that I stop looking?

Arrrrgh! Paper dress-em-up Dianas!!!

This madness stops now. I’m walking away from my computer and not coming back until Monday.

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Date
20020923

Time
09:51
It’s always amused me that the tabloid boys show tits! tits! tits! from cover to cover (even in the comics), but use asterisks for even the most inoffensive words such as w****er. The Guardian has no such problem, and has even taken the time today to attempt to explain its complex, yet flexible policy on the subject.

“In the year up to {1998} there had been more than 400 pieces in the Guardian in which the word fuck or fucking appeared. In the same period there were 28 references to cunt: the word, in fact, occurs more frequently in the Guardian than in any other newspaper on earth.”

I can’t help but suspect that the ease which with these choice words can be spelled is sure to be pointed out in the next issue of Private Eye.

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Date
20020923

Time
10:18
Filming up women’s skirts legal in Seattle. Now there’s an industry just waiting to happen.

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Date
20020923

Time
10:34
Are you a Star Wars fan or and Elvis fan?

No, it’s not another lame quiz – just if you’re either or both you might enjoy this.

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Date
20020923

Time
10:50
It’s the anarchist scavenger hunt!

Break a McDonald’s window, get 300 points. Puncture a Washington D.C. police car tire to win 75 points. Score 400 points for a pie in the face of a corporate executive or World Bank delegate.

Of course, if you’re a real anarchist, tallying up points (or taking part in any organised competition for that matter) goes against your nature.

Once, and I swear this is true, a Sydney outfit held a public meeting for wannabe anarchists with a ‘bring your own plate’ policy. Everybody who turned up with a meal/snack was turned away. They might have made their point, but according to the journalists outside, they missed out on some mighty fine hummus and at least three plates of fairy bread.

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Date
20020923

Time
13:55
Don’t ask ‘why?’ – it just complicates matters.

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Date
20020924

Time
09:52
Bummer. There don’t seem to be any results in Scoot for ‘hitman’ orcontract killer‘.

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Date
20020924
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:54
Lego figures rolling and smoking dope. Patience is required, as the server for this site is taking quite a hammering.

Also doing well is this fetish map.

It has to be noted that both of these featured on B3ta days ago. Could B3ta be a key to Blogdex success?

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Date
20020924

Time
09:56
Fat teens sue McDonalds. Kids ‘just can’t resist those happy meals’, says one case adviser.

Hmm, maybe this is why:

A fast-food worker has been arrested on suspicion of selling marijuana through the drive-up window.

Oooooh, déjà vu.

Oh, and the Dutch have plans to do it properly.

Just remember, kids – drugs are bad, m’kay?

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Date
20020924

Time
10:21
Hmm. What amuses me here is the wording, which suggests that this threesome (in every sense of the word), weren’t actually arrested for having sex on a train, but instead for refusing to stop.

In the good old days, there used to be a bucket of cold water in every carriage to stop this kind of thing happening. No, really.

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Date
20020924
OK, So I’m a Star Wars Geek
Time
12:29
Waste a few minutes with this wonderful lightsaber emulator.

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Date
20020924

Time
13:05
As usual, it does you little good to ask “Why?” – but if you’re getting tired of the whole “It’s a Trap!” thing, then you may want to check out these alternative phrases from the Lucas community.

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Date
20020924
We have a winner!
Time
14:10
Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hah!

Get in there!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

Oops, I should have read the rules and regs a little closer. I can choose from New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg. Guadeloupe is the main prize – but I’m still in the draw for that in about 6 weeks time.

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

Right now, I can ‘only’ choose from New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg.

I say again: Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hah!

This couldn’t have happened at a better time. Life has sucked on quite a few levels lately and I could really do with a break.

Ahhhh, happiness, you are finally (albeit temporarily) in my grasp once more.

I’ll write more later when I can resist the urge to dance around singing ‘We Are The Champions’. It makes typing difficult, y’see.

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Date
20020925

Time
07:02
Oxford, today – and little bloggage.

Sorry about that.

Here’s Elvis on a Landspeeder.

It’s not much, but it should be enough to keep you going.

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Date
20020925

Time
15:33
Sorry, I’m still busy. Why don’t you play with some fridge magnets while you’re waiting?

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Date
20020925

Time
17:01
When Bloggers Commit Journalism.

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Date
20020925

Time
21:55
Hmmm. I just got home to check my email (long day, long way) and I’m disturbed to note that no-one’s written in yelling and screaming that they’d won the Cheapflights caption thingy. I’m kind of bummed out about that given the effort you guys put in to add to the pixie dust, but I am happy to say that I’m pretty much settled on a trip to NYC, even though Andy and Mich make a good case for heading to South Africa for the eclipse on December 4th.

Hmmm.

Tempting.

Oh, bugger.

Why must you people complicate things?

I mean, really.

*sigh*

OK, if you live in – or know of anything interesting going on in – New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg in the next 6 months (it may just be me and the missus, but we might also be able to stretch enough to take the sprogs along) then for Dog’s sake pipe up now, while I’m still in a state of mental confusion.

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Date
20020926

Time
09:45
The results are in for the Guardian’s Best British Blog competition. The criteria suggests that Bloggerheads missed out on a gong due to a central lack of porpoise.

Story of my life, really – as is forever remaining in the lower division of the top 10%.

It’s kind of like living next to a biscuit factory. You can see it, you can smell it. Often, you can almost taste it. But actually biting into it is a pretty rare treat.

Dunking, of course, is completely out of the question.

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Date
20020926
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:57
One victim of the Nigerian email scam.

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Date
20020926

Time
10:00
It was interesting yesterday to watch every single tabloid ‘showbiz’ column run a completely different story about Britney Spears – each of which was based on old news at best (when, of course, they weren’t arguing for or against war on Iraq like two drunks in a pub).

Obviously, the copy was there to justify running this same image of Britney Spears smuggling peanuts, but only the grubby Daily Sport had the honesty to go front page with the ‘Phwoarrr!’ angle. I was, however, disappointed that aforementioned rag stopped short of running a decent red-blooded headline such as ‘NIPS LIKE BULLETS’.

For shame.

Actually, now we’re on the subject, something’s been nagging at me lately.

The increasing attempts by tabloids to dig up more and more celeb gossip have resulted in a disturbing culture of ‘information sharing’ led by this sad collection of nobodies (who actually have the temerity to shame anyone merely for the ‘disgrace’ of being classified in the B to Z class).

For the main gossip-mongers, one page has spread to two – and in many cases a tabloid will have up to three separate sections of celebrity scandal. Daily.

Talk about pressure.

Apart from scouring the Popbitch board for wicked whispers, there’s only so much a team can do in a day, which is why they resort to pleas like:

“Have you seen a celebrity? Give us a call and help us add to the inches!”

I can’t help but wonder how many potential stalkers get their first taste of fame – and blood – in this manner.

I’m not going to mount my high horse and ride off into the sunset about it, but I would like to note for the record that it’s not a healthy thing to propagate.

UPDATE – You may as well read tomorrow’s big story today.

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Date
20020926

Time
10:13
Menspantys.com – ‘because men deserve nice undies, too’. Oh dear.

Fans of Seinfeld will want to head straight for the bra section. It’s very uplifting.

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Date
20020926

Time
11:43
Elvis Presley in Underwear. You know you want it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020926

Time
12:43


More ‘Elvis in Movies’ for you. The one on the right should be obvious, as should the one below, which is a bit big for blog display:

“Jabba! This is your last chance. Free us, or die (uh-huh).”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020927
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:06
The results of the Guardian’s Best British Blog Competition, obviously. Also, file sharing up-and-comers Kazza going nerny-nerny-ner-ner.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:09
As noted at The Ultimate Insult, it’s sooo last Tuesday – but we simply cannot allow elitism to keep you from hearing and/or seeing George Dubya Bush fumbling through the ‘fool me once’ truism.

Remember, you too can be this eloquent.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020927

Time
10:17
Girl who objects to dissection kicked out of class, then allowed to return to perfom procedure on computer simulation. She’ll probably want to steer clear of Romania. They do things for real there.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:21
Couldn’t agree more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020927

Time
10:22
A very long Fark thread debating which movie was the worst of the 80’s.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020927

Time
10:26
Have you noticed that every time there’s a Tube strike we also have to put up with an extremely snotty attitude from drivers and guards on all the other transport networks? That goes for bus drivers, too.

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Date
20020927

Time
12:15
More Elvis movie joy for you. I think I’ve gone off Star Wars for a bit, but you never know.

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Date
20020930

Time
09:48
Bugger. With everything else going on this week, I completely forgot about the British Mascot Grand National.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020930

Time
09:55
Mother shoots son with pellet gun when he refuses to come down from tree. It works for cats, too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020930
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
09:57
Which smiley (emoticon) are you?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020930

Time
10:16
Lego has released an official (and I must say very impressive) model of the Imperial Star Destroyer.

Traffic at Lugjam has soared as a result. Why? Because my little site outperforms theirs for the core search query in Google. But can I get them to return my calls?

Can I, bunnies!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020930
Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat
Time
10:28
I w-w-w-want to s-s-s-suck your c-c-c-

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020930

Time
11:05
Go on, be honest – did ever really think he had it in him?

(Or that Edwina had in her, for that matter?)

[UPDATE – Woo! Yay! My little animation (left) just graduated to the front page over at B3ta.]

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Date
20020930

Time
11:31
Pay a visit to Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz (he’s been the drummer for “Weird Al” Yankovic since 1980, dontchaknow).

If this excites you, then pop over to drumheads.org where they’ve got Pt. 2 of a great interview with the man on the front page. (Pt. 1 is stashed here.)

If you couldn’t care less, then Rock & Roll lies is sure to amuse you regardless.

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Date
20020930

Time
14:18
Tony Blair’s two-week deadline is about to pass.

If I don’t hear from his office by Wednesday, I’ll start deleting emails.

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Date
20020930
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
14:41
Some increasingly generic results are coming through lately. That’s us at No. 3 for ‘religion prayer’.

Of course, the Holy Grail is the top search result in Google for plain old ‘religion’. We’re getting there. You may remember at the beginning of August we were the 251st (up from 300th or so the month before that). We are now 144th and climbing.

Get out there and testify, people!

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Date
20020930

Time
15:52
Cool, two front-pagers at B3ta in one day. Of course, I’d probably be happier if I actually had a life or something.








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