Ten tell-tale signs that your teenager might be a terrorist

PA – Reid terror plea to Muslim parents: Home Secretary John Reid will challenge British Muslims to come forward with information about suspected terrorists. He will meet an audience of specially-invited Muslims and urge parents to “look for the tell-tale signs” of radicalisation in their children.

Let’s leave aside the disgraceful failure to fulfil Teh Sacred Orwellian Prophecy (damn it; everyone knows the children are supposed to spy on the parents) and instead focus on that most-crucial of missing gaps… the “tell-tale signs” that John Reid fails to provide for Willing Servants of Western Democracy:

Ten tell-tale signs that your teenager might be a terrorist:

1. Do they harbour a completely false sense of grievance?
2. Do they question and/or challenge authority?
3. Do they complain when you or other figures of authority interfere with their independence and/or their ‘right’ to do this or that?
4. Do they stay out late and/or act in a suspicious manner with friends?
5. Do they play violent videos games and/or own an iPod?
7. iPod or not, do they listen to subversive music?
8. Do they show a superior grasp of technology?
9. Have they ever contemplated suicide?
10. Have they been exposed to extreme and/or militant religious views?

If all of the above is too challenging, then you may instead choose to rely on this alternative list:

1. Are they a Muslim?
2. Are they a Muslim?
3. Are they a Muslim?
4. Are they a Muslim?
5. Are they a Muslim?
6. Are they a Muslim?
7. Are they a Muslim?
8. Are they a Muslim?
9. Are they a Muslim?
10. Are they a Muslim?