Which MASH Character Are You?

The MASH Quiz

About the M*A*S*H Quiz

The M*A*S*H Quiz was first released on February 26, 2002. Within two days, it had reached well over 500 web users and was introduced to a key sub-category of the Yahoo directory (which took some doing back in the day). From there it began to tick over with an average of 100 visitors each day. By the end of 2004, it had reached a total of 115,000 unique visitors. That was over a decade ago, when I stopped counting.

But enough number-crunching and showing off. The fun-ambulance has just arrived in the compound and you’re here to find out which M*A*S*H character you most represent. To begin triage, all you have to do is answer a few questions and click a button. Let’s go, people…

QUIZ: Which MASH Character Are You?

Your drink of choice is:
Fine liquor
Home-made gin
I’m drunk right now!

You are presented with the opportunity for cheap and tawdry sex while on leave in Seoul. What do you do?
Sex? What’s sex?
Resist temptation
You do it, but blame ‘this damn war’ and agonise about it for days afterwards
You do it, but hire a private eye to make sure your partner isn’t doing the same while you’re away
You do it, but restrict your activities to consensual congress between fellow officers
I’m naked already!

You are presented with a tough, possibly life or death, decision. Do you:
Rely on someone else to make the decision
Do what’s morally right, no matter what the consequences
Choose the path of least resistance
Go by the regulations, that’s what they’re for, after all
Make a balanced choice based on your years of experience

There’s something you really need, but can’t afford. Do you:
Steal it
Ask Radar to help
Get on the horn and start trading – failing that, you steal it
Win it in a poker game
Can’t *afford* it? Do you know who you’re talking to?

You spend your recreation time:
Having fun
Watching other people have fun
With leisurely pursuits according to your tastes
Improving yourself
Getting hammered
Having sex
Getting hammered and having sex
Recreation time? What’s that?

Who would you rather spend your spare time with:
Equals and contemporaries
Whoever’s buying drinks
My poker buddies
A well-built nurse
Both of the above if time allows

A man is brought in suffering from combat fatigue. Do you:
Give him a stern talking to
Treat his wounds, but that’s all
Reach out to him
Try to cure him in order to silence your own inner demons
Put in a call to Dr Sidney Freedman
Lend him one of your comic books
Wear a nice dress to cheer him up

Someone has wronged you. Do you:
Confront them and/or talk to them about it
Forgive them
Report them
Assign them extra duties
Take them for everything they’ve got in a high-stakes poker game
Play an elaborate practical joke on them
Stew about it and await a chance for revenge

You have a ‘mufti day’ and can wear whatever you want. You choose to wear:
Full uniform – someone has to set an example
Whatever you normally wear
A tuxedo or dress suit
Whatever fun ensemble you can throw together
A combination of all your old uniforms
A tight sweater
A really, really nice dress

You live in an insane, some would think intolerable, situation. Do you:
Try to get out of it anyway you can
Make other people feel bad – it eases the pain
Wear it as best you can, and with good humour
Find solace in soothing distractions
Buck the system wherever possible
Complain to a higher authority
I am the higher authority – I just deal with it