David Blunkett resigns… and topless women weep

Ahahahahahahahahaha! I knew it… I knew it!

Today, Page 3 lovely Katie (19, from Liverpool) gets her funbags out to express how utterly devastated she was to hear that David Blunkett had quit. She says: “I think it’s terrible that a man who has done so much for the country has felt it necessary to leave public office. Blunkett was one of the few Home Secretaries prepaed to get tough on issues that matter to ordinary people – asylum, terrorism and law and order.”

I agree. It’s a great tragedy. Surely Tony Blair has established that it’s not a resigning matter to inadvertently or (ahem) subconsciously influence civil servants and accidentally get the desired result.

No matter. The Sun is already busy building the rep of “crime-fighter Clarke” as they go about the messy business of the autopsy. The results of which are as follows:

David Blunkett was a man who cared too much. Loved too much. He was also a brilliant home secretary who tackled The Issues that matter most to Rupert Murdoch the public. Sadly, he had struggled through adversity only to be brought down in flames. Not because of any impropriety on his part, oh no… but all because of the vindictiveness of a bitter and twisted woman. One can’t help but draw parallels to the story of the biblical hero Samson etc. etc. etc.