02-15 February, 2003

This entry was posted on
Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
at
12:02 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20030202

Time
00:02
Holy shit. I just heard. This is not good. This is not good at all.

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Date
20030203

Time
08:46
It’s another one of those busy, busy days today.

Still, I do have a very bad phrase book for you, and a preacher who delivers the word of God while dressed as John Wayne (that last link via ultimateinsult.net).

Also, news of a high school physics teacher who has been put on paid leave after bringing a BB gun to school for a class experiment, which is pretty boring, really. Well, it is. The BB gun is used for a series of highly educational velocity experiments that I’ve seen myself.

It was 1986. My physics teacher (Mr Boddy) was convinced he could rap dance. He also went to see Dire Straits in concert and from then on would insist constantly that you couldn’t get ‘your marks for nothing and your chicks for free.’ He showed us this experiment. He even allowed us to handle the awesome air-powered weapon and repeat the experiment for ourselves. Everything went very smoothly, and nobody got hurt.

Unfortunately, the next day Mr Boddy showed it to a different set of students and somehow ended up getting shot in the arse.

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Date
20030203
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
15:00
Hooray for Tom Watson, who will today be tabling the following for debate:

“That this House believes that all members of the Government, Shadow cabinet and Liberal Democrat front bench should be accessible to the public by e-mail.”

Also, if you’re a student or in any way concerned about top-up fees, then pop along to Tom’s site to sign his petition. 10,000 signatures gets a question tabled in parliament.

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Date
20030204

Time
09:02
Pop star Michael Jackson has admitted he still shares his bedroom with youngsters despite allegations of child sex abuse made against him a decade ago.

I watched the special this news story relates to. Michael has been off with the pixies for a while, but now he seems so far gone that the size of the clue-by-four he requires to set him right could very well kill him.

He did say one sensible thing about tabloids, though, saying: “Don’t buy it; it’s garbage!”

The ad break that followed contained this important message from The Sun:

NEWS, CELEBS, GOSSIP… WE LOVE IT!

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Date
20030204

Time
09:04
10% of your DVD collection is rotting away quietly on the shelf.

(Assuming, of course, that you’re such a dedicated consumer that you’ve actually made the switch to DVD and and have begun the long and expensive process of buying your favourite movies all over again, even though you already have them on VHS.)

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Date
20030204

Time
09:10
Magic Tails: a series of ‘original creation myths for kids and adults,’ as told by a very ugly/scary cartoon cat. With flaming wings.

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Date
20030204

Time
09:13
Brisbane Lord Mayor Jim Soorley has urged Australians to return their ‘terrorism kits’ to the Government.

In case you’re wondering, the kits contain a booklet, a letter from Prime Minister John Howard and a terrorism hotline fridge magnet. All useful items, I’m sure. That letter from Johnny Howard could administer a nasty paper cut if used properly, and I’m sure – after years of watching James Bond, The A-Team and MacGyver – that all of us know how to disarm a dirty bomb with a fridge magnet.

Soorley, who is obviously the worst kind of lunatic, had the gall to claim that the kits were ‘a total waste of taxpayers’ money and nothing more than scaremongering by the Federal Government.’

Attorney-General Daryl Williams told people to ignore Mr Soorley’s comments and said that Australia would remain ‘on high alert’.

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Date
20030204

Time
09:26
Teenager ODs live on webcam as chat room ‘friends’ egg him on. Look for a two-page spread on this in The Daily Mail today or tomorrow.

Remember folks, the Interwebnet is eeevil. Stay away!

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Date
20030204

Time
09:30
Fake CNN site shut down. Surprise, surprise. I was going to share this with you last week, but after I posted a ‘story’ at B3ta I found out it was pop-up hell for the unprotected.

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Date
20030204

Time
09:34
Record producer Phil Spector arrested for murder. He was freed a few hours later on bail of $1m. Damn it, I told them they should have used walls of sound!

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Date
20030204
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:40
Tomorrow the winner of our little ebay auction will finally get to delete over 8Mb of Tony Blair’s email. I promised a surprise on this front, and here it comes:

We’re going to do it inside the Houses of Parliament.

Watch for photos (hopefully) and a report (definitely) on Thursday.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:16
Vatican says Yoga is OK, but Feng Shui is a one-way ticket to hell.

I can picture it now:

“I’m sensing a lot of negative energy. You know, this place could really do with a water feature…etc.”

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Date
20030205

Time
06:18
Rentmychest.com does exactly what it says on the tin. No boobies, sorry – just man-nipples (and a few commercial messages).

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Date
20030205

Time
06:21
President Bush can’t remember if he’s been to Johnson Space Center. He knows he definitely hasn’t seen a NASA launch or landing, because one of his aides told him so.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:24
I really must spend more time exploring The Earl Vickers Museum of Conceptual Art. Quite inspiring.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:26
Lobster lovers cut brake lines on commercial fleet owned by the Supreme Lobster and Seafood Co.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:28
We all knew it was coming; the backward slide starts for AOL. I blame the return of smart drinks.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:32
This guy wants to build a giant animatronic snake that can swallow a person whole. He’s clearly insane. The real money’s in giant robotic killer ants.

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Date
20030205

Time
06:37
Well, time to shower and go. It’s an insane hour of the morning, but this is what it takes to make sure I get to London on time.

I was a DJ for about 10 years. 10 years. Before that, I worked late shifts in a 24-hour restaurant. It’s very difficult to convince my body that this is wakey-uppey time and not bedtime, but try I must. There’s email to be deleted, and meetings to be held.

Wish me luck.

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Date
20030205
Tony Blair’s Email – Deletion Of The Hostages
Time
10:48
Well, that’s it. It’s gone. All of 9Mb of it, deleted.

I’ll post a full report and some pictures tomorrow, but right now I’d just like to say that it feels like an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It seems like I’ve been carrying these emails forever, and to see them relegated to the ether with a few simple clicks was really quite wonderful.

The rest of the day belongs to business, and I don’t mind telling you that I feel very good about it all.

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Date
20030206
Viral Marketing
Time
08:59
Interesting that B3ta can be spammed by its own mods and nobody complains.

This same commercial link (Disco Squirrels for Lastminute.com) features in the Popbitch newsletter. Both sites are, of course, completely against the placement of commercial links. Unless it’s a job that involves their mates.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:06
North Korea threatens US with first strike. Actually, it would be fair for them to claim retaliation.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:08
36 hour erection drug goes on sale in Australia. Please form an orderly line to the left.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:11
Japanese scientist invents ‘invisibility cloak’

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Date
20030206

Time
09:12
Feds To Arrest Shuttle Debris Looter. ‘Souveniring’ has been a bit of problem, it seems. Everybody wants a piece of the truck that fell out of the sky.

Oh, here are some screengrabs from that early auction of ‘genuine debris’ at ebay and here’s a report on the mysterious purple lightning.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:20
Nothing says ‘and finally…’ quite like a puppy in a wheelchair.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:22
Boombox. On my shoulder. Funk atomic bombs swoop down from America.

(Boy, that takes me back. Can anyone name the artist?)

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Date
20030206

Time
09:25
Telemarketer cold-calls long lost son. The article does not say if he made the sale.

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Date
20030206

Time
09:26
Everybody will want a USS George Bush hat.

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Date
20030206
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:28
Well, it’s been a long uphill struggle and the finish line looks to be some way away, but yesterday was a highlight in our campaign to get Tony Blair to deliver on his years-old promise of a publicly accessible email address.

Marcus Stafford was the winner of our ebay auction, and secured the right to delete over 8Mb of email addressed to and intended for Prime Minister Tony Blair for the bargain price of £62.

Due to a mixture of confusion and generosity, the cheque made out to Oxfam (to aid their Ethiopia Appeal) was actually bumped up to £65, so hooray for Marcus.

Our day began with a rendezvous outside – and a tour inside – the Houses of Parliament. There I discovered that the Speaker’s Chair in the House of Commons doubles as a commode and the funky gilt-edged boxes on the centre table are a gift from New Zealand. All very interesting.

After refreshing ourselves with a tea and coffee (courtesy of our most excellent host, Tom Watson), we posed for the necessary cheque/certificate exchange photo-op. I was very quick to get the certificate back after this photo was taken, by the way. There’s a right and a wrong way to do things, and deletion had to precede actual presentation.

Off we went to Tom’s office.

We logged into my another.com account and prepared ourselves for the decisive stroke, but I have to admit that some time was spent casually browsing through the doomed emails (my favourite was from an outraged Canadian who spelled ‘Iraq’ with a ‘k’).

After the foreplay, we dropped into ‘my folders’ and prepared to delete the entire TONY folder. Ongoing deletions late last year had reduced the bulk somewhat and the number of emails coming in to this address has decreased greatly since we went public, but there were still 629 emails lurking in there.

My another.com account allows for 10Mb of storage. Tony Blair’s email amounted to a whopping 9.1Mb in total. Needless to say, I was quite looking forward to this, if only to enjoy the much-needed elbow-room.

Marcus ticked the folder, and clicked the ‘DELETE’ button. We were only one confirmation page away from nirvana.

Did we really want to delete the folder ‘TONY’ and all of its contents?

Yes, we did.

Did I enjoy an enormous sense of satisfaction (and relief) when Marcus clicked the ‘OK’ button, dumping the lot into a deep, dark hole from where it shall never return?

Yes, I did.

Have 10 Downing St come back to me yet regarding the delivery date for the real email service?

No, they haven’t.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick to death of being ignored. Perhaps we should find someone named Tony Blair (who isn’t the PM) to answer the trickle of emails that still come in. There’s finally some room to move on the account, so it can take a little correspondence.

“Fox-hunting? Yes, I’m all for it. I especially enjoy the crunching sound their skulls make when you grind them under your heel! Love, Tony.”

“I know you’re concerned about Iraq, but you have to appreciate the difficult position I’m in. Yes, I want to hear what the public thinks, but in the end America and the UK have to stand together to defend the rights of our corporate sponsors. Hugs and kisses, Tony.”

I can’t see them ignoring that kind of stunt for long. What do you think, should we go for it, or just muddle along with more pornography?

UPDATE – Oh, and can I ask the BBC why the hell I wasn’t invited to be in the Newsnight audience?

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Date
20030206

Time
15:59
Oops, almost forgot about this: Tessa Jowell has caved, and the march in Hyde Park is now officially allowed to go ahead. Isn’t that nice?

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Date
20030206

Time
22:32
Teenage grils need beef.

(via the soon-to-be-included-in-the-navigation-bar site Catch.com)

UPDATE – Heh. I just noticed the typo, but I think I’ll leave it as it is.

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Date
20030207

Time
08:55
Ever wondered where your meat comes from?

(Requires Quicktime and a strong stomach.)

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Date
20030207

Time
08:57
Valentines Day is on the way, and nothing says ‘I love you’ and/or ‘I’d really like to get into your pants’ quite like a big ass diamond.

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Date
20030207

Time
08:59
Trailer park residents lynch man and beat him about the face with a hammer to ‘teach him a lesson’ after he threatens to commit suicide. Oh dear, it gets better:

‘According to Mr. Goddard’s family, many of his troubles began last year, when he and his stepfather, David Winkleman, had a local radio station’s logo tattooed across their foreheads.’

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Date
20030207

Time
09:05
The UK’s latest intelligence dossier (you know the one; Colin Powell waved it about a bit at the UN the other day) has been mostly lifted word for word – typos and all – from published academic articles. One of them was 12 years out of date and another was written by a postgraduate student.

Channel 4 broke the story.

The BBC has Downing Street’s reaction.

The Guardian has a few quotes from one of the original authors.

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Date
20030207

Time
09:13
Did you watch Newsnight last night? No? Live in a different country? Sorry, that’s no excuse. Watch the highlights and then take the time to remind yourself why we ‘must’ take action.

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Date
20030207

Time
09:18
Supersized ambulance designed for the obese. It has a ramp, a winch and – presumably – reinforced suspension. The designer of the system says it will make transport comfortable for heavy patients and ‘will help preserve their dignity.’

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Date
20030207
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:23
Dubya isn’t the only one running out of patience.

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Date
20030207

Time
09:24
Injured worker used lighter to inspect tank of flammable liquid. Why isn’t this man on the UN weapons inspection team?

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Date
20030207

Time
15:13
Search for ‘photoshopping’ on Google and see where it gets you.

Hint: It’s not B3ta, Fark or SomethingAwful.

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Date
20030207
Feedback Friday
Time
15:15
It’s that time again. Do get back to me over the weekend, I need to know:

1 – Do you know anyone named Tony Blair who isn’t the PM?

2 – What did you think of Cherie Baby? Can I actually string a lyric together, or am I just fooling myself?

3 – Who’s going on the march on February 15th? I’d like to make up a few extra placards or – even better – hear from someone with access to a very large printer. Colour, B&W, I don’t care. I’d just love to be able to print something larger than A3.

4 – I’m looking for a gallery space in London to do a ‘real life’ display of The Star Wars Photoshopping Project. Dedicated space, office foyer, you name it. Little help?

Emails to the usual address.

Oh, you’re probably wondering about the lack of Cherie Porn this week. Sorry, I’ve been busy – and I’m waiting on a reply to an email/fax I sent last week. I think I’ll give them until Monday or Tuesday’s mail before I bring the boobies out.

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Date
20030210
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:16
Clay Shirky writes on the ‘power imbalance’ in the weblog community.

More interesting are the reactions to it, two of which also rating very highly:

This one is short and to the point, claiming that Shirky ‘just doesn’t get it.’ Erm, and that he doesn’t actually have a weblog.

This is a more comprehensive play by play, that also includes some pretty enlightened user comments.

Me, I’d argue that the star system may on the surface of things work against a level playing field (when was the last time a group of random humans were drawn together to discover they had a level playing field?) but in the end every blogger becomes vulnerable to commercial and/or emotional forces when they reach these dizzy heights of fame.

Stupid compromises, standard bullshit and/or open hypocrisy are usually enough to alienate your audience: and guess where these people will go to search – yet again – for that authentic grass roots voice?

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Date
20030210

Time
09:28
Italian court rules that sharing joints of field trips is OK – but selling is not.

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Date
20030210

Time
09:30
Watch penguins having sex (animated GIF).

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Date
20030210

Time
09:32
Patriot to appear in court for disturbing the peace.

His 12-by-18-foot flag is hoisted atop a 50-foot pole and goes ‘flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap’ all day – and all night – long.

A neighbour describes the noise as ‘popcorn-like,’ but to me it seems more like the sound of one hand flapping.

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Date
20030210

Time
09:41
The show ain’t over until the fat lady falls on you – and even then, there’s still a visit to the hospital and $5.5-million personal injury suit to deal with.

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Date
20030210

Time
09:44
College student faces 20 years for installing and using spyware on campus system. Big deal; one college student. When is somebody going to serve those scumbags at Gator an economy-size can of whoopass?

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Date
20030210
Photoshopping
Time
11:09
You may have noticed that I’ve managed – for quite a while now – to resist the call of a certain image.

Sadly, I think this excellent submission from CrazyBee has set me off again.

Isn’t it wonderful?

A full-sized version appears on page 10 of the Star Wars Photoshopping Project.

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Date
20030210
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
12:18

“Look, it depends whether you want to deal with this at the level of humour and satire or whether you want to try and make sense of what are difficult issues.”

Tony Blair (from this Newsnight transcript)

OK, let’s have it out then, shall we?

The situation with Tony Blair’s email (or – rather – lack of it) is intolerable. It’s an embarrassment to every ‘e-nitiative’ his government cares to trot out. There is also a pronounced sense of urgency given the political situation at this time.

‘Sometime in the new year,’ or even ‘in the first few months in the new year’ (I just got this last one from his Direct Communications Unit) simply isn’t good enough. This simple function should have been released two years ago. Though it’s close to impossible for me to get a straight answer, I’m left with the overwhelming impression that this is still being talked about and not acted upon.

Can I get in touch with the team (allegedly) trying to make this happen? No, I can’t.

Should I be in touch with this team? Well, let’s put it this way: there’s only one person in the country who has actual experience on this front and that’s me.

The Direct Communications Unit has been advised of our latest position and has been asked to provide us with answers or a valid point of contact by the end of play today.

Should they fail to do so, I’m afraid we shall be forced to go 100% nude on Cherie – and then allow our version of Tony Blair to answer a few emails on his behalf. (These replies will be published on the weblog, BTW).

I know this is a return to humour and satire, but what the fuck do they expect when we they won’t give a straight bloody answer?

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Date
20030210

Time
16:09
Paul Carr on the arrogance of print. They’re an established medium, y’see. We’re new. We don’t count for much. It’s all a lot of hype. Oh, and the Interwebnet is dangerous, so please stay away from it because the only way you should get your information is via a newspaper or a magazine. Oh, and the Interwebnet is full of porn, too (not that any 8 year old can walk past a newsagents and see tits without having to scan above the newspaper shelf). Oh, and newspapers and magazines have these knowledgeable, infallible types known as journalists… who never compromise their integrity, even though they’re under enormous commercial pressure.

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Date
20030211

Time
09:34
Well, would you look at that… Someone’s trying to block the NYC march as well. Worth reading in full; you’ll love where this article goes.

BTW, here are the details again for the march in the UK this Saturday.

UPDATE – Oh, and if you take your camera along, remember that the BBC wants your pictures.

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Date
20030211
Photoshopping
Time
09:38
Fark Photoshop thread (big download):

Photoshop Michael Jackson. Alter what medical science no longer can fix.

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Date
20030211

Time
09:40
More reactions to Clay Shirky’s ‘Powerlaws’ article. I’m bored already.

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Date
20030211

Time
09:44
A Scottish accent may just get you laid. Jimmy.

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Date
20030211
Christianity Watch
Time
09:45
Megazeenonline.com: the home of ‘cheese-free Christian comics.’

Ooh, look – they accept submissions.

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Date
20030211
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
09:48
No response from Blair’s Direct Communications Unit yesterday, so as far as I’m concerned it’s open season on Cherie. Look out for a bigger picture (with slightly less realism/nudity) later today.

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Date
20030211
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:53
The Dell Dude has been arrested for pot possession. Thankfully, we only had to put up with one of his evil ads here in the UK before Dell finally gave him the flick – so my hate index is probably far, far lower than yours.

Anyways, CNN has the story and The Smoking Gun has the paperwork.

Incidentally, the original declaration made by young boy who sued Michael Jackson back in 1993 has been reported to be ‘floating around the Internet’ by most newspapers, but I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that this also is at The Smoking Gun.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211

Time
10:03
Virgin Mary returns to fence post, despite attacks by vandals and council ‘repairs.’ Truly a miracle.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211

Time
10:06
Scientists are claiming that the ‘big crunch’ will never come. Aww, isn’t that sweet? They don’t want us to worry…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211

Time
10:10
Nude weddings? (*yawn*) Big deal.

Sorry? What was that? 47 nude weddings? Well, now that’s different. Talk about not knowing where to look…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211

Time
12:51
Just before I forget (I’ll put it up in other obvious places soon)…

Here’s a large B&W version of the Bush/Blair pic for use on placards this weekend. I’ve left the slogan blank, so you can say what you like.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
14:35
This one is entitled White Trash Gun Moll, and before you complain you should know that it disturbs me greatly too.

Sadly, the mission must continue.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
16:05
—–Original Message—–

From : xxxxx@xxxx.com

To : president@whitehouse.gov; vice.president@whitehouse.gov; secretary@state.gov; public@defenselink.mil; speaker@mail.house.gov; sf.nancy@mail.house.gov; senator_frist@frist.senate.gov; tom_daschle@daschle.senate.gov; inquiries@un.org; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk; jack.straw@fco.co.gov.uk

Date : 10 February 2003 13:33:02

Subject : Support war against terror

–> My family supports the war against terror.

–> Evil should not be allowed to grow on this planet.

–> We also support the glorious State of Israel, and are grateful to the US

–> Government for their support as well.

–> We also feel that the French and Germans are obstructionist in their

–> apologistic attitute towards twisted regimes in the Mid East.

–> God Bless America

–> John

Dear John,

We support the war against ignorance.

Ignorance should not be allowed to grow on this planet.

God bless you and your family.

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

PS – As for twisted regimes, I once knew an aerobics instructor who would put her legs behind her head and walk around the room on her buttocks every morning. She had to get rid of her dog, because it kept following her around the room. The cat left of its own accord after an unfortunate incident involving static electricity.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030211
Viral Marketing
Time
16:25
We’ve achieved word of mouth! Hidden amongst the usual search results today and yesterday are several folks who found us by searching for ‘blair porn project.’

Unless, of course, they’re actually looking for a movie featuring naked teenagers lost in the woods.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
08:45
Join the cross-blog Iraq debate. If you feel like it. No pressure.

BTW, the UK government did its best to get everyone on edge yesterday by ordering a bunch of tanks and police out on the streets (on the lookout for evil Muslims, y’see). Add this to continued insistence (without a shred of evidence) that there are links between Iraq and Al Qaeda, and we can all see how important it is to stand up to Saddam Hussein. Because we’re under threat. Obviously.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
08:56
The Racial Compact is ‘a call for Racial Preservation, Racial Independence, Racial Rights and Racial Good Will.’

Do persevere. It hits several high points, most notably this proposal for ‘racial partition’ of the US ‘for the purpose of racial preservation and independence.’ It even has a coloured map to help you understand the complexities of the scheme.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
09:01
74-year-old man ejected from high school basketball match after taking pictures of the cheerleaders.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
09:08
Man requests Jesus Christ as his lawyer. You’d think that this would hold up proceedings somewhat, but the Judge has insisted that they can’t hang around waiting for JC to turn up because, even if if He did, He’s not a lawful attorney.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
09:11
The Flash Mind Reader doesn’t work. It may well have got the right number, but it didn’t in any way detect that I was really thinking about sex at the time.

Yes, I am a victim of pornography. Please lend a hand. My other is busy.

(that last link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
09:16
Well, they managed to shut George Michael up pretty sharpish. I wonder how they’ll handle Madonna’s anti-war song

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212

Time
09:22
Catch.com has their hand out, but they should be warned that you can’t rely on community support and run a commercial interest at the same time. Seriously, when was the last time I ever asked you guys for money?

Can you think of a popular weblog or ‘non-commercial’ portal that hasn’t asked you for money over the last 12 months?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
09:34
—–Original Message—–

From : L.muteba

To : tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Date : 12 February 2003 16:52:44

Subject : ask assistance

–> Very honourable, allow me by the present one to come near

–> your eminent personage to request an assistance for my voyage

–> to the canada.alors please send an invitation to me and an assumption

–> of responsibility legalized, whose copies will be transmitted to your

–> embassy of kinshasa and with that of the coast of ivoire.I would be

–> ready to work for you, to refund all these dýpenses.dans to ýspoir it

–> to have one following my rýquýte I request from you, Mister the

–> Prime Minister, to approve the expression of my feelings respectueux

–> cordiales greetings and which GOD benisse you!

Dear Mr. Muteba, this is not the E-Mail address main thing of Minister?s. They have the wrong address. The address is also wrong, as it can be. Any E-Mail, which you send to this address, will be reaching of within me and not Mr. le prime ministers. I however undertake the effort to send this at its attention though being is difficult answers to calls not being made of effort near past days on year.

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
17:02
[NOTE – This is a long one, folks – but do work through it. It develops into a wonderful exchange that I feel proud to have contributed to – Manic]

—–Original Message—–

From: Mr Smithers

Sent: 11 February 2003 16:53

To: Gerry Sutcliffe MP

Subject: NHS… wanted GP

Dear Mr Sutcliffe

I have recently moved to Bradford and found it impossible to register with a GP. My current GP is in Cheltenham a little inconvenient to say the least.

I don’t have the time to deal with this trivial matter; I’m sure you do Mr Sutcliffe. Please don’t delegate this.

My postcode is xxx-xxx

Looking forward to your reply.

Kind Regards

Mr Smithers

xxxxx-xxxxxx

—–Original Message—–

From: Gerry Sutcliffe MP

Sent: 12 February 03 11:04

To: Mr Smithers

Subject: RE: NHS… wanted GP

Dear Mr Smithers

I am sorry that you have had difficulty registering with your GP and I am sorry that you do not have the time to deal with such ‘trivial’ matters. However, as I am sure you can appreciate, I have 70,000 people to represent and, as such, I do not have the time to deal with your request (nor is it within the remit of what an MP is reasonably expected to do to assist a constituent).

The can help you with such matters and they can be contacted on xxxx-xxxxx or at

www.bradfordswpct.co.uk

Regards

Gerry Sutcliffe

—–Original Message—–

From: Mr Smithers

Sent: 12 February 03 11:37

To: Gerry Sutcliffe MP

Cc: Yorkshire Post

Subject: RE: NHS… wanted GP

Dear Mr Sutcliffe

Thank you for your email.

I am sorry to hear you do not have time to deal with my request for help; I find your response arrogant and rude.

The local Primary care Trust cannot help. Do you think I would be wasting my time contacting you if I had not explored all other avenues?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Mr Smithers

—–Original Message—–

From: Gerry Sutcliffe’s Research Assistant

Sent: 12 February 03 14:25

To: Mr Smithers

Subject: RE: NHS… wanted GP

Dear Mr Smithers

Further to your email communication with Gerry Sutcliffe, I am responding on his behalf as he is currently tied up on parliamentary business in Westminster.

I am sorry that you found his response arrogant and rude. However, having read your original email, particularly the line: “I don’t have the time to deal with this trivial matter; I’m sure you do Mr Sutcliffe. Please don’t delegate this.” (I would think that) this could be construed as being somewhat arrogant and rude in itself.

To suggest that he has the time to deal with “trivial” matters which you yourself don’t, and then to instruct him not to delegate the matter, is rather insulting and presumptuous.

I am more than happy to investigate your complaint on Mr Sutcliffe’s behalf.

If you would like me to investigate then I need some brief details about what difficulties you have had and with which GP surgeries.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Gerry Sutcliffe’s Research Assistant

—–Original Message—–

From: Mr Smithers

Sent: 12 February 03 11:37

To: Gerry Sutcliffe’s Research Assistant

Cc: Gerry Sutcliffe MP; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Subject: RE: NHS… wanted GP

Mr Swales

I think you have misunderstood my email.

I have a right to be angry and arrogant registering with a GP in my area should be simple not impossible.

The surgeries in my area are full Mr Swales, if you and Mr Sutcliffe don’t know this something is very wrong and needs to be investigated.

I thank you for your offer of help Mr Swales; I look forward to receiving the name and address of my new GP very soon.

Mr Smithers

From: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: 12 February 03 16:53

To: Mr Smithers

Cc: Gerry Sutcliffe MP; Gerry Sutcliffe’s Research Assistant

Subject: RE: NHS… wanted GP

Dear Mr Smithers,

This situation disturbs me greatly, and I would be more than prepared to drop everything and come to your aid were I actually the Prime Minister.

Sadly, I am not the PM (yet). I would, however, like to say that your first email did indeed read as if you were expecting your MP to jump through hoops to sort out your individual problem, rather than address the wider issue of (allegedly) overloaded surgeries. This would not only be arrogant and rude, but also just a little bit selfish, wouldn’t you agree?

I apologise if this seems curt, but I’ve only just recently begun to answer emails for Tony Blair, and my diplomatic skills leave a lot to be desired.

Kind Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030212
Photoshopping
Time
17:22
I was neck-deep in e-shop code today and I’m going to be even busier tomorrow – but I do have this crappy picture for you. You can see a larger version over at B3ta.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030213

Time
00:59
Damn it all, Thursday already? I get to educate someone today, which is good – but that anti-war march is only two sleeps away. I have to get off my arse and build some more placards.

I have two Bush/Blair placards left over from the mass lobby of Parliament. I gave a few away to other groups, who’ve popped up in the news here and there still sporting them. If you’re interested, there’s a blank of this placard here (52K JPEG).

I also have five unmade placards left over, and this is what I want to put on them. The government in this country asks us to believe some pretty stupid things these days; and we’re on the road to much, much stupider things. I’ve tried to bring this message home in a highly sensitive and subtle fashion, as you can see.

If you want a big version of this in JPG format, then click here (64K JPEG). It should print out more or less centred on a single A4 page, even with headers and/or footers (but if it doesn’t, then please do give me a shout). A quick trip down to the local newsagents or library can have this photocopied up to A3 with little fuss. I thought this to be a bit small myself, so I enlarged each half of the picture to 190% its normal size onto two separate sheets of A3 and spliced them together with some swift razor work back at home.

Placards or not, I urge you all to make plans to stand up and be counted this weekend. There are marches going on all over the world, and if you don’t like what these crazy buggers in charge of our lives are up to, then you should get your ship together now.

In fact, head to Google and look into what’s going on in your area right now so you don’t forget. The last thing you want to do is wake up on Saturday and realise where you should be.

If you’re worried about turning into a soap-dodging pacifist, then do what I do and look at it as a giant war of wills – with this weekend being the decisive battle.

It takes a lot of noise for us little folk to be heard, but once we get some serious numbers together, we’re pretty hard to ignore. I firmly believe the powers that be in this country can be shamed into doing the right thing. I hope that they will do so without us having to intervene, but I’m not counting my chickens.

UPDATE – BTW… I’m a peaceable man, but I have my limits. The arsehole cybersquatting stopwar.org is right to want to keep a low profile.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:01
At last! The ‘agony and exhilaration of the weight loss journey’ is captured in a board game.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:03
Two guys go on the town with a roll of medical ‘For Vaginal Use Only’ stickers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:07
Daniel Brandt’s holy crusade against Google continues. Beware the immortal cookie!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:12
In a recent study to determine whether the Japanese quail could recognise images on a video screen as being from real life, the researcher first had to ensure that the footage/reality used for the experiment had the bird’s full and total attention. So he used quail porn.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:16
McDonalds takes an anti-American stance if and when there’s a buck in it for them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
09:18
Who needs real life when you can go on a 360° virtual tour? There’s nothing I like more than standing in a room and spinning around and aound and around and around…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
12:45
Another placard for you to download and distribute at will.

I have a large version in colour, but if you’re going to print in black & white, then this one is sharper.

Right now I have to get down to the local post office for some enlarged photocopies. Then I get my hands dirty.

Actual manual labour. It’s been a while…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
13:20
Yay!

A wide selection of placards for you to download.

Just in case you think mine are crap.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
14:18
Another placard for you. I don’t really know why.

Big in colour here or in crisp greyscale here.

Some hints for tomorrow:

- Plan your journey, but do not rely on public transport to get you all the way there. The tube in London is sure to be shut in places if it gets too crowded. If you live in the UK, there are bus services coming into London from all over the country. Book early. In fact, now.

- Pack a bag with at least two bottles of water, a sandwich and some snacks.

- Make your placards out of lightweight materials (or the police might confiscate them as ‘offensive weapons’).

- Wear sturdy but comfortable shoes (you will encounter mud).

- Dress in layers.

- Stay cool.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030214

Time
16:27
I still think mine is better.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030215

Time
21:32
‘Million’ march against Iraq war.

Don’t you just love the quotation marks?

Official numbers or not, it has been acknowledged by all as the biggest political march in Britain’s history.

I particularly enjoyed the spin suggesting we were well-intentioned-yet-naive people, as the powers that be suddenly decide that the priority is regime change. (We peacemongers stand in the way of that, y’see. So we’re killing people.)

Just last week, Tony Blair’s official and publicly detailed stance was that if we could ensure that there were no weapons of mass destruction under Saddam’s control, then the Iraqi people would be on their own.

And suddenly it’s all about (and has always been about) regime change on the grounds of humanity?

The sheer gall of these people continues to astound me.

What?

Oh, sorry.

If you’re a first-time visitor, then you should know that Tony Blair and I have developed some serious trust issues.

So, perhaps I should call it a night and let you decide what today really meant.

Besides, I’m tired. And my back hurts. And my feet hurt. And my legs hurt.

Bloody hell, what a great day!

(Details on Monday. Tim sleep now.)








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