16-31 May, 2003

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Date
20030516
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:41
The resume of George W. Bush tops the chart admirably – and deservedly – today.

I’m still coming to grips with this:

‘Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.’

Really? No… it has to be some kind of bad joke, surely.

The IMDB has quite an interesting listing for Dubya, but I see no mention of a slasher movie. I’ll go Googling later this morning to see if I can’t discover the truth.

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Date
20030516

Time
08:49
Pensacola police officer resigns after making a 16-year-old girl perform jumping jacks while topless. Officer Shields threatened the girl (and a 19-year-old lad in her company) with arrest for ‘lewd and lascivious behaviour.’ The topless exercise routine was his idea of a suitable on-the-spot punishment. He resigned 30 minutes ahead of being sacked. No doubt he looks forward to a new career in mall security, where he will find wicked, quivering teen flesh in abundance.

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Date
20030516

Time
08:57
I felt a great disturbance in the force. As though dozens of cows cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:01
The French government believes it is the victim of an ‘organized campaign of disinformation’ from within the Bush administration. I’m simply not prepared to believe that…

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Date
20030516

Time
09:03
After 7 years of legal wrangling, the Utah Supreme Court has finally ruled that cats are not dogs.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:05
More on Matrix Reloaded: ‘We waited four years for this?’

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Date
20030516

Time
09:06
I got a fair amount of stick down at the local pub for taking along a few print-outs of online articles telling the truth about Jessica Lynch’s ‘heroic’ rescue. Couldn’t be real. Any joker could have written it. Etc.

Yesterday, I went down there with a genuine newspaper.

The reaction?

“Well, what do you expect? It’s the Guardian!”

No wonder Tony and George are so confident that they’ll get away with their illegal war. They have the majority of media owners and controllers onside, and everybody trusts their favourite newspaper. Besides, they all saw it on TV – which makes it real, right?

Anyway, we didn’t have a choice. We had to deal with them there Weapons of Mass Destruction, right? Wrong.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:16
Sex: the new rules (at least for those of us in the UK). Remarkably, there is a softening in approach to so-called zoophiles, as they are covered under the general theme of ‘consent’.

Pardon? Consent?

“Sit! Roll over! Good boy! Does Rover want a snacky treat? Goood boy! Does Rover want an extra *special* treat? Goooooood boy!

RSPCA hassling you over that sack of dead kittens found in the canal? Your best defence now is to claim that it was a ‘sex game gone wrong.’

Next thing you know, we’ll have the folks from Huntingdon Life Sciences producing consent forms (signed with paw prints, natch) showing that the monkeys wanted to smoke high-tar cigarettes, the dogs asked to wear make-up and the bunny rabbits simply demanded to have the new CS gas tested on them.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:32
Desmond looks like he will get a long-overdue slapping for ‘passing off.’ He likes a good passing off, does our Richard. Here’s an article listing a few past offences.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:37
By now you all know that Tom’s Teens! page is a bit of a larf.

This isn’t. This is real. And it’s intended to help Christian youth workers to ‘reach the kids.’

Now, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t know how to speak to the kids when I was a kid – but I certainly knew enough to stick to my own damn vocabulary.

Incredibly, this page has been live for over a year and has yet to result in a single playground stabbing.

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Date
20030516

Time
09:52
Steve’s Not In My America is definitely a blog worth watching. Thanks go to Simon for putting me onto it.

The excellent question asked today is ‘where is the outrage? ….why are we not absorbed in UNgate, WMDgate and Carriergate?’

Steve rightly points out that there is plenty of outrage out there, but most of it fails to make the mainstream channels (insert ‘owned by’ list here).

‘Many of us are just too busy or too distracted or too lazy to actively gather our news. Instead, we turn on the tube or the radio and let it passively spoonfeed us.’

Well said, that man.

UPDATE – True or not, I find it quite telling that we’ve heard not a single solitary whisper about George W. Bush being accused of rape. With Clinton, true or not (or, more to the point, paranoid nutcase or not), the story would have been on the evening news in minutes. You can see some documentation here, some reflection on the media non-reaction here, a comment on it being published – and quickly pulled – at the Fort Bend Star website here and some fun being had with the story here. Enjoy.

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Date
20030516
The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project
Time
09:57
Chalking continues in The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project, but you may notice from the fresh photos on the page that I’ve been exploring new methods of delivery. I’m open to any other ideas people might have. I hear from a lot of people who want to get involved, but are somewhat nervous about committing chalk to a public surface. We need to give them something to do.

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Date
20030516

Time
11:02
I’m at my desk working right now. Honest. Actually, I’m busy sorting my socks.

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Date
20030516

Time
16:19
The truth behind Monkey Man. More free inches for the tabloids courtesy of a B3tan. How many extra copies do you think The Sun sold on the back of this (all the while nudging and winking that they themselves were behind the hoax)? The hoaxers should have grabbed the reward they claim was offered for the real identity of the masked superhero, given the story to the paper involved, and then gone to a rival paper and shopped them (offering the money to charity, of course). Of course, had they done this, the betrayed paper would have dug up just about anything they could find about the hoaxer’s background (or just made something up) and then torn them a new arsehole.

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Date
20030516
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
17:13
Looks like I’m going to have to add The Official Howard Dean Weblog to the very short list on Why Politicians Need Weblogs. Then again, perhaps not. Official it may be, but I see very few words and thoughts from the man himself. The human side is the key. Lose that and there’s no point blogging.

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Date
20030516
Friday Feedback
Time
17:40
Something different this weekend. Instead of sending feedback to me, I’m going to ask you to send feedback to your MP or other regional elected representative. Email, fax or letter, exactly what you send them is up to you – but if you appreciate the weblog format and think that it would do wonders for way they conduct themselves, then I would request that you also include the following URL:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/politicians.asp

I’m getting stonewalled everywhere I turn on this, and could do with some backup. Cheers all.

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Date
20030519

Time
08:28
It’s a Mac with a Lego chassis. So?

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Date
20030519

Time
08:30
Bank robbers asks stranger for fastest way out of town. Stranger happens to be bank manager’s son.

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Date
20030519

Time
08:33
U.S. military attacks Saddam supporters with ‘culturally offensive music’. The play list includes Metallica and Barney.

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Date
20030519

Time
08:37
Harry T. Keane Jr. sues makers of American Idol, saying he came up with the show’s title and concept. He used the old-fashioned ‘$2 copyright’ (mailing the idea to himself by registered post), so it’ll be interesting to see how this one comes out. BTW, the use of the term ‘self described’ in front of an individual’s job description is only one stop short of putting the word ‘loser’ in the headline.

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Date
20030519

Time
08:47
Read about the folks in charge of making President George Bush look good.

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Date
20030519
Christianity Watch
Time
08:51
Abbacomics.com is nothing to do with well-crafted pop. It’s actually about accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour because the voices in your head told you to do so.

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Date
20030519

Time
08:55
The Star Wars Kid made the New York Times! (Link requires registration, but the URL alone speaks volumes…)

While we’re looking at the Times, remember those WMDs that we had to find, but now we’re not so worried about? OK, so maybe this justification for war couldn’t stand on its one withered leg, but there was the need for regime change, right? We had to liberate those lovable little Iraqis so they could run their own country, right?

Well, no…

‘In an abrupt reversal, the United States and Britain have indefinitely put off their plan to allow Iraqi opposition forces to form a national assembly and an interim government by the end of the month.’

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Date
20030519

Time
09:03
Man jailed for having sex with a cow. When will people learn that ‘moo’ means ‘no’…?

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Date
20030519
Stolen Jokes
Time
09:04
A doctor reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a thermometer.

‘Damn,’ he says, ‘some arsehole’s got my pen!’

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Date
20030519
Andrew Orlowski and Weblog Envy
Time
09:08
Dave Winer: ‘…Orlowski, either doesn’t understand the relationship to being on the Web and being in a search engine, or chooses not to clue his readers in.’

Doc Searls goes into much more detail, but both articles make the same point.

Want a chance to be part of the top ten on any given subject? Then you have to open up your site to Google. Duh. Want to be seen as a source of recent and relevant information? Then try publishing a web presence and actually updating it with recent and relevant information in a format that indexing robots can access.

For the record, I should note that I do agree with Orlowski on one small point – that of sometime noise pollution. That’s why my archives aren’t indexable by Google.

Directive Seven: ‘Thou shalt not pollute or corrupt search engines’

If I have something important/enduring to say, then I publish a static page and throw in some modest and relevant arming. If others find it truly relevant, then up the charts it goes.

A range of search queries for Tony Blair’s email address are a pretty good example of this. If the folks in charge of this side of Tony’s business knew what the hell they were doing, the email facility would exist. Even if it didn’t, their explanatory page leading folks to alternative methods of contact would also rank at No. 1 if armed correctly and linked accordingly.

Actually, if The Register had decent Page Titles that explained what their articles were about, I wouldn’t have been inundated with misdirected email for Tony in the first place.

This leads me to something else I should point out of the record… The Register still hasn’t addressed this major problem with Google, despite me speaking with them about this in a professional capacity over a year ago.

Every article they publish comes with the following ready-made title: ‘The Register’ – that’s it, that’s all – and that’s how it turns up in Google whenever you trip over a Reg article in a search. Having more relevant Page Titles would not only improve their ranking for relevant search terms, it would also allow those who find them among search results to know what the hell the article is about (so we know whether to choose that link, or the one above/below it).

Be critical of blogs and Google as much as you like folks, but please know what the fark you’re talking about before you do – otherwise you’ll just look like jealous wannabes.

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Date
20030519

Time
09:49
OK, so Googlewhacking is old hat, but I wasn’t expecting much from either of Dave Gorman’s previous projects and was pleasantly surprised both times – therefore, I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Date
20030519

Time
10:00
Wonder at the infinite inaccuracy of Hollywood with the IMDB Goofs Page.

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Date
20030519

Time
10:04
I’m praying that someone, somewhere, chooses to create a fitting answer to thankyoutony.com, as I just don’t have the time.

I would like to point out, however, that the following domain name is available.

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Date
20030519

Time
15:19
I had 4 copies of the Palyh virus sent to me this morning (that’s the one pretending to come from support@microsoft.com).

Here are a couple of news reports on this virus by the BBC and The Register. Don’t forget to update those virus definition files, folks!

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Date
20030520

Time
07:21
Meetings today, and yet another chance to educate people. I’m actually going to wear my monkey suit this time. With underwear. See you tomorrow.

PS – That flash show I’ve been working on is almost finished, but I need a few test viewers before launch. Volunteers should send emails to the usual address.

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Date
20030520

Time
16:31
I’m back from London and would dearly love to blog fully, but I’m into the last 20 seconds of this damn flash show and just have to close it off. After that’s done, I just need to add the ‘loading’ and ‘play’ functions and we’re ready for testing.

Head down.

Arse up.

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Date
20030520
Flash Music Video
Time
20:52
My very first flash show ever is now ready.

Well, kind of. I have to learn how to set the music to stream (or so I’m told) so it synchs better on a wider range of computer speeds.

I think I’ve almost got that sussed but – so you can enjoy the full benefit of the learning process – here’s Version 1, warts and all:

JPEG Baby – A Love Song For The 21st Century (800kb)

UPDATE – The version linked above is now the new streamed version. This should work for almost everybody. If it doesn’t, give me a yell. Cheers all.

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Date
20030521
Flash Games
Time
08:22
We’ve had Gasteroids, now there’s Pasteroids. Haemorrhoids will be next, you mark my words.

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Date
20030521

Time
08:25
Disgraced NYT reporter wants to write about his mistakes. And perhaps his upcoming TV movie of the week deal?

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Date
20030521

Time
08:27
Shades of Blogshares, this time paring down to link speculation: The Popdex Game gives you the chance to ‘pick links that you believe will increase in popularity the most in the next 48 hours.’ Kind of takes the fun out of it, don’t you think?

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Date
20030521

Time
08:31
I was quite surprised to read a short acknowledgment of Andrew Orlanksi’s misguided article sans clarification in Monday’s Guardian, but Neil McIntosh more than makes up for it with this belated storm in a tea cup article. On Orlanski’s stunning assumption that drove this biased article (based, he said, on ‘precedent’, Neil had this to say:

Precedent suggests nothing of the sort. The “precedent” quoted, when Google bought the Usenet archives of Deja.com and “removed the groups from the main index”, is a red herring. Google has not removed newsgroups from the main Google index – you’ll find web-based archives of newsgroups on there today. It simply built a far better, specialised search for the groups elsewhere after it acquired the Deja.com archive.

If you want to go by precedent, then it’s probably safer to assume that Google’s expected weblog search will relate mostly to a database formed from Blogger.com users.

Anyway, here’s more loose talk on Google ‘pollution’:

Google isn’t saying “sorry, this sucks for what you searched on, but I’m so confused by all this incestuous linking that I just have to give it to you anyway,” what it’s saying is “I don’t have anything useful for that query, but people seem to think this guy knows his way around, and he’s at least used the words in your search, so maybe he linked to something that will prove useful.”

Spot on. This goes back to my comments of the day before yesterday. If there is no email address for Tony Blair, then who are you gonna call?

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Date
20030521

Time
08:50
Make your own ransom note. Saves a lot of that kerfuffle with old magazines, newspapers and glue, let me tell you. (Link nabbed from Ultimate Insult.)

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Date
20030521

Time
08:53
Michael Jackson spotted in a Spiderman mask and with an afro wig. Sadly, only the second link includes a picture. Has he finally gone completely hat-stand, or is there another record coming out?

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Date
20030521
Does What It Says On The Tin
Time
08:57
beerforthehomeless.com

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Date
20030521
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:58
The Einstein Archives are charting well, as is news that the Pentagon has started a Ministry of Silly Walks. Also, the Star Wars Kid made Wired.

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Date
20030521

Time
09:03
Study: Teens not waiting to have sex. Well, what do they expect when Paula Abdul keeps yelling “That’s the money shot!” on network television? Perhaps the producers of American Idol can suggest that she use a more suitable term – like pop-shot, maybe…

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Date
20030521

Time
09:08
A Department of Children & Families employee has been fired after being arrested for drag racing – with his 4-year-old child in back seat.

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Date
20030521

Time
09:11
A gift for all of you who never got over it. I love websites that are hacked out on a basic Word template, and the quotes from ‘users’ are wonderfully sincere.

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Date
20030521

Time
09:15
Damn. With everything else going on today, how the hell am I going to find time to design a suitable statue of George W. Bush?

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Date
20030521
Flash Music Video
Time
09:18
In case you missed it, we premiered the Flash ‘video’ for JPEG Baby last night.

Early versions weren’t synching well on slower/faster computers, but I think we’ve got that problem licked. Do let me know if I’m wrong.

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Date
20030522

Time
08:12
Which of the following would you have trouble believing?

- From 1868 to 1975, the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation’s vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead.

- During the recent Texas Democrat Boycott, someone, somewhere decided to get a federal authority involved. That authority has since burned all of its records.

- For 29 years, the CIA withheld from the public information about a terrorist threat against Santa Claus.

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Date
20030522

Time
08:28
I remember Wacky Packages. They even made it all the way out to Australia (despite most of the products featured being completely foreign to us). The world is a different place now. Australia isn’t exactly awash with Amercian products… those clever corporations were smart enough to simply buy out local brands.

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Date
20030522

Time
08:35
It’s the tree that grows meat. So now if you’re a vegetarian, you can chew on a burger any time you like. Unless, of course, you have a problem with genetically engineered food.

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Date
20030522

Time
08:42
At the same time the terror alert was raised in the U.S., new outlines of a domestic surveillance system were released. It’s designed to keep an eye on terrorists, of course. Nothing to do with the Home Spying Network at all. Read more about the wonders of the Total Information Awareness database project.

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Date
20030522

Time
08:53
It’s certainly turning out to be an interesting day. Now we have water that goes uphill.

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Date
20030522
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
08:58
You cannot make more people vote via the Interwebnet with stupid ‘feel the width’ measures such as e-voting. Getting them more involved in the political process, however…

BTW, I made three more calls to the Technical Operations Department of the office of the Sergeant at Arms yesterday (to try yet again to get my hands on the procedures required for clearing Movable Type for use on senate.gov). I was put on hold thrice. I was redirected to some guy’s voice mail thrice. I left messages twice. All previous requests (usually left on this same voicemail) for a call, letter, email, anything have been ignored. I get the feeling they don’t take me very seriously… perhaps someone should warn them that this isn’t a very good idea.

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Date
20030522
Flash Music Video
Time
10:59
JPEG Baby received just under a thousand visitors in its first day. Referral data can only account for about half of this traffic, and there’s a lot of ‘linked from email’ indicators peppered throughout the referral stats, so it looks like there’s a great deal of one-to-one sharing going on.

The majority of linked traffic is coming from the pre-launch and launch at B3ta, this site in the Netherlands, and filepile.org

Also helping to spread the word of true love and onanism are phancy.com, TTR2, wibbler.com, meany.mine.nu, vurt.co.uk, adampsyche.com, and The Duchy of Your Fingers.

Daily indexing of Bloggerheads has been pretty patchy since my Dead Blog Holiday last month. It’s kind of like Google getting all ‘Fine, be like that!’ because I neglected our relationship. I’m hoping the link buzz around JPEG Baby will – as a healthy by-product – let Google know that I’m still busy and bring her back onside.

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Date
20030522
Photoshopping
Time
15:13
My design for the proposed George W. Bush statue is finished. I think I’ve captured his essence. What do you think?

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Date
20030522
Flash Thingies
Time
15:38
Weblog: The Movie

Short, to the point, and bound to be a complete mystery to most of the population.

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Date
20030522

Time
15:41
Blogging: Is the UK falling behind?

Tom’s right to be worried. I’m lucky enough to be going to the Weblog Business Strategies Conference in Boston but there’s sweet bugger all going on here in the UK, and this is a pretty good indication of the professional awareness/takeup of blogs hereabouts. And it’s not for want of trying, let me tell you…

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Date
20030522

Time
16:42
The dullest blog in the world just keeps going and going and going…

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Date
20030522
Ronald Scelson
Time
20:01
Ronald Scelson. Spammer. Illusionist. Delusionist.

“I’m probably the most hated person in this room,” said an unapologetic Scelson when giving testimony before the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation.

He’s got that right. The man is either deluded beyond belief or a bare-faced liar/hypocrite/you-name-it.

Washington Post and PC World both have the story, but Slashdot has the most illuminating thread.

I have the feeling that Ronald’s letterbox will be quite full over the coming week.

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Date
20030523

Time
08:45
In the past, glow-in-the-dark products would give off a weak sheen and then die out after an hour or so, but thanks to the wonders of Strontium Aluminate (with Europium) we now have products that can glow ten times as bright for ten times as long. Thank God someone has come up with a practical application for this marvellous advance in technology.

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Date
20030523

Time
08:52
Here’s a picture of that pink bus they’ve been torturing naughty children with in the Isle of Wight. Don’t you think it’s a shame that the only disciplinary measure left to teachers is humiliation?

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Date
20030523

Time
08:55
The Star Wars Kid fundraiser netted over $4000.

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Date
20030523

Time
08:56
Documentation of Gator Advertisements and Targeting. Gator claim to be ‘the leader in online marketing,’ with more than 30 million users – most of them unwitting or involuntary. If you don’t know what Gator is, then you should probably spend time finding out. You’ll soon be asking yourself how you can see if it’s on your computer – and how you can get rid of it. The answer to both of those questions is Ad-aware.

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Date
20030523
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
09:04
‘Regarding the situation in Iraq, it appears to this Senator that the American people may have been lured into accepting the unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation, in violation of long-standing International law, under false premises. There is ample evidence that the horrific events of September 11 have been carefully manipulated to switch public focus from Osama Bin Laden and Al Queda who masterminded the September 11th attacks, to Saddam Hussein who did not.’

Cheers all round (again) for the indomitable Senator Robert C. Byrd. Read the entire speech here.

I’ll be emailing Sen. Byrd later today to see how approachable he is about embracing new technology.

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Date
20030523

Time
09:11
Proof that there is no God: McDonald’s is sponsoring Pope John Paul’s visit to Spain.

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Date
20030523

Time
09:13
8ft portrait of Anna Nicole Smith stolen. It’s 8 feet tall, not 8 feet wide. Stop being nasty.

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Date
20030523

Time
09:15
American Idol vote to be audited. Somebody’s been telling porkies….

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Date
20030523

Time
09:18
I won’t be wasting 15 Euros on this. I may, however, buy a monkey. Or not. With people starving, it would be indulgent of me to own a pet and feed that instead. In fact there are so many people in the world, I probably shouldn’t even be breeding. Perhaps I should do myself in and sell the parts for scrap.

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Date
20030523
Flash Music Video
Time
10:08
Yay! JPEG Baby has crossed the language barrier again.

I Babelfished the comments; they translate (very roughly) to say ‘considerably, it is good, is’ before going on to wonder who the hell it is that appears in the tail end of the video.

FYI, it’s Terry Wogan – perennial host of the BBC broadcast of the Eurovision Song Contest. Eurovision songs are notorious for long passages of la-la-la-la-la-la, that’s why he was included. The tog-sperm? Well, it was late at night – what can I say?

I’ll leave a comment on his blog and put the guy out of his misery. We want him to be able to sleep nights.

Only 637 visitors yesterday, but I’m hoping for a healthy run over the weekend to make up for it.

UPDATE – Some healthy linkage is now coming in from groovymother.com and coolio’s. Total visits since launch were nudging 2,000 around midday. I’d really like to add a zero to that figure.

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Date
20030523

Time
12:24
Don’t forget that this coming Monday (sorry) is Wank Holiday Monday. Give your hand a rest and instead donate money to the blind. I know it sounds awfully crass, but the organisers couldn’t find an established charity for people with hairy palms.

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Date
20030523

Time
12:52
Take time out to play this Coalition Cards Solitaire Game.

It’s 100% virtual, so you don’t need to respond to a steenkin’ spammer or part with any money.

Incidentally, I got a new variety of card-spam in my Inbox this morning. This new set is called the Deck of Weasels, and features a range of celebrities who dared to speak out against the war.

As you’ve probably noticed, the designer has them all wearing Saddamesque berets.

Devilishly clever, what?

Perhaps Spamhaus can help me to come up with a Spamming Bastards deck. Scelson could be the arse of spades.

UPDATE – Heh. The more I think about his idea, the more I like it. Spammers are a pretty secretive bunch, so photos will be hard to come by. Instead we can put home/business addresses on each card – and/or stats regarding the amount of spam they send. That way the deck would be dual purpose, as you could play Twat Trumps with them as well.

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Date
20030523
It’s War! And There’s Money To Be Made!
Time
13:22
Mark has pointed out to me that police trying to solve major crimes will often ‘follow the money.’ So, if anybody actually wanted to crack the case of the illegal war on Iraq, this place might be a good start.

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Date
20030523
Does What It Says On The Tin
Time
14:16
[NOTE – Do not follow the main link below without decent security settings or the latest copy of Ad-aware, or it will feed you a version of Xupiter (yet more crappy spyware).]

Sars.com is simply marvellous stuff – but don’t visit too close to lunchtime, as there’s a large image of a diseased lung that you’ll probably need an hour or two to get out of your mind. The site also has a short message or two regarding the quality of service you can expect from Verisign, but mostly it’s wonderfully OTT information about death, disease and government conspiracies.

Gems include:

‘The interpretation of the old ancient books say that the Sars Disease can very well be from the revenge of the powerful forces of the nature getting back at the Chinese people for not putting enough pressure towards their government to give back Tibet.’

and:

‘SARS is a mystery illness causes severe acute Respiratory syndrome and can kill you real fast.’

Interestingly, the site not only says ‘Copyright 1998,’ the domain has existed since May of that same year. Just how long have the Chinese been covering this up?

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Date
20030523

Time
14:19
Huzzah! Here’s a little forum love for JPEG Baby. We’ll make Top of the Pops yet. How does ‘Weblong Wonders’ sound as a band name?

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Date
20030524
Flash Music Video
Time
15:28
Now this is more like it. An appearance in the B3ta Newsletter has seen JPEG Baby reach not only the immediate audience of the newsletter, but dozens and dozens of forums as a result. It also got posted to another Japanese site and tomorrow (between 8am and 10am GMT) the song will receive airplay for the very first time on this student radio station in Wolverhampton.

[If anybody else wants to give it airplay, there is a higher quality MP3 available for download; just email me and ask nicely.]

Total visits since launch now number in excess of 10,000. Looks like I’m going to get that extra zero I wanted.

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Date
20030525
Eurovision
Time
07:51
All the really awful acts appeared in the first half, so I wasn’t drunk enough to throw popcorn!

Nice to see Austria placed at 6th, though. At least *some* people in Europe still have a sense of humour.

The song and performance by the UK entry was appalling, and certainly didn’t warrant much attention – but I found it quite telling that we didn’t even get one sympathy vote.

Rock bottom with nil points for the first time ever. It doesn’t look like we have any friends left in Europe.

Oh well. At least we didn’t get booed as much as the Russians did. All that fuss over a very poor performance – and we didn’t even get to see any lesbian frottage! For shame!

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Date
20030526

Time
08:50
See some famous monkeys through history, a list of monkey appearances in The Simpsons, or go out a get a life with some gen-ew-ine sea monkeys.

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Date
20030526

Time
08:59
Trashlog collects and displays a single piece of trash every day for the benefit of the public. It’s appreciated.

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Date
20030526

Time
09:01
Ducklings led away from restaurant drive-through fall through manhole.

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Date
20030526

Time
09:03
SaferAmerica.com offers a range of products to help you deal with the ever-present threat of attack, disaster and disease. The inspired evacuation systems collection features a number of parachutes, including an Executive Chute that’s strangely less expensive than the other parachutes, but is wonderfully slimline and bound to be more effective as a result.

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Date
20030526
Eurovision
Time
09:11
UK act hits Eurovision low. At least this article acknowledges the main problem with the whole ‘nul points’ thing: Jemini were crap.

UPDATE – There’s also this excellent piece in The Guardian: Nul points – UK out of tune with Europe.

Still, Wogan said it best on the night when it became apparent that we didn’t get a single point from anybody:

“It’s pretty obvious what needs to be done. We’re going to have to send a gunboat.”

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Date
20030526
Flash Games
Time
09:16
This is a great collection of classic arcade games in Flash format, featuring everything from Pong to Kong. (Link nabbed from Ultimate Insult.)

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Date
20030526
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:21
Enjoy a 360° view from the top of Mt Everest.

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Date
20030526

Time
09:23
Australian boobs are getting bigger. Good news for the boys at home.

(Hi Steve. Your Walnut Whips are on the way. Just send me a bloody mailing address.)

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Date
20030526
Flash Music Video
Time
09:26
JPEG Baby has now reached over 15,440 people. It has been estimated by an independent statistician (well, some guy down the pub at least) that this number far exceeds the number of people who voted for the UK act at Eurovision. Worth thinking about come selection time next year, folks.

We’re getting a lot of Blogdex love, but not all at once (which is keeping us out of the chart). Ho hum.

UPDATE – We’ve pretty much smashed the language barrier on this one. Here’s a link/review in Portugese, just for starters. A lot of what Bloggerheads does goes down well in the Netherlands, but this is the biggest success so far. Most traffic from this part of the world is coming from Westvillage, Fok! and this page at Webwereweld, but there are lots of smaller weblogs and forums adding to the swell. The Eurovision stuff was kind of added as an afterthought/joke, but I’m seriously thinking of putting an entry in for next year – especially considering the universal appeal of this song and how well Austria did with their comedic approach.

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Date
20030526

Time
09:47
Remember folks, today is Wank Holiday Monday. Give it a rest – and give generously.

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Date
20030526

Time
11:16
Media Guardian: Get a grip on reality. I worry about this kind of thing a lot, especially the aspect of aspirations. Do you really want to live in a world where kids are growing up just wanting to be famous? Not wanting to do anything to earn it, mind – just wanting to be famous.

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Date
20030526
Flash Music Video
Time
13:25
More link love from the Netherlands, with a few hundred visitors dropping by from Totally Flabbergasted (permalink with comments proving that a few people do drop by the main blog here).

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Date
20030527

Time
09:29
Could the attack near Baghdad airport have something to do with the PoW camp down the road, where thousands of Iraqi prisoners of war and other captives are being held illegally and treated inhumanely? I’d say it’s a fair bet.

In other news, the US plans to turn Guantanamo Bay into a death camp, with its own death row, execution chamber, and frozen yoghurt stand. OK, so I made that last bit up. Sue me. Or send some super-soldiers after my ass. Your choice.

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Date
20030527

Time
09:36
Campbell Island (NZ) is now rat-free. With any luck, they’ll start on the cats next.

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Date
20030527

Time
09:40
Is CD re-packaging a rip-off? Well, let me ask you… how many times have to seen a bargain-price ‘best of’ album mysteriously disappear from the shelves, only to see a new full-price version appear in its place a month or so later – the only difference being a new cover and (maybe) a few ‘lost’ studio/live tracks that nobody is interested in anyway?

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Date
20030527

Time
09:43
The winners of Nerve’s Bad Erotica Contest have been announced. The outright victor had me from the very first sentence:

“She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips…”

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Date
20030527

Time
09:51
Mother arrested after putting her child in a coin-operated washing machine. The machine was of the type that locks when the cycle starts and doesn’t unlock until it’s done. A policeman had to smash the window of the machine with his baton to rescue the child.

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Date
20030527

Time
09:55
A team of lawyers is set to take on the spammers. They’re led by New York state’s Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who just happened to announce recently that he plans on running for the office of New York governor in 2006. Still, at least somebody is on the case. Spammers are getting cheekier and cheekier as they’re left to their own devices. I received one email this morning offering to make me a millionaire spammer. Be warned that the following boast (quoted word-for-word from the email) is likely to make you want to spit gravy:

”Why are we so successful?? 1. Because NO ONE can bring us down! And 2. Because we KICK ASS with Our HACKER PROOF and ANTI-SPAMMER PROOF sales websites and because when you get right down to it, PEOPLE ARE LIKE SHEEP, and if the ‘sheep’ get enough e-mail shoved at them, the sheep WILL become customers!”

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Date
20030527

Time
10:04
After years of downplaying this and denying that, Arnold Schwarzenegger finally admits plans to take over the world. You will fear his mighty muscles.

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Date
20030527

Time
10:06
Iraqi statue-makers struggle for work. Surely they should get into the statue-removal business instead? At the very least, they can help to fill out the crowds.

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Date
20030527

Time
10:14
Remember the kid that rescued children from a burning building, only to get recognised on TV by authorities who then arrested him for a probation violation?

He was arrested on Friday for hitting his brother with a shovel.

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Date
20030527

Time
10:19
Register your credit card details and share them with the world today!

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Date
20030527

Time
10:22
Arab-American woman in court to contest parking tickets faints when judge asks if she is a terrorist. Are you now…?

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Date
20030527
Bring Down The Bush Regime
Time
10:25
Senator Robert C. Byrd’s floor remarks of the 21st of May have been repeated over at thenation.com

Worth reading again, expecially when you consider the 911 link and what the government may or may not want you think about that.

Here’s a pretty strong indication that they were aware of this specific kind of terrorist threat 10 months before the incident, and here are some public documents from Congress’ Joint Inquiry into 9/11 that the Bush Administration wants to retroactively classify.

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Date
20030527
Flash Music Video
Time
10:32
JPEG Baby has now reached Denmark. The Japanese are still mulling it over, and all in all we’re looking at over 20,000 page views since launch.

UPDATE – Ooh, look – a link/comment in Hebrew! Yay!

The song has only received airplay twice so far, but I’ve just put an announcement on the main page (to replace the now-outdated Wank Holiday Monday link) to let DJs of all ranks know that a high-quality MP3 is available upon request.

I think we’ve pretty much proved the appeal of the song and the promotional effectiveness of the Flash format, so this seems as good a time as any to move onto Phase 2 – getting people to bug their local radio station so we can get some serious mainstream airtime.

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Date
20030527

Time
10:47
Damn. I’ve completely forgotten who asked me to send them details of the recent barcode scam, so I’m going to blog it and hope that they’ll get back to me with a ‘it was me – thanks, dumbass’ message before I completely forget that I made the offer to send the link at all.

Here’s the Wired article on this subject and here’s the site that caused most of the fuss.

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Date
20030527
Operation Justification
Time
11:25
Welsh MP Ann Clwyd is flying to Iraq as a ‘human rights’ envoy. Her main priority seems to be investigating violations by Saddam’s regime, which basically means visiting gravesites. Perhaps she should show more concern for the living and have a closer look at what the Bush regime is up to while she’s there.

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Date
20030527
Photoshopping
Time
13:11
It’s a bit rough and ready, but it had to be done for my own sanity – Terry Wogan takes a stand against Outer Rim block voting.

I’ll add it to the The Star Wars Photoshopping Project later today, along with a submission I’ve been neglecting to include for about a week or so.

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Date
20030528

Time
09:35
Running a bit late this morning. I woke up with two articles, and by the time I’d finished scrawling down notes, it was 9:30

I’ll be writing and releasing at least one of them later today.

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Date
20030528

Time
09:37
Thank God for the good folks of Hollywood. Without them, we wouldn’t have the ultimate miracle diet or significant advances in nipple-tape technology.

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Date
20030528

Time
09:42
Ambulance driver charged with speeding. The upshot being that an ambulance on the way to a call or carrying a patient is exempt from such charges, while an ambulance carrying organs for transplant is not.

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Date
20030528

Time
09:49
Former student claims she was sexually assaulted by a nun who taught ‘morals and religion.’ It’s alleged that the nun leapt on top of the student, telling her to “submit herself to God.”

Also, here’s a story about a boy who received a blowjob in class and claims that he had no legal duty to refuse.

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Date
20030528
Photoshopping
Time
09:54
Here’s a handy resource, rich in hummus: a large collection of WW2 posters (link lifted from Ultimate Insult).

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Date
20030528

Time
09:58
Finally, somebody dares to tell the truth: our planet is hollow. Here are details of the size and location of the polar openings. You can learn more about this – plus the location of the Garden of Eden, the origin of flying saucers and a proposal to journey to the centre – by downloading the $12 e-book.

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Date
20030528

Time
10:07
More Google paranoia:

“Google’s worldwide popularity also has led many who run Web sites to worry about becoming dependent on Google’s search result rankings to drive traffic to their sites. A businessperson’s livelihood can be based solely on a Google search results ranking.”

And that ranking, ladies and gentlemen, is decided by what you offer to the populace and how you offer it. Publish or perish. Do something positive and people will take notice – then Google will listen to those people and reward you accordingly.

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Date
20030528

Time
10:13
Internal email reveals New York Times’ main source of WMD info to be Ahmad Chalabi. Chalabi is rather close to Pentagon officials, and has tipped by some analysts as a possible successor to Saddam Hussein.

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Date
20030528

Time
10:24
OK, that’s it for a bit. Writing….

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Date
20030528
Huzzah!
Time
14:22
Well, how about that? I’ve won a Domukun Kettle in the Great Funjunkie White Goods Giveaway.

(Happy Birthday to FunJunkie, BTW. We’re talking two years of distraction here. Impressive stuff.)

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Date
20030528
Articles
Time
14:28
My latest article on SEO is up and ready to be read – at least an hour later than it should have been.

Hey, the sun was shining. That’s a pretty rare thing round these parts.

Anyway, feel free to read and enjoy: Hollywood Sites, Hollywood URLs

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Date
20030528
Civil Disobedience
Time
16:08
Hooray for the Space Hijackers, who feature heavily in a very nice article on Civil Disobedience in the latest (July) issue of Front magazine. (I’d include a link, but they’re not big on websites, these people…)

The ‘Out Of Order’ Project also rated a mention, and I even got a name-check. Pretty cool stuff.

Also, I’ve only now noticed that the project has (just) cracked the Top Ten for the Google search ‘out of order’. We do even better with the same search in Yahoo.

My, it is turning out to be an interesting day today.

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Date
20030528
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
22:19
Attention!

Your attention, please:

A significant advance has been made on the political weblog front. After a right royal run-around spanning many weeks, I finally got to talk to a real Person (and a bloody helpful one at that).

I’ll soon – finally – know what challenges we face from a technical standpoint. From here I can get on with creating the necessary demand (and dealing with the inevitable politics).

That’s where you come in.

Are you one of many Bloggerheads readers who live in the U.S.?

Your job between now and tomorrow morning (9am GMT) is to find the email/mailing address of the senator who represents you, and then email me to let me know that you’re standing by.

I’m not dicking you around here, people. Get to it. Now.

This is a very rare chance for you to have a significant effect on the political landscape.

UPDATE – I’m especially interested in hearing from folks in West Virginia. Emails from here in the UK to Robert C. Byrd appear to be bouncing.

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Date
20030529
Flash Music Video
Time
09:04
Heh. It doesn’t surprise me at all that The Old Grey Quirrel Whistle Test is made by a B3tan. This kind of thing always makes me smile.

JPEG Baby is still doing the rounds in foreign lands, but – just like poor old Robbie Williams – I’m yet to crack the American market. Perhaps someone will be kind enough to alert Howard Stern or Dr Demento

Total visits to date: 26,752

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Date
20030529

Time
09:10
Here are a bunch of American TV commercials from the 80′s. Very few of these made it to Australian TV, so thankfully we never got to hear from Annoying Encyclopedia Britannica Boy. I wonder where he is now…

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Date
20030529

Time
09:18
Bob Hope is 100 today. Like most Republicans, his deal with Satan includes exceptional longevity for as long as he can stand living like a zombie. A team of writers is standing by to provide those all-important famous last words.

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Date
20030529

Time
09:29
Big changes on the horizon for search engines. They’re going to be bigger, faster, stronger, smarter and prettier. Hopefully.

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Date
20030529

Time
09:34
The Lightbulb Museum has found a new home, but the Striptease Museum is strapped for cash. Looks to me like the local authorities are trying to squeeze the life out of it. A serious monetary injection is required – email Peter Stringfellow today and ask him to stuff a few dollar bills into their g-string.

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Date
20030529

Time
09:42
David Lee Roth says his shotgun speaks Martian and 81 other languages. Sadly, none of the voices are telling him that gun metal is ever so tasty.

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Date
20030529
For Those Who Came In Late…
Time
09:44
If you’re relatively new to the Interwebnet, I Love Bacon has a nice list of all-time classics today. Enjoy.

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Date
20030529

Time
09:51
McDonald’s sues food critic for £15.3million. He said their fries were ‘obscene and tasting of paper.’

A McDonald’s spokeman said:

“The fries that are said to taste of paper are thrown away within five minutes of being cooked if they have not been served and the oil is changed regularly.”

And this would be the same oil that you claimed for years was 100% meat-free? I think not, McDonald’s. Oh man, they are gonna lose so big.

You and I both know that the food critic speaks the truth. The moment those fries go from being red-hot to ice-cold (est. time: 52 seconds) they do actually start to taste like paper – and there’s no way that McDonald’s can guarantee that the five minute rule is applied without fail in every single restaurant. I’m estimating that this is ignored or neglected at least 20% of the time, if not more in a lot of city restaurants.

UPDATE – Meant to blog this yesterday: Read one man’s reaction to Fast Food Nation and the opposing views he found on the web. You really have to see consumerfreedom.com for yourself. Its sheer audacity will stagger you.

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Date
20030529
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
10:05
Investigators have found evidence of weapons of mass destruction, including 100 vials of anthrax and other dangerous bacteria!

*ahem*

In Maryland.

You may also want to take the time to read this very long Fark thread that’s chock-full of wide-ranging reactions to the Guantanamo death camp story.

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Date
20030529
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
10:17
… well, two of them, actually. They also happen to be Riding High On Blogdex, but let’s stop screwing around with the headlines and just get to the links, OK?

The Geek Test

What Matrix Persona Are You?

I found one of the options in the latter quiz particularly appealing:

“Your personality is…

C) Gentle, with a harder side. Generally, you are harmless, but when provoked, hell is unleashed.”


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Date
20030529

Time
10:23
Remember, when you’re loading the dishwasher, spoons go up… and knives go down.

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Date
20030529

Time
10:25
Terrorism fear derails train-spotters. Truly, our very way of life is under threat.

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Date
20030529
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
10:42
I should find out what the deal is on the technical front sometime today (i.e. whether the servers at senate.gov can handle Movable Type or if we need to investigate another publishing format).

However, for this to go forward, there needs to be a visible demand for the technology. I need readers in the U.S. to be ready to contact their local senator, telling them why they – and you – need this.

Chris at TTR2 was kind enough to chip in with this page featuring contact details for all senators of the 108th Congress. Just pick your state and you’re ready to roll.

If you plan on getting involved, please get in touch and let me know that you’re standing by.

I’m doing my bit in this part of town. I’m lining up a content/design meeting with the next MP to go online with a weblog, and also making calls to a few MPs on my want list. Primary target today is Lembit Öpik.

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Date
20030530
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
08:48
Despite a very sincere promise of an immediate and direct response, there’s been no word yet. Again.

Are they really going to make me reach for the clue-by-four?

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Date
20030530

Time
08:50
Ah, that explains it. Tom Petty has actually been dead since 1996.

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Date
20030530

Time
08:52
Video games are good for you. Just for the record, there are no video games on my computer, but I am tempted to buy one of these for the den.

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Date
20030530

Time
08:54
Inside the secret world of Ronald McDonald. Considering the way the outfit is set up and what a wonderful world we live in, what do you think the chances are that at least one Ronald McDonald has been a kiddy-fiddler?

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Date
20030530

Time
08:59
Have I blogged mysterious alien rods before, or did I simply watch the documentary on TV and intend to before having my short-term memory wiped by a flying interdimensional doohickey passing through my hippocampus?

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Date
20030530

Time
09:04
Burglar steps in paint and leaves trail all the way back to motel hide-out.

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Date
20030530
Bring Down The Bush Regime
Time
09:07
Here’s a quick rundown of Operation Backpedal. Politicians wouldn’t lie to us about something as serious as this, would they? Yes, they would.

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Date
20030530

Time
09:13
New public smoking law threatens Dutch coffee shops. Let them eat cake.

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Date
20030530

Time
09:16
Romance comics from the 50′s and 60′s. (Yet another gem lifted from The Ultimate Insult.)

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Date
20030530

Time
09:18
It’s nice to see that Mike Tyson is mellowing with age.

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Date
20030530

Time
09:21
Senior students stack 600 desks from floor to ceiling. Fundraiser, protest or prank? Sorry, I’m going to make you click to find out.

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Date
20030530

Time
09:23
Recent reports that JFK was a coke-sniffing, intern-jumping nutbag were taken pretty calmly by the media. Maybe that’s why Clinton thinks the time is right for a comeback.

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Date
20030530
Star Wars Kid
Time
09:26
I made this short GIF yesterday, and a few others.

Then I stopped. For my sake, as well as your own.

BTW, it looks like Star Wars Kid is going to sue the folks that first posted his video on the Internet.

Now things get ugly.

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Date
20030530
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
15:08
I’ve got my answer from the technical bods at senate.gov, and it’s looking pretty damn positive. There is no real technical reason holding back the use of Movable Type or any similar publishing system at their servers. We do, however, have to get the Rules Committee to see that there is a genuine requirement for this service before it can be put in place.

To do this, there needs to be a request for this capacity from a number of Senate offices. Basically, we have to get at least three senators set on the idea.

Until now, it’s very much been a chicken and egg thing. But at least now we know that it is theoretically possible for the egg to make its way clear of the cloaca.

I’ll be mulling it over on the weekend but, despite this being a no-brainer in many ways, it’s not going to be easy to reach the right people with the right level of understanding.

If you live in the U.S. and are inclined to help us move forward, please do get in touch. I’d like to know what kind of immediate army we have to hand before I draw up a battle plan.

Cheers all.

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Date
20030531
Nigerian Spam
Time
08:19
Always with the fresh angle…

My latest copies of Nigerian Spam claim to be from one Pastor Joseph. This time the money belongs to a British national, ‘Bro Gideon Brown.’

Heh.

Worth reading again: Here’s one chap who scammed a spammer, and here’s another who took on a few of them.

The The Nigerian Spam Scam Contest also looks fun. This could very well develop into an Olympic sport or some kind. Or another Reality TV show.

02-15 May, 2003

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Date
20030502
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:27
Dante’s Inferno Test owns teh zone today, with the core URL and a number of results from the quiz hogging the top ten. The related server is doing its best to deal with the traffic, but your mileage may vary.

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Date
20030502

Time
09:30
Looks like someone’s out to shut down the Boycott Hollywood site. See what happens when you try to oppose a cash machine? (Sorry I’m in a mood today. More on this later.)

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Date
20030502

Time
09:33
“In November 2002, a telemarketer called my home in D.C. at 5:24 a.m. This is the story of how that call cost him $500.

A tale of sweet revenge that includes some great resources should you wish to take similar action.

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Date
20030502

Time
09:35
Why Blogs Haven’t Stormed the Business World.

Not sure if I agree entirely with this. I see the main problem to be overwhelming ignorance of most people in charge of marketing. Someone else build audience. Me buy media. Gain access to audience. Grog understand.

Heh. Petty? Moi?

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Date
20030502

Time
09:39
KFC is considering gassing their chickens. This way to the shower, ladies.

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Date
20030502

Time
09:41
Did you enjoy watching George Bush hitting his head on the door of the helicopter as much as I did?

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Date
20030502

Time
09:44
Editors of the New Oxford American Dictionary are considering a new entry for “Shut up!” in the next edition. Not the ‘be quiet’ version, but the ‘how interesting, do tell me more’ version.

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Date
20030502

Time
09:46
Slightly more than one of our sex offenders is missing.

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Date
20030502

Time
10:01
The photo report from the May Day protest will be completely complete in a few minutes. I’m coding like mad here, people.

I’m also as mad as hell after being grabbed by a cop and hurled inside the cordon for daring to mess with one of their favourite intimidation tactics.

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Date
20030502

Time
10:38
Here’s a nice shot of ‘patient policing’ and here’s a picture of a guy with an Out Of Order sticker on his forehead. One for the scrapbook. Please let me know of any other sightings. Right now it’s time to go and check the newspapers.

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Date
20030502

Time
11:28
The Guardian: ‘For the first time in years, all McDonald’s outlets stayed open throughout the day.’

Oh really?

BBC: ‘Police have criticised a minority of May Day protesters who they say attempted to wreak havoc in London amid peaceful demonstrations.’

I’d like to criticise the minority of police for goading many into violence.

And the final showdown?

The Independent: ‘Most of the 300-strong crowd initially gathered there were determined to make their protest peacefully.’

Damn right. And then call it a day afterwards.

I actually met one police officer who took great joy in telling the crowd – in all sincerity – that he and all the other officers had been provided with a SARS vaccine before coming out. Now what’s the point of making a statement like that?

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Date
20030502
Rebranding
Time
12:19
George Bush declares May 1st to be ‘Loyalty Day.’

Please excuse me while I throw up.

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Date
20030502

Time
12:20
It’s not the first application of its kind, but the design and execution on this one is wonderful:

The Weblog Fire Escape

Should develop into a nice little link-builder.

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Date
20030502
Viral Marketing
Time
13:34
The Sun has decided to spread further confusion about this issue and benefit from other people’s work without credit or payment by launching their own ‘viral’ chart, which is even more dismal than the one at Lycos if you can believe it.

Remember folks, if it arrives by email; it’s yours free to do with as you please. So long as you give credit to the person who sent you the email, of course.

(By the way, for a small fee you too can be guaranteed inclusion at the Lycos chart, perhaps even on their list of featured items. How viral is that?)

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Date
20030502
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
14:37
Find your Star Wars twin.

‘Luke and Leia were seperated at birth; maybe you were too!’

Ho-ho. This is a looooong quiz, folks – but the results are quite comprehensive and put in a very interesting context that I won’t spoil for you here (expect to say that – in terms of agreeableness – I’m Emperor Palpatine and my sibling is Obi-Wan Kenobi).

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Date
20030504

Time
08:28
I don’t know what you folks are like with sleep, but I can function on 6 hours. 8 hours makes me feel dandy. 12 hours? Doesn’t happen often, but it happened last night. I may just take Monday off, after all.

Oh, thanks to Martin for the bloggage of the May Day stuff. Worth quoting:

“Now I’m still not convinced about the use of the Mayday protests, but Tim’s adventures in London have pretty much convinced me that the police are at least half the problem here. That’s not to say that there isn’t a hardcore minority determined to smash things, but there definitely is a peaceful majority and as this account makes clear the Police aren’t all that interested in them. Neither are the media.”

I’m not convinced of the effectiveness of these protests, either. They have a carefully-built reputation and close to zero coverage (until well after the fact, when ‘suspected anarchists’ are paraded by willing tabloids).

Some new ideas have occurred to me in the last few days, but I’m still mulling it over – and will probably need to do so for a few more weeks yet.

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Date
20030505
Tony Blair’s Email: Birthday Special
Time
09:01
Tony Blair turns 50 today, and while there was a fair whack of email urging him to grow up a month or so ago, there was only one email sent to tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk this morning. That either shows that these pages are finally doing their job, or that very few people care.

I’m hoping it’s the former and not the latter.

If you would like to send birthday greetings to the PM, this email-to-facsimile address will transmit the body of your email message and spit it out on his fax machine.

Repeated below is the one email that arrived at the wrong address this morning – and the one email that I sent to the correct one.

Enjoy your bank holiday, folks.

—– Original Message —–

From: poor scientist

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Cc: president@whitehouse.gov

Sent: Monday, May 05, 2003 2:34 AM

Subject: Re spectfully addressed to Sir :

–> Re spectfully addressed to Sir :

–>

–> My name is : Mai Sy Xuan Lam

–> Sir ! I need help . I manufactured the money not fake . That is e-money

–> (electric- money) This e-money easy to use , secure , not filch . If

–> filch , filcher not use . because e-money have safe system . This safe

–> system include : you’re a picture , password , fingerprint flash system

–> and some number . Besides , e-money system have special a public money

–> transfering computer . when tranfered a money similar send a e-mail .

–> Because We use software of e-mail . But we would repair some structure .

–> e-money functions . example :

–> It is half one’s personal papers half money , etc … . When used

–> e-money : You won’t use paper money . Paper money easy fire , e-money

–> when fired or lost , We can buy other e-money . When bought new e-money

–> , We will say your old number card for a bank agent . Money which you

–> have of old account will transfer your new account . Your money won’t

–> lose . In case you bully , and after you rob . You can recover one’s

–> money who rob . And robber will engaol . You can use your e-money at

–> other country , you will tranfser monetary value . I need help from sir

–> . In 4 next day , if I pay not house employing , I and my mother will

–> become tramper . I like very researching . And I find out 40 biology

–> formular (gene finding formular), 10 integral formular . And I

–> discovered a new microscope from a (one) magnifier ,enlarge degree

–> changing equipment of magnifier . If I was a tramper , I can’t research

–> . And Sir can for me live on Sir’s country. I am Vietnamese . I am poor

–> very . Live at Viet Nam I can’t free researching . Let help me . and let

–> help my formulars .

[address snipped]

–> If can , let Sir write vietnamese . Thank Sir ,Goodbye .

From: Tim Ireland

To: Tony Blair’s email-to-facsimile address

Sent: Monday, May 05, 2003 8:58 AM

Subject: Happy Birthday

Dear Tony,

My parents taught me to respect my elders. Right now that’s about all you’ve got going for you.

Happy birthday.

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

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Date
20030505
Can Weblogs…?
Time
20:21
I have some fabulous ideas for distributing one very important message in particular, plus some legally-entitled mischief we can all get on with to bring at least one media mogul down a peg or two.

Normal bloggage will continue tomorrow. There’s still some thinking to do.

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Date
20030506

Time
08:43
I’ve finally got a few extra minutes available, so I’m going to download and trial Spamnet, the community-driven spam filter from Cloudmark. I’ll let you know how I get on.

(Found via Countersink.)

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Date
20030506

Time
08:51
Lots of fun stuff over at Headwindow today. In fact, too much to list here. So go there.

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Date
20030506

Time
08:53
References to this will end up chasing Bonsai Kitten everywhere it goes, if there’s any justice. I can taste the outrage from here.

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Date
20030506

Time
08:57
I want to see Rubber Boy meet The Lizardman live on stage. Why? Because it’s sure to spice up the world’s weakest ‘extreme’ stunt.

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Date
20030506
Christianity Watch
Time
09:02
A fabulous profile of Jack Chick.

Found via The Ultimate Insult, who found it via LinkMachineGo, who found it via BoingBoing. It probably also appeared at Fark about a thousand times, so I’ll reign in the credit links at that and be done with it.

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Date
20030506

Time
09:13
Every manned Russian spacecraft since 1976 had carried a sawn-off shotgun on board. True or false?

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Date
20030506
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:16
Bill Bennet has been a bad boy. Who?

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Date
20030506

Time
09:22
One of our missing planes in missing.

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Date
20030506

Time
09:23
Melbourne’s Swinburne University offering a course in make-up for drag artists.

That’s got to be a first. I mean, Melbourne before Sydney? I ask you…

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Date
20030506

Time
09:25
Secret Joe McCarthy hearings opened after 50 years. Coincidentally, it’s also the centenary of George Orwell’s ‘1984.’

This article/essay on 1984 from The Guardian is getting some serious linkage today.

Scaryduck emailed me ages ago suggesting that we get together to make sure that this book charts well in the BBC’s Big Waste of Licence Bucks, but there’s just too much to do these days. Perhaps if I win the lottery, or spend less time reading government-approved pornography…

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Date
20030506

Time
09:35
Just what we need: a new venereal disease. This could well mutate into the Big One, folks. You know, where you stick your dick where it’s not supposed to be and it explodes…

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Date
20030506

Time
09:37
Jakob Nielsen and Don Norman on Making Web Advertisements Work.

‘Unfortunately, most current Web advertising approaches are aimed at taking what doesn’t work and making it ever bigger and more annoying, continuously fighting user behavior.’

It also doesn’t help that text ads in search engines (that get a pretty easy time of it in this short article) are being sold as a form of search engine optimisation. Take my word for it, ignorance is widespread on this matter. Disturbingly so.

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Date
20030506

Time
09:41
San Francisco hosts ‘Masturbate-a-Thon’. No, masturbateforpeace.com does not appear to be involved. Yet.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:07
God, how I hate pop-ups. Pending pop-ups had my connection hanging for damn near 12 minutes just now. Did I ask for 9 new browser windows to load? No, I didn’t.

Interestingly, one of the worst offenders this morning was The Anarchists Cookbook. Not too anarchic to take a little coin, now are we?

BTW, The ??? Project now has a name – but I’m not going to tell you what it is yet. I first have to go out and Do Stuff so can bring together a decent ‘show and tell’ on the idea.

You’re going to love it.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:13
Tom is right. I think this is well out of order (if, indeed, it turns out to be true).

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Date
20030507

Time
09:20
Read some horror stories from the front-lines of food service.

I was a waiter once. 24-hour joint in western Sydney. The Lebanese Mafia pretty much had the run of the place from midnight to dawn, but the ribs were to die for.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:25
Cloudmark’s Spamnet chugged along nicely in a short test yesterday, but it’s only configured for Outlook at this stage. I’ve put myself on the alert list for when it’s available on Outlook Express.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:30
Associated Press Puts Violent Words in Iraqi Protesters’ Mouths

Truth has been a major casualty, as the cliche goes – and that goes for both sides.

Oh, and Bush could have landed on the Lincoln in a helicopter if he wanted to. But no, he just had to arrive on a jet. So he could benefit from a ‘realistic experience,’ you understand – nothing to do history-making photo opportunities.

He had his chance for a realistic experience back in ’72, but chose to dodge military service. He didn’t inhale, either. Oh, wait, wrong president. George was a snorter, not a toker.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:41
Judge rules that “Do I get to see my attorneys?” is not actually a request to see a lawyer.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:43
It’s not me. I wear a rather dashing green cape.

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Date
20030507
Headlines of Glory
Time
09:45
Man carrying severed head through town arrested

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Date
20030507

Time
09:46
U.S. to Release About 15 Detainees at Guantanamo. It’s not all good news. Read it in full, then have a little browse between the lines.

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Date
20030507

Time
09:49
There’s more, but that’s about it for now. I’m doing my first project with Flash, so it’s head-down-arse-up time for most of the day.

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Date
20030508

Time
08:38
Pravda: American students think that it was the USA that won WWII.

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Date
20030508

Time
08:39
Authorities in Wisconsin have been on the trail of a mystery dumper for months, suspecting many things but never quite nailing down the nature, or the source, of bags of mysterious green slime. Last Friday they found the culprit and the answer they were looking for. They didn’t like it, and neither will you.

(Is it lunchtime where you are? Best skip the above link, then. You’re better off not knowing. Really.)

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Date
20030508

Time
08:48
Walter Cronkite is listed among a number of broadcast journalists who have been hired to appear in videos resembling newscasts that are actually paid for by drug makers and other health care companies (requires registration). Trusted faces mean trusted brands, folks.

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Date
20030508

Time
08:51
Listen to authentic porn music when downloading your share of the filthy stuff today. I’ll have something else on this front soon. Hang in there.

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Date
20030508

Time
08:54
Chewing gum stuck on end of ruler retrieves $1.825 million

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Date
20030508

Time
08:56
Get into shape this summer with housegymnastics.com (via FunJunkie).

I used to be a nut for this kind of thing when I was 8 years old. I could get from one end of the rumpus room to the other without touching the carpet once. This wasn’t easy – even the toy boxes were topped with a luxuriant blue shag pile.

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Date
20030508

Time
09:02
5th-grader given patent approval for brilliant idea that will lighten your wallet. No, not that way – it’s an ingenious way to minimise the number of loyalty/reward cards you carry.

I’ve got an even better way. Don’t carry them at all.

Remember that old adage about it not being worth your time to bend over and pick up a penny? I’ve done a few calculations, and have worked out that it’s not even worth carrying these things around, much less fishing them out every time you make a purchase. Now the store owners are fighting back by asking me every time I go in if I have such-and-such a card – so I have to waste breath saying ‘No!’

Wankers.

If they want my loyalty, they should simply charge less for a can of chopped tomatoes – and remove the bloody great big toy section they’ve just put in, so I can take the kids grocery shopping again.

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Date
20030508

Time
09:11
Activist takes pro-pot argument to Canadian Supreme Court. This article contains the quote of the day, from the man who actually had a modest hit of hash to focus his mind before facing a panel of 9 judges:

“I was happy, hungry and relaxed, but I was not impaired.”

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Date
20030508
Headlines of Glory
Time
09:18
Man Slices Own Head Off in Supermarket Suicide

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Date
20030508

Time
09:19
Well, what do you know? The White House has changed their story regarding the jet landing on the USS Abraham Lincoln. It seems they planned for a landing waaaaaaaay out to sea, but by the time they were ready to leave, ‘the carrier had come hundreds of miles closer to shore than expected because of the weather.’

Right.

Senator Robert C. Byrd (who, you may remember, has been blogged here before for making surprisingly sensible comments) told the Senate that he was ‘deeply troubled’ by Bush’s actions, going on to say:

“I do not begrudge his salute to America’s warriors aboard the carrier Lincoln . . . but I do question the motives of a deskbound president who assumes the garb of a warrior for the purposes of a speech.”

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Date
20030508

Time
09:29
Yay! I like a good 404, me.

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Date
20030508

Time
10:08
The wife and I were supposed to use our free plane tickets to Paris this past weekend, but we couldn’t go for a number of reasons (an expired Passport being one of them).

Now I have to get something solid together for our 10th wedding anniversary (less than two months away). Any ideas? Help!

Also on the subject of travel, I’ll be heading to Boston in June to play a modest role at this weblog conference. I’ll be spending a fair amount of time with Scott, who has kindly agreed to put me up for the few days I’ll be in town, but if any other readers are in Boston (or are planning on attending the conference) and want to hook up, just drop me a line.

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Date
20030509
Flash Games
Time
09:20
Yay! Psycho Bondage Bunnies rule!

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Date
20030509

Time
09:20
From Deep Thinking About Weblogs:

”…fundamentally, weblogs encourage publishing by making it really easy to publish.”

It’s spot on about this and a few other points, but like many articles that broach the subject of actual cash generation, it assumes the only money to be made from weblogs is in some form of e-commerce, affiliate deal or tip jar. Oh, wait, no – it does touch on reality with the following throwaway sentence:

“Finally, for many individuals and businesses, the self-promotional benefits of weblogging are reward enough.”

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Date
20030509

Time
09:24
Cats ‘farmed for skins in EU’ says the headline. ‘EU chock-full of primitive savages unlike our American cousins’ reads the subtext. BTW, some people have taken to hating Americans lately. Me, I just hate cats.

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Date
20030509
Not Safe For Work
Time
09:31
The Porn Banner Showcase displays and reviews some of the worst in porn advertising.

On the subject of porn, Paypal will stop taking payments for most adult-themed merchandise over the next five weeks. So, who will win the inevitable battle for porn-specific e-currency supremacy?

(Take a look at your money, BTW. It may very well say ‘In God We Trust,’ but does it also say: ‘Not to be spent on hookers’?)

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Date
20030509

Time
09:40
From today, crappy plastic shopping bags are illegal in South Africa.

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Date
20030509
Murdoch is a Bastard
Time
09:43
The House of Lords has been granted extra time to debate controversial changes to the media ownership rules. One of the proposed changes would allow Rupert Murdoch to buy Channel Five, which would pretty much be the death of terrestrial television in the UK.

Oh, and the Fox News Channel (that’s the one closest to Murdoch’s black heart, not Sky News, which is pretty much Murdoch-lite until he gets his way on terrestrial) is under investigation by television regulators in Britain for alleged bias.

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Date
20030509

Time
09:56
As usual, Microsoft arrives late at the party, and will no doubt expect to be the one doling out drinks and choosing the music.

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Date
20030509

Time
09:58
Enjoy the full transcript of James Baker being stung by Ali G (requires registration).

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Date
20030509

Time
10:50
El Reg: Google to fix blog noise problem

Don’t be thrown off by the headline and the bullish tone of the article. I’ve read a number of articles about blogs on The Register. There haven’t been many of them, but most of them have been critical and nearly all of them have been by the same journalist – Andrew Orlowski.

Rich said it best this morning:

“I’ve been getting more and more annoyed with his partisan approach to weblogs. Its like he got bitten by a weblog when he was a kid or something.”

Heh.

This latest article by Andrew starts off by making one hell of an assumption and bases the rest of its case on the same kind of idle chatter that he criticises blogs for indulging in.

How can Google discount blogs when it’s slowly but surely becoming the norm? I wouldn’t be surprised by – or worried about – a cleanout of some automated linkage, but the announcement from Google reads to me like the proposed introduction of another useful tab providing a service not unlike the oft-overloaded Daypop (and quite possibly in the beta stage based mainly on Blogger users).

I certainly can’t see Google or Google users benefiting from the forced segregation of those who dare to publish more than once a month.

Anyway, enough idle chitchat. Let’s talk about you. How are you? Did I mention that I hate cats?

UPDATE – That said, I have noticed in the last few days that Google has been indexing many sites daily/regularly, but not announcing as much in the search results. Something new is ticking over in the background – but I still can’t see it being anywhere near as extreme as Andrew makes it out to be. He just wishes is all.

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Date
20030509
Photoshopping
Time
15:18
“Yeah? Well, you *better* be sure, Egon!”

You see what happens when someone makes one harmless remark when they don’t think anyone is listening?

As usual, a larger version is on display over at B3ta.

The Star Wars Photoshopping Project is now into its 12th page.

The latest version of the screensaver is terribly, terribly out of date, though. I’ll see if I can’t update it sometime soon.

UPDATE – Well, that was pretty painless. A new screensaver had been made with 40 of the best images to date and is now available for download.

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Date
20030509

Time
15:29
This Sunday is May 11th. Again.

Click here to prepare an appropriate activity for this very special day.

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Date
20030511

Time
19:45
The next project is ready to role but – typically – my FTP access is on the fritz. Plus I have to rush out in the morning to move furniture. I’ll do what I can to clear the problem and upload the whole shebang before I leave.

PS – Today, I chose a car completely at random and followed it. It went to the local rubbish tip, where I found some much-needed empty CD cases and a 12-volt transformer that is sure to come in handy when I least expect it. The attendants at the tip were not without a sense of humour, and allowed me to walk off with my booty.

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Date
20030512

Time
08:31
‘Klingon interpreter sought for mental health patients,’ reads the headline – the thrust of the story being that a mental care facility in Multnomah County, Oregon requires a translator to help process new inmates that are convinced that they’re dispossessed Klingon warriors.

It’s at The Sydney Morning Herald, MSNBC, CNN… I could go on, but it’s too damn depressing.

They’ve all been had.

What? You didn’t know that journalists were fallible human beings? (Well, fallible anyway…) Have a crack at this, then:

A New York Times journalist has been busted for fabricating, filling or faking the majority of his stories. The Washington Times has the story, as does (*ahem*) The New York Times (requires registration).

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Date
20030512

Time
08:32
Coach suspended after kids find, watch adult video. The kids found the video in his desk drawer when they were mucking around in his office.

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Date
20030512

Time
08:37
Read about the funding to fight sea lampreys and other such last-minute additions to the war bill rubber-stamped by Congress.

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Date
20030512

Time
08:42
Hans Blix and the UN team aren’t being allowed back in, and it looks like the U.S. inspection team is going home empty-handed. So where are those pesky WMDs?

BTW, the latest line on why they weren’t used by a heartless regime under extreme threat is as follows:

‘The weapons were so well hidden that they couldn’t find them in time to use them.’

Well, these things can happen when you hide your WMDs in a parallel universe.

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Date
20030512

Time
08:52
Two Oakland students, in a class discussion about the war in Iraq, made remarks that were interpreted by their teacher as a direct threat against the president. So she called the Secret Service. The students were duly questioned. I’ve no doubt the brown-trousers moment was also entered into their permanent record.

The fight for freedom goes on…

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Date
20030512

Time
08:54
You just have to take time to meet The Phil Kent Family today. Phil puts the ‘fun’ into fundamentalism.

Does a husband have the right to discipline his wife? No, he has a responsibility to.

‘Once you start allowing women to spiritually teach and have authority over men, you have opened the door to homosexuals.’

And so on…

BTW, new legislation in the UK will allow faith schools, churches, hospices and other religious employers to sack lesbian and gay staff. The big clue is in the ‘other religious employers’ bit. You don’t have to work for a religious organisation to be under threat, you just have to work for a company run “with an ethos based on religion or belief.”

In other words, owned or run by a man like Phil Kent. Or Brian Souter. You get the picture.

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Date
20030512

Time
09:22
Hmmm. Lots of politics in today’s batch. Sorry about that. If you want some simple fun, pop over to Headwindow, which has another excellent crop of goodies today.

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Date
20030512
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:37
Make your own safety sign. Heh. Now that would have been really handy for The Out Of Order Project. Too bad that it’s time to move on in 5, 4, 3…

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Date
20030512
The ???? Project
Time
09:50
Argh! I’d really hoped to have the new project live before leaving, but my FTP access is still down.

I’ll have to post it later today. Hang in there.

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Date
20030512
The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project
Time
13:53
OK, folks – it’s live:

The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project

Will it be as successful as the Out Of Order Project?

If so, which word will win out in the end?

Let’s find out.

All feedback is appreciated.

Emails to the usual address.

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Date
20030512
Richard Desmond is a Pornographer
Time
15:03
Google Announces UK News Service. Actually, I found the generic news service useful enough as it was.

Oh well. Let’s use it to see what Richard Desmond is up to.

Ah, much joy today.

A leading media buyer accepted payments from Richard Desmond’s Express Newspapers in return for putting advertising into the company’s publications.

Also, Richard seems to have ideas above his station. He’s worried about being compared to Jesus.

“There has been so much rubbish written about me and I’ve kept quiet. It’s not nice being constantly vilified and attacked,” he said.

Desmond is being attacked? Heavens, no!

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Date
20030512

Time
15:40
Well, what do you know? That is a weird picture.

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Date
20030512

Time
16:42
Clare Short has resigned. For real this time. And, some would say, 9 weeks too late.

Still, there was no guarantee that her resignation would have swung enough votes to stop our involvement in the Iraq war – and the point over which she has resigned is just as important, if not more so.

Duyba’s team is setting up a system that would see the country stripped clean well inside 12 months. It also undermines the authority of the UN and sets the stage for more terrorist attacks, not less.

In her resignation statement she made quite a few good points, but the best one went more or less as follows:

The UK should have drawn the line over this, not provided cover – for the good or Iraqi, and for the good of the U.S.

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Date
20030512

Time
16:51
A friend and associate of mine, Martin Lloyd, has been blogging almost specifially to chronicle ‘the process of applying for and taking an MBA.’ You can read the article that appeared about him in The Times here, because it sure as hell doesn’t appear anywhere on The Times’ website.

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Date
20030512
The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project
Time
16:56
Ladies and gentlemen, our first foreign city to enjoy coverage is Oslo. The word chosen is humanity.



BTW, I’ll be in London for most of tomorrow and busily chalking away. I’d tell you where, but I don’t want to find a dozen police waiting for me.

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Date
20030513
Flash Games
Time
08:33
How steady is your mouse hand? Find out with this cool robot game.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:35
Computer traps Thai minister in his car. Thankfully, it wasn’t this car.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:36
Blogmatcher makes pretty good use of incestuous linkage, but loses points for a crap attempt at looking like Google.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:40
Confessions of a former spammer. Wow, we actually reached one! After months of being tracked down and confronted by anti-spam campaigners, Duncan Shiels had this to say:

“I realized I didn’t like to sell anything that nobody wants or needs or despises. I started to realize people just hate this so much.”

I’m so happy about this, I’m even going to plug his new business site. If your heart just skipped a beat at that, worry not – help is on the way.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:48
Peter rescued a black bunny from a car park and took it home. Take a look at the damage it then did to his computer.

Those demonic eyes should have been Clue No. 1 – he’s got nobody to blame but himself.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:53
Finally, an Interwebnet Timeline we can relate to. This link is pretty much everywhere this morning. The creator looks to be Farker, BTW.

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Date
20030513

Time
08:56
New York Post: Disgraced ex-New York Times reporter Jayson Blair in hospital dealing with “personal problems”

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Date
20030513

Time
09:01
Imagine being confronted by a bully and running way, only to find the same bully waiting for you around the corner. That’s quite a story. It’s not often that both twins are evil.

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Date
20030513

Time
09:06
I’m sure it won’t surprise you at all to discover that JFK had a 19-year-old intern who traveled with him on official trips.

“Apparently, her only skill was to provide sexual release for JFK on those trips and maybe in the White House,” said Robert Dallek, author of yet another Kennedy biography.

The third paragraph will make you snigger.

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Date
20030513

Time
09:10
Typical. The Federal Communications Commission intends to lift restrictions on media ownership that could allow your local newspaper, cable provider, radio stations, and TV channels in the U.S. all to be owned by one company, but most folks are more worried about a ban on the sale of Oreo cookies to children.

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Date
20030513
The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project
Time
09:14
I’ll be busy chalking (and perhaps doing a bit of work) in London for most of the rest of the day, but I’d love to come back and find lots of lovely email waiting for me. Join us. Join us now.

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Date
20030513
How Weblogs Work
Time
18:10
I was having a casual browse through Tom’s site (and was quite impressed by the effect of one small comment, BTW) when I followed static linkage over to VoxPolitics and saw that yet another MP has chosen to question Tony over his continued lack of email address.

It’s all very exciting, isn’t it?

Get in touch with your MP today, and tell them to get blogged up or prepare to make way for a rival who does.

Politicians have had to adapt to radio and TV; they now have to come to terms with online communication.

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Date
20030513

Time
18:30
Hey folks. I’m operating remotely, so I can’t access email right now (and may not be home until quite late). I’ll catch up with what I can tomorrow.

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Date
20030514

Time
16:51
Sorry, folks. A busy day yesterday, and an even busier day today. Sleep happens now. I’ll be back on deck with the full magilla tomorrow.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:00
‘Buffalo Spammer’ arrested on four felony and two misdemeanor counts. Don’t expect the cops to turn up on Ronald Scelson’s doorstep anytime soon; this early case is mostly about stolen identities.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:03
Some stills from the withdrawn Madonna video for you to enjoy, courtesy of The Memory Hole.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:12
A great article on the dangers of private media ownership. It requires registration, but here’s a quote straight from the guts of it about your friend and mine, the ever-lovable Mr Rupert Murdoch:

In the United States, Mr. Murdoch’s media empire — which includes Fox News and The New York Post — is known for its flag-waving patriotism. But all that patriotism didn’t stop him from, as a Fortune article put it, “pandering to China’s repressive regime to get his programming into that vast market.” The pandering included dropping the BBC’s World Service — which reports news China’s government doesn’t want disseminated — from his satellite programming, and having his publishing company cancel the publication of a book critical of the Chinese regime.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030515

Time
09:14
The iLoo wasn’t a hoax, just a very bad idea. Now canned. And confusing the hell out of conflicting PR departments.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:17
The handsome chap from wifeodyssey.com is seeking the perfect missus. Prospective candidates whould have ‘a nice sleek, flat little chest and a nicely rounded little poochy tummy.’ Oh, and an appendix scar. No tattoos.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:23
Another ‘drugs sold in drive-through’ story? I’m getting pretty tired of these. Try instead the crackhouse police can’t tear down because it’s a protected historic site.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:27
Senator Bob Graham has accused the Bush administration of engaging in a cover-up of intelligence failures before and after the September 11th attacks. Seems it’s all just too embarrassing. But enough about that – let’s talk about the weather.

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Date
20030515
Flash Music Video
Time
09:37
I can take or leave the song, but the show did give me at least one belly laugh: take a look at all the short people in Hollywood.

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Date
20030515

Time
09:57
The Star Wars Kid has been found! Who is the Star Wars Kid? Just some chubby Jedi wannabe who practised his lightsaber technique in front of the school video camera – and then forgot to take the tape with him. The original ended up on the Interwebnet, and was soon remixed with full saber and sound effects. Both videos can be found by following the link at the top of the destination page – and both will make you laugh like a drain. The related Fark thread – somewhat inevitably you might think – includes a mention of our search for Mustard Man.

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Date
20030515

Time
10:23
So is Blogosphere just another aggregator? Yes and no. Mostly yes.

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Date
20030515

Time
10:24
Shades of ready.gov abuse:

How To Communicate With A Deaf Hooker

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Date
20030515
The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project
Time
12:08
I had a quick and quiet moment of stunning clarity the day before yesterday. While out and about in London, I decided to stop by the location of the incident that inspired this further action. This photo was taken at the very spot where I was grabbed by police and shoved inside the cordon. Here’s a bigger picture actually taken on that day. Have a closer look at the statue. You may have to squint to read what it says on the front, but then again you may just be able to guess.

Not bad shakes as far as shivers go. I really have to keep a closer eye on my subconscious.

Now, onwards with the updates. The Humanity vs. Anarchy Project has been updated to include photos of London activity. Did I get carried away? Well…

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Date
20030515
It’s War! And There’s Medals For All!
Time
12:25
WTF? How did I miss this?

Bush, Blair Nominated for Nobel Prize for Iraq War

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Date
20030515

Time
12:38
Oh, I like this: Join the London Riot Re-enactment Society today. Their aim? ‘To stage re-enactments of noted riots from London’s history, with some attempt at historical accuracy’. Heh.

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Date
20030515

Time
15:26
Planning on seeing Matrix Reloaded? The AintItCool reviews are kind of harsh and chock-full of spoilers. I much prefer the Landover Baptist review.

London May Day 2003

May Day London 2003

The day started out simply enough with a trip to Canary Wharf. I must say the police presence surprised me. These were the first three policepersons I saw, and I popped my bags of shoeboxes down for a quick picture. Sharp-eyed locals will no doubt recognise the Daisy & Tom shopping bag that clearly identifies me as a hardcore anarchist.

May Day London 2003

I figured there’d be plenty to get on with on the day, so decided to get the wanky art out of the way first (see London Peace March for previous wanky art). The point of the exercise was to plant open shoeboxes (containing the pictured ‘authentic’ incriminating document) that could be conveniently discovered by Daily Telegraph ‘journalists.’

May Day London 2003

Discovery was a major part of the work, so it wasn’t quite as simple as delivering a box to the front desk. I left the first two in the care of these gentlemen facing the Canary Wharf Tower.

May Day London 2003

I also left some facing the ‘smokers corner’ out front of the building, in the park a small distance from the main building (presumably reserved for more anti-social smokers) and in this cosy little basket.

May Day London 2003

Finally, I headed into the shopping complex below the building and left a few more ready to be discovered, including this one located where most right-wing journalists do the majority of their thinking (and dating, if you believe the gossip).

May Day London 2003

From here, I made a clean ‘getaway’ via Docklands Light Railway (you can see the last one I left in place under the seat there).

BTW, the inverted commas are there because I actually had to ask a policeman for directions. Hardly the crime of the century. Still, Canary Wharf wasn’t an ‘official’ target as far as I knew, but I had mentioned my intentions regarding this installation on the Urban75 web forum (favourite for authoritarian lurkers). Could all of those police really have been there just to hassle little old me? I can only assume not, as I did the entire installation in full view of a number of police and security guards, towing a dirty great black plastic bag. And stopping to take photos every few minutes.

No matter. The train took me all the way to Bank. I toodled right along, because I was late for the disco.

May Day London 2003

En route, I met the following happy individuals, intent on cleaning up capitalism. They gave the Bank Of England a darn good polishing…

May Day London 2003

…only to get questioned by the police for their troubles. This certainly wasn’t the only overreaction of the day, but I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself.

May Day London 2003

I wanted to hook up with the Space Hijackers, as their planned event had a simple agenda rooted in good old-fashioned fun. The mobile disco had a modest turnout, but was far from disappointing. I must admit that I did little dancing myself, but after 10 years of DJing, you kind of get used to standing back and watching everyone else have a good time. Sad, isn’t it?

May Day London 2003

Still, there was plenty to keep me entertained. When this visibly high-risk group headed towards Liverpool Street, they and the partygoers they had recruited were followed by close to a dozen police.

May Day London 2003

They drew quite an audience at Liverpool Street Station, including yet more police. Clearly nobody had anything better to do. Many lunch breaks ran into overtime.

May Day London 2003

“Caucasian male. Dark Suit. Red tie. Appears to be doing the Funky Chicken. Caucasian male. Dark suit. Blue tie. Clearly seen to limbo in a public place.”

May Day London 2003

Sadly, I had to leave the mobile disco, as I wanted to see what kind of turnout they would get at the Lockheed Martin building. I took this one last picture of the gathered audience outside, before catching the Central Line to Tottenham Court Road.

May Day London 2003

It was time for a change of pace.

May Day London 2003

It was a pretty good turnout, erm, as it turned out. I mostly busied myself with distributing surgical face-masks to those worried about the SARS virus and/or trial by media, as well as Out Of Order stickers to those concerned about the functionality of the system at large. I did, however, manage to get this picture at that vital moment when the traffic finally ground to halt. From this point on, police held the line that if you were on the road, you were an anarchist. If you were on the pavement, you were a bystander. This rule held even if the road were shut off for two blocks in either direction. I really should have remembered this, but again, I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself.

May Day London 2003

This brave gentleman headed into the centre of the crowd claiming to be a Capitalist And Proud Of It…

May Day London 2003

…he was removed by the police for his own safety. Yes, that is an Out Of Order sticker he’s wearing. Fine by me. The joy of the Out Of Order Project is that it’s open to personal interpretation. One of the few nice policepersons I met on the day asked for a sticker as a souvenir, and actually stuck it to his inside vest – then swiftly moved it to his report book when I whipped my camera out. Heh.

May Day London 2003

From here everybody started marching down nearby Shaftesbury Avenue, and things looked pretty casual for a while…

May Day London 2003

… but about a block down the road, the rear cordon began. Police quite pointedly made it clear to anybody on the fringes that if you went in; you stayed in. Fair warning, or subtle intimidation?

May Day London 2003

Well, the photographers moved in a few minutes later, and the vans weren’t far behind, so I’m inclined to think the latter.

May Day London 2003

Here are a few folks carefully thinking it over. Numbers down this year? Here’s where about half of them went. Quite a few Parents With Prams backed off from this point on.

May Day London 2003

And here come the vans!

May Day London 2003

From here, the protestors were hemmed in and carefully guided toward Trafalgar Square. The crowd tried to change direction early on, and even had mixed success with the occasional side road, but disruption was limited to about a block a time. A sound tactic in theory, but the very deliberate warnings had stuck in my mind. A shut-in wasn’t far away. In fact, it was more or less already in effect.

May Day London 2003

Those who tried to leave the march at this stage were edited according to police tastes. If you looked like a tourist, you were allowed to leave. If you looked like a soap-dodger, you were staying right where you were. It was at this stage that I actually ran into Mike Slocombe (of Urban 75), pictured here giving an interview after being, as he described it, illegally detained. Two or three years ago, I would have mocked him for overreacting. I was two blocks away from an even more pronounced shift of opinion.

May Day London 2003

It’s important to note that the mood of the crowd didn’t change until the police tactics did. A serious shut-in took place about three blocks north of Trafalgar Square. They then almost doubled in numbers, and pushed the crowd in nice and tight, narrowing the cordon across the width of the road. Not to allow any kind of access, mind, just to make the gathering look as dangerous as possible and to dish out a mild form of physical punishment.

It was at this stage that I walked past what was clearly a monitoring van, surrounded by a few undercover guys. A quick glimpse inside showed the comprehensive face-by-face indexing was going on – and these were people that had not necessarily chosen to be where they were.

I whipped out my remaining box of surgical masks. I took one step onto the road (to join several other people with cameras) while considering my options. Big mistake – remember the arbitrary rule about roads and pavements?

I was actually grabbed by a policeman, dragged 12 feet across the road, and shoved inside the cordon!

I shit you not.

May Day London 2003

It all happened so fast, I didn’t get the officer’s number, but he was uniform – and had one eyebrow doing the job of two. He disappeared pretty sharpish. All the policemen who clearly saw me being shoved in from across the road claimed to be completely ignorant of my situation. I was inside the cordon, and there I was going to stay. I tried to leave early on (it was patently ridiculous, they had all seen what happened, etc.), but got a hefty shove in the middle of the chest for my troubles. Boos from the crowd. I asked to see a senior officer a number of times, but was given the ‘he’s over there… no, he’s not here, he’s over there’ run around.

I had no problem being hemmed in, shoved around and digitally indexed, really (damn, I’d published everything I was going to do and was well within my rights to do it) but there was a principle at stake. You know what I’m like with those pesky principles. I tend to stick to my guns.

May Day London 2003

Remember this face. This is one of the guys who ‘knew nothing’ about my situation, so was ‘completely helpless.’ We were being held ‘for our own protection and in the interests of public safety.’ If indeed it were true that I had been shoved across the road and inside the cordon, then that would have to be a serious matter to be discussed with a senior officer, but he had no indication that this truly was the case, so as far as he was concerned, I was there voluntarily. Tough. You wanna try holding that camera still, buddy – it looks like you’re shaking a bit there. And so on.

Scary, huh? After promising wife, mother and kids that I would be careful, here I was being outwitted by a bunch of halfwits. It was the trust issue that got me. I actually found it completely inconceivable that a policeman would abuse his power in such a way.

I argued with a number of police until I was blue in the face. Actually, I kind of argued until I was white in the face. That stomach virus and dealing with the rush of activity around it had pretty much knocked the stuffing out of me. On this day, after 8 hours of operating on breakfast alone (and a rather ill-advised scotch and cola en route), I suddenly dropped on the spot in a dead faint.

There were legs, arms, a couple of voices, but I didn’t really come to until I found myself sitting on my arse outside the cordon with two police medics in attendance.

Got bag? Yep. Got camera? Yep.

Bodily inventory? Everything intact, and largely unscathed. Good. State of mind? Wits returning, but dignity shot to hell. Still, you can’t have everything.

They offered me water, but I fished my own bottle out, along with a chocolate bar. The sugar rush obviously brought the colour back to my face, because the worried look on the medic’s face faded away as my focus returned…

…just in time to see the chap you see pictured above tell the medics that I was an organiser (!) and obviously faking it. He wanted me dragged back inside the cordon. Now. Get up, son. A look from one of the medics sent him on his way, but my climb back to reality just got a lot steeper.

A person is an illegal detainee if they are prevented from proceeding or restrained in custody in violation of the law – and I had been specifically singled out and collared for that purpose. This so-called servant of the public, and no doubt most of the smug gits around him, knew exactly what was going on. I was calmly and deliberately being taught a lesson.

Lesson noted. Congratulations to the police on a job well done. I used to be a Sometime Concerned Citizen. Now I’m a Determined Activist. What choice do I have?

May Day London 2003

16-30 April, 2003

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Date
20030416

Time
09:03
This sneering, woefully incorrect article by a Murdoch flunky makes me so angry I could spit. Andrew Bolt is an asshat who needs to get off his high horse and pick up one of these instead.

To answer his question – I’m still here and I still think that this war was wrong.

(Why am I using the past tense like Andrew the ‘it’s all over’ Asshat?)

Is wrong. To use an analogy even Andrew can understand, the U.S. has acted like a corrupt cop. I don’t care if they catch the criminal (which they haven’t) or finally find the evidence (which they haven’t) the methods they have used are illegal and completely without justification.

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Date
20030416
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:18
Saddam Starred in Gay Porn Films!

Or at least, one of the 1,562,342 people who look like him did. I’m sorry, this is a very amusing story, but can only be confirmed if somebody was around to take a DNA sample from the money shot.

(Oh, and that video of Britney Spears giving multiple blowjobs is real, too. It looks just like her, dontcha know?)

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Date
20030416

Time
09:24
Match the penis to the blogger (not suitable for young’uns) or gaze at natural formations that look like tits, bums and willies (not suitable for geologists of a sensitive nature).

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Date
20030416

Time
09:29
Shoplifting suspect bolts, leaves baby daughter in store.

“She’s a beautiful little girl,” said store manager Lauren Hensley, who sounds like one of those scary ladies that end up wanting to keep the sproglet.

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Date
20030416

Time
09:34
Remember 8march2003.com?

It was designed to plug a novel.

Mine’s doing fine, by the way. I’m actually looking for a few names for minor characters right now. Drop me a line if you want your name to be in the book.

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Date
20030416

Time
09:38
Did CNN Turn Up The Boos During Michael Moore’s Speech? Some evidence here for you to consider. You might also wish to take their past record into account.

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Date
20030416
Flash Games
Time
09:43
Gasteroids is pretty much what you would expect from the name. I too shoot follow-through pellets that can shatter an asteroid.

(Link via FunJunkie)

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Date
20030416

Time
09:46
Nude retiree arrested while mowing lawn. For being nude, or for mowing the lawn?

Also doing the rounds is the sixth-grader arrested for stomping in a puddle and this fine Looney Tunes moment.

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Date
20030416
Photoshopping
Time
12:12
Jon Crowley piped up with some excellent suggestions for The Star Wars Photoshopping Project. One was for the Beatles.

This was the only way to fit everybody in.

Big’un is over at B3ta.

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Date
20030416
Civil Disobedience
Time
12:16
I’ve got to stop leaving Out of Order signs around the house. Our 5-year-old son just labelled the TV.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030416
Updates
Time
16:20
Headwindow has been added to the ‘follow me’ list. In case you haven’t worked it out yet, these are the few sites that I visit every single day. It is a great honour to be included in this list, and in return for such linkage I expect nothing less than daily amusement and regular blood sacrifices.

Can Weblogs Go To Washington? and the accompanying article Why Politicians Need Weblogs have also gone live. These are mostly static versions of material blogged yesterday and the day before, so try not to get too excited about it.

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Date
20030416

Time
16:38
Ahahahahahahahahaha!

Quite possibly the best pub in the world.

Dammit, I was just in Dorset, too… how did I miss this?



(This fine site was made by a B3tan. I missed its debut while I was out shagging badgers.)

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Date
20030416

Time
16:55
Another article about Tom Watson’s site. This one focuses on the ‘teens’ page and how a Guardian journalist completely missed the point (hey, not all of them are up on the Interwebnet, you know).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
09:47
Sorry I’m late. An evil stomach bug has hit this house like a bomb. It’s a nasty little bugger that takes you right into the dry heaves as your stomach tries to turn inside urge purging the fucker. We were up until 3am dealing with one sproglet, and woke to find another dealing with it. One more kid to go, and we’re next.

So, remind me again why it’s a good idea to breed?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
09:51
Doc Searls wants us all to work on the recovery of stolen Iraqi art treasures. I saw a question relating to this during the 40 minutes I wasted at inaugural ‘Ask the White House’ online discussion last night. (Hmm, come to think of it, the vomiting started soon after this…)

I love that the British Museum has offered to help. Perhaps they can start by returning the stolen Iraqi art treasures in their possession.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
09:59
I must admit to being quite impressed on the first view of the new Honda Accord ad (there’s a mirror of it here if you find that site a bit slow). As a ‘made for TV ad that gone viral,’ this is probably going to do as well as the John West commercial, but it does worry me how ready people are to believe that it was all done in one take (it took 606 takes, dontcha know?) and no camera trickery or cgi flim-flammery was involved.

While we’re on the subject of healthy cynicism, quite a few people are excited about Moby submitting to The Mirror Project, but that looks like a Photoshopped effort to me. The line at the bottom of the mirror is a little hazy for my liking, and those lens flares appear to exist for no other reason but to mask a sin or two.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
10:10
Well fuck me if it’s not illegal to swear in Chicago. Feel free to let fly, though. You stand very little chance of getting arrested. Unless, of course, you walk around calling Bush a c…

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Date
20030417

Time
10:15
Coming soon to the Fox network: When Toys Attack II

Teenager blinded by spud gun

Girl killed by model plane

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Date
20030417
Does What What It Says On The Tin
Time
10:18
showmeyourwound.com has to be the world’s greatest pick-up line.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
10:21
Burglar showers and tidies up a bit before leaving. He also left his his dirty jeans behind, and $51.65 in cash. The strawberries on the kitchen table were an especially nice touch.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
10:24
Doctors present at rescue of Private Jessica question accuracy of official account. A staged operation and shameless myth-building from the US military? Never!

(Oh, time to remind ourselves again just how many joyful Iraqis were actually present at the toppling of Saddam’s statue.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030417

Time
10:29
43 Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School students have been busted drinking and smoking drugs. 13 have been suspended, the rest were grassed up to their parents. A concerned parent saw images of the foul and totally out of character deeds on a website, and forwarded the details to school officials.

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Date
20030417
Jesus Week II
Time
10:37
We had a special ‘Jesus Week’ last Easter to carry folks over the holiday break. I’ll be doing the same again this Easter, so feel free to submit any juicy Jebus goodness you think should be included.

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Date
20030417
Photoshopping
Time
13:18
More joy from The Star Wars Photoshopping Project (the 11th page is filling out nicely).

As usual, a big’un is being shown off at B3ta.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:14
Here, this’ll keep you busy for a while. Watch the 1979 film ‘Jesus’ (all two hours of it) via the web, courtesy of The Jesus Film Project. This wonderful example of Christian propaganda is available in over 800 languages, but these lazy buggers have only managed to suck up the bandwidth with 54 online versions. Somebody should write a letter.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:23
Tip for Christian rock bands: try not to fucking swear during interviews.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:24
God helps those who help themselves: Christians for the cloning of Jesus.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:28
Theresa Rector is yodeling for Jesus. After several failed marriages and years of alcohol and drug abuse, the Holy Spirit spoke to Theresa and through ‘prophetic dreams and visions’ helped here to write the landmark song: I Wanna Yodel for the LORD!

More songs followed, and you can now download samples of such great works as Hallelulollalululujah Praise The Lord and I’m Gonna Yodel My Way To Heaven in MP3 format and/or buy the full inspirational collection on cassette or CD.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:38
Was Jesus and astronaut? Close. He was and is an evil shape-shifting alien out to dominate the world. Think happy thoughts.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:41
Man makes joke website asking What Would Jesus Drive?

Idea is hijacked by anti-SUV brigade.

Official site is launched as campaign grows.

Next logical step?

The ‘What Would Jesus Drive?’ weblog.

It’s all a bit worrying, and no-one seems to have come up with a definitive answer, but we can confirm that God Drives a Galaxy.

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Date
20030418

Time
09:52
Yay! It’s The Biblical Action Figures Collection!

Sorry kids, they don’t transform. No weapons, either. But each figure does come with its own background play scenery (i.e. a piece of printed cardboard) and can actually help you on the way to spiritual enlightenment (if you inhale the fumes as you melt one over a slow flame).

I love the domain name of this site. Says it all, really.

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Date
20030418

Time
10:05
Are you addicted to chocolate, or addicted to Jesus?

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Date
20030418
Jesus Week II
Time
10:09


A modest collection of links to keep you going over the Easter break. If anything else turns up, I may drop by to blog that, too.

But don’t count on it.

May Jebus bless you and may your holiday break be as cold and empty as a hollow chocolate egg.

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Date
20030418

Time
10:26
This just in: Romanian Priests Suspended For Blessing Brothels.

Oh, and can anyone explain why so many people are interested in Mustard Man today? Is there a religious connection? I’m dying to know.

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Date
20030421

Time
18:42
That stomach bug that hit us last Thursday is truly, truly evil. After going through two of our kids, it seemed to pass by the third – and us. Or so we thought.

Sunday night. There is a short discussion as the boys go to bed about the state of their room. There is a large pile of books, toys and clothes in the corner that is the result of their last few attempts to ‘tidy’ their room. They’re not too happy about the prospect of cleaning up properly on Monday, but that’s the plan, so they’re warned to get used to the idea.

About four hours after lights out, our eldest calls out for help and is suddenly and quite copiously sick. All over the aforementioned pile. His position in the top bunk helped considerably with the distance and coverage required for such a feat.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m your classic empathetic upchucker. All I have to do is see, smell, and/or hear someone doing it I’m vomiting along in full colour harmony. This means that I usually end up doing most of the cleaning, as it’s only by this late stage that I can detach myself enough to get on with the job.

Problem being, the missus was similarly struck down less than ten minutes after this spectacular hurling event.

It was not a pleasant evening/morning. It didn’t help that, while on the kitchen floor systematically cleaning a pile of sheets, clothes, toys and books, I felt the aggressive tummy grumbles signifying I was next – and soon.

I managed to get through most of the pile (including all of the 38 books, over a dozen of which were library books and therefore not quite as disposable as others) before succumbing to the inevitable at about 1am.

I managed to snatch some sleep here and there, but without the in-laws help with two of our sprogs, I don’t know how we could possibly have made the house liveable by this evening. We did, though. A sunny day went largely to waste, but it did help the enormous pile of washing along.

Time to collapse now. I may be late (again) tomorrow. Consider yourself warned.

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Date
20030422

Time
09:50
The Bush regime has a lot to learn about symbolism and timing. (How many flags did you count that were ‘hastily removed’?)

Trailer outlets of Pizza Hut and Burger King have been set up in Iraq to service troops.

“I would prefer we got decent showers and toilets sorted out first,” muttered one high-ranking officer.

Some food, water and medicine for the locals wouldn’t go astray, either.

The fun continues with plans to build a pipeline to siphon oil from newly conquered Iraq to Israel.

It’s hard to believe that anybody could be so arrogant, but there it is.

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Date
20030422

Time
09:56
‘The sugar industry in the US is threatening to bring the World Health Organisation to its knees by demanding that Congress end its funding unless the WHO scraps guidelines on healthy eating.’

10% is not enough, it seems. The sugar-sellers think that up to a quarter of our food could and should contain sugar, saying that:

“Taxpayers’ dollars should not be used to support misguided, non-science-based reports which do not add to the health and well-being of Americans, much less the rest of the world…”

Riiiight…

I’m pretty sure they can get the support of a few dental care lobbyists.

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Date
20030422

Time
10:03
Office workers will give away passwords for a cheap pen. A repeat of last year’s survey/experiment saw the overall number of cubicle monkeys willing to give away their primary password rise from 65% to 90%.

The most common password is still ‘password.’

Doesn’t surprise me at all.

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Date
20030422

Time
10:09
Soon to be a major survival-against-the-odds article in Reader’s Digest:

Officer rescues two swimmers from gator-infested lake. Lots of detail to this story, but I won’t ruin it for you. Go click.

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Date
20030422

Time
10:13
Reporter reports on sloppy reporting that has made him famous. Reportedly.

Seems he quoted a man by the name of Heywood Jablome.

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Date
20030422

Time
10:18
Under cover of war, Mugabe unleashes a new reign of terror.

Coalition actions in Iraq also lend new credence to his favourite claim, that Britain (and now the U.S.) are trying to ‘recolonise’ Zimbabwe.

Just one little symptom for you to ponder on. This is far from over, folks…

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Date
20030422
Headlines of Glory
Time
10:22
Charges Dropped In Scrotum Biting Case

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Date
20030422
Easter Roundup
Time
10:25
Staff at chocolate store have ‘a passionate philosophical debate’ over whether to put a chocolate Jesus on the shelf.

Store supervisor and ‘practicing Christian’ Liz Samuel was quoted as saying: “I just don’t think that you should eat anything that’s Jesus.”

Has she not heard of communion, then?

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Date
20030422

Time
10:32
Yes, I’m participating in TV Turnoff Week.

Yesterday was easy. Do you have any idea how many shows and ads contain food?

While we’re on the subject, subscribers to cable/satellite TV should consider the following:

You are paying for these channels, but you still have to put up with advertising – and not just the usual 30 second slots, but now increased calls for you to push the little red button before, after and during programmes.

Would you put up with this kind of behaviour from a website?

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Date
20030422

Time
10:41
Checking my email this morning I found 52 (52!) independent unsolictied emails touting the Iraqi ‘Most-Wanted’ Deck of Playing Cards. Fucking spammers.

Oh, I also found one ‘get well’ e-card. Somebody cares…

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Date
20030423

Time
09:15
Anti-war MP George Galloway was in Saddam’s pay says pro-war paper after journalist finds box of ‘secret’ documents. Left conveniently in an orange box with the word ‘Britain’ clearly written on it. In a room of other documents that had been deliberately burned beyond recognition. Pardon my cynicism.

George Galloway is planning legal action against the rag in question, but he’s sure to be given a burger with the works before he gets a chance. Meanwhile everybody is free to repeat the claims that are so damaging to the credibility of the anti-war movement. (Sounds to me like there’s another war coming. I’d better watch my back.)

Given that so many people still believe in the ‘truth’ of Jessica’s rescue and the ‘thousands’ of joyful Iraqis present at the statue toppling, I’m left wondering if, even if this is exposed as an outright lie, how many people will continue to believe in it.

UPDATE – Sorry, missed one from The Guardian: Documents prompt more questions than answers

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Date
20030423

Time
09:35
Interesting that Eminem has a body double:

Will the real Hussein plase stand up? (requires Flash)

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Date
20030423

Time
09:38
Student suspected of stealing 854 pairs of panties. Sounds like a loser to me. I mean honestly, where’s the prank value in that? Give me students who glue school doors shut any day.

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Date
20030423

Time
09:41
Only funny if you’re a Lego geek: Meet the 3-year-old Lego purist.

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Date
20030423
Does What It Says On The Tin
Time
09:44
www.toiletmuseum.com

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Date
20030423

Time
09:46
I’ve been wondering about this kind of thing myself lately… plenty of blogs die a welcome death, but what happens when a blogger dies and leaves an active blog behind?

Hmmm.

OK, so who wants to be named as Blog Successor in my Last Will and Testament?

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Date
20030423

Time
09:53
An excellent report on spam, where it comes from, and how to avoid it.

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Date
20030423

Time
09:56
A microbiologist has warned that the SARS virus ‘appears to be becoming more virulent, attacking the intestines as well as the respiratory system.’

My advice? Take shallow breaths.

Oh, and diseased or not, it still pays to avoid rampaging monkeys.

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Date
20030423
Free Music
Time
10:10
Nothing beats a little retrotech:

Floppyswop: ‘a place for sharing any files small enough to fit on a conventional floppy disc.’

Oh, the BBC is happy to play you a few free tracks, but you have to work for each one.

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Date
20030423
Headlines of Glory
Time
10:12
Overweight bears slim down after seizure in marijuana raid

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Date
20030423

Time
10:15
Children held at Camp Xray, US admits.

Held without trial, held without rights, held under a made-up term that conveniently bypasses international law and the Geneva Convention. Remind me again what constitutes an evil regime?

UPDATE – On reflection, you’re right. They deserve it. We’ve all seen the evidence, right? It was right there on the tee-vee. I remember watching the second plane smash into the WTC and thinking; “Tch! Typical! Bloody kids!!” Let’s just grab a few chainsaws and be done with it.

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Date
20030424
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:02
Riding high? Bloody hell, it owns the zone, with positions 1-10 for a variety of references. Movable Type has launched a new user-friendly version hosted on their servers called Typepad.

Here’s the press release from the parent company, Sixapart and here’s the article in The Guardian that let me know about this before I even turned on my computer.

No dotcom goldrush pie-in-the-sky bullshit about it, either. It’s a good service offered for a small monthly fee.

Oh, there’s no word yet on the clearance procedures from the folks at senate.gov – but I’ll call and hassle them again later today.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:03
More anti-social bear behaviour: Bears Destroy Hotel Doors, Eat Floor

Yes, you read that correctly. They ate the floor.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:06
The Onion continues its return to glory: New Fox Reality Show To Determine Ruler Of Iraq.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:09
The Safetype keyboard has to be seen to be believed (as the blurb goes) but it isn’t as revolutionary or as useful as you might think. It’s completely unsuitable for one-handed use, and therefore of no use to 80% of teenage web users.

Hmm, best make that 100%. Of all web users.

Oh, don’t look at me like that… I know what you people get up to.

What… me? No, never.

Seriously, never.

(Well, maybe occasionally. After all, there’s no telly this week.)

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Date
20030424
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
09:13
What Monty Python Character are you?

It’s not the first, and it won’t be the last. Quizzes are pretty old hat by now, but the MASH quiz still pulls over 3,000 new users a month after a year or more of service.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:20
His & Her Hummers launch to cheers and jeers. The perfect ultra-consumable to express the macho appeal of war and gratitude for all that extra oil. Optional extras for men include a mini-fridge, bald eagle art, stars and stripes floor mats and ‘Honk If You Love America’ stickers.

For the record, in most parts of Australia a ‘hummer’ is a blowjob.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:26
Painting of deceased tiger scares live tigers at San Francisco Zoo. Pussies. Now this is scary.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:29
The non-existant time-travelling inside trader has skipped town. Police are questioning the Easter Bunny.

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Date
20030424

Time
09:40
US Customs officials confiscate large painting from journalist returning from Iraq.

”He didn’t think it was a big deal,” an official said of the journalist. ”He said all the embedded reporters were doing it.”

Wonderful, isn’t it?

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Date
20030424
Photoshopping
Time
15:05
I’m going to be off and out for most of tomorrow (meetings, meetings, meetings), but I do have this small amount of joy for you.

We finish off Page 11 of The Star Wars Photoshopping Project with the following:

“Luke, trust me – it’s best if you don’t know what’s coming…”

(Big’un is being shown off at B3ta.)

Enjoy your weekend. I shall try to post before Monday if anything exciting happens.

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Date
20030424

Time
16:58
Mark has written in with the following quotes, courtesy of the over-funded BBC:

Jack Straw says that finding weapons of mass distraction was not the justification for military action.

Geoff Hoon says: “We certainly will find weapons of mass destruction – that was the primary reason for invading Iraq and bringing down the regime.”

No, it’s not a case of crossed wires, it’s just that Geoff hasn’t received the latest memo on WMD back-pedalling, that’s all.

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Date
20030426
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
00:11
A long day today/yesterday, but I’m still going to make time to head off to this Lego festival near Stoke-on-Trent. It’s an early start and a long drive, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it. If you’re in the neighbourhood and plan on attending, I’ll be the guy with bloodshot eyes wearing one of these.

BTW, Tom Watson’s site appears to be down after a massive hammering this afternoon. We’ll need to move the site to a beefier and more reliable server sometime next week by the looks of things.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:05
1 Pixel Per Metre is quite a simple idea, elegantly done. It’s more or less a straightforward comparison of scale along the top rows (Eiffel Tower, Empire State Building, King Kong, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, etc.), but scroll down for extended geekiness.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:08
Here’s your chance to play dress-up with a Catholic high school girl.

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Date
20030428
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
09:29
Praise be to The Memory Hole.

First of all, because I can’t remember if I’ve blogged it or not, let’s take a look at the shoddy Photoshopping job done by the Evening Standard, meant to convince us that there really was a happy crowd of thousands at the toppling of Saddam’s statue.

Today they have images of US forces making captive Iraqi men walk naked through a park in direct violation of the Geneva Convention. Apparently the men are thieves and the technique will be used again to help discourage looting, but MH quite rightly asks if this technique will be used on US troops in Iraq that helped themselves to $13.1m in cash.

Tch! The troops should be aware that they are there to do a job, and all looting by the US has to go through appropriate channels.

From The Independent on Sunday: Intelligence agencies accuse Bush and Blair of distorting and fabricating evidence in rush to war.

A different angle on more or less the same story from ABC news: the real reason for the war was ‘a global show of American power and democracy’ after the butt-kicking that was 911.

“We were not lying,” said one official. “But it was just a matter of emphasis.”

Tell it to the judge, pal.

Finally, just as more and more people are asking Where are the WMDs? (they were the main justification for war, if you remember – before it suddenly turned to regime change to try and embarrass us bleeding-heat liberals into backing this shitfight) the Telegraph comes to the rescue with ‘proof’ that Saddam worked with bin Laden. The source of this ‘proof’ is yet another remarkably unscathed box of documents helpfully left out for curious journalists.

The truth will out – but not before Bush and his buddies have made off with most of Iraq’s wealth.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:30
Please note that if you’re a regular reader of the Times, Telegraph or Sun newspapers, then you have no need of this website.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:35
Boston Marathon runners like to urinate on lawns. The residents along the route are less than happy about it.

They should do what the posh property owners along the route of the Sydney City To Surf do; invite some friends around for a lawn party to gawk at the antics of the unwashed masses, and keep at least one garden hose primed and ready for emergencies.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:41
Enjoy 12 dumb comic book covers.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:43
Baltimore residents go nuts as Travolta hits town. One witness claimed to have seen a woman get her name signed by the star and head straight for the nearest tattoo parlour to have it made permanent.

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Date
20030428

Time
09:46
Beer bottle top promotion goes tits-up and sparks near-riot in Nairobi. Everybody is a winner, it seems.

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Date
20030428
Headlines of Glory
Time
09:47
Pet elephant kills politician

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Date
20030428

Time
09:50
This should keep – and your cursor – busy for about 30 seconds.

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Date
20030428
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
09:54
The Brickish Association Annual LEGO Festival and General Meeting on Saturday was well worth driving 182 miles for.

I turned up out of the blue after hearing about the event on Friday afternoon, and signed up to be a brickie pretty much as soon as I walked through the door.

I met a lot of like-minded (yet surprisingly normal) individuals, and saw a number of very, very impressive models.

My eldest son came along for the ride and was equally impressed. A quirky floorbot had his attention for most of the afternoon, and the chap who built it was kind enough to send me links to a number of resource pages – 1, 2, 3 – so we can (maybe) have a crack at building one for ourselves. Thanks Phil.

The one model that really caught my eye was Rhys Knight’s Colonial Viper (from the ever-crappy made-for-TV extravaganza that was Battlestar Galactica).

I took this picture, but there are many more for you to drool over here.

Now I’ve built some Lego in the past, but meeting with these guys has really inspired me to lift my game.

I’ll try not to bore you folks with it too much, but I will be spending a lot of time on the sitting room floor over the next month or so.

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Date
20030428

Time
11:09
From the soon-to-be-defunct Innovations catalogue comes this breakthrough in breast examination.

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Date
20030428

Time
13:35
I broke the television boycott a day early to watch this documentary on dodgy drug testing and shameless price-fixing last night. (Here’s the best collection of linkage for those who missed it.) During our 3-hour drive up north on Saturday, my 7-year-old son asked me – out of the blue, mind you – for examples of ‘evil’ corporations. I didn’t mention Pfizer then, but I certainly will next time.

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Date
20030429
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
09:14
Admiral Sir Michael Boyce, this government’s most senior military adviser, has warned that UK forces will need at least 18 months to ‘draw breath’ before another major war. Now why do you think he feels such a warning is necessary?

In other news, Iraqi civilians are preparing a complaint accusing allied commander Gen. Tommy Franks and other U.S. military officials of war crimes in Iraq.

Also, Jordan (the Arab nation, not the busty b-celebrity) again has warned the US against supporting Iraqi opposition figure Ahmad Chalabi (promoted by some in Washington as a possible political leader) saying he lacks credibility and support among Iraqis and is a convicted fraud.

Finally, here’s a very long Fark thread about yesterday’s ‘proof’ of links between Saddam and Al Qaeda. Yes, there’s a link. They hate each other’s guts.

Still plenty to be angry about, people – and the war ain’t over yet.

Take note and take action.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:18
The Ultimate Insult has had another makeover. By sheer coincidence, Scott has chosen the very same layout that Tom was considering before we stumbled across this excellent design.

BTW, another MP steps up to the bat soon – so I’m going to need another designer that knows their way around MT. (I want to hire locally on this one, as there’s going to be a fair amount of back and forth.)

Emails to the usual address.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:24
Batmobile sells for $170,000.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:27
Reflections on the 25th Anniversary of Spam. According to the author, the first spam was sent May 3, 1978 – 25 years ago this Saturday.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:31
Whitey has just emailed me regarding yesterday’s post about scumbag pharmaceutical giants. He’s sent me this article about a massive vitamin and nutritional supplement recall in Australia. An audit of Pan Pharmaceuticals found that they were ‘risking lives by releasing products despite failing to test raw ingredients, or fudging the results of tests.’

The audit began after one of Pan’s products, Travelcalm, was recalled in January. A faulty batch of the product, designed to relieve travel sickness, made many people sick and reportedly had a hallucinatory effect on others. The result? Crazed people trying to jump of planes, boats, you name it.

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Date
20030429
Headlines of Glory
Time
09:41
Porno overload leaves Japanese jerkers drained dry and Deputies skeptical about family’s tale that cat shot teen.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:43
I’m sure if you watched the news last night you would have seen the footage of the brave ‘teen’ who repeatedly ran into a burning building to save a bunch of youngsters. He’s not a teen. He’s 22. Some fucknuckle in authority saw the footage too, and recognised him as the subject of an outstanding warrant. He was gaoled on Monday for violating probation.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:55
Two on the subject of novels and blogs: a report on tip-jar revenue from a ‘free’ novel and the writer who has stopped blogging so he can get on with his novel. Now there’s an idea.

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Date
20030429

Time
09:58
Madonna has released a number of ‘dummy’ files onto KaZaA in an attempt to curb free swapping of songs from her ‘American Life’ album. The files look like full-length files, but when you download them you only get a snippet of track followed by a recording of Madonna saying ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’.

The inevitable result is The Madonna Remix Project, where you can download sampled dance remixes of this immortal phrase.

It’s times like this I really miss being a DJ.

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Date
20030429

Time
10:18
I still get a kick out of crossing the language barrier. It’s the whole viral/blog Raging Cow thing this time. Link’s at the bottom of the page. Babelfish awaits if you wish to read the article in Franglais.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030429

Time
10:51
All Londoners and intelligent beings are advised to watch this space.

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Date
20030429
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
14:32
*sigh*

Well, I suppose if I must. The Apple ads and the Itunes music store pretty much own the zone today, so they deserve at least a passing mention. The next big hit is sure to be the Bush Regime Playing Cards, brought to you by uggabugga, busybusybusy, and the Department of Inevitability.

Now I’m waiting for 152 spams trying to sell me this new must-have new deck…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030429

Time
17:06
I need a large number of empty shoeboxes for an off-the-cuff installation piece. If anybody can help, please do drop me a line.

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Date
20030429

Time
17:33
I found an excellent blow-by-blow account and article describing how weblogs can engage that wonderful effect so eloquently described in Malcolm Gladwell’s Tipping Point. It closes with something that most people miss – you not only reach a wide weblog audience in this way, you also reach a much wider audience via Google, due to the pronounced effect our conversations have on rank.

The sad thing is, most folks in marketing will read this and still miss the point.

(Link found via Countersink, which is sure to have my attention over the coming weeks. It’s a new blog, so not all navigation can be trusted at this early stage. Watch your step.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030429

Time
21:58
Bloggage may be late tomorrow, as we have at least one feverish kid – and I’m planning on bringing together some resources for May Day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030430
May Day 2003
Time
11:04

Why Will I Be Marching On May Day?

I’ll be marching because I have been born into a privileged life, with a great amount of talent, and until recently have pissed this up against the wall helping others to sell tat.

The anti-globalisation movement is largely misrepresented in the media (I’m sure you can guess why), so what little hope there is lies in grass roots action and communication.

Tomorrow, I will be using my skills to help spread an important message or two to the public at large. It’s time to get my hands dirty.

What Action Will I Be Taking On May Day?

Incriminating ‘Evidence’

In reaction to several very timely and convenient discoveries by the Daily Telegraph (and this quite excellent story), I will be planting the following forged document in shoeboxes across the city, including the Canary Wharf district.

You can click here to download a copy of this letter for distribution in your area if you think this is a fun idea.

Masks

I have no intention of getting involved with so-called extremists, but I have noticed that the police often try to intimidate crowds by deliberately and visibly videotaping and photographing faces. These are then supplied to tabloids and broadsheets for trial by media. This year, we all have a fantastic reason to wear a mask – the threat of exposure to SARS – so I will be distributing paper surgical masks to anybody who wants one.

You can walk down to your local pharmacy and buy a box of these yourself if you wish to help stop disease/intimidation.

Out Of Order Signs

Signage as used at the 2nd London Peace March will be distributed in prime locations to recruit yet more armchair activists. I will also be distributing a large number of Out Of Order stickers to anybody who wishes to contribute to the project.

You can read more about The Out Of Order Project by clicking here if you want to bring your small corner of the world to a grinding halt.

Why Should You Get Involved On May Day?

I’ve really got about a hundred reasons myself, but here’s 15 to get you started.

You can read more, and find out what action is being taken in your neck of the woods, by clicking here.

(Don’t be scared off by the paranoid and extreme chappies. You have to keep in mind that they do this kind of thing a lot more than you and I, and are feeling pretty jaded by experiences such as this.)

Come along, be counted, stay cool, and bring plenty of drinking water.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030430
It’s SARS! And We’re All Going To Die!
Time
14:40
You want to hear something really scary? Every single pharmacy in my area has sold out of surgical face-masks and can’t get any more from the manufacturers.

Remember Foot & Mouth? The reason we didn’t (finally) vaccinate was because there wasn’t enough vaccine to do even one-tenth of the animals at risk.

These are the same people that are telling us that they have the SARS situation in hand…

Anyways, I finally hit paydirt with General Medical in Aldershot and picked up 200 or so masks in all. (No, I haven’t robbed the population of vital protection – I chose the rattiest, most useless masks available.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030430

Time
16:09
Read a copy of the May Day email sent from police to central London businesses. Why, I wonder, do they advise folks to watch SKY news and not the BBC?

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Date
20030430

Time
17:30
May Day protesters will face ‘penning in’ tactics.

What? Again? They barely got away with it last time (even with the skewed coverage, this year to be supplied by SKY News).

During the penning-in of May 2001, all publicly accessible traffic cams in and around the area were conveniently out of order. I managed to find two private ones facing the square and watched the whole sorry state of affairs. The patience of those hemmed in by the police amazed me. Another reason I’ve gone from heckling these people to joining them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030430

Time
17:49
Most of the shoeboxes are done. You may note that they are all slightly different in size, so they more or less fit inside each other to make two manageable and easy-to-carry collections.

About 1500 Out Of Order stickers have also been printed up, ready to go.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030430

Time
23:33
OK, I’m geared up and ready to roll. Time for bed.

Obviously there will be no bloggage tomorrow, but you can keep up with the news via this simple search at Google News and get an activist’s perspective on media coverage by monitoring this thread over at Urban75.

Preaching will stop and fun will continue on Friday. Assuming, of course, that I don’t get arrested.

(Don’t worry. My parents read this blog. I just threw that in to freak them out…)

01-15 April, 2003

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Date
20030401

Time
08:48
Ho ho ho. It is the French Army Knife. I can tell you’re amused. Here’s a Sith Army Knife to make up for it.

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Date
20030401
It’s War! And Everybody’s Got Busy Hands!
Time
08:51
Gang, you’ve be told about this before – don’t send any more porn to the troops. Please.

If you have to send something, send an email from a Playmate.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401
Can Weblogs…?
Time
08:56
“How does the second superpower take action? Not from the top, but from the bottom.”

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Date
20030401

Time
08:58
Bikini waxes will soon be legal throughout North Dakota.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401

Time
09:01
GP attempts to cure knucklehead with frying pan.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401

Time
09:02
A French company, Sodexho Alliance, currently feeds U.S. Marines. Congressman Jack Kingston wants the Bush administration to cancel the $881 million supply contract and I have a sneaky feeling he may just get his way.

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Date
20030401

Time
09:08
Life goes on with half a beard.

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Date
20030401

Time
09:09
Twins kept older brother locked in attic for 40 years. Something wrong there. How can they both be the evil one?

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Date
20030401

Time
09:12
Sacked NBC reporter Peter Arnett has been hired by the Daily Mirror. Here’s hoping his life improves sometime soon.

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Date
20030401

Time
09:15
A Warmonger explains war to a Peacenik.

My eldest son asked me this morning why Saddam started the war. Now that took some explaining…

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Date
20030401

Time
09:19
Is this war a mismanaged, misjudged shit-fight? Well, a scapegoat is already being lined up. What do you think?

BTW, here’s some of the stuff that happens when all eyes are on a war and here’s what’s coming next – if we’re lucky.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401
Civil Disobedience
Time
12:11
An early report on The ‘Out Of Order’ Project is now available. If I’ve quoted you and you don’t mind a credit link, please do let me know.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401
Photoshopping
Time
15:06
Bloody hell.

Now I’m going to have to build an 11th page for The Star Wars Photoshopping Project.

I need a holiday and lots of bedrest.

(Note – a bigger version of this is being paraded over at B3ta.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030401

Time
16:07
From today, British citizenship can be revoked from immigrants who ‘seriously prejudice’ the UK’s interests.

A good thing I’m working so hard to keep this country on the straight and narrow then, isn’t it?

Hm.

Does this mean that Mohamed al-Fayed jumped before he was pushed?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402

Time
08:42
‘You just killed a family because you didn’t fire a warning shot,’ screams the officer who gave the order to fire on a vehicle full of Iraqi civilians. Lesson to be learned? It’s always easier to kick shit downhill.

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Date
20030402

Time
08:44
Help Madeleine Bunting write her new book. Nah, fuck that. Help me to write my book. All I need is about 3 months of relative peace and quiet. Right now I don’t even have the time or energy to scratch my bum.

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Date
20030402

Time
08:47
Object of game: Get out of prison alive.

Execution: lame.

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Date
20030402

Time
08:49
Saturday July 12 is the 23rd Annual Mooning of Amtrak. Mark your calendars.

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Date
20030402

Time
08:51
No, I didn’t mess with your heads yesterday. I wasn’t in the mood. Neither were a lot of other people this year. Funny that.

Still we had the ‘hilarious’ free Eminem concert gag and an equally inspired virus hoax that caused panic food buying and a stock market slump. Nothing like a good laugh, is there?

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Date
20030402

Time
08:54
The results are in for the 2003 Antibloggies.

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Date
20030402

Time
08:56
After a brave start, Madonna wimps out.

Remember folks, you are not allowed to criticise the war in Iraq. Howl with the wolves you must.

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Date
20030402

Time
09:00
Bill Gates issues $60-million research grant to fund search for the invisible condom.

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Date
20030402

Time
09:04
Detectives have arrested two Lawndale High students who allegedly planned to celebrate the anniversary of the Columbine massacre with some homemade explosives.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402

Time
09:06
Journalists discuss the firing of Peter Arnett. You can read his first article for those opportunistic scumbags over at The Mirror here. Be begins by saying; ‘I am still in shock and awe at being fired.’

The man is obviously a genius. Actually, he’s an idiot. Sure, his heart was in the right place but he should have known that his words would be used as ammunition.

More idiocy: The plan to target MPs who voted in favour of the war. Tom has followed this up with

some details and a disturbingly correct judgement on my view. Doing the wrong thing in the name of righteousness? That’s what we’re protesting against, isn’t it?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402

Time
09:24
Boy weds 42-year-old. What better way to celebrate your 14th birthday?

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Date
20030402

Time
09:26
We all learned about World War I in school, right? Lots of contributing factors, but the defining moment came when the 7th assassin finally managed to do Franz Ferdinand in.

20 years from now, I swear there’ll be a chapter on Freedom Fries to study and regurgitate at will. It’ll come right after the chapter covering dangerous regimes and rigged elections.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402

Time
09:31
We don’t understand Iraqis, admits US officer.

“I just don’t know why they’re shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back.”

Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H, Episode B306 – ‘O.R.’)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402
Civil Disobedience
Time
09:36
I’ll do full credits on the first ‘Out Of Order’ report as soon as I get a few more yays and nays in.

(Did I quote you? Get in touch and let me know if you want to be credited or anonymous.)

In the meantime, you need to know that the best action report by far (the one with the ‘out of order’ stationary cupboard) comes to you from princess erin the mighty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
11:45
This just in: Former senator Gary Hart started a weblog about 6 days ago.

So, it looks like I won’t be able to claim the first. I’ll just have to settle for best, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402
Photoshopping
Time
13:54
Page 11 of The Star Wars Photoshopping Project is starting to fill out nicely with the help of The Professionals.

Again, there’s a large version of this posted over at B3ta.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030402
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
18:38
OK, here’s the deal with senatorial weblogging: Once you’re a senator, your web presence must be hosted at senate.gov and abide by certain rules. First hurdle is to get Movable Type approved by the Sergeant At Arms for use on these servers. I’m on the case.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
08:41
I think perhaps someone should point out to the U.S. Army that ‘General’ is a French word. Alternative names for a General, then?

Liberty Leader?

Director of Justice?

Sorry, no ‘liberty’ and ‘justice’ for you. Both words are of French origin.

How about something cool like Ultra Marine?

Considering how many Iraqis have actually surrendered so far, how about Optimist Prime?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
08:42
15-year-old hires escort from his hospital bed and teen voyeur gets trapped behind shower wall. Both stories have wonderful details and developments that I won’t spoil for you here.

This and more chewy goodness (including the man who left polaroids of his privates under the windscreen wipers of ladies cars) available today via Romenkso’s ObscureStore.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
08:49
Iraq knocked off Interwebnet. No use emailing support, boyo.

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Date
20030403

Time
08:53
“We do view Google more and more as a competitor. We believe that we can provide consumers with a better product and a better user experience. That’s something that we’re actively looking at doing,” says Bob Visse, a marketing director for Microsoft. Pardon me while I giggle foolishly.

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Date
20030403

Time
08:54
The Beginner’s Guide to Self-Immortalization (not to be confused with self-immolation).

(Link via The Ultimate Insult.)

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Date
20030403

Time
08:58
Nick Nolte goes clean, comes clean.

Insert detergent gag.

Run quote:

“Every once in a while, you lose it. You saw my pictures. There’s no hiding there.”

Pictures? What pictures?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
09:03
Dead journalists campaign for freedom of the press. And more spicy brains.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
09:04
Attention Super Man and Super Squid – Tokyo is that way – –>

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Date
20030403

Time
09:07
Conspiracy theorists will love this one: anti-war anthem champ Edwin Starr is dead.

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Date
20030403

Time
09:09
Don’t like America? Then Leave.

Oh dear. Y’see, the problem is that most of your resident peacemongers love America and what it’s supposed to aspire to. Sadly, almost every lofty ideal has been corrupted or neglected under the current regime.

Still, if you feel you must export enlightened souls to other countries, you just go right ahead.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
09:57
From Rainbow Heron we find ProtestWarrior.com

I may not agree with what they’re doing, but I love the way they’re doing it.

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Date
20030403
Fursday Feedback
Time
09:59
Last night I had a dream that I needed more sleep. I think that’s pretty much all I needed to push me over the edge.

One of the biggest problems in my life is not having enough time and it never being a good time. I’m slowly learning to deal with that, so next week – good time or not – I’ll be taking a short bloggage holiday.

I plan to spend this time wisely by sitting in the garden and/or digging a small hole to retreat into while I have quiet think and maybe do a little writing just for me.

Bloggerheads gets about 100 new visitors a day, so I need some static content for this week to cover my sluggish butt.

All I need really is 2 or 3 letters from regulars explaining what Bloggerheads is usually like when I’m not offline and huddled in a corner, trying to get into myself.

If you have a site of your own, then please include a URL with your letter. This gives visitors somewhere to go once they’ve found out there ain’t much going on here.

Emails to the usual address. Get ‘em in today. I’ll be publishing tomorrow.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030403

Time
11:10
The Independent: Military briefings are chock full of lies. One man’s chemical weapons factory is another man’s all-night petrol garage. No doubt it was the evil packaged sandwiches that fooled them. Or maybe the longlife pastries.

(Found via the folks at Supervillainwatch, who are kindly supporting The ‘Out Of Order’ Project.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
08:57
Wow, it’s all peace, love and football just like the good old-fashioned wars of the past. I watched the footage of this on TV, but couldn’t spot Sylvester Stallone anywhere. No wonder the Iraqis won; our side didn’t have their regular goalkeeper.

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Date
20030404

Time
09:01
‘Girls Gone Wild’ Producers Arrested On Racketeering Charges. They’ve been telling girls to lie about their age, the naughty scamps. Incidentally, the $100 some lucky girls get paid to strip naked in a cheap motel room is enough to buy maybe 5 copies of the video they appear in. They don’t even have to be naked for that to be described as exploitation.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:06
Burt Ward ordered to clean up dog mess. Only the best celebrity gossip here, folks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404
Christianity Watch
Time
09:07
’Poised behind the troops, waiting for a signal that Iraq is safe enough for them to operate in, are the evangelical Christians – carrying food in one hand and the Bible in the other.’

That’s Billy Graham’s little boy on the march there. He’s the chap who describes the Muslim faith as a ‘wicked, violent’ religion. He also delivered the invocation at Dubya’s inauguration, which is probably why he’s been awarded the conversion contract.

“Here ya go, fella – some nice cool water. Gosh darn, I spilled some. No matter. Let’s just start by getting that towel off your head and…”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:09
Teacher gets 5 years for three bank robberies. He still doesn’t know why he did it, but suspects it has something to do with a faulty moral compass. Government issue, no doubt.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:11
Explore happiness and love at Leisuretown.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:12
Murder suspect captured because he couldn’t kick karaoke. It’s a filthy habit. Serves him right.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:15
Murdoch: US must ditch ‘inferiority complex’

WTF?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
09:16
Meet Headnoise, the Christian rock band that refuses to endorse ‘the dogma of Punk.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404
Civil Disobedience
Time
09:18
A report from one of our more ingenious ‘Out Of Order’ operatives:

My coup de grace this weekend was watching swarms of confused tourists reading the sign I left on a car park ticket machine ‘Out of Order – use machine in car park opposite’. They’d dutifully traipse over the road to read a sign reading ‘Out of Order – use machine in car park opposite.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404
Dead Blog Holiday
Time
09:25
Yep, I’m around for most of the day. Got a few loose ends to tie up and a lot of fun to watch with Tom’s Teens! page. I’m sure I don’t need to explain it to you.

Anyway, I’ve two very nice letters that I’ll be popping up when the guns go quiet later this afternoon. That’s going to have to tide you over for about a week, so take your time reading them, OK?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
10:10
I’m going to be a complete bastard now and slip a song into your head that will stick with you for most of the day.

Sing this to tune of Auld Lang Syne:

We’re Here Because We’re Here

Because We’re Here Because We’re Here

We’re Here Because We’re Here

Because We’re Here Because We’re Here

Terrible, isn’t it? It caused untold misery in the trenches during World War I. Perhaps ‘our boys’ should start a revival in Iraq. It certainly seems enough of an explanation/justification for some.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
15:40
Emails pouring into Bagdad. That’s Bagdad in Tasmania, folks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404

Time
15:42
Look, it’s nothing sinister… we’re just your betters is all.



A surprisingly blinkered and over-the-top article for The Register. You may want to soothe yourself with the related Metafilter thread afterwards.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030404
Dead Blog Holiday
Time
16:26
I’m taking a little blogging holiday for about a week and didn’t want to leave an empty shell behind, so here are a couple of letters from regular readers to let you know what you should normally expect from Bloggerheads – and how you might care to spend your time while I’m sitting in the comfy chair with a box of chocolates, watching my stories.

Hope to see you when I get out of getting into myself.

Cheers all.

Manic

Bloggerheads is overflowing with anarchic juices. It’s comedy with a dark, dark heart and the occasional self-deprecating lighter moment. I know it could cost a politician his job to be anywhere near such seditious writing but it’s strangely addictive. If you’re new to the site then bad luck, Tim is in the garden for the week. My advice is to begin at the beginning and take two or three months a day. You should be up to speed by the time he’s back.

Tom

www.tom-watson.co.uk

So, you’ve arrived here at Bloggerheads and you’re wondering; “What the hell? What is it? Why have I been brought here? And where’s the pr0n?”

Sadly, I can’t help you with the last question (well I can, but I’ll come to that later), but as a dedicated follower of Bloggerheads I can perhaps help you a little bit with what goes on here whilst Manic takes a holiday from saving the world from tedium.

Bloggerheads has become, at least for me, a shrine to online deviousness. Manic picks out, day after day, week after week, the choicest and freshest cuts of the web’s sublime and subverted nature.

You want an alternative view on what’s going on in the world of weblogs? This is the place where no punches are pulled and where intellectual wankery is used as a punch bag.

Feel as if you’re drowning in political bureaucracy and bullshit? This is the hall where the dishonest and disgraceful get their come-uppance.

Have a chair and peruse with us the wonders of the World Famous Star Wars Photoshopping Project. See what happens when politicians don’t keep their promises and wonder at the power of the interwebnet at discovering long lost bizarre mustard men!

Manic’s gone for a short holiday to recharge, so take this opportunity to steal all the beer from his fridge and get lost in the annals of scandal. It’s educational, emotive, entertaining and ridiculous, and it’s all wrapped up into one discrete weblog for the bargain price of nada.

Oh, you were only here for the pr0n? Well, I did promise didn’t I? Luckily for you I’m a man of my word, so enjoy.

Wild

www.funjunkie.co.uk

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030414

Time
16:25
Like I said, it’s never a good time. Tom’s ‘Teens’ page seems to have rocketed around the Interwebnet in my absence. (Is it just me, or are the majority of people who don’t get it well over the age of 30?)

Here’s a new article about Tom’s site, BTW. That’s a pretty solid name-check there. I’m not used to those.

I have another MP’s site to build and will crack on with that tomorrow, along with some serious groundwork for the whole senatorial blogging thing.

Yes, I quite enjoyed my quiet think – and even managed to get out of the house now and again (see image).

Right now I have to wade through 596 emails and see what’s waiting for me.

Back on deck at the usual pace tomorrow, folks. Please forgive me if I post anything that’s last Tuesday.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030414

Time
16:28
Yay! Scott got a job! Sadly, I had nothing to do with it (pause) or did I…?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030414
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
18:31
Wow, that’s spooky. Check out this Raging Cow article by Rob Walker that just went live at Slate/MSN. I just now spoke on the phone with a chap who goes by the same name in relation to the following:

Re: the possibility of the first senatorial weblog

I’m in touch with the office of the Sergeant at Arms (new bloke in charge is Bill Pickle) about the clearance of Movable Type for use at senate.gov and am awaiting procedural guidelines by email.

I had one nagging worry about all of this: that material published at senate.gov would be subject to clearance. Happily, this isn’t the case. The guidelines/rules for publishing at senate.gov are not available to members of the public, but what I did find out was that what is published at senate.gov must be in keeping with the rules and ethics of the Senate. If not, it will be subject to review by the Senate Ethics Committee and the Senate Rules Committee.

Because the frequency allowed by the weblog format is likely to complicate matters in this area, a proposal may need to go past these committees. I’ve been in touch with the relevant offices, and will probably be faxing something once I get the whole MT clearance thing rolling.

Given that I am a foreign devil with limited understanding of the inner workings of the U.S. Senate, I’ve also been in touch with the office of Gary Hart to see if they want to get involved.

Depending on my workload tomorrow, I’ll probably be going live with this project on a step-by-step basis under the heading:

Can Weblogs Go To Washington?

It’s good to be back.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
09:39
I know you all know about welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com – hell, I even met a guy in a small rural pub with no web access that knew all about it. This same guy, mind you, was of the opinion that Iran and Syria should be next. No link between Iraq and terrorism? Rubbish! The whole Arab state is in on this thing! The main weapon of the ay-rab is the dagger. It’s for stabbing people in the back.

Etc. etc. etc.

I actually spent 2.5 seconds wondering if I should get involved in this argument, until someone helpfully pointed out that there was no point talking to me, as my mind had been poisoned by the novel I had been quietly reading in the corner.

I pointed out that the title of the book wasn’t ‘Al Qaeda on The Western Front,’ and left them to it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
09:41
Boss teases employee about being serial killer. Employee turns out to be actual serial killer.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415
Photoshopping
Time
09:43
Fark theme: What is President Bush really stepping over?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
09:44
Man arrested for masturbating at library computer. He was downloading porn in the children’s department. No children were there to witness the event, but a security camera and a library guard were on hand. So to speak.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
09:48
U.S. Marines ‘liberate’ a donkey, which promptly escapes to help spread their message of peace, love and occupation.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
09:51
Saddam’s son had pictures of the Bush twins on his wall.

Please, please, let it be these.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
10:06
Farmers Put Live Chickens in Wood Chippers.

I’m thinking feathers a-flying, I’m thinking comical noises, I’m thinking Chicken McNuggets.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
10:09
Remember when Saddam’s statue came toppling down? How many jubilant locals do you think were actually there at the time? Hundreds? Thousands?

Try about a dozen.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
10:17
Isn’t it funny how one pointed question can reveal the truth in many unexpected ways? This is today’s must-read, folks. Enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
10:26
The Slate article has resulted in a fresh surge of support for The Raging Cow Boycott. Suddenly we’re back in the Top 5 for ‘raging cow’ searches in Google.

The most interesting support link yesterday came from Christina, whose recent thesis on the subject of blogs just passed with distinction. She’s due to get her Masters’ in Interwebnet policy/marketing/culture this May. And she thinks I’m right.

Almost makes it worth getting dressed this morning. Almost.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
10:37
It looks like I may just have support from the right quarter. More later. Work awaits.

Here’s yesterday’s post on the subject for those who missed me creeping back onto my beige monster.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
12:34
Welcome to The United States of Whatever.

Great song, very cool show to go with it.

(Link via Headwindow, which is a shoe-in for the next update of the ‘follow me’ navigation selection.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
12:54
Oh dear. That’s a little worrying. And somewhat depressing.

UPDATE – It’s not an official site. William Hague hasn’t really published anything beyond this. I’m hoping that situation will change soon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415
Why Politicians Need Weblogs
Time
22:55

I needed some all-purpose text to help folks along on the political weblog front. I’ll be posting this as a static article later tomorrow.

You have enough crap to read through, so I’ll make this brief.

Put simply, a weblog is an online diary. There are a number of different formats, and a wide variety of people that use them. Instead of publishing more or less static content that explains who you are and what you care about, a weblog format allows you to express yourself a sentence at a time. You tell people what’s happening, as it happens. If there’s further reading on the subject, you link to it. This can happen on a weekly, daily or hourly basis.

Running a weblog is so straightforward that many people who appreciate their value as a resource find it very easy to start one (or adopt the format for use on their existing site). This leads us to the issue of interaction.

A lot of the people that you reach via a weblog will post comments on a weblog of their own and link to you in the process. Some weblogs have an audience counting in the dozens, others into the hundred or thousands. Portals that watch or monitor such link activity have audiences reaching more towards hundreds of thousands. Good stuff – important stuff – reaches many, many people almost immediately in this way.

This publishing frequency (presented in the correct format) has a very positive effect not only on people, but also on the search engines that are using them increasingly to decide what is the most important, relevant and fresh result for any given search query.

A valid weblog will have a pronounced effect on the two top search databases on the planet – Google and Yahoo. People seeking information relating to issues you think to be important will invariably find your site among the top results.

End result?

You show the people who vote for you how hard you’re working, and attract the majority of those interested in issues you care about. You may even learn an important thing or two from us in the process.

It’s wonderfully organic, and it works. And you need it.

Early adopters who do it – and do it right – stand to benefit the most.

Get on with it. The next election is closer than you think.

Examples of weblogs by politicians:

Labour MP Tom Watson (UK)

Former senator Gary Hart (US)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030415

Time
23:23
“Ask the White House” — a live online interactive forum where you can communicate with White House and administration officials.

Next Guest: White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card

Time: 7pm – 7:30pm (ET)

Date: Wednesday, April 16

You can submit questions to “Ask the White House” one hour before the online discussion begins.

I may have a question or two. I’ll be nice. Ever so nice.

Thanks to Tom for the link – and the subtle hint.

UPDATE – It might be nice if a few people asked about senatorial weblogging. Show some interest, folks. Raise awareness. Make it happen.

London Peace March

It should be noted from the outset that, apart from the Mass Lobby of Parliament on the 24th of January and the Million-Strong March on the 15th of February, I haven’t really marched for anything since I was about 14 years old.

But, while I may not be a professional activist or one of the ‘usual suspects,’ I’d like to think that I made a valid contribution to the march beyond adding one more head to the count.

 

London Peace March

Things started out looking very bleak indeed. At the million-strong march, this road was packed with people all the way back to the bridge by 11:00am. This photo of the same road at the most recent march was taken at 11:30am. I also noted with sadness that The Mirror had failed to supply placards for this event. These were the placards that most people vandalised in an effort to remove the untoward branding, and great numbers of them had been altered beyond repair very early in the day on the previous march. I’d come armed with duct tape, some spray-adhesive, a beefy staple gun, and hundreds on non-branded messages on A3 paper to rejuvenate such placards, but I didn’t see it as my right to remodel the placards of movements such as the CND, the Communist Party and what not en masse (these were lying around ready for use in great numbers). While I may not agree with everything these groups stand for, what they stand for cannot not be dismissed as easily and readily as the philosophy of ‘sell more newspapers.’ At least, not by little old me.

London Peace March

So, to kill time, I started out by placing a few signs (outlining a certain plan for civil disobedience) in high traffic areas that led to the assembly area. You can read the full text that appeared on these signs by clicking here.

London Peace March

Pretty much everything at the assembly point was covered, from phoneboxes and road signs through to the mirrors in the toilets and even the wobbly bridge.

London Peace March

Just as the march was starting, I approached a few folks with large placards that were blank on the reverse side and placed a few extra images on them with their permission. By the third time I’d done this, I was surprised by a sudden rush of people wanting the same treatment for a variety of placards. The most popular choice by far was the Bush/Blair pic, as seen here.

London Peace March

I was damned busy for about 10 minutes before I ran out of signs – too busy to take photos, in fact – but I did manage to catch up with a few folks who had adopted them, and once I had one or two of these shots in the can I quietly got on with the serious business of marching.

London Peace March

Of course, there were quite a few businesses and amenities along the route that were closed down, boarded up or out of use. Such facilities were correctly labelled wherever possible.

London Peace March

This included the statue of Achilles at the entrance to Hyde Park (seen here fighting off one of those damned pigeons), but signage took on a fresh twist once the rally had started.

London Peace March

Here we move into an area that can only be described and conceptual art/wank. Armed with a staple gun, some plastic sheeting, duct tape and a lot of discarded placards, I began to build my own terror shelter.

London Peace March

A number of people watched me build over the hour or so that followed, which meant that my wanky installation had fulfilled its first purpose; to prove how easy it is to distract people with some duct tape and a few yards of plastic. The final touch was the ‘out of order’ sign. The point of this being?

London Peace March

Well, I would like to think that its pretty obvious. The shelter was soon surrounded by spectators, and delivering its message nicely. I left it to its job and headed over to the U.S. embassy in the hope that it would be inundated with protesters and therefore in need of an ‘out of order’ sign.

London Peace March

I was quite surprised to find it this quiet. Probably something to do with the (ahem) modest police presence.

London Peace March

I headed towards Oxford St, where I could see police blocking the road in even greater numbers. I met these chappies on their way back from what I assumed to be an effective redirection of the crowd.

London Peace March

These nice blokes were also on hand to discourage any unruly behaviour.

London Peace March

The protestors headed for the embassy had decided to take their stand where they were – by sitting down. Oxford St had suddenly become a pedestrian mall for peace, and the line of buses went back 6 blocks. I sat down and joined the protest.

London Peace March

The police moved in with a row of vans and an aggressive cordon. Sorry, but there’s no other way to put it. They came at us in a line – too fast at some times – causing a very unhealthy crush, and pushing people over trash cans and benches in the name of public safety (to cries of ‘shame’ from the protesters and onlookers).

London Peace March

Here’s a photo of the nice chap who moved me along. Things got interesting after this.

London Peace March

The Met’s methods met with limited success, as the protesters simply fell back where possible to form a new line. Of course, this was fine as far as the police were concerned. All they had to do was keep us busy so nobody got the bright idea of taking a quick walk one block south to the U.S. embassy.

London Peace March

It occurred to me that somebody could mention this to the crowd at any time and really shake things up, but having seen the aggressive way in which they merely kept us busy (and the huge presence waiting around the corner), I thought it best to keep my fool mouth shut.

London Peace March

The police had pretty much guaranteed that London would be the only city in the world that day not to host a protest outside a U.S. embassy , but they really had this young lad to thank for it. By climbing on top of a police van, he gave them a great excuse not to move and provided the crowd with a welcome focus point.

London Peace March

As we obviously weren’t going anywhere for a while, I took it upon myself to label a few buses caught up in the jam.

London Peace March

Then – and this really surprised me – a copy of my Bush/Blair pic came out of nowhere and was passed up to Vanboy. He threw it down, gave it a good stomping and then tore it up to enormous cheers. I rummaged though my bag and found that I had one more ‘No Blood For Bush’ sign left over and passed it up to the front. It got the same treatment. Some people have no respect for art.

London Peace March

BTW, this is the official police photographer who got a wonderful shot of me helping out. I figured one good turn deserved another.

London Peace March

From here I ran out of constructive things to do, so left the protest. Sure enough, the police were still waiting just around the corner. When I returned home, I heard that the riot police turned up not long after and things got rather ugly.

London Peace March

Hyde Park was pretty much empty by the time I got there, but I was still in time to check if my little art installation had survived the afternoon ahead of the cleanup.

London Peace March

Yup, it was still there 3 hours later, and largely intact.

London Peace March

I packed it up and helped to clean up a bit, but did wonder how many people I actually reached. In fact, I wondered for most of the trip home…

London Peace March

…until I arrived and saw this at the station. Score one for the team.

16-31 March, 2003

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030316
Can Weblogs…?
Time
17:08
OK, folks – we’re ready to roll. You may fire when ready:

Can Weblogs Get a Good Man a Great Job?

We won’t know how successful we’re likely to be until the next one or two updates of Blogdex (next major update should be just after 9am GMT), but it’s going to be a lot of fun finding out.

UPDATE – Hmm, that 20lb carp that was heard shouting in Hebrew may present us a with a bit of an obstacle…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317
It’s War! And We’re All Going To Die!
Time
08:30
I looks like these crazy buggers are going to go ahead with this corporate takeover no matter what any reasonable or legal objection to it may be. Lots of email has been coming through to (not) Tony Blair’s email address. I’ll try to answer what I can today, but I’m kind of busy on a few fronts. (Including the civil disobedience front. I have a solid idea cooking that will allow everybody to help in some small way. Watch this space.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
08:43
Vandenberg Air Force Base authorizes ‘deadly force’ against trespassing protesters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
08:44
G’waaaan, have a drink, look at a few fake arses. Enjoy life while you can.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
08:55
—– Original Message —–

From: Bernice (a WebTV user)

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Sunday, March 16, 2003 1:53 PM

Subject: GREETINGS

–>

–> MY DEAR TONY—

–> GOD BLESS YOU

–>

–> Tony I write this EMAIL to you

–> to tell you Im an 86 yr young

–> ADMIRER

–> of you and YOUR BELIEFS

–> and want you to

–> know I follow all your

–> SPEECHES and

–> ARTICLES

–>

–> You are KOOL!!!!!

–>

–> We all LOVE YA TONY

–> here in the USA

–>

–> KEEP the FAITH

–> and

–> FOLLOW YOUR

–> CONVICTIONS

–>

–> YOU ROCK TONY

–>

–> Bernice

Dear Bernice,

It comes as no surprise to us that a guitar-wielding rebel like Tony Blair would appeal to a young, groovy and hip person such as your good self.

Would you like an autographed 8 x 10 glossy? We still have some nude pictures floating around here somewhere and would be happy to send you one, but insist that you send us some dirty Polaroids of yourself first.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
08:56
Tough cops enjoy life in a soft town where even the kids “wave with all five fingers.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
09:00
Being overweight is good. And fun. It could even lead to a future career as a comic book crimefighter. Sounds to me like someone is dying for an excuse to wear skin-tight lycra and a cape (as opposed to, say, skin-tight lycra and an oversized t-shirt).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317
Can Weblogs…?
Time
09:07
Can Weblogs Get a Good Man a Great Job? is currently at equal-24th on Blogdex. Blogdex does regular updates throughout the day, so a few extras should be ticking over anytime now. Here’s hoping. I’d like something positive to look forward to today.

9:58am (GMT): Equal-15th now. Only a few more links need to go live to push us into everyone’s immediate field of view.

10:40am (GMT): Equal-12th (after finally going live with that link from the Ultimate Insult itself). Just a couple more will push it over the top – then we can really find out how many people think this is a good idea.

13:50pm (GMT) Equal-10th,and a few links are still due to appear. The tension is killing me. I may have a nap.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
09:19
I seem to remember MPs in this country being promised ‘a number of chances’ to debate involvement in this war. Seems to me they have about 12 hours to enjoy all of them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
10:02
I know what this reminds me of:

Monkeys singing Daydream Believer.

I can also see what this is trying to be. OK, I’ll watch for a bit. Go ahead. Cheer me up. I fucking dare you.

(Via the most-supportive Pitas.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317
See? I’m Listening…
Time
12:38
Blakes 7 man-nipples. I hear you. Maybe a bit of space-dominatrix into the bargain? I’ll see what I can do.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317

Time
12:40
An excellent article on war coverage over here in the UK. Read it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030317
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
16:18
Well, there you have it folks. This war is going ahead with or without our approval.

There’s a national demonstration this Saturday. I’ll be there.

I refuse to stand by and/or howl with the wolves while a criminal act is taking place.

I am very pissed off about this – and you know what happens when I get pissed off.

A personal campaign of civil disobedience starts here and now. If you like, you’ll be able to join in, too (just give me time to hammer out some details).

Right now, I have to go out and voice my extreme displeasure with the rest of the misguided and naive appeasement-monkeys.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
08:53
A man who dared to carry anti-war placards on a domestic flight in the U.S. found a card inside his bag letting him know that his luggage had been opened and inspected by the Transportation Security Administration. A small handwritten note was written on the side of the card, reading: “Don’t appreciate your anti-American attitude!”

Nice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318
Pretty Much What It Says On The Tin
Time
08:58
www.uglyfootballers.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
08:59
Click here to send an independent journalist into Iraq. Lots to read here. I’ll be dropping by later today to trawl through it all – and leave a few bucks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
09:01
Japanese policeman fired for stealing women’s underwear from school dormitory.

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Date
20030318
Can Weblogs…?
Time
09:06
Our best Blogdex ranking for Can Weblogs Get a Good Man A Great Job? was 9th place. Not as high as I would have liked, (we were up against a talking fish, a pro-Google article, and some small concerns about war) but this high point did coincide with the time when most Americans are groggily scanning websites as they wait for the second caffeine hit of the day to take hold.

A few links we knew of – with sites that are registered with Blogdex – somehow failed to make themselves known. Perhaps they’ll turn up mysteriously at some later stage.

Either way, No. 9 on a Monday morning is pretty respectable, and the page outlining the plan received over 750 visitors as a result of the Blogdex listing and the weblog linkage (with an average of 7 click-throughs for each blog that listed it).

My stats also show that, by late yesterday, the message had begun to spread through a few Boston-based community groups.

Now all it has to do is reach the right person. Fingers crossed.

Oh, and here’s some salad to go with your talking fish.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
10:20
Funny that they should call it the ‘moment of truth’ when so much of it is based on lies and misdirection. I particularly enjoyed the touch of bumping the terror alert to ‘High’ after Bush’s speech.

What better way to hammer home the ‘truth’ that Iraq is a terrorist nation in league with al Qaeda? This is a claim Bush’s crowd has made before, but been unable to back up. Still, it doesn’t stop a large slice of the American population from believing that Saddam Hussein was behind the atrocities of September 11th.

What a good thing, then, that the terrorism link provides such a handy justification for a pre-emptive strike.

Tell you what, if there is a terror attack in the next two days, it will come because nothing would please al Qaeda more than to see two enemies beat up on each other – and make the more powerful of those enemies very, very unpopular in the process.

As for the whole UN thing, I find the assertions being bandied about that France is treacherous and the UN has failed to be insulting in the extreme.

Resolution 1441 does not authorise the use of military force. The ‘no’ you hear is a global one based not only on morality, but legality.

France and Russia have reasons for stopping this war that are far from altruistic, and I have serious trust issues with both governments, but that doesn’t stop this U.S. regime from being wrong, wrong, wrong.

Saddam Hussein must be dealt with, but not by a force that is corrupt and arrogant and will become even more so should they get away with this.

My government should not be involved in this. It’s a crime.

I am not going to stand by and watch it happen – even if it’s just for the giddy thrill of misplaced revenge or the desire to see an MOAB take out a good-sized chunk of Baghdad live on my TV screen.

Today, I’m going to hope that common sense prevails.

I know that I can count on my local MP, so I won’t be needing to lobby today, but I will be making plans for an ongoing campaign of civil disobedience should this government involve itself with a criminal act.

Details to follow. Or you can email me on the quiet and ask me what I’m up to. I’m sure you’ll like the idea. It’s very simple, and actually quite fun.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
10:29
Robin Cook’s resignation speech wins a standing ovation.

Junior health minister Lord Hunt resigns.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
10:36
Michael Moore may talk a good game, but his site forum has been down since early January for ‘technical’ reasons. (Mike, I agree with you on a lot of things, but if you can’t tell it like it is, then please shut the hell up.)

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Date
20030318

Time
10:41
Emails for Tony Blair are coming in thick and fast, for and against. It is comforting to know, however, that many messages from slightly brighter people are now reaching him via the email-to-fax address.

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Date
20030318

Time
11:09
The The Star Wars Photoshopping Project has been rediscovered by yet another circle of portals, blogs and forums.

Remember folks, it’s not art until you take part in the gallery. Or so I would have you think…

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Date
20030318

Time
11:26
Remember folks, keep your mind focused on the terrorist threat, and you could win big cash prizes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318
Civil Disobedience
Time
11:27
My plan for a campaign of subtle yet effective civil disobedience (drop me a line for details) is getting some extremely positive feedback.

I agonised over this for hours yesterday, trying to come up with the best delivery system and contacting a few likely supporters, but as it turns out, the idea is so simple, so appealing and so easy to put into action that I think email alone will suffice.

UPDATE – How easy is it to understand and enact? Even more feedback has established an interesting pattern. 90% of respondents make this kind of statement as part of their reply:

‘I’m in. Consider such-and-such an area to be covered.’

I think we may be onto a winner here, folks. Now, to see what the MPs decide…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
13:35
Oh, great. So now war on Iraq is an answer to the Israel/Palestine crisis?

Stirring stuff, but still based on 100% bullshit.

I don’t buy it.

Neither do others, it seems. Hello to everybody who held back on emailing me until about 5 minutes after Tony Blair had finished making his case. I’m responding as fast as I can, folks.

Hang on, house discussions…

If you can’t watch it on TV, there’s an excellent minute-by-minute update over at The Guardian.

Some Conservative just said something unsavoury about Charles Kennedy. Only the Speaker really heard it – but he forced them to stand up and withdraw it anyway. Heh. I can’t wait to hear all about that one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318
Civil Disobedience
Time
14:57
This is such a powerful idea that a lot of people have already committed themselves to action and are right now arming themselves for said action.

If you are planning on using public transport to get home tonight, my advice to you is to leave early. Or maybe even now. Just in case.

Myself, I’m inclined to wait to act until after the Commons vote. I know it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion, but hope springs eternal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
15:16
I just had to go and get the key to let the kids from next door in. They’re home early because everybody walked out of school early in protest.

Police vans are in Cranleigh trying to control a bunch of people jumping around on top of buses (or bus shelters, depending on who you ask).

We’re not happy people.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318

Time
15:20
Bruce George, the Labour chairman of the Common’s defence select committee, has actually asked rebel MPs to “wait and see the opinion polls the day after war starts”.

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Date
20030318

Time
16:04
Y. Bee Normal wrote in and pointed out that I might be accused of Yank-bashing today, so it’s worth pointing out (especially with so many new readers floating around) that I have nothing against Americans – just a few of the tossers who run their country and those who are so easily led by them.

It must also be said that I have nothing against the British – just a few of the tossers who run their country and those who are so easily led by them.

I also have nothing against Australians…

Well, I could go on – but you get the point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030318
Civil Disobedience
Time
16:28
Those of here in the UK are mostly chilling until the MPs vote, but if you live in the US you may as well act now. If want to know about the plan for coordinated, subtle civil disobedience, then ask by email and I’ll fill you in.

UPDATE – Things did not look good on the vote front this afternoon. The UK peace troops have been mobilised, as the message needs to be delivered with all speed.

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Date
20030318

Time
21:35
Back on deck after a modest, yet wide-ranging adventure.

Two things strike me about my stats today (I’m getting a hammering on a number of fronts). One is the unprecedented number of people searching for Tony Blair’s email address. The other is the surprising number of people seeking to send pretzels to the White House.

(Ah! Here’s why.)

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Date
20030318

Time
22:00
This is it. They’re voting. 165 Labour MPs need to rebel before Tony’s crowd are reliant on votes from the Conservatives.

10:15 – The amendment was defeated by a majority of 179. They’re now out voting on our involvement with the war on Iraq.

10:21 – ‘Lock the doors.’ Here we go…

10:29 – By a majority of 263, the House of Commons has agreed that we should take part in this illegal act of war.

I need a few minutes to write, archive and post. Be right with you.

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Date
20030318
Civil Disobedience
Time
22:50
That’s it. We’re going in.

I refuse to meekly accept this. I do not wish to succumb to a feeling of inevitability.

In short, I am getting off my arse, and I am taking action.

I am not going to stand by and watch my government act illegally without a small amount of complaint.

I’m undertaking and advocating a simple yet powerful campaign of civil disobedience.

It will take but a few minutes of your time. It involves a heady degree of fun. Your time may even be limited to the simple forwarding of the email you can receive by clicking here.

This plan is designed to present a short, sharp shock to the system that has failed us so badly. In the last 12 hours, it has reached an estimated 15,000 people. You next.

If you want to reach out to Tony Blair, this email address will see your message safely delivered to the fax machine in his communications office. Yes, it works (but not on open-to-abuse email systems such as Hotmail).

(BTW, it’s sleepy bo-bos time in the UK soon – but I will be up for a while. Could you sleep?)

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Date
20030318

Time
23:04
I’ve just now received the first report from someone who has actually taken action beyond their desk. It has cheered me up no end. Please keep reports coming in.

There are few ways to track this, so your feedback counts for a lot on this front, too.

I’ll publish as much as I can once we’ve had our wicked way.

Cheers.

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Date
20030319

Time
00:46
Ahahahahahahaha!

Photos! Send more photos!

I’ll show as much as I can, when I can.

I plan on sleeping quite well now. Good work is being done.

Click here for instructions you can follow to become an effective anti-war activist in less than 30 seconds.

I stand ready to copy and paste like a bastard tomorrow morning.

Bloggage may be late as a result.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Etc.

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Date
20030319

Time
08:40
Coconuts kill bus passengers. Submitted to Bus Plunge (your central resource for bus-related disasters).

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Date
20030319

Time
08:50
The most amusing thing about this is that they feel they need to point out who Bill Clinton is.

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Date
20030319

Time
08:52
American forces in the Gulf may have a little trouble getting their shit together.

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Date
20030319
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:54
A crappy ad for DVDs is at No. 1 today with an impressive 56 links. This has happened before and can be put down to ad links placed at this collection dead weblogs as Tripod cleans house. Here’s the explanation from Blogdex.

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Date
20030319

Time
08:58
Your life can be filled with happiness with a little help from The Star Girls From Planet Groove.

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Date
20030319
Fooooooooood Wars
Time
09:02
Heh. To think it all started with Freedom Fries.

Now we have Star Spangled Ice Cream (10% of profits go to ‘charities that support the men and women of the US Armed Forces’, as opposed to the ‘wacko left-wing causes’ supported by Ben & Jerry’s). Oh dear. Flavours include ‘I Hate French Vanilla,’ and that’s about as clever as it gets, really.

A French company is striking back by asking folks to send pretzels to George W Bush. The site is here, but a surprising number of people are turning up at this page at Bloggerheads that I created about a year ago.

Here’s why.

The cat eaters of Cameroon are yet to declare a political affiliation, but it’s only a matter of time I feel.

Oh, while you’re here, you may as well sign this petition to give the Statue of Liberty back to France.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030319
Photoshopping
Time
10:07


Renewed interest in The Star Wars Photoshopping Project has set me off again. I was just about to clean all my notes off the wall, too.

This treatment was suggested in one of the forums discussing the many wonders and occasional shortfalls of the gallery.

How did I get all this way without including Blakes 7?

BTW, I’m still looking for a semi-public venue in London to host a ‘real-life’ version of the gallery. Do get in touch if you think you have a useful bit of space and want to class up the joint.

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Date
20030319

Time
11:06
Build a Lego bunker for Saddam. No need to colour-coordinate, but do use double-width bricks where possible so it can withstand the might of the MOAB.

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Date
20030319
Photoshopping
Time
15:03


Boy, am I in a smiling mood today.

I can even feel my hummus returning. My mojo rising…

Yes, it’s war – but right now good things are being done across the globe.

Want to join in? Just ask for details and you can be part of our global campaign of simple yet effective civil disobedience.

You can’t halt the war machine, but you can bring a small corner of it to a grinding halt with surprisingly little effort.

Act quickly. Act quietly. Act now.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030319

Time
15:26
Matt quit his job yesterday. Pop on over and be nice to him – just for the hell of it.

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Date
20030319

Time
15:47
Amazon shuts after price error. Hewlett Packard pocket computers were selling at the bargain-basement price of £7.32 (with free UK delivery if you bought more than 4).

UPDATE – Amazon refuses to honour £7 iPaq orders. Well, there’s a big fucking surprise.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030319

Time
15:50
London commuters turn to gas masks. A carefully timed scare story about nothing, really.

“We know at least 1,000 people are travelling with respirators every day on the Tube,” erm, says the managing director of Ozonelink, a firm that sells gas masks.

Way to go, guys. Milk that publicity machine while you can.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030319

Time
16:32
Has the Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister really defected?

UPDATE – No, he hasn’t. He hasn’t been shot and killed, either.

Has a goverment website actually launched on schedule?

UPDATE – Well, technically, I suppose it has… but it’s more of a small collection of add-on pages than a site.

Here’s the full, government-approved terrorism FAQ for you to enjoy. Basically, you should carry on as normal, keep an eye out for suspicious behaviour and – if anything happens – hide under the bed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320

Time
05:13
It’s very late (or very early, depending on your point of view).

I’ve been up.

I’ve been watching the news.

I’ve also been out for a bit.

Some reports have been coming in. A new photo, too. Please keep them coming.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:30
Time to start watching the Iraq Body Count – the bombs have started to drop, starting with this ‘decapitation’ attack. I suppose cutting off the head would help some, but I don’t suggest any terrorists try the act against America. Cut Bush’s head off, and I’m 99% sure he would still be able to run around on the White House lawn like a chicken.

BTW, the terror alert remains high, which is a good thing. One step higher and it will give the authorities a great excuse to break up any out-of-control protests. Stay at home, kids. It’s dangerous out there. Too fucking right – and we know where the danger is, too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320

Time
08:43
Time to roll out some graphic enemy atrocities. You can thank Rupert Murdoch for that one. Ditto for the assertion that protesters back the terrorists. Next time you see me march, be ready to give me a good kicking. I am a friend of the invisible enemy.

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Date
20030320

Time
08:47
Protester falls to his death from the Golden Gate bridge. They’re not sure if he jumped or slipped when hanging his banner. Most likely the latter, unless of course the banner read: ‘Goodbye.

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Date
20030320

Time
08:50
White House tractor protest approaches endgame. Before you get excited and dust down your own farm equipment in support, it’s not about the war. It’s about tobacco farmers being forced out of business. What’s that? You still think it’s a good idea?

OK, what the hell. Let loose the tractors. Earth-moving equipment is welcome as well.

(Right now, I’m really wishing that I had taken a ride-on lawnmower to Hyde Park.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320

Time
08:55
Visit FunJunkie to see a wombat flipping out and destroying everything in sight. Touch little buggers they are – I wouldn’t want to meet an angry one. I saw a wombat and a VW van go head to head on a back highway once. The wombat walked away. The van had to be towed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320

Time
08:57
Frat boy gets his own Hooters restaurant as a graduation present. See? It’s not all bad.

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Date
20030320

Time
09:00
Perv on some people having plastic surgery.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320
Civil Disobedience
Time
09:02
Remember, if you think this war is illegal and unjust, you can still have your say. History will not treat these leaders kindly. What they’re doing is wrong.

Stand up and say so. Click here for details.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320
Civil Disobedience
Time
15:09
Lots and lots and lots of email has been coming in for ‘Tony Blair’ lately.

Quite a few people want him to see this.

I’m replying to a lot of the negative ones and recruiting them for the civil disobedience campaign. Ah, sweet irony…

We now have operatives across London, all over England, and in many major cities in the United States – and these are just the ones I’ve been in direct contact with. Once the email goes beyond two or three forwards, I have no idea what’s going on.

Be part of something big today. I’m working ever so hard, but still have time to copy and paste details to anybody who asks for them.

A Message for Current Operatives:

Some very entertaining reports have been coming in. I can’t blog these yet, but if you email in and ask I’ll send some your way. Priority will be given to emails with reports of their own and/or any photos.

Also, almost everybody who receives the email comes back describing exactly what they’ve just done or are about to do. I could really do with some feedback that is less specific about actions and more focused on how easy this activity is to do and how good it makes one feel when you actually go out and do something.

Me, I get an enormous kick out it, and sleep better as a result.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320
Attention Co-Conspirators
Time
17:53
I need a printing outfit that is happy to do a large run of very basic material for the cause alone (I think you can guess what the message will be).

I also need volunteers to help distribute said material at Saturday’s march in London.

Emails to the usual address.

UPDATE – Ditto for anyone in America/Australia/etc. who thinks they can sort us out for printing/distribution on any large anti-war march this weekend.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030320
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
20:46
—– Original Message —–

From: Saddam Sharon saddamgore@yahoo.com

To : president@whitehouse.gov; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Date : Thursday, March 20, 2003 6:50 PM

Subject: suicide bombers

–> Suicide bombers have been placed on bused in

–> london and newyork and d.c.

–>

–>

–> Do you Yahoo!?

–> Yahoo! Platinum – Watch CBS’ NCAA March Madness,

–> live on your desktop!

Dear Bright Spark,

Congratulations on pulling such a lame stunt. We’re all mightily impressed here, I can tell you.

Now would you mind repeating your little joke to the rest of the class? I’m sure they’d all love to hear it and thank you by return email.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

PS – No, I don’t Yahoo! – but thanks for asking.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
It’s War! Because You’re Worth It!
Time
08:38
The White House is vowing a strong retaliatory response after the BBC aired live video of President Bush getting his hair coiffed in the Oval Office as he squirmed in his chair and practiced on the teleprompter minutes before Wednesday night’s speech announcing the launch of military operations.

Funnily enough, there’s no report of it on the BBC site. I’m currently checking around the traps to see if anybody taped it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
08:41
Optimus Prime will be helping to fight fires in the Middle East. Finally, some true leadership!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
08:44
Look at you, you poor thing. It looks like you could do with some cheering up. Here are some man-boobies, and here’s a classic flash video with yet more jubbly udders.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
08:47
Elderly murder-suicide couple leave behind $200 to pay for cleaning. Blood on the floor, brains on the wall – but they can still teach us young-uns a thing or two about respect.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
It’s War! Get Your Hand Off It!
Time
08:51
Search terms like ‘britney’ and ‘sex’ have been temporarily knocked off the top spot by searches for ‘war’ and ‘iraq.’

Dutch television stations are easing up on the soft porn to allow time in their schedules to focus on the war with Iraq – but CNN still has time for teen lesbian pop duos.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
Messenger Spam
Time
08:58
Are you sick of these rotten little buggers popping up at all hours of the day?

Find you how to stop them in a few easy steps here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
09:01
Blair calls for unity. He can start by uniting with his own fucking voters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
09:03
U.S. senator weeps for his country.

“Today I weep for my country,” said West Virginia Democrat Sen. Robert Byrd. “No more is the image of America one of strong, yet benevolent peacekeeper. … Around the globe, our friends mistrust us, our word is disputed, our intentions are questioned.

“We flaunt our superpower status with arrogance,” Byrd said, adding: “After war has ended the United States will have to rebuild much more than the country of Iraq. We will have to rebuild America’s image around the globe.”

I’ve just written a letter of support to Robert C. Byrd. Maybe you’d like to as well.

(Hey, he speaks his mind, his website needs improving… we may just have a prime candidate for the first senatorial blogger here.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
09:12
Do you ever worry about the future and if apes will be our masters? Don’t.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
Civil Disobedience
Time
09:42
Heh. Somewhere out there is a band who has designed and produced leaflets based on a certain email. They plan to distribute copies at their next gig.

More updates and details to come later today. Right now I’m trying to source a printer to do a run of leaflets containing our message for the march in London tomorrow. If you want to help to distribute these, just drop me a line.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
Photoshopping
Time
11:21
Here’s a little something to brighten your day.

Gordie’s still a bit shaken up after his encounter with the giant space-leech in the garbage compacter, but he’s ready to confront Vader and tell him to ‘suck my fat one.’

I’m just about to drop this by the Wil Wheaton forums to see if we can’t recruit a few more bods from his neck of the woods.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
Civil Disobedience
Time
12:50
I’ve found a printer who can do a run of 16,000 A6 jobbies at short notice and a good price. I’ve got less than an hour to lay my hands on £250.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321
Civil Disobedience
Time
13:38
Nope, we’re going to have to contact the printer and call the whole thing off. A shame, but…

I blogged the following after the million-strong march in London:

Next Time

There were a large number of placards that were abandoned due to slight damage and/or a poor attempt to censor the branding or group affiliation displayed on it. If this situation arises again, I do believe I’ll go armed with some adhesive, a staple gun, and several sheets of A2 to bring said placards back to life with new, unbranded messages at a small recycling centre by the side of the road.

Right now, I’m off to the local post office to enlarge and duplicate what I’ve just made and keep copying until they run out of A3 paper or I run out of cash. I think you can guess what the unbranded message will be.

Now, where did I leave that staple gun?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
17:28
I’ll be marching in London tomorrow. I urge you to join me. I’ll be the chap by the side of the road cutting paper, sniffing glue and firing 8mm staples at the riot police.

No, I don’t think it’s too late to make a difference. But even if you disagree with that, I think you should march anyway. Because what they’re doing is wrong, and if you don’t speak out this weekend those in power will read and/or use that as a sign of acceptance – so they can do it again if they feel like it.

Besides, when you go on holiday anytime over the next decade and people treat you like scum, you’ll be able to say:

“Oh, I’m not one of those Englishmen! I actually marched against the war! Look, here’s a picture of me marching with a poster that has a kitten on it… Now be a good chap and put down the beach umbrella, hm?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030321

Time
23:57
Sorry, but I’m operating remotely and unable to retrieve any email. Everybody I asked today, and everybody who asked me?

Hi. Hope you’re watching.

That video of Bush being preened before his solemn, sincere and not-at-all-calculated announcement?

Tharrrrr she blows!

The abacus I’m on right now can’t view either format, so you get to see it before I do. Lucky buggers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030323

Time
08:36
I have many, many pictures from yesterday’s march and quite a few stories to tell, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I owe some serious family time today.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324

Time
08:41
I wanted to blog this Baghdad-based blog last week (I think Linus was first in with the link) but felt that it would be a good idea to check its authenticity first. Problem being, every time to I went to check the thing, I got a Gateway Timeout error. Still do.

Happily, Martin has come through with a link to this authenticity check by another blogger and today The Guardian has published extracts from this important blog.

Seems the last post was on Friday. Here’s hoping a microwave bomb fucked up his access, and not the man himself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324

Time
08:43
Woman dies when watching war on TV. Push the little red button, baby.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324

Time
08:46
UFO watchers claim that US is attacking Iraq because they fear Saddam Hussein will use technology from a crashed alien spaceship. Keep an eye out for live footage of marines with their chests bursting open.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324
Fooooooooood Wars
Time
08:49
French’s Mustard feels it necessary to point out in this press release that the gooey yellow stuff is not French, but is actually named after its creator, R. T. French.

Perhaps they don’t want to get firebombed or hassled by Sun reporters.

BTW, The Sun looks set to do what it does best with a xenophobic flash game. The Sun, as always, stands ready to reveal The Truth to the British Public. Failing that, there’s always pictures of Elizabeth Hurley’s tits to keep the mind focused on what really matters.

Closer attention needs to be paid to Mr Murdoch this week. I’ll tell you more soon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324

Time
09:01
I’ve got a full report and a bunch of photos from Saturday’s march, but its now 9:00am and time to get some work done. Back soon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324

Time
15:10
Sorry that took so long. Here’s the report from the march, as promised. I still have a pile of work to do, but I’ll try to answer any emails this afternoon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030324
Photoshopping
Time
20:36
The Star Wars Photoshopping Project has cracked the language barrier again.

Heh. I always get a kick out of that.

Oh, and a certain email has now been translated into Norwegian.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
It’s War! And Somebody’s Going To Pay!
Time
08:33
Probably us. Yes, while Bush is running around playing Invincible Cop (“I don’t give a damn what the courts say, just give me 48 hours and I’ll crack this case, chief!”) all sorts of distasteful crap is happening. There’s a war on. Lots to see, lots to worry about. Lots of very disturbing news to bury on Page 12.

One thing everyone in the UK should be worried about (but probably won’t read about for some strange reason) is the new communications bill that will, amongst other things, allow Rupert Murdoch to snap up Channel 5 and add terrestrial television to his already overwhelming media armoury. Will Rupert get his way? That looks to be up to the Lords.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
08:41
Space aliens to be honoured by New Mexico.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
08:45
British MP: Won’t somebody pleeease think of the animals?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
Christianity Watch
Time
08:51
Rockforlife.org (a division of the American Life League) offers hardcore teen attitude with a strong anti-abortion message. You can always tell a good teen site, because it offers ‘gear’ instead of ‘clothing.’

The ‘I Survived’ t-shirt is presumably intended for those who have actually crawled out of the bucket.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
09:02
Australians strip for peace. Again.

Yes, we just like getting naked and/or flashing our bits.

One of the warmest greetings you can give your fellow man in Australia is called a ‘brown eye.’ This is basically mooning, but with spread cheeks. Because of the inherent dangers involved, this salutation is usually directed at a passing car, or from one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
09:09
Was I the only one to spot Mohammad Said al-Sahhaf flipping the bird to reporters last night?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:13
The Command Post is a distinctly pro-war ‘collective’ of warblogs. Mind you, most of the info seems to come from Murdoch’s newspapers or the Fox network.

All part of the brave new world of Interwebnet access, I guess.

And the award for first mention of the word ‘warblog’ in Usenet goes to… ?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
Flash Thingies
Time
09:23
Cheer yourself up with a visit to the Happy Tree Friends website. Fun, laughter and bloodletting for all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
09:27
Who are the real leaders and opinion-formers in your office? Email tells the story.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
09:41
Paypal scam alert. Watch out for fake emails pretending to be from Paypal, and asking for your name, mother’s maiden name, bank account details, password, etc. for ‘verification purposes.’

Paypal aren’t doing nearly enough to warn people about this. Stay alert.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
10:58
Tom Watson’s weblog just rated a mention in the Washington Post.



I’m learning to pick and choose my fights, and if the best use of my time over the next year or so is arming more politicians with weblogs, then so be it.

It sure beats selling tat, and can only be good for the overall political process.

If you know of an MP or political figure that could do with a weblog, then get in touch. I’ll be doing a fair bit of chasing myself today.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
13:06
El Reg reports that the Downing St website – amongst others – has been the target of a DoS attack. Those pesky anti-war protesters…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
17:29
Here’s a picture of me having the time of my life at the Circle Line Party. More images here.

(No, I didn’t meet the naked guy, and I don’t know if he does kid’s parties.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
17:36
Personally I find it quite sad that each new ‘answer to Spam’ involves blocking it somehow – because blocking and filtering isn’t really an answer to the problem, just symptomatic relief. The bandwidth still has to bear the overall weight.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
17:44
Oh dear. This was not at all planned, and is really quite unfortunate.

Still funny, though.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325

Time
18:34
Yellowtimes.org has been forced offline after hosting images of civilian casualties and US POWs.

The Memory Hole still has the goods.

Warning: These are very disturbing images – but nobody said this war was going to be easy. Oh, wait…

(BTW, several people tried to send copies of these images to Tony Blair today.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030325
Photoshopping
Time
21:59
Just a quick dose of reality for you.

Yes, I know it’s offensive, but ask yourself why it’s offensive and you’re halfway there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
08:51
Y. Bee Normal was out and about on a protest march in the U.S. (with about 400,000 other people) and wanted to share a few placards messages with us. Armed only with a ‘crummy camera that runs out after 15 pictures,’ Y. Bee went on to write things down on whatever she could find in her purse (Con Ed bill, Bloomingdales bill, etc.).

Here’s the best of the bunch:

EFFECTIVE SIGNS

Bush – See you at the Hague.

Regime change begins at home.

“Loyalty to the Country – always. Loyalty to the Government – when it deserves it.” – Mark Twain

BLUNT SIGNS:

Democrats, Wake the Fuck Up!

They stole the election, now they’re stealing our Democracy.

Shocked and Awed and Pissed Off!

AMUSING SIGNS:

Laura – Control your Monkey!

Mainstream White Guys for Peace.

Stop Mad Cowboy Disease.

MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE:

We are better than this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:53
Have you noticed any suspicious activity in the area?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
08:55
It’s a good day over at romenesko’s.

Truck driver tries to run down protesters.

Animal rights activists protest over kitten-killing ditty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
09:00
Police in southwestern China discovered 28 baby girls hidden in suitcases on a long-distance bus and apparently destined to be sold.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
09:02
Please do not send pornography or pork products to American troops in the Middle East.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
09:04
I thought dolphins were smarter than this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
09:04
Book of the Day, as recommended by FunJunkie.

UPDATE – Thomas had a bit of trouble convincing those in his office that the above book is real. So he showed the non-believers the listing at Amazon. What I found hard to believe was the complete lack of any interesting reviews. Ditto for Amazon UK listing. Get to work, people.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
12:47
Decode secret messages on government websites.

(Link via TTR2)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
12:51
The Onion – U.S. Forms Own U.N.

Heh. That’ll sort a few problems out. Oh, and here’s one I made earlier…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326
Civil Disobedience
Time
13:47
A report from one of our operatives, Agent Orange:

“I carried through the Out of Order instructions to the letter last week. Many a railway toilet was rendered out of action. And the coup de grace – I got to Reading Station for the first train out of town to find an empty train waiting at platform one. I put an OOO on the driver’s door…. Shame I couldn’t take a picture.”

I’m thinking we should have an official day of (in)action on the day before April Fool’s Day (Sunday the 30th of March).

Why the day before April Fools Day?

1. This is no joke.

2. If you put stuff up on Sunday night, it stands a much better chance of staying in place throughout the Monday morning rush hour.

All operatives stand by for details. If you’re not on the team yet, click here to join us.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030326

Time
15:22
The nude shopping event at the Saxmundham branch of Somerfields was cancelled at the last minute.

Why?

I want some answers, damn it!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327
Michael Moore: The Backslash Begins
Time
08:04
This blog entry outlining a few anti-Moore ideas is charting well on Blogdex and I’ve seen this page questioning the validity of his documentary in a few places this morning.

The best example, however, is this excellent Freudian slip in the page title and headline of an article about his Oscar speech. I think the word they’re looking for is ‘tie-raid,’ isn’t it?



Moore’s tyrant about Bush, war at Oscars shameful.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327

Time
08:12
Forget all the fuss about dolphins. Morrocco is under fire from within for offering the U.S. 2,000 monkeys trained to detonate land mines.

Right now I’m wondering when they’re going to send in the kittens.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327

Time
08:17
Discover the wonderful world of Alexander Jason, Certified Crime Scene Analyst.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327

Time
08:19
Dominos driver fired for lecturing young girl on patriotism. He saw a ‘Say no to war with Iraq’ sign in her front yard, pulled over and gave her a jolly good talking to. The sign has since been burnt down – and in the end the young girl didn’t even buy a pizza!

You just can’t get good help these days.

And on that note, we bring you this:

7-Eleven Clerk Cleans Out Store During First Night Alone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327

Time
08:26
Wonder Woman fights crime with ‘new, edgy look,’ complete with short, spiky hair and a camouflage bustier. I suspect the evil bods from marketing have been at work on this one. Normally I wouldn’t mind so much, but she’s running out of places to hide Hostess cupcakes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030327

Time
17:53
Hi folks. Still thinking about that possible day of action – but I have been busy myself today.

All the pictures I’ve got are great, but I’d like to flesh things out and possibly go ‘live’ a bit on this, so any extra images and reports would come in very handy. Send me stuff.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328
It’s War! And There’s Money To Be Made!
Time
08:43
As Tom Watson notes, some wankers have been out and about in the London Underground handing out pamphlets for gas masks. The copy is obscene and misleading in the extreme.

“New York. Bali. Tokyo. Who’s next? Not You!”

Oh, really? There’s a wonderful sentiment in keeping with Britain’s can-do blitz spirit. Fuck everyone else; I’ve got my own arse covered.

The £15 mask is supposed to protect you from Ricin and Anthrax. Given that for Ricin to be lethal someone pretty much needs to walk up to you and spray it in your face, I don’t see what good a paper mask is going to be in such circumstances. The good news is they also have a £150 mask. Pretty neat, huh?

Sure, such products should be made available to people who feel that they need them – but to go on a pamphlet drive in the underground and shove this crap in people’s faces is disgraceful.

The greedy zero-moral fuckers behind this deserve to be charged with giving aid and comfort to the enemy – the enemy in this case being fear.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
08:44
The Herr Doktor Comic Strip is not at all funny. You have been warned.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
08:58
The New York Times on Raging Cow:

“As for Dr Pepper/Seven Up, a company spokesman said it might do things differently next time.”

Well, there’s a start. Light dawns on marble head.

You know, I’ve finally worked out what Raging Cow reminds me of – a little boy whose mother has to bribe other children just to get them to turn up to his birthday party (painted smiles cost extra).

While we’re on the subject on bovine belligerence:

Family sues zoo after son is attacked by cow.

People who liked Raging Bull also liked these movies…

And finally…

60-year-old man charged with bestiality after receiving oral sex from a cow and calf at the Canada Agriculture Museum. Cool, a mother and daughter team (every man’s ultimate fantasy), but perhaps next time he should try a more suitable venue.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:02
Do babies automatically go to Heaven?

No.

This happy news was brought to you by The Ultimate Insult.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:06
The Supreme Court Tries Sodomy. Just the once, to see if they like it…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:11
War distracts from Bush’s budget cuts. Guess what? Veterans benefits are for the chop. Way to support the troops, George.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:13
Actually, I’m not too moved by stars against the war or stars for the war. I think most of them should stay out of politics and get on with what they do best: making crappy music and even crappier movies.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:19
American Idol pulls strings to keep U.S. Marine in the running. Patriotism sells, baby.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:21
“Would the gentleman at the back of the tram please stop masturbating? Danke.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:23
Extreme sport just took a giant leap forward with Wheelbarrow Freestyle.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:26
Former UN weapons inspector Scott Ritter says US defeat in Iraq ‘inevitable’ – but what would he know? Does he provide any cool interactive maps with big arrows on them? No, he doesn’t. Therefore, his argument means nothing to me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
09:28
Shark attacks dog, only to be attacked by another dog. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

Be you man or beast, if you live in Australia for long enough, and you will evolve into a very dangerous creature. It’s nature’s way.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
09:33


—– Original Message —–

From: “Darrell Jones”

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Friday, March 28, 2003 3:22 AM

Subject: Thank You Prime Minister Blair

–>

–> I must say, Prime Minister Blair, you are a

–> truly great leader! Your eloquence and passion

–> in explaining the necessity of the Iraqi War

–> filled my heart with hope & resolve.

–>

–> Thank you, Prime Minister Blair, for standing

–> by America’s side as we both liberate the people

–> of Iraq from oppression!!

–>

–> I would love a signed picture of yourself.

–> That would make my day.

–>

–> Darrell

–>

–> “I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. As

–> you make your requests, plead for God’s mercy upon

–> them, and give thanks. Pray this way for kings and all

–> others who are in authority, so that we can live in

–> peace and quietness, in godliness and dignity. This is

–> good, and pleases God our Savior.”


–>

–> I Timothy 2: 1-3

NOTE : This is one of the few correspondents that I will not be answering by email. Darrell provided a street address y’see, so right now I’m printing out an 8 x 10 version of one of Tony’s better nudes and overlaying a GIF of his signature.

I’m sure Darrell will be thrilled to bits when it arrives by snail mail early next week.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328
You Vill Submit!
Time
11:48
Hurray for hidden porn!

Huzzah for the Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges who claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256.

Thanks, Thomas. Thanks, Paul.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
12:15
She’s a busy old day today. I’m not sure what I’ll be able to cook up in the way of civil disobedience plans/reports. Keep sending in your stuff, anyway – I may break the rules and let myself near a keyboard this weekend.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328

Time
12:53
This is the best output I’ve seen from a B3tan in a long time. Inspiring stuff. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll start writing letters…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030328
Civil Disobedience (contains some kittenage)
Time
16:34
The RSPCA wants the Bonsai Kitten site shut down – even thought they know it’s a hoax.

*sigh*

Well, there’s no official day of action this weekend, folks – but there’s also very little reason to stay at home.

I hear a rail strike is planned for Monday. That certainly narrows the field…

I’ll be out and about on Sunday night for that reason alone. Send reports. Send pictures.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
08:38
General Motors describes users of public transport as ‘creeps and weirdos. Wouldn’t you rather be a single driver in a Chevrolet Cavalier VL Sedan, hogging the bus lane just to show the riff-raff a thing or two?

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Date
20030331

Time
08:41
Bioseal: the fully adjustable heat-sealed body bag solution.

Maybe these guys should hand out a few pamphlets in the London Underground…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:44
Not a bad Top 5 this morning. In fact, it’s worth listing in full:

1. Blogshares is a tired idea tacked onto blogs and runs mostly off somebody else’s back-end. Oh, and it doesn’t list Bloggerheads. Obviously that’s the only reason I have a problem with it.

2. Takoma the mine-sniffing dolphin is AWOL. Probably out cruising tourist beaches for a little action.

3. US soldiers in Iraq asked to pray for Bush. For he is the power and the glory…

4. The Iraqometer doesn’t have an index to show the current number of dead British journalists or the percentage of ant-war protests involving nudity.

5. Still, nudity is soooo last Tuesday. Die-ins are the new black.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:00
Campaign signs stolen by students. Everybody wants a poster with the name ‘Stoner’ on it, it seems.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:04
Man fatally stabs himself trying to use knife as makeshift Allen wrench.

“He had got the butcher knife, and I told him that the knife wouldn’t work,” said wife Alicia Neal, who asked her husband to tighten the screws on the cot at the centre of this tragedy, “He had to use the Allen wrench.”

Now Alicia, would this be the same Allen wrench you used when you yourself first assembled the cot?

Where exactly did you put that?

I would remind you, Alica, that you’re under oath. And always moving my stuff.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:13
The Dullest Blog In The World may not be much, but it sure beats reality television.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:16
An excellent rant by Paul Carr on the subject of viral marketing and the many, many professionals in need of a clue.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:19
Protest vet won’t march against the war because Saddam is evil.

“So if people want to talk about containing [Saddam Hussein] and don’t want to go in forcefully and remove him, how do they propose doing something about the horrors he is inflicting on his people who live in such fear of him?”

Tom Watson made a similar point a few days ago, but it’s not an argument that’s likely to win me over. Especially as I agree with the core concerns.

Yes, it might be easy to dismiss purely on the basis that it’s the latest in a loooooong line of arguments, but I personally believe that Saddam Hussein is an arsehole of the highest order and needs to be dealt with.

Just not by the current government of the United States, is all.

I question their motives, I question their methods, and I strongly object to my government’s involvement in what is turning out to be the defining fuck-up of the decade.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
09:50
Hooray for Scott, who went marching in Boston on Saturday and hijacked his child’s pram to warn the world of the greatest danger of all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030331

Time
12:03
A new ‘Iraqi’ version of the Nigerian scam spam has started doing the rounds. No, not this one, more like this one:

“By way of introduction I am Eng. Farouk Al-Bashar, I represent my family as the oldest son of the Al-Bashar family, who are the descendants of Ibrahim Al-Bashar Ali from one of the oil rich areas in Iraq. Over the years my family has acquired huge sums of money from royalties for the exploration of oil in our region but over the past 15 years, Saddam Hussein and his gangs of bandits have taken our oils without payments and we can not complain as those who did are all dead. In the wake of the Gulf War of 1990, our family withdrew most moneys that remain in coded bank accounts that Saddam did not find and we hide it in a secret chamber underground, where it remained safe until after the war. At the end of Gulf war, we moved the funds into a private vault of a security company in Baghdad, where it was until we collected it a few days ago on the fear of the eminent war with America.”

They go on to say that they’re ‘afraid that with the capacity of the bombs America is coming to Baghdad with nowhere would be safe for the money,’ so of course that’s your cue to part with personal details, bank details, etc. etc. etc.

02-14 March, 2003

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030302

Time
09:01
Childish, but amusing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:59
Taking up positions 1, 2 & 3 no less – the smoking gun we’ve all been waiting for:

The United States is conducting a secret ‘dirty tricks’ campaign against UN Security Council delegations in New York as part of its battle to win votes in favour of war against Iraq. Bus-ted!

Actually, I think it’s a little unfair to rattle on with US this and America that, when articles like this should really read: “The Bush Administration is conducting a secret ‘dirty tricks’ campaign…”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303
Christianity Watch
Time
09:31
Diana Cooper has been touched by an angel. No, it’s true. It even told her to release a series of books and tapes on the subject.

I can tell by that look on your face that you still don’t believe me, so here are some pictures of angels and other manifestations caught on camera that have been sent in by her readers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:32
This fantastic new anti-rape device is designed primarily for women, but I’m sure men could find it equally useful if stuck up the jacksie. It acts as a protective lining, can capture semen for future evidence and has needles designed to collect ‘penile tissue samples,’ but the anti-penetration airbag is by far my favourite function.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303
Videos, Etc.
Time
09:33
OK, you can stop sending me copies of the Bush/Blair ‘Endless Love’ video. I’ve seen it. In fact, here’s a link to the entire ‘Read My Lips’ collection. Enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:35
Why does Bush push to silence free speech? Erm, don’t know, sir.

Perhaps he wants to keep his job.

At least for another 609 days, 19 hours and 20 minutes (see The Bush Countdown Clock).

Seriously, is there a way we can legally and efficiently get him out of the White House before then? I’m open to ideas, people.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:40
Read about the racist pit-bull.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:44
A collection of cartoon tributes to Mr Rogers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:53
If, like me, you’re still waiting for your silver jumpsuit and flying car, then don’t read this. It will only depress you. By the way, I’m enjoying a lot of Tomorrow Stories and Top Ten are especially groovy, but if you want something with more meat on its bones, then you should read From Hell (yes, even if you’ve seen the movie).

BTW, just out of interest, has anyone ever tried to get a movie version of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman off the ground?

UPDATE – Linus wrote in with the following not-at-all-surprising news:

“Yeah, they tried a few years ago, I was attending a book reading Neil did for ‘Neverwhere’ and he was saying that the rights were sold, but it was a shambles. The sandman had superpowers in the first script treatment (obviously, not written by Neil) and was about the first book (when he lost all his Sandman gear) but was nothing like it really…. Neil was rather disappointed. If you know about Death, the High Cost Of Living, Neil was/is trying to get a version of that off the ground, with himself as director. No news on that though.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
09:55
It’s… the Google/Blogger FAQ.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303
Flash Games
Time
09:56
An oldie but a goodie via FunJunkie:

Play God and get it out of your system with some serious wrath. It’s pretty basic stuff, but if it gets you in the mood, then you might also wish to rediscover the world’s biggest magnifying glass.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
10:04
I knew there had to be an ulterior motive:

Items confiscated by overzealous airport security to be sold on ebay.

The Ultimate Insult is also selling a bunch of stuff. Mostly CDs. Personally, I think he’s mad. I sell off stuff from time to time, but I would never, ever sell my music. The last time I was foolish/desperate enough to do this was 14 years ago, and I regretted it less than a week later. Go and buy something before he reads this and changes his mind.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
10:14
Two results from Friday’s request for feedback:

No, Bloggerheads isn’t getting too political (at least, not in your opinion) and more and more of you are warming to the idea of feedback via direct email.

I know it seems desperately old-fashioned in these exciting days of interactive polls and what-not, but I have my reasons.

A lot of folks drop by here and – after a quick look around – decide that I’m a marketing scumbag. The number of readers who will actually surrender an email address to me is a very strong indication of trust – and of genuine interest.

Voting on a poll takes about 3 seconds. Writing and sending a short email takes close to 30. It’s nice to know that I can hold your attention for at least half a minute.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030303

Time
13:38
Like I said, I can be your best customer or your worst customer.

Not that I’m anything special. The same could be said of any weblogger. I just wrote to another marketing bod about this, and part of it is worth publishing for the record:

“Given the rise of personal publishing this format has (finally) brought about, it’s a fair bet that any given company has at least 0.001% of customers that run their own weblog. The effect that this small percentage of customers has on search engine results affects how 80% of online customers (or, most importantly, potential customers) find them and/or view them.”

Basically, they better start being much, much nicer to us. How many times have to talked to a company until you’re blue in the face, only to come up against the brick wall that is ‘company policy’ again and again? Of course, the moment such a complaint reaches a consumer champion in one of them there newspapers or tellyvision shows, they’ll pull out all the stops to (finally) do the right thing.

One can hope that they will soon realise that personal comments published in this way are equally important.

Perhaps we can target two companies as an example of this? One positive, and one negative. It’d make a great ‘Can Weblogs…? experiment. The aim would be to drum up link support for a simple comment page on each of the target companies – that will then turn up in the top 5 search results for that company. Nominations are welcome.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
08:43
Anti-war protests continue around the globe. (Warning: article contains yet more naked Australians.)

Fellow blogger Anita Roddick is organising a virtual march on London. I can’t see it doing much, but I’ll feed her that email-to-fax address for Tony just the same.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
08:45
Hussein and Bush face to face at Madame Tussaud’s. It’s War! And we’re all going to die! Bring the family for fun and laughter.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
08:47
Bush is already quietly planning for the 2004 election. Just like he’s already (quietly) started his little Gulf War.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304
Christianity Watch
Time
08:56
Catholic driver gives up speeding for Lent.

The Catholic church in the Philippines has ruled that SMS confessions count for ddly sqt.

A woman has kept the body of her dead husband at home for three weeks as members of the World Ministries Church prayed that he would be brought back to life. It would serve her right if he actually did come back and started feasting on her spicy brains.

Finally, we close with the excellent gaybeer.com, a site produced by ‘a Christian, pro-family organization’ called the Family Policy Network. The site is designed ‘to expose Anheuser-Busch’s grossly immoral marketing technique of exploiting a deadly lifestyle for profit’. Anheuser-Busch make Bud Light.

I don’t see the problem myself. As an Australian, I’ve always known that light beer is for poofs.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304
Riding High On Blogdex
Time
09:42
Quite a few bloggers have their back up over Dr Pepper’s plans to use weblogs to promote a ‘milk-based product with an attitude.’

As a weblogger and marketer, I welcome this brave initiative.

Like hell.

We should run these wankers out of town on a rail.

What the jokers at Richards Interactive (the agency behind this ‘brilliant’ campaign) have cooked up may or may not be a genuine attempt to simply put products into the hands of opinion makers, but the way they’ve done it screams of ignorance. It’s not unlike walking out the front door with a bloody great Amway folder under your arm yelling; “I’m going to make me some friends today! You! Over there! Mr, errr, um, Brown Shoes! Will you be my friend?”

A note to the folks over at Richards Interactive:

Did you research this at all? Did you perhaps read the following?

“So here we all are, a wide variety of people from all walks of life, getting together purely because we like to interact with each other. Like any form of fulfilling social interaction, listening is as important as talking. Those in your immediate circle know what you do for a living, and this may even form part of your introduction or crop up in normal conversation, but if all you talk about is work, then you’re going to find yourself in a very lonely corner of the room before the ice has melted in your first drink. If you were stupid enough to bring some pamphlets or maybe even an educational slideshow with you, then you can be sure that everybody will be laughing and pointing as well.”

(Excerpt from WTF is Weblog Marketing?)

Guess what? Everybody’s laughing. Everybody’s pointing. For you, the party is over. Don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.

Use natural and genuine activity to get my attention and I’ll promote something valid until the cows come home. Try to recruit me with a formal campaign, and I’ll expect to be paid – and not with a few drinks and freebies, but a wad of the green stuff Dr Pepper wasted on you.

UPDATE – There’s a great debate on this in the comments relating to this post over at MarketingFix. One chap insists that:

“Meanwhile, I see on Blogdex that more than a dozen bloggers have already linked to the Newsweek story. I had never heard of Dr. Pepper’s Raging Cow product launch before this, and now I (and a whole lot of other people) have. So, is that so clueless? Seems to me that they’ve already succeeded in creating a buzz around the product.”

Oh, yeah. It’s all good stuff. BTW, ignore that whoosing sound above your head.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
10:00
Richard Thomas wrote in with the following regarding the image of Luke and Leia at the tail end of The Star Wars Photoshopping Project.

Dear Mr Ireland,

The use of un- or badly corrected cleft lips as a way of poking fun at people is pretty damned offensive to me and other clefties. Please take down the picture of Luke and Leia, or modify to make fun of some other bunch of weird looking people.

(Cleft lip and palates are now routinely corrected but still a source of deep emotional trauma for people living in a society obsessed with the way you look.)

Richard Thomas

I agree with Richard’s concerns about image obsession, and told him so when I wrote back to point out that – in this case – cleft palates (and crossed eyes) were merely used as a device to poke fun at the melodrama that George Lucas paints into his movies with the thickest of trowels.

Still, I felt he had a point about ignorance and what-not, so to correct this imbalance I urge you all to visit the website for Cleft Lip and Palate Association to familiarise yourself with the problem.

UPDATE – Yes, I have noticed that both Richard’s first and last names are euphemisms for a certain part of the male anatomy, and I’m sure he remembers the days of his youth fondly as a result.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
12:37
Found via The Blackwood Channel:

The adbusters take on ready.gov

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
13:49
That full collection of Read My Lips video thingies (including Bush and Blair singing Endless Love) is here. I blogged it yesterday. That’s why the link is in the archive and not on this page. Oh, wait… now it is on this page. Oh, you know what I’m trying to say. Anyways, you’ve got your link – now stop emailing me. Please.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
16:58
Heh. I’ve just been blocked from making comments at RagingCow.com (the promotional site for Dr Pepper blogged earlier).



I don’t know which comment was the final straw, but I’m pretty sure it was either:

“Interesting that a cow should understand so little about herd mentality…”

or

“Somebody got milked, that’s for sure!”

UPDATE – It’s not a very effective block. A web proxy gets me right back in the game. I may poke my head in tomorrow. In the meantime, please enjoy the following comment – spotted while posting a simple ‘I like milk’ message to test the proxy solution. It’s sure to be deleted soon, so I figured somebody should enjoy it:

“Speaking of raging cows… We had a bull when I was a kid that broke into daddy’s meth lab. It not only ate all of the sudafed but also got cranked up on the speedball he kept out there to ‘take the edge off’ when the monotony of the plowing got to him. Anyway, the bull, Ol’ Moses, as we called him (because the heifers would part like the Red Sea to let this fine stud pass by), so, Ol’ Moses sets off into the barn and ultimately busted up the artificial insemination equipment pretty bad. Squirrel, our best technicians, lost three gloves before he could really grip Moses’ prostate for milking. That’s none too purty.

Long story short, Squirrel ended up with the head injury that changed his nickname to Twitch, Moses ended up suffocated under a pile of feedcorn, and with all of the money lost from the meth, the crank, and bull-milker, I had to drop out of St. Smibbens Academy and forfeited my scholarship to Sacramento State.”

I have a true story from my school days about a gay goat that won the carcass competition at the Easter Show, but it seems pretty pathetic by comparison. I’ve also had my hand up a cow’s bum, but simply I refuse to tell that story until at least five people email me offering gifts to help offset the trauma involved. (Yes, cash is fine – but please try to show a little imagination.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
17:47
Simon Carr on war by the back door. Worth it just for the fact that it notes that last week’s vote and debate in parliament counted for sweet bugger all.

As it moves on it also – for me – raises a serious question. With all these bloggers about (able to feed into Google within days) and with all these Usenetters about (able to feed into Google within about 30 minutes) doesn’t a slip of the lip become much more serious now?

Will we see cases of ‘information bombing’ (i.e. individuals – inadvertently or otherwise – revealing troop movements, weak spots in terror defence and so on)?

Will we see government censors madly trying to control this feed of information as a result?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030304

Time
18:30
Oops. Almost forgot. here’s a very detailed study of the RagingCow thing. There’s even an interview with one of the perpetrators. As it turns out, a disturbing amount of research went into the whole thing… but they still – somehow – managed to miss the point. Tragic.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
08:51
Community helps replace boy’s bunny. Bobby’s previous bunny went missing on the night of Feb. 24. He found her head in a nearby field.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
08:54
How alcohol works. BTW, this is Day 6 of my booze strike. This is the longest I’ve gone without alcohol in about 5 years (Don’t bother scanning through the archive – this is the first time I’ve mentioned it.)

I feel pretty good, to tell the truth. Only problem is, now I’m hooked on flavoured milk.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
08:59
Meet Ginger ‘Drummer Girl’ Gilmore. She’s an Elvis Impersonator. (Link via The Ultimate Insult.)

Damn. I’ve yet to make time to check out the restaurant in Hornchurch called Jailhouse Rock. Apparently it’s full to the rafters with Elvis Impersonators, and I still need to recruit a reasonably local one…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Oldies but Goodies
Time
09:03
Is it meat or an accident?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:05
How hackers use Google.

There’s also a bunch more on Raging Cow, but I’ll get to that in another post…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
09:10
Doogie Howser goes hardcore. “Dear Diary, life is a cabaret… and these crotchless panties are really starting to itch!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
09:12
Chrissie Hynde abuses audience and generally loses the plot. The crowd started to get ugly when, erm, she called them ‘ugly.’ Go figure.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
09:15
Vanity Fair claims that Michael Jackson once paid $150,000 for a ‘voodoo curse’ to kill Steven Spielberg – and 23 other people on his list of enemies.

IIRC, the previously chummy pair have had a falling out. I think it was over Jackson asking Spielberg for a testimonial/tribute thingie for the publicity drive that was HIStory. Spielberg happily complied and was prominently featured in the sleeve folder for the album. Of course, Spielberg didn’t find out until the album was released that it featured a track (They Don’t Really Care About Us) which contained the line:

‘Kick me, kike me, don’t you black and white me.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
09:48
Right! Raging Cow time…

After posting and watching for a bit yesterday, it became pretty clear that the moderators on RagingCow.com were operating mainly to protect their arses from the client. Anything mentioning the online PR disaster and/or awareness of corporate manipulation was swiftly removed.

Then the Farkers got involved and from here it may have been a little hard to keep up with the torrent of comments.

It also seems that they’re unaware of comments connected to older posts – or unable to moderate them. One of my original posts is still there.

I shall get involved yet again today.

Why?

1. This is an insult to our intelligence.

2. I’m of the opinion that the client has been ripped off – and that Richards Interactive will do their best to hide this disaster from them (or at least dress it up as a success).

Some clues as to how they will do this are included in the usual industry justifications being bandied about in the ongoing debate over at MarketingFix.

Oh, and there’s a short piece on RagingCow over at junkfoodnews.com (scroll down to see – it’s under the Dairy Queen article). I’ll be back with more once Blogdex updates.

UPDATE – The best non-moderated comment left by a Farker? In my opinion, it just has to be:

“I clicked ‘Forget Personal Information’ and now I can’t find my car. Maybe I have cancer? Is this my house?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
10:12
—– Original Message —–

From: Henry Huber

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk; president@whitehouse.gov ; vice.president@whitehouse.gov; senator@clinton.senate.gov; etc. etc. etc.

Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2003 6:00 PM

Subject: HARD FACTS

–>

–> A BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW.

–> Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians

–> and Arab neighbors, the following two sentences really say it all.

–>

–> If the Arabs put down their weapons today there would be no more violence.

–> If the Jews put down their weapons today there would be no more Israel.

Dammit Henry, I can’t be bothered with this right now – I have a flavoured milk crisis on my hands!

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Repeat Post
Time
10:16
Why do people make themselves so hard to find? For (hopefully) the last time, the collection of Read My Lips video jobbies (including Bush and Blair singing Endless Love) is here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
10:34
An excellent piece on Raging Cow by Glenn Harlan Reynolds.

Best quote is presented in edited form below (I removed most of the charm, for it is in my nature to do so):

“What’s more, bloggers who ‘Get Behind The Cow’… will probably be subjected to merciless ribbing from other bloggers – especially now that word of the campaign has gotten out. The upshot is likely to be that even people who actually like the drink… will probably be embarrassed to say so…”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Tony Blair’s Email
Time
11:27
Tom Watson has kindly pointed out a rather telling update on this page, which now informs us that:

‘A facility to allow you to email the Prime Minister will be available very soon.’

Still no confirmed delivery date from Downing St, but there are things going on in the background, I can assure you. As soon as I have something concrete, I will let you know.

Oh, a bit of gossip I can probably let slip now. Remember when I tried to get the Conservatives onside to put a little pressure on? They punked out because Iain Duncan Smith has a 0% response rating to emails and faxes, and they were afraid the Labour bods would bounce straight back with this.

BTW, Tom looks to be off the booze, too. Hooray for him! We should both go out for a beer and celebrate. No, wait…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
13:23
Do any readers live in New Jersey? Perhaps you’d care to call and/or visit Meecorp (201-944-9330) and ask them to stop spamming me with 185Kb emails…

FFS, I got three copies this morning!

Is anybody else getting this oversized garbage?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
13:53
I just found out that a copy of the Bush/Blair pic appeared in a protest in Seoul. The Sunday Mirror ran a picture of it. Did anybody buy a copy this Sunday? I’d love to see it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
15:32
Raging Cow has just updated with the usual nonsense. No acknowledgement of any recent reactions. If it were a real and genuine blog, there would at least be mention, wouldn’t you think?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305
Tony Blair’s Email
Time
15:44
Those wishing to join the virtual march on London being championed by Anita Roddick can now add Tony Blair’s email-to-fax address to their arsenal.

To paraphrase the legendary Richard Vernon: mess with the bull, and you’ll get the horns.

(Holy Cow! I just found via the facsimile Dick that Adam West, Burt Ward and much of the original Batman cast are to star in a reunion film! I am so there!)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030305

Time
16:07
Yay! An image gallery for Return To The Batcave-The Misadventures Of Adam And Burt. This is turning into the bestest day ever.



Time to send a few emails and find out when it’ll be showing here in the UK, methinks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
08:29
Man arrested for wearing peace t-shirt.

Actually, he’s a lawyer.

Here’s a copy of the complaint, courtesy of The Smoking Gun.

Protestors gather at Crossgates Mall.

Activists protest mall after arrest of man wearing peace shirt.

Mall Wants to Drop Peace T-Shirt Charges.

It’s all over people. Move along – there’s nothing to see here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
08:34
MSR Productions are ‘the oldest and most reliable distributor of racialist musical products in North America.’

Be it country, hard rock or music of the Third Reich, this is the place to get it, people. Finally, a place where I can express my Anglo Saxon rage!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306
Oldies but Goodies
Time
08:40
Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex. Is having sex with Superman dangerous? Of course. Even if he moderates his stroke, his semen will still be faster than a speeding locomotive.

If you haven’t seen it before, this is a good read. Save it for lunch.

(Link gratefully rediscovered via FunJunkie.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
08:44
Two girls find out they are dating the same man and take it out on his car.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
08:45
A man employed by CBS News to speak the words of Saddam Hussein during his interview with Dan Rather last week reportedly adopted a fake Arabic accent.

A bit crass, isn’t it? I think they should have taken the Eurotrash approach and had him speak redneck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306
Long and Boring, But Kind Of Important
Time
09:38
A comment from a moderator in yesterday’s Fark thread:

Hmmm…

Dr Pepper contacts Fark about pissing off user base with popups and interstial ads…

Drew declines, but asks for suggestions…

98% of users start babbling about Dr Pepper and including it in PS contests. Becomes a big thing.

Dr Pepper pays Fark zero.

Dr Pepper now using a blog and tricking idiots into linking to said blog to promote a new product.

Fark turning this garbage down in its original format is quite telling. For the record (and you’ll see why I need to state this a little further on) I have gone to Fark with a commercial proposition – and had it accepted. In fact, it was openly noted that I had done so on this blog. It was accepted was because it was open, honest, in context and not at all intrusive. The client was even aware what to expect from the average Farker.

Another service I offer is Weblog Seeding. How is this different from what Richards Interactive has done? Well, for a start, what weblog seeding mostly involves is placement here – from where (if the creative is on the money) it spreads naturally. Some links are spread to weblogs or sites that actively seek the kind of material included in the creative. These are spread via requests that note my involvement (if any) in its creation. If I require the solid support of another weblog in a commercial project, that blogger is paid for their time. In cash. If I’ve paid you money in the past, then you know this to be true.

Yes, I’m in marketing. Yes, I advocate the intelligent use of weblogs for marketing purposes. This isn’t the problem I have with Raging Cow.

I don’t even have a problem with the creative. I’ve said in a number of places (though – crucially – not here, I’ve just noticed) that the content is quite good. It’s the thinking behind it that’s seriously flawed.

Why am I so uptight about this? Well, I saw this coming, but I was powerless to stop it. Raging Cow is everything I feared, and ultimately quite lame, but it won’t stop RI and others from selling it to their clients as ‘the next big thing.’

Why is this such a big deal to me? I’ll tell you why… Richards Interactive are sure to hail this clueless wonder as a success. This will result in a number of commercial entities adopting more or less the same approach. Managers and directors will read about it in their marketing mags and think; “That’s the jobbie for me!”

The result? More of the same. Much, much, more of the same. Sure, we’ll give each mindless intrusion the mocking it deserves, but this won’t stop it invading our space. Just like spam and banner advertising, it will proliferate because it appeals to the limited mindset of your average marketer. Or perhaps I should say below-average marketer.

Why am I boring you with all of this? Well, it looks like Richards Interactive has gone on the offensive by getting staff/associates to make a few ‘genuine’ posts that have a go at me. It’s also pretty obvious that this has been followed up by a request to their tame webloggers to jump in and have a say also. The content of the posts alone should make this pretty clear, but the questionable sources of these posts clinch it for me.

(A hint for RI: Not a smart move. You should have moderated quietly and got on with life. Yesterday’s post probably would have been my last. Now you’re forcing me to speak out on the matter yet again – and actively driving traffic to this site as a result.)

One person has called me a hypocrite, and even suggested that I’m in the business of creating search engine results that are somehow misleading. Yet another has questioned my priorities given the amount of genuinely worrying crap that’s going on these days. Bloggerheads, it seems, has done nothing to act against this kind of thing.

Regular readers will know that this is 100% bullshit, but new visitors to Raging Cow will not – so they’ve been invited over to Bloggerheads to decide for themselves. I’ve had to do it this way because any solid argument I post must obviously include the kind of overt material that gets instantly moderated. Of course, posts containing negative comments about Bloggerheads (and copyrighted text from this site) are not subject to this same level of moderation. Funny, that.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
09:59
Martin sent some stuff I’d noted about Raging Cow to Doc Searls and Bloggerheads has been blogged as a result. Pardon me for being a marketing/web geek and losing it for a moment, but..

Cannot. Cope. Level.. of… coolness.. (*choke*) Rising!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306
Misleading Search Engine Result Of The Day
Time
10:27
Good to see The Porn Report is still reaching those who need it most. It’s now No.1 for searches on ‘top ten profitable porn sites’ in Google and No. 9 for the much more generic query ‘selling porn.’ Only half a dozen people found it this way yesterday, but that’s – hopefully – half a dozen ultimately pointless spamming campaigns you won’t have to worry about.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
12:04
Despite using frames and a format that isn’t easily recognisable, Tom Watson has been correctly identified by VoxPolitics and others as one of the first true blogging MPs.

I’m as proud as punch to be involved with the development of a new site with a more useful format for Tom, and would invite those who are interested to drop by from time to time and watch it being built from scratch.

Step one is obviously the display width. Heh. Bear with me – it’s my first time on MovableType. The host has been less than helpful with the set-up (this initially caused a long delay, but I won’t name and shame – it’s water under the bridge). However, the folks at Movable Type had the whole thing sorted out within a day or two with their excellent – excellentpaid installation option. I even sent them a $20 tip out of my own pocket. It really is the mutt’s nuts and I would recommend this path to anybody considering adopting this blog format.

Obviously, I’m going to be a little busy over the coming days – but do hang in there. I’ve got some groovy stuff happening on the public display side of The Star Wars Photoshopping Project that you won’t want to miss. (I need a public display by the 31st of May to be eligible for a Turner Prize nomination. No, I’m not kidding.)

On that note, now is as good a time as any to ask:

I need a semi-public interior space to host a ceiling-to-ceiling wall-to-wall display of this project. An office foyer, restaurant, or Internet cafe would be ideal. If you own or run such a place, do get in touch.

Cheers all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
18:12
Another busy day where I’ve only just now had a chance to look at the newpapers. My son almost heard a brand new word when I saw this:

“A chemical plant which the US says is a key component in Iraq’s chemical warfare arsenal was secretly built by Britain in 1985 behind the backs of the Americans.”

Makes you proud, doesn’t it?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
18:38
Behold the Declaration of Bloggerdom.

Do you think I need some blog directives, or are the web directives enough?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
18:42
Here’s a MetaFilter thread on Raging Cow and here’s a balanced and informed article at Beverage Online. From this latter link, we get the gem:

“For their part, the bloggers who have agreed to discuss Raging Cow on their sites seem mostly flattered to have been asked.”

And therein lies the tragedy…

Carlo from BoyMeetsLife is one of their tame bloggers and actually thinks that this is a way of standing up and taking action to make the world a better place.

Pardon?

I tried to set him straight with a short comment under his post, but it looks like he moderated me, the cheeky little cam-scamp. So, I’ll just react to his words (in italics) here:

“In a world full of corruption, there has to be a shining light… someone who makes it happen. What will you do?”

I’d like to think that I’m already doing it. I don’t necessarily think you’ve sold out. More like you’re being exploited.

UPDATE – Well how about that? Suddenly I gets un-moderated. Perhaps it was just a glitch in the reload. Ho-hum.

Of course, Carlo should be free to do whatever the hell he likes. I’m not attacking him or his actions at all – but I reserve the right to question his justifications.

Anyways, here’s yet another discussion thread. Worth noting because Rebecca Blood (first off the mark with a book on blogging, don’tcha know?) pokes her nose in.

UPDATE II – The mod thing at Carlo’s site was a glitch. My bad. I’ve been moderated a lot lately, so I’m kind of edgy. I’m also dying for a beer. Carlo wrote to me with some very encouraging thoughts. I’ll be back with more soon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
22:22
Y’see, this is what happens when you don’t do your research.

Regulars!

Hi.

Sorry it’s been such a hard slog of late, but perhaps you can tell these chaps what happens when I see a fight worth fighting?

Exactly.

Click here to join The Raging Cow Boycott.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030306

Time
23:40
Ahahahahahahahahaha!

Sorry, I’m laughing too hard to write anything coherent.



(Via Catch.com, which has a great crop of stuff today, including a link to a new flash game on Orisinal.)

UPDATE – Hooters Air ‘in danger of going bust.’

I’m sorry, this is far too much for me. I’m going to bed. Good thing I’m wearing my boxing gloves.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307

Time
09:15
Want to live a little longer? Steer clear of Gwinnett Place Mall!

3rd March: Woman collapses, dies outside Gwinnett mall.

6th March: Store manager has heart attack while chasing shoplifter – at the same mall.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307

Time
09:21
Save Harry Potter from the clutches of Coca-Cola!

It’s sad some of the things that are being done in the name of this character – and his creator.

I actually read a legal letter or two sent out by Warner Brothers in 2001 to shut down any Harry Potter site that wasn’t controlled by them (including perfectly legitimate – and some would argue quite beneficial – fan sites). They claimed to do so in the name of the author – who, as it turns out, was quite surprised that the action was being taken. Still, she’d signed a contract worth squillions of pounds, so wasn’t able to say much about it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307

Time
10:06
I’ll have some longer stuff to stuff to blog on The Raging Cow Boycott soon. First, I have some work to do – and I’m waiting for a few emails to come in from so-called ‘tame’ bloggers.

In the meantime, I’d like to direct you to this post on Ethical Weblogging over at Plasticbag and thank Doc Searls, FunJunkie, The Ultimate Insult and yes, even TTR2 for their support in this matter.

It’s not an easy issue to understand, so I’m still not sure how many people will take it on (or possibly misconstrue the whole thing as sour grapes from a rival provider). We shall see.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
11:00
I found it very interesting talking to someone who’d actually been involved with the Raging Cow campaign, so I dug a little deeper last night. I noticed the same thing other people started to email me with this morning. Lots and lots of teen webcams. Mmmm, nothing sells flavoured milk quite like a gallery of young, corruptible flesh. One reader described the line-up connected to this campaign as a teen booty-call. Me, I have echoes of the Raging Cow copy style bouncing around my head, so the phrase that immediately springs to my mind is Extreme Teen Webcams.

Another reader described one of the girls as callipygian, which confirms that they’ve not only been paying attention, but they’ve also been reading I Love Bacon this morning. Heh. Rob is is right. It doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Baby Got Back.’

Now don’t get wrong. I like big butts. And I cannot lie. Erm, you other brothers can’t deny. (Uh-oh, slipping into DJ mode. It’s been a while…)

nerenernernernernerner….

*ding*

(boom)

That when a cam pops up in with an itty titty taste

Of a teen bod in your face

You go schwing!

Check the whole webring

Though you know this cow is stuffed!

Weblog marketing’s landed

I’m here surfing sites one-handed

Oh, baby – I wanna get with ya

And grab your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But that milk you got makes

*ugnh*

(Me so horny)

So fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)

Are weblogs being butt-fucked? (hell yeah)

Well link it (yeah) link it (yeah)

Tell everyone it sucks

Get your own back

Ahem. Sorry about that. Back to reality.

Feedback from these people? Well, obviously they’re pretty shy – and under strict instructions not to rock the boat (despite RI assuring us that they’re not telling people what to say).

I wanted to quote one or two of them here, but no go sadly. There’s the small matter of a signed contract to deal with. (Man, would I love to see a copy of that little document.)

Selection on the basis of teen sex appeal? Written contracts? Me, I’m convinced that the campaign is doomed to fail, not in spite of these measures – but because of them. Ah, yes. Perhaps I’m actually reaching RI now. See that small, bright thing off in the murky distance, chaps? It’s called a clue. Reach out for it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307

Time
11:04
Ahahahahahahahaha!

Ladies and gentlemen, The Raging Cow Boycott now has the full support of Labour MP Tom Watson. Of course, this support is only forthcoming because I’m sending him a free t-shirt. Well, I am now.



The mission today for my US readers (that’s about 80% of you) is to see if we can’t get link support from a United States Senator.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
18:26
Yay! I’ve been granted permission to quote an emailed remark from one of the bloggers who has signed up for the whole Raging Cow deal. Anonymous or not, this took guts. Here’s the quote in full:

–> I’m well aware that Dr Pepper/Seven Up are really are not interested

–> in us as people but in how we can help promote their product. Well,

–> I’m not really interested in how much money I can earn them, but how

–> much traffic I can get across my site to let my voice be heard. I really

–> don’t care for those who come on my site because of pics or the other

–> superficial reasons, but more so about those who come with an open

–> mind and are willing to think about things as well as put up a good,

–> clean argument.

RI aren’t going to find out who this is from me, but if the person quoted above is thrown off the squad as a result of this, I have the feeling they’ll earn themselves one hell of an audience as a result.

Even if I’m wrong about that, I’ll be throwing a fair degree of traffic their way out of sheer gratitude.

Now, if only I could get my hands on a copy of that contract…

My spider senses tell me that an email has gone out to squad members from RI reminding them of their responsibilities. I have a message for all squad members, too:

1. You’re teenagers! Please don’t leave the rebellion entirely to us old folk. We’re tired, and out hearts can’t take it.

2. I am not attacking you for selling out. I just happen to think that you’re being unfairly exploited. You are providing an invaluable service, and being woefully underpaid for it.

3. What have you got to lose besides a few freebies? RI is not going to sue you. They wouldn’t dare.

4. Finally, if you want people to pay attention to your brain, then you might want to stop showing them your body. Turn off the webcam.

That’s probably it until Monday. I’m not going to email/hassle you with this info. Feel free to read it here and distribute/discuss it in private as you see fit.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030307
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
18:42
World of Ends – What the Internet Is and How to Stop Mistaking It for Something Else.

This timely snippet of wisdom from Doc Searls and David Weinberger has topped the chart with an impressive 40 references in one day. Isn’t that some kind of record for a common sense post?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030308
Raging Cow
Time
07:44
It’s a bit in the technical side, but you should still get the idea: TNL.net’s modest proposal for a full disclosure xml feed.

Oh, thanks also to Groovymother, JordonCooper.com and Sleepyhead for the link support.

I made a post regarding the boycott to a UK marketing mailing list on Friday. I was expecting a few ‘Why are you pissing on our fire?’ replies, but so far everything that has come back has been positive.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030308
Feedback Friday (or Saturday)
Time
10:43
Sean from deeplinking.net found us via comments left at Raging Cow, but isn’t quite sure what to make of the whole thing. I’ve invited him to check out the boycott page (which pretty much outlines my position) and the archives for the last few days.

Regulars: I’ll try to move on from this as soon as I can. Sorry things are so focused on the cow right now, but it’s the thin end of the wedge we’re dealing with here, and we stand a much better chance of breaking it off at the tip. Thanks for your patience.

The day-late feedback question is:

Now that Tony Blair’s Email looks to be ticking along to an inevitable conclusion, shall we finally move on to a new ‘Can Weblogs…?’ project?

1. No, we have to nail Tony Blair down first.

2. Yes, time for something new. In fact, I have the following suggestion…

Emails to the usual address.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030308
Same Time Last Year
Time
11:02
Bloggerheads: 8th March 2002

I never did find out what was up with the plastic-wrap woman.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030309
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
10:00
Oh dear. Oh dear or dear.

To start a blog-based campaign of this type and not expect some kind of backlash is bad enough – but to fail to protect the most obvious target points?

Unforgiveable.

ragingcow.net has just been purchased by person or persons unknown

ragingcow.co.uk is – for now – still available.

ragingcow.blogspot.com (which would have cost them nothing to protect) is now the home of an excellent parody site.

Incidentally, the parody site above is currently the No.2 search result for ‘raging cow’ in Google.

The Raging Cow Boycott is at No. 3.

(This version of the database just went live, so mileage may vary. Similar results in Yahoo! should show up sometime tomorrow.)

I’ve been reviewing the comments I’ve made about this at a number of places and do you know what I’ve noticed?

The majority of replies used to counter my stance come from conveniently anonymous sources – and usually spend more time attacking my integrity and/or the validity of this blog than they do outlining the worth of the Raging Cow campaign.

It seems to me that this noise is coming direct from Richards Interactive… or at the very least from individuals who don’t have a justifiable core belief to back them. Still, this technique is an effective way of defending the indefensible, and its widespread use will probably continue.

There is a business aspect to the boycott for me, but it’s more about sustainability across the board than it is about personal gain. I’m expressing a personal belief that has been voiced publicly on numerous occasions long before Raging Cow came along.

As for my integrity? Well, let’s look at it from a practical standpoint (just for those who don’t know or trust me):

1. I could have just as easily attacked this campaign anonymously, both with comments and the boycott.

2. Further, an anonymous boycott could just have easily gone down the far more seductive anti-corporate route rather than relying on links only from those who understand the industry-oriented reasoning behind it.

3. After making all of this noise, how far do you think I’m going to get on an equally flawed campaign before somebody calls me on it?

I made an offer in one thread (responding to yet another anonymous post) to back my beliefs with proof of their worth, and I’m going to repeat that offer here.

If Richards Interactive have the guts to get real about this, they can still turn it around by making a charitable donation as suggested at the close of the boycott page. If they want, I can use this to create a site that takes almost exactly the same creative approach as Raging Cow, but builds an audience by its genuine contribution to the weblog community.

Hell, if they want to ease the pain on their wallets, they can build it themselves according to my specifications. This will not only prove my point, it will allow them to leave the field of battle with honour – and perhaps even go on to win an extra campaign or two.

All that’s left to them now is a statistical victory and very little credibility. If they want projectblogger.com to grow, they should consider this offer very, very carefully.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
07:55
Budget cuts shrink role of internet ‘envoy’

Anybody who’s lived through the dotcom crash will recognise this for what it is, that desperate round of budget and staff cuts that comes just before the hammer falls. And it’s no tragedy; this outfit has sucked pretty much from day one.

I think the only time I ever came close to getting involved with this whole mess was when they hired a private contractor, who hired a PR company, who approached a consultant who said ‘I know just the man.’ Meanwhile, the web team at Downing St won’t even answer my calls.

It almost makes you weep.

Me, I’d like to see government information being made available to the population at a grass-roots level via a network of webloggers operating more or less in the capacity of town criers.

Local weather, neighbourhood watch info, details of local facilities and representatives (and all government information from there on up with a basic yet beefy back end), all on one page with what will really keep people coming back: relevant news and a few interesting bits besides from jolly chaps who wave their bells around the place. They could be paid for their time with tax breaks. And a pig every month.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
07:56
Toys! Star Wars toys! Very, very big Star Wars toys! Oh! (Sorry, I’ve just come.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
07:58
Clare Short, the international development secretary, has warned that she would quit the cabinet if there is no second UN resolution supporting war in Iraq. Tony had better start listening soon, or there may very well be more sudden and unexpected changes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
08:05
Now that’s art! Yes, I do hope to attend The 2nd Circle Line Party. Click along, investigate (a lot of details are hidden within the flash show) and do consider attending yourself. It should be a blast. (BTW, I’ll be the guy dressed as a government agent.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
08:12
Do you know this girl? Hmm, I’m not sure – but judging by that top pic, we’re supposed to be on the lookout for a young lady with massive biceps.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
08:16
Afghan Internet Domain Launches. I can’t wait to see who will be the first person to try and cash in on the fresh crop of .af’s

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
08:19
Find out whatreallyhappened.com. Oh, and don’t forget that regular visits to The Memory Hole are always a good idea. Here’s what I spotted on Friday:

Recently Captured al Qaeda Leader Was Killed Last Year. It doesn’t get any more Orwellian than that, I’m afraid. Perhaps now he is an unperson, they can finally torture him with gay abandon and not get hassled by the human rights softies.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:25
Here’s an interesting little number rising up the charts. I’ll leave the speculation up to you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
08:29
I can see AKMA, I can see Princess Evilina, I can see Wieland, I can even see Lisa. I can see Kevin & Troy, I can see Pedrof, I can see Bene Diction, and… yes, I can see Sean making a very kind follow-up post. Oh, and I can see you, too. Do join us here again soon. There’ll be laughter and games and learning for all.

UPDATE – No joy in Yahoo! just yet, but we’re still holding steady at No.3 for ‘raging cow’ in Google. It’s even funnier when you consider that the campaign has a significant ‘tease’ element to it. Hello to all of those people who wondered what the hell Raging Cow was before arriving here and finding out exactly what it represents.

UPDATE 2 – Congratulations to William Anderson, who was first off the mark and is now the proud owner of ragingcow.co.uk

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310

Time
09:03
Ahahahahaha! Check out the latest post from the ‘real’ Raging Cow weblog. Perhaps now there are two, I should make a clear distinction between them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310
Can Weblogs…?
Time
09:12
It has been 172 days, 22 hours and 45 minutes since we first asked the question:

Can Weblogs Make a Politician Keep a Promise?

We’re not done yet, but I’m confident that we can leave this one ticking over until it reaches its inevitable conclusion.

A lot of excellent suggestions have been coming in for the next ‘Can Weblogs…?’ project, but I think I’ve pretty much arrived at a solid idea all by my lonesome.

I have to let it simmer for a few days, but do watch this space. This one will be fun and deeply fulfilling for all concerned.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310
UK Virtual March On Today!
Time
11:07
It’s the 10th of March, people. That means you have to get off your arses and call, email or fax someone in charge. Be nice to your local MP – they may very well be on your side without you knowing it. Oh, and do try to avoid cutting and pasting. Be brief if you like, but try to take the time to at least speak your mind.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030310
Raging Cow – The Manure
Time
16:28
Well, the bullshit has begun. The same article by Michael Liedtke (surely not this Michael Liedtke?) has gone out via AP and now features in a long list of high profile publications such as the Wilmington Morning Star, the Grand Forks Herald, and the Wichita Eagle. Oh, it also (finally) found an incarnation that nudges the mainstream at CNN. There’s a bit of a tie-in with the Blogger buyout here to make it more of a story, but the sentence that appears to be a copy and paste from their press release still appears in all its glory:

“Dr Pepper/Seven Up is already testing this theory by mining the Blogosphere to launch an unusual marketing campaign for a new flavored milk drink called Raging Cow.”

My dream is to have such articles immediately follow up with the words: “What a pity they fucked it up.”

If you’re a first-time visitor, here’s how you can help to make that happen.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
It’s War! And We’re All Going To Die!
Time
08:45
U.S. says it might accept changes to Iraq resolution. But not before they’ve finished putting the screws on Hans Blix for that all-important ‘smoking gun’. The latest shocking discovery is drone aircraft. Hang on, doesn’t the U.S. use drone aircraft? Oh well. Not a big deal. At least they don’t have weapons of mass destruction or undertake research into chemical warfare.

Speaking of which, you too can hunt down WMDs with this great pac-manesque flash game: Dr Strangeblix (or How I Learned To Start Worrying & Looking For Bombs).

You may also wish to take a refresher course in nuclear awareness with this great collection of civil defence videos. You too can avoid being burned to a crisp, merely by huddling under the desk. Seriously – it works!

Finally, we close with a collection of propaganda leaflets the U.S. has been dropping on Iraq. My favourite is the ‘Information Radio’ leaflet with a ghetto blaster that looks like a double-ended dildo. To me, this is a subliminal message that says: ‘Either way, you’re going to get it in the end!’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:00
This teacher was fired after sending a student a valentine that read: “I hate you, I wish you would die, Happy V Day, Die, Die, Die.”

He followed this up by writing ‘Die!’ on the blackboard. (Repetition aids retention, y’see.)

Meanwhile, this teacher has been placed on administrative leave after telling students that they could earn extra credit by writing a protest letter to President Bush. That’s just plain wrong. Everyone knows that he’s not the real president.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:09
Security guard fired for arresting t-shirt protester.

“I guess that when it comes down to it,” he said, “It’s the people who sign the paperwork who get the blame, not the people who told you to do it.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:11
Man killed after losing a staring competition. He copped a bullet outside the biker club where the challenge took place, which I think is completely out of order. He should have got two for flinching.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:16
Flying sheep’s head fractures skull of heavy metal concertgoer.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
09:33
–> —– Original Message —–

–> From: Camille

–> To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

–> Sent: Monday, March 10, 2003 5:18 PM

–> Subject: Irak – USA – England

–>

–> PERSONAL to Mr. Tony Blair

–>

–> Sir,

–>

–> Like your friend George Bush, you have a greater tendency towards dictatorship

–> than democracy.

–>

–> The great majority of English people are against this war, and several of your

–> own deputies and Ministers are against your idea, and one of your Minister had

–> already given her resignation, whilst some other ones are prepared to give

–> their resignation if you continue to support this dictatorial President of USA.

–>

–> Moreover, you have not been elected by American people, but by English voters,

–> but you favour the American style to control the World.

–>

–> There are International organizations to take care of international affairs,

–> but you said that you will ignore those international organizations if they

–> don’t agree with Bush-Blair’s ideas.

–>

–> Who do you think you are to disobey to the whole world and the majority of

–> citizens of this earth ?

–>

–> Camille

–>

–> Montreal Canada

Dear Camille,

How dare you speak this way of our democratically elected leader? Next you’ll be telling us that he’s up for a lifetime achievement award for attacks on civil liberties.

Please note that in this great country of ours, there is no longer any need for an effective opposition. This is because His is the only truth and His is the only way.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:36
Tips on making your trailer park a nicer place to live.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
09:37
Yahoo! search results were FUBAR for most of yesterday, but they came good with a fresh database in place and, yes, there we are at No. 3 for ‘raging cow.’

It’s worth noting that the official ‘subtle sell’ site for Raging Cow does no better than No. 7 in Google or Yahoo! – and that the No.1 result is the Dr Pepper press release that reveals on our behalf what a sham this whole thing is.

If I were the client, I’d be asking all sorts of awkward questions about that – yet Richards Interactive (the agency behind this clueless initiative) still remains firm in their belief that they have done the right thing.

Recent posts at Raging Cow (the ones directed at Farmer Bob, i.e. little old me) suggest that they have their heads so far up their arses that they think that I’m angry and frustrated because I wasn’t a complete twat about weblog marketing before them.

Incidentally, they’re no doubt wondering where my site comments have gone. I haven’t been making any since the start of the boycott, because I don’t need to. Any weblog campaign relies heavily on Google and Yahoo, and us reality protesters own the zone. (Still, word has reached me that any use of the word ‘boycott’ at the Raging Cow site results in instant moderation.)

Will common sense prevail, or will they keep fighting the battle they’ve already lost? Time will tell.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
09:49
Cory, in case you’re wondering, I plan on posting your photo when you get back from holiday.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
10:41
Clare Short is in for a hard time today, so I’ve sent her an email to cheer her up. If you’d like to send her a few nice words, just contact me and I’ll send you the email address you’ll need (I don’t want to publish it here; it might get picked up by a spambot).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
Tony Blair’s Email: The End Of The Blair Porn Project
Time
11:28
I’ve finally had the chance to speak to someone senior on the Web Team at Downing St. He’s quite a reasonable chap, but while he recognises the degree of urgency, he isn’t able to give us that long sought-after delivery date. Still, delivery of an email facility for Tony Blair has been promised ‘very soon,’ and I’ll be alerted by email when it goes live. An announcement here is sure to follow almost immediately, but if you’re not a regular visitor and/or wish to hear about this the moment it happens, just drop me a line.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311

Time
12:42
Tom Watson has alerted us to tomorrow’s big news story. You may be feeling a little jaded after a few seemingly cynical and well-timed terror alerts, but this all rings true to me, especially these first two points:

1. It is easier for a terrorist organisation to plant people as members of staff at Heathrow airport than it is for the public to buy a ticket to fly. Security vetting is clearly derisory.

2. BAA plc (they run the airports) do not give adequate space to the police to do their jobs because they derive huge revenues from renting out shop-space to companies like Tie Rack.

This information comes from Lord Carlile’s report to the Home Affairs Select Committee (of which Tom is a member). There’s more information at Tom’s current site.

Tom’s new site should be up and running – and a work of sublime beauty – by late next week. It will include outgoing syndication for important material such as this.

Of course, being part to the wider web community has also resulted in Tom being approached by the inevitable collection of trolls and/or nutbags. Again, details are at his ‘currant’ site.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
Via Usenet
Time
12:53
The following information was posted to the all-but-deserted newsgroup alt.irony: The U.S. Defense Department has produced a training video that instructs its staff on how to handle requests under the federal Freedom of Information Act. Thing is, you and I are not allowed to see it. The video itself is a secret.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030311
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
15:53
Whew! I’m going to hang back on retroactive data entry for about 5 minutes – or at least until my eyes stop spinning counter-clockwise. That should be more than long enough for me to thank Those Bears, Blogtrooper and Exploding Cigar for their link support. If anybody else has linked and not got the ‘thank you’ they deserved, please do email me and let me know. I’m mostly tracking via referral data, and some links can get lost towards the tail end of the list.

Oh, the Raging Cow Boycott is also top of the Best Rated Links list today over at Milk And Cookies.

Of course, the boycott could stop at any time – but Richards Interactive still cannot admit to themselves that they’re wrong about this, despite many folks dropping by their site with some valuable clue-by-fours.

None of the current stuff is from me, BTW – but quite a few folks have started to pick up on how many posts made in defence of Raging Cow are either from teen squad members, fake URLs, or dodgy email addresses.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
It’s War! And We’re All Going To Die!
Time
08:42
I remember the weeks leading up to the end of Hong Kong’s lease. What sticks in my mind most is the huge, well-timed military ‘training exercise’ the Chinese had just off the coast. Of course, this isn’t the only example of this kind of behaviour – it’s just the best one I can think of before my morning caffeine hit.

The U.S. has tested a device known as the ‘MOAB’ (Mother Of All Bombs) by blowing a good-sized chunk out of north-western Florida.

This Is London (has a picture of the bomb)

CNN (includes video footage)

Philly.com (has a map showing the bit of Florida that’s not there anymore)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
08:54
Student who videotaped sexual encounter with his girlfriend and showed tape to his mates gets five years’ probation and a month in jail. He also has to take out a half-page advertisement in the local paper to apologise.

Seems as good a time as any to blog this:

Captain amErika – The Sodomy Comedy.

Amazing true story or best-ever ‘sell’ of a pornographic product? Judge for yourself, but do be careful which links you follow from this page – there’s some very nasty NSFW material only a mere click away. But, for the benefit of those who do follow these links, I’d just like to say:

“Next time, soldier, try standing a little closer to the razor!”

(Link via the sickos at FunJunkie.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:00
Anti-fur protesters wrapped in fur coats before being bundled off stage. Huh. Jean Paul Gaultier knows how to employ basic irony. I’ll have to store that information for future reference.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:03
U.S. government cafeterias change name of ‘french fries’ to ‘freedom fries.’ No, that’s not a link to The Onion.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:06
Thomas the Tank Engine may be making children frightened of travelling by train. Well, the Isle of Sodor does have an appalling safety record, but just like in the A-Team, everybody walks away.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:12
Before you follow this link, try to finish the headline yourself:

Drunk woman wakes up:

1. with hangover

2. with stranger

3. on floor

4. on ice floe

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:14
Mmmmm…. what could be more appetising than a McDonalds ‘cheese’ and ‘tomato’ toasted sarnie?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
Flash Thingies
Time
09:19
How to take a crap in the woods.

Sadly, it’s not a bear giving this point-by-point lecture, but the advice is spot on: “What is toilet paper made from? Trees! The forest is full of trees and similar plants. Go ahead and use what’s nearby.”

I remember the first time I tried to wipe my arse with a 30ft conifer. It didn’t go well. Of course, now I know that it’s a good idea to remove the pinecones first.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:29
“Why, Jim.. that’s why very home needs (pause) The Love Rocker!”

“Mike, is that the product that allows you to do things that are impossible in a bed?”

“Well, yes it is, Jim. But unlike other sex swings, there’s nothing to mount in your ceiling, and you don’t have to be an acrobat to use it!”

“It looks like a piece of exercise equipment…”

“That it does, Jim – and do you know why? Because the Love Rocker is the only sex swing that lets you tone your abs and enjoy greatly increased penetration.”

“Amazing! Hey, do you think we can get an audience member up here to test it out?”

“We sure can, Jim. Meantime, we’ll go to a short break. Call this number now, folks. Operators are standing by.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:37
40 Labour MPs call for Blair to resign.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
09:39
Give the kids nightmares.

Give yourself nightmares.

No home is complete without blood-curdling screams in the dead of night. And a Love Rocker.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
Most Important Link Of The Day
Time
09:43

****************************************************

I need all fans of The Ultimate Insult to get in touch with me by email today. It’s nothing to worry about, but it is important. Drop me a line as soon as you can. That means now, dingleberry.

****************************************************

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
12:05
The Raging Cow Boycott is now No. 2 in Google for ‘raging cow’ searches. Raging Cow itself has actually taken a step up – to 6th place.

Still no response from Richards Interactive. Perhaps they’ll get in touch after today’s crisis meeting.

While we’re waiting, perhaps you’d care to read about Chris Pirillo’s encounter with their marketing team. His thoughts follow on to cover the whole marketing/blogs thing, and it’s a good read.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
Complaints?
Time
12:48
From an AOL user (no doubt connected in some way to a Canadian who got

awfully confused and uptight when I answered her email to Tony Blair yesterday):

“Your site is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself in

denegrating a good and honorable man who has learned the lesson of

apeasement and has vowed that his nation will not fall for that garbage again.”

Lady, I’ll tell you the same thing that I told your friend… Tony Blair

is aware of this campaign, and I’ve even been in direct email contact with

his wife over the matter. If they can understand the validity, legality

and importance of our actions at Bloggerheads, then I’m sure you can

find it in your heart to do likewise.

PS – Even AOL comes with a basic spill-chucking function. Try using it sometime.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
13:24
There’s a rumour going around that Osama bin Laden has been captured in Pakistan. Well, it is one of the places they’re looking. Me, I wasted most of yesterday staking out the Tie Rack outlet at Heathrow.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
13:51
Zoran Djindjic, the Serbian PM and one of the key leaders in the revolt that toppled Slobodan Milosevic, was today assassinated in Belgrade.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
17:39
What are you talking about? Of course it’s real.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312

Time
17:40
The Guardian reports early on Tom’s new and still-being-built weblog. Bit sloppy on the name-checks, too.



BTW, I’ll be busy for most of Thursday training his staff on the back end and chipping in with the retroactive data entry. 2001 is done, but there’s still all of 2002 and some of 2003 to do before we can set the designer loose on it.

Oh, if you have any questions about the Ultimate Insult thing (see below), Scott himself now has all of the details and will be happy to bring you up to speed if you can’t wait for a response from me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030312
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
21:00
Now we’re No.2 in Yahoo!

The people have spoken.

Still nothing from RI but the usual spoutage at Raging Cow. Looks like they still believe this is a success of some kind – or at least that they can sell this idea to the client.

Perhaps if I put it to them as simply as possible…?

Even if you have a brand/URL all over your posters and TV ads, the majority of web users aren’t confident or adept enough to type a URL into the address bar and go directly to that address. Instead, they will use the URL (or, in most cases, just the name used as the brand/URL) as a search query in the search engine or directory of their choice.

Person see expensive ‘tease’ poster/advertisement.

Person use search engine.

Person see:

1. Press release at client site

2. Boycott of campaign

…..

6. Site you had client pay good money for to reach this very audience.

I’m willing to bet that – even when this whole mess does become too obvious to ignore – they will try to convince the client that it represents the activities of a competitor with a grudge or the unpredictability of the Interwebnet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030313

Time
12:57
I’m very busy working on Tom Watson’s new weblog today, so there’s very little time for personal bloggage. Sorry about that. Back on deck tomorrow.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030313

Time
14:59
Only about a year of back data to go. I have just enough time to thank Weatherpixie for her link support on the Raging Cow thing and smile at the efforts of Dug Falby.

The Star Wars Photoshopping Project has suddenly and inexplicably spread into a number of web forums, foreign and otherwise. I’m not sure what started the whole thing, but this well-travelled link at LockerGnome looks to be a likely suspect.

Anyway – enough stat-masturbation.

Time to end this 12-minute lunch and get back down to it.

Cheers all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
08:17
The beer drought was interrupted last night by celebratory drinks. Sweet buggering Christ, what a hangover!

I’m crawling back on the wagon the moment I can see straight enough to do so.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314
When Monkeys Run Amok
Time
08:23
There was only one on the loose in Yokohama. Folks in Covington, however, still have four to deal with four remaining rogue monkeys after two dozen of them escaped from a research centre. More escaped monkey updates as news comes to hand.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
08:31
Enjoy some Weight Watchers recipe cards from 1974. Shades of the Gallery of Regrettable Food here, folks. Approach with caution.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
08:34
McDonalds worker stuck on grill work due to birthmark. She was allegedly told by senior staff that they couldn’t put her on the till because she would ‘make babies cry or scare customers off.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
08:38
Man drives around for months with dead mother in passenger seat before expiring quietly in the driver’s seat. Are we there yet, Norman?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314
It’s War! And We’re All Going To Die!
Time
08:41
I’m finding that I enjoy Popbitch a lot less lately, especially now that they’re going begging again. Bad enough that they bend over for banners – now they want my money, too? Sorry, I’m not playing.

Anyway, yesterday’s issue touched on the issue of war, but failed to feature this latest effort by the Beastie Boys, which is charting quite well on Blogdex.

There’s also this collection of anti-war posters that you may find useful. Or not. I think we’re past the stage where posters do any good. It seems to me that a little civil disobedience is called for.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
08:52
—– Original Message —–

From: “ta day”

To: president@whitehouse.gov; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2003 10:22 AM

Subject: JESUS’S SAKE

–>

–> WE IMPLORE YOU; STOP THE WAR ON IRAQ FOR GOD’S AND

–> JESUS’S SAKE. DON’T SHED HUMAN’S BLOOD. OTHERWISE,

–> THÝS BLOOD WILL STIFLE AND SMOTHER YOU TOO…!

–>

Alright! Alright! Just stop shouting, for Christ’s sake!

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
09:00
Which political sterotype are you?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
09:01
Nothing says ‘humanity’ quite like mobile death vans. The opening paragraph makes me laugh for all the wrong reasons:

“China is equipping its courts with mobile execution vans as it shifts away from the communist system’s traditional bullet in the head, towards a more ‘civilised’ use of lethal injection.”

The statement from an official that follows this also speaks volumes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
09:06
My favourite headline today: AOL probe widened. One microscope isn’t enough, it seems.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314
The Raging Cow Boycott
Time
09:13
Well, what do you know? We made the news.

This is the quote they used when referencing the boycott:

“The people who make the cash decisions need to know that charging into our arena expecting it all for nothing is a very bad idea,” reads a message on the site. “If people want to reach us, they need to know that it’s going to be on our terms, and that we will not be insulted by offers of cheap freebies.”

Seems as good a time as any to ask you chaps to do something for nothing. Sorry there’s no direct link to this. You’ll find out why when you visit the page:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/perfect_job.asp

We go live on Sunday. All link support and feedback is welcome.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
10:58
Lots of new visitors today for all sorts of reasons, so I should probably direct them to recent entries in the archive and the ‘stuff’ page.

Oh, and a reminder: the Circle Line Party is on tonight.

UPDATE – Yes, I will be there. I’m taking some art along, too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030314

Time
23:16
The Circle Line Party was without doubt the most enjoyable and uplifting public event I have ever – ever – attended (this includes the million-strong march in London and the Olympic bid announcement in Sydney).

SpaceHijackers are masters of the urban art field, and have created something truly remarkable – not only in concept, but in execution.

My hat goes off to them.

Established Media: the Necessity of Arrogance and Ignorance

If you’re a seasoned web user, then it probably hasn’t escaped your attention that much of what is published and/or broadcast about the internet is usually bullshit – and mostly negative.

Please excuse me for having an opinion, but it seems to me that this – and the often baffling arrogance displayed by established media – plays an important role in the preservation of the status quo.

These people make a healthy living from producing, publishing or broadcasting, so they really can’t be blamed for wanting to protect this; but why does it have to be at our expense?

It’s quite simple, really. Direct information feeds are no longer exclusive. Web users don’t have to rely on the interpretation of journalists (with opinions normally led by their editor and/or the owner of the media channel they work for). We can instead pick and choose the information that is relevant to us and access it at will.

Hell, we’re free to compare multiple feeds of the same information, interpret it as we see fit, discuss it amongst ourselves, or even – God forbid – publish our own opinions.

Of course, these opinions count for sweet bugger-all, because we aren’t trained journalists.

We know this to be a fact, for many journalists have told us that it is so.

The material we produce for purposes of enlightenment and/or entertainment? Equally worthless.

Are we paid professionals? No, we are not (at least, that’s the assumption). Therefore, we should be grateful when our work is lifted in its entirety for publication or broadcast. Indeed, we should be flattered that it is given credence by exposure to a paying audience at the hands of trained professionals.

Happily, such exposure happens often and for this we give thanks.

We live in dangerous times, people. The system of media control by the few is under threat. You can help to stem the tide by spreading the following information:

- The Interwebnet is a confusing and dangerous place, filled with fraudsters, sex maniacs and computer viruses that can actually kill you. Avoid it at all costs.

- You cannot believe anything that you read online. If you seek truth, please purchase a newspaper, or turn on your radio or television.

- Create whatever you like in your little playground channel, but please remember that it’s not worth a damn until one of these more established channels gets their hands on it.

- Above all, please remember that the forming and voicing of opinions and/or entertainment in published form is best left to the professionals.

16-28 February, 2003

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030216
Impressions of the Anti-War March in London
Time
12:08


Practicalities

I went well-armed with supplies and not one, but 17 placards. There were a number of bottlenecks, most notably that U-turn they expected everybody to take at Embankment, that got you down to the river via a narrow set of stairs. Stupid. We headed two blocks north, 6 blocks west, and planned to join from there. As luck would have it, this put us pretty much right at the head of the march, so I was there to see the two marches from north and south meet. That was a highlight.

The General Mood

This was very much a march of the people, so there were lots of little people in prams and quite a few old people with walking sticks. Despite the extreme crowding in places, folks kept an eye out for each other and the mood was quite cordial and pleasant.

The Mood at Hyde Park

Whenever a speaker pointed out that nobody was listening to us or said ‘no’ to the war on Iraq, they got a resounding: ‘YEAAAAAAH!’

When the subject turned to Israel and the Palestinian victims, it was more like: ‘yeeeeeah…’

We can’t be blamed, really. The information required to become aware of and/or upset about this is mostly kept from us, but here’s an increasingly quoted factoid to start you off. (In fact, it was quoted in part at least once yesterday and caused quite a sensation on the ground as many, many people asked each other: ‘Wow, is that true?’)

Iraq has violated 12 UN resolutions. Israel has violated 68. Look it up.

Campaigns Within The Campaign

The street traders were out in force, with most of them flogging whistles and horns at about £1 a throw. Most people who bought the whistles found that the pea lost its pip about a mile down the road. Still, there’s not much you can do about this sort of thing. I could, however, make a small personal statement about the pamphleteers that plague such events. If you ran the gauntlet of political pushers at the gates of Hyde Park you may just have received a copy of the directives from The Universal Church of the Interactive Network. Yes, I actually went armed with a pile of these and handed them out with all the sincerity I could muster.

The Daily Bloody Mirror

The irony of their attempt to cash in on the ‘not in our name’ movement seems to have escaped the folks at The Daily Mirror, who provided thousands of highly branded placards for the day. The first action of most people who collected/inherited one of these banners was to fold down or tear off the top corners in order to remove the newspaper’s prominent logo.

Next Time

There were a large number of placards that were abandoned due to slight damage and/or a poor attempt to censor the branding or group affiliation displayed on it. If this situation arises again, I do believe I’ll go armed with some adhesive, a staple gun, and several sheets of A2 to bring said placards back to life with new, unbranded messages at a small recycling centre by the side of the road.

Beyond The March

I’m quite disturbed by the attempts (already) to dismiss this as a one-day wonder. A campaign of civil disobedience was suggested on the day, and I’m pretty much on the road to that now.

A lot of people complained on the march and at the rally that Tony Blair wasn’t listening to them.

I can relate. I receive his bloody email and he won’t even acknowledge me.

However, the email situation gives me a voice that I would otherwise be robbed of. (I work freelance, so going on strike isn’t quite an option for me.)

If Tony Blair thought I was a pain in the arse before, he’s going to be even less impressed with me from here on in.

Still, the feeling is pretty mutual as it stands. The move of throwing transparent spin to the public via Murdoch’s and Desmond’s papers was, I felt, beneath contempt – but Blair obviously saw it as his only bolt-hole.

A real leader would have made the tough decision. Taken the harder road. Even if it was only about politics, all Blair had to do to win the next election – and his place in history – was turn up to Hyde Park yesterday and do the right thing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:14
Read the full transcript of Blair’s speech in Glasgow and then discover the fatal consequences of excessive masturbation.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:19
Google buys Pyra (the company behind Blogger.com).

Lycos doesn’t stand a chance.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:22
OK… you’re a news editor who works for Murdoch, so you can’t focus too much on the peace marches but – dammit – you need something to get people to buy the Sunday edition or Rupert will have your butt in a sling.

Solution: ‘Spice Girls To Reunite’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:28
This F-15 fighter jet flying low and looping around a smaller airplane wasn’t a response to a terrorist threat – it was just a flight instructor with the Oregon Air National Guard wanting to do a fly-by to impress his grandmother. The guy in the smaller plane was his uncle. He’s a state senator.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:35
Each and every one of Rupert Murdoch’s 175 newspapers is right behind the war on Iraq, come hell (see: Richard Desmond) or high water (see: Robert Maxwell).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
09:56
Hello to all of the wonderful people who’ve found Bloggerheads.com by searching for Tony Blair’s email address (there have been a lot of you since last Friday).

In case you haven’t seen it yet, this is the only way to email Tony Blair:

This link generates an email that, once delivered, will print out on Tony Blair’s fax machine.

While you’re here, I should probably also point out that Bloggerheads isn’t normally this political – we’re just warming up for some serious civil disobedience.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
11:35
—–Original Message—–

From : Julyane Xxxxx

To : tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Date : 15 February 2003 02:18:42

Subject : Support from the USA

–> Dear Mr. Blair,

–> Thank you for standing with President Bush during this difficult time.

–> Please maintain your current stance and don’t let the anit-war demonstrators

–> deter you. 95% of all Americans are behind you and President Bush. Don’t be

–> misled by the Hollywood Wackos!

–> Sincerely,

–> Julayne Xxxxx

Dear Julayne,

You may be less than impressed to discover that Tony Blair’s email is currently under the control of the aforementioned Hollywood Wackos. Well, Wackos at least. I’d love to be a Hollywood Wacko, but I can’t get anybody interested in my script about a 30ft cybernetic teddy bear with the brain of a goldfish who finds love on the streets of New York city. Go figure.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

Born Again Peacemonger

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
11:37
Greenpeace has a new ‘no war’ blog.

There isn’t much there now, but you can change that by sending them your stories of protest action.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030217

Time
15:04
Heh. I’ve been plagiarised.

My fault for not making a John Howard version of this picture in time for the march, I suppose.

Thanks to Graham for spotting this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:14
Everyone’s buzzing about Google’s purchase of Blogger.com

Here’s what The Guardian had to say about it and perhaps you can also find time to read an opinion piece by the developers of Movable Type. If all of this is too much information for you, then perhaps this short, sharp take by kottke.org is more your speed.

Oh, and topping the chart today is this Wired article about the Stupid Security Awards, a competition to discover the world’s most ‘pointless, intrusive, stupid and self-serving security measure.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:22
Heh. And you thought I had problems with a certain Star Wars picture

Laura never quite got over her failed relationship with Dave (24 years ago, admittedly with some unresolved issues that came to head just over a decade ago). Now she paints naked pictures of Dave and publishes them on her website to work out her ‘rage and anger.’

Dave had better watch his back. This woman has been stewing in her own juices for far too long, and the paint fumes cannot be helping.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:31
Man falls to his death: dog arrested. What a stitch-up! The dog wasn’t even there when the man fell. All it did was bite him hard enough to see him end up in hospital – where he fell off the bed and died.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:36
Waitress in bird suit (allegedly) molested by customer. There are two sides to this story, but I’m of the opinion that any girl dressed up as a giant red robin is just asking for it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:41
Hey kids! Breath easy with the Mickey Mouse Gas Mask.

(Yes, it’s real. No, it doesn’t make you speak in a funny voice. Link via The Ultimate Insult.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:44
Dog bless The Weekly World News, everybody’s favourite supermarket tabloid:Man dials wrong number and talks to Osama Bin Laden.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:48
Here’s a treat for the 3am Girls and Dominic Moronhair:

The Random Celebrity Rumour Generator

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Date
20030218

Time
09:50
Clare Kimmerle is 79 and has worked at the same McDonald’s outlet for nearly 33 years. In all that time she has never flipped a burger or worked the drive-through (she serves from time to time bust mostly sticks to her specialty – fries). She has also never eaten a Big Mac. They’re ‘too filling,’ she said, no doubt with the manager looming over her shoulder.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:56
Why nerds are unpopular – an indepth study (of sorts).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
09:58
Over the weekend I quoted the following factoid:

Iraq has violated 12 UN resolutions. Israel has violated 68.

I then, quite foolishly, closed with the suggestion that you ‘look it up.’

ExpatEgghead did just that, and has attempted to bring things into perspective with this very detailed post. Well worth a read, but do take it with a grain of salt. ExpatEgghead lives in Israel, so is obviously part of the vast Zionist conspiracy.



UPDATE – It was via ExpatEgghead that I discovered this excellent pro-war blog. When, I wonder, will someone trot along with a blogging tool that allows weblogs to state their position on war with some funky web-ringesque and statistics tool? It can’t be too far away.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
11:01
—–Original Message—–

From : Diane Xxxxx

To : tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Date : 17 February 2003 22:58:49

Subject : THANK YOU.

–> Thank you for your honour and grand courage.

–> Perhaps the phrase “No More Chamberlains“

–> could be of help to you!

–>

–>With gratitude,

–>Diane Xxxxx

–>Dearborn, Michigan USA

Dear Diane,

Saddam Hussein has invaded Poland? Why wasn’t I informed?!

I’ll get the communications team onto your slogan; we’ve already worked this little number up and plan to release it to the press soon:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/images/penisinourtime.gif

In the meantime, can you please do me a favour? Across the road from Dearborn Street station is this little place that does dry cleaning, and next to that is a place that sells ribs…

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
12:49
You’d almost think they were trying to scare us. What would you think if you went to the This Is London site and saw the headline 134 dead in Tube attack?

It has also been noticed by many that the withdrawal of the high-profile security teams at London airports pretty much coincided with the end of the London march.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030218

Time
17:13
Hurrah – we have a potential spokesmodel.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
08:47
The CNN transcript of Hans Blix’s address to the UN Security Council was censored to remove passages that refuted Colin Powell’s ‘smoking gun’ presentation from earlier in the week.

Oh, and here’s some minor diddling of protestor figures for you to ponder on.

Important lesson to be learned: we cannot trust our leaders; we cannot trust our news providers.

As reasonable as this new ‘for the sake of humanity’ spin may seem, you have to remember that it is only the latest in a long line of shoddy justifications.

Finally, to prove that Bloggerheads respects the need for balanced reporting, we offer – complete and uncensored – the following selection of pro-war poetry.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
08:57
Saddam seems worried about a possible coup. Perhaps we should grease the wheels with an offer to oust Bush if the Iraqi people oust Saddam. All we need is a UN resolution and a team of election inspectors…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:00
When reality television goes wrong: Woman sues over alien homicide ‘prank’. We’re all laughing here, let me tell you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:03
Do you want to hear some gossip about the Beckham punch-up? Do you really care?

Here’s the Popbitch take, just in case you do.

Me, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse. In fact, I’m pretty sure that this incident and the ‘Spice Girls to Reunite’ story were deliberated staged/concocted to keep the peace movement off the front page.

Could Victoria Beckham be in league with the shape-shifting aliens that secretly rule our lives? Remember, she is half-insect.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:10
Man detained for wearing a gas mask while driving. Patrols responded after being told to ‘look out for a white commercial van on Interstate 90 being driven by a man who appeared to be of Middle Eastern descent.’

How could they tell?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:14
Dogs can’t go in the snow. They’re not smart enough to write their own name, either.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:17
More on Google buying Blogger; this time from the BBC.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:18
Welcome to the Chicago Transit Authority, ladies. Get used to hearing the word ‘bitch.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:20
Some wonderfully bad subtitles (link via The Ultimate Insult).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
09:53
Greetings once again to all of the new people who’ve found us while searching for Tony Blair’s email address.

As part of our developing program of civil disobedience, we offer you this email-to-fax link. Clicking on this link will generate an email that goes straight to Blair’s fax machine. Yes, it works – but use plain text and don’t mess about with attachments.

Enjoy.

UPDATE – Attention regulars! About 1/3 of the audience these days are new folks who’ve found us this way. What section of the site do you think I should bring to their attention so they stand the best chance of ‘getting’ Bloggerheads? Emails to the usual address.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219
Videos, Etc.
Time
12:17
Streaming media that kicks arse! Check out Discovery Channel’s interactive climb of Everest.

If this is too high-tech for you, then you might instead care to watch Star Wars in ASCII (that last one is an .EXE link).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
12:30
Well, waddya know? The Spice Girls story is nonsense. Still, it had us talking about a bigger threat than war for a few days.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
12:32
Ooh, my ears are burning

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
15:56
A congestion charge game for suffering Londoners.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219
Tony Blair’s Email
Time
15:59
Tony Blair said in his press conference yesterday that: ‘Downing Street will be distributing to journalists emails and letters the prime minister says he has received from Iraqi exiles since his speech in Glasgow on Saturday.’

(Eduardo brought this to my attention, and I shall forever be in his debt.)

Perhaps Tony is referring to messages that arrived via this portal to his constituency address. Then again, perhaps these emails will be produced magically by the same department that gave us the most-recent ‘intelligence’ dossier.

Either way, he’s got a bloody nerve claiming to be listening on this front when he won’t even acknowledge little old me. I mean, I’ve only been reading his emails. And deleting them. And now answering them. And making rude pictures of his wife. Perhaps I should start answering emails by sending out rude pictures of his wife?

Hmm, I’ll have a think about that one. In the meantime, I have to email a few journalists and point out the gaping hole in this ridiculous statement.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030219

Time
16:15
Yay! Pete Ashton spotted a ‘Kittens of Mass Destruction’ placard on the march and took this picture. James Caan also gets a special mention for describing Bloggerheads as a ‘Homosexual activist site.’

Heh. I have a notion to slap him silly.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030220
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letter To Cherie
Time
01:16
I have what I consider to be a reliable email address for Cherie Blair. The following was sent to that address early this morning.

Dear Mrs Blair,

Please find attached an image of you that will take some explaining. I’ve been pretty open about my motivations throughout my campaign to reach your husband and get him to follow through on his promise of a publicly accessible email address, so you may wish to prepare yourself with the whole, sordid story before we go on:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/

You also need to know that this email to you is being quoted word for word in my regular weblog. My readers need to know what the heck is going on, just as much as you do:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/

Thing is, I found myself looking at these images that I’d created of you and considering the reactions they got, when suddenly someone popped up yesterday calling Bloggerheads a ‘homosexual activist site.’ Some aside comment on a different message board had me thinking that an ideal act of civil disobedience would be to strive to turn you into a gay icon.

This is not the thinking of a sane and rational person.

So, I’d like to draw a line under the Blair Porn Project and call it quits right here. It’s not going anywhere constructive, so I don’t see the point in escalating activity on this front.

(Insert sincere apology to weblog regulars and Cherie fans here. Remember to send email to Mum to let her know that I may yet be redeemed.)

In fact, I’m of the increasing opinion that your husband doesn’t even know that I exist – which is why I’m writing to you today.

On Tuesday, your husband said he had read emails sent to him by members of the Iraqi public. Why would he do this if he knew that anybody subsequently searching for his email address in the top search directories (Google and Yahoo) would then bring up the Blair Porn Project?

I’m not out to be a pain in the arse; I just need a result. So does your husband.

I realise that he can’t spend time trawling through emails. I also acknowledge that even a well-staffed office will struggle under a large load of spam, rubbish and general system abuse – that’s why I outlined out a number of helpful preventative devices to combat such things:

http://www.bloggerheads.com/archives/2003/01/16-31-january-2003/

His office has refused to accept my offers of help, but I suspect this mostly has to do with them wanting to avoid yet another dodgy Australian. I’m pretty fine with that, so long as they don’t completely botch the job up or – even worse – farm it out at great expense to someone like Capita.

Mr Blair needs to be made aware that this issue has to be dealt with correctly as soon as possible – and that there are considerable benefits to enjoy if he does act quickly. A well-conceived system can provide a headcount of web users, what they’re concerned about and what position they take on any given issue. A daily printout of this could be taken in in seconds and – despite the small pool – is immediate enough to be useful.

Most importantly, can you think of a grander and more ‘right on’ measure to take at this time than the immediate introduction of publicly accessible email address?

However, it needs to be done now and it needs to be done properly to be useful to everyone. I would appreciate any help you could offer in getting word through to your husband.

Rest assured that any reply would be treated as privately as you wished it to. Indeed, you need not even reply. All I want is to hear from your husband’s communications office that everything is groovy and the service will be delivered on the XXth of Xxxxx.

My final word is an apology. I deeply regret that it has come to this and I am sorry for wanting – briefly – to turn you into a gay icon.

Good health to your and your family.

Kindest Regards,

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030220
Tony Blair’s Email: The End Of The Blair Porn Project
Time
10:51
Ladies and gentlemen, we have received a positive reply from Cherie Blair. She is as gracious as she is fair.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030220

Time
13:54
I’ve just called the Direct Communications Unit at Downing St, and yes, they’re still unable to provide me with a delivery date for Tony Blair’s publicly accessible email service. I am, however, hoping that this situation will change shortly.

Many of you have been asking about the exact contents of Cherie’s reply. I sadly must refer you to the following sentence from my original letter:

“Rest assured that any reply would be treated as privately as you wished it to.”

This is a significant breakthrough, and gentlemanly action is required to maintain this vital, yet fragile connection.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030220
Announcement
Time
15:17
This is to let you know that most of the images from The Blair Porn Project will be removed from this site once we have been advised that Mr Blair has seen the campaign in full.

It is important that he know exactly what has been going on these past months and the measures that have been deemed necessary just to spur his Direct Communications Unit into action.

It is equally important that the lovely Cherie be rewarded for lending us her valuable time in aid of this campaign (particularly as some of it has been at her expense). She deserves to be treated in an equally humane and considerate fashion.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030220

Time
18:33
I’ve been so busy, I almost forgot to blog this wonderful video rendition of Endless Love. It’s Quicktime format and just a smidgen over 4Mb, but well worth it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
09:28
Microsoft urged to innovate. Yeah, that’ll happen. FFS, they’ve only just now quietly released a blogging tool.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
09:33
Two lawsuits have been filed in the US ‘against movie theatres that claim in their ads they’ll show movies at a certain time, but, instead, show on-screen commercials at the advertised time, delaying the movie’s start.’

These people are talking about 3-4 minutes of their time.

I went to an Odeon cinema last night. The movie was billed to start at 8:55. It started at 9:30. That’s over half an hour of advertising and trailers, and pretty much par for the course.

Anyone up for a lawsuit in the UK?

I particularly want to stop the staff lying about how long the trailers are (they always say ‘about ten minutes,’ so I’m pretty sure they’re told to do so).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
09:40
Teenager who appeared in suicide prevention video commits suicide. He’s the fifth in his circle of friends to do so.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
09:44
Did you remember to tip the pizza delivery guy?

He needs that money, people. Motorcycle ‘L’ plates don’t come cheap!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
09:49
Hundreds of Utah Kids Hold Anti-Porn Rally. As over-the-top as this may seem, I’m going to shock you here and suggest that they may have a point. We’re bombarded with this stuff all the time. One day soon, TV ads for sex toys will appear in prime time and nobody will blink.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221
Christianity Watch
Time
09:55
Do reformed smokers get on your nerves? Then for God’s sake, don’t visit Stephen Bennett Ministries. Steve is a ‘reformed homosexual.’ One day he’s in a happy relationship with a man, the next – BAM! – some asshat with a bible turns up on his doorstep. Now Steve travels around the country with his unique combination of gay-bashing and bible-bashing. Sell-out crowds across the country! Hooray for Steve!

Steve, you may not be gay anymore, but you’re still a cocksucker.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
10:04
Do you want to know who’s for war and who’s against it?

No? Then you’ll love this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
10:08
Dull, but important to some: the rise of mobile blogging.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:09
Remember: Be ready! Stay nervous!

They’re all out to get you, so we have to bomb the crap out of them first. Did you get the duct tape? Make sure you buy lots and lots of duct tape. You can use it to gag the children when they start asking stupid questions like: ‘Daddy, is there really a link between Iraq and Al Qaeda?’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221

Time
10:14
Looking at my stats, I can see that just about everybody who visited yesterday morning came back to check on progress later in the day. Again and again and again.

Relax, people. We’ve waited umpteen months, so a few hours (or even a few days) won’t kill us. The moment I know, you’ll know.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030221
Feedback Friday
Time
17:43
I would love everyone’s opinion on this new development. Suggestions and requests are welcome.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:14
Did you remember to buy your duct tape?

Were you aware that the primary manufacturer of duct tape in the US donated more than $100,000 to groups like the Republican National Committee? Heh. Nice.

OK, balanced reporting time, this time courtesy of Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post:

A rollicking exposé of Not In Our Name’s financial support network.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:23
A very funny sideways look at ready.gov (go easy there, she’s a hefty download).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:25
Is hate-crime hurting your business? If so, you need the conflict prevention and resolution services of naziline.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:29
Mouth-taping: student craze, child abuse or government conspiracy?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:31
More Google/Blogger paranoia.

Also, it was via a link from this comment thread at frownland.com that I discovered this woefully misinformed BBC article on the subject that uses the opportunity to – yet again – bring up the whole ‘bloggers aren’t journalists’ thing.

It was also via frownland.com that I found the related plasticbag.org thread where it was revealed that most of the BBC piece was lifted from the oft-blogged sour grapes site google-watch.org (I’m not linking to it, because they don’t deserve the traffic).

As you can see, what we write online is pretty much worthless until it has been copied and pasted by a trained journalist.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:41
Discover the true measure of your determination (and/or desperation).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:42
A few words in defence of Michael Jackson from those who consider him to be a sex-god.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
09:44
What Number Are You? Apparently, I’m inifinity. (Damn, I was hoping for infinity plus one hundred…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:46
The raised middle finger is an ancient gesture that is referenced as far back as ancient Greece. Interesting that ancient Greece also gave rise to the politician…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
09:50
There’s a point hidden in here somewhere…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224
Tony Blair’s Email: The End Of The Blair Porn Project?
Time
09:51
Cherie has yet to get back to about my kind offer to remove most of the images from The Blair Porn Project once I’m sure that Tony has read the whole, sordid story.

Yes, I am getting a little jumpy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224
Breaking The Whip
Time
11:33
You’ll be happy to know that MPs may actually get to vote this Wednesday on our involvement in hostilities in Iraq. For the record, this isn’t something that Tony Blair has to do. (If George W Bush wants to mobilise troops, he has to go to Congress. We don’t enjoy this little safety-valve here in the UK.)

Still, Tony Blair – to his credit – has decided that a vote of sorts will go forward. However, (and it’s a pretty big ‘however’) Labour MPs were advised of this with the following: “(On Wednesday) there is a 3 line whip on Labour MP’s to vote for a motion on Iraq.” This vote is to follow what will no doubt be a rousing statement by the PM on Tuesday.

A three line whip indicates to party MPs that they had better turn up and vote and – most importantly – vote in favour of their party. Or else. Basically, if you stay on message, you stay in the loop (and in the party). Break the whip, and you’ll be enjoying an extended holiday soaking up the rays in sunny Coventry.

Graham Allen, a longtime campaigner against the ‘royal prerogative’ that allows the UK government to mobilise troops without a vote in parliament, plans on voting against it if the motion is to commit British troops to war against Iraq.

He even wrote a private (well, semi-private) letter to the Chief Whip to point out – quite rightly, I feel – that:

“Parliament has been treated with contempt – another crowd control exercise rather than as a body which has at least as much legitimacy to speak for the people of our country as the Prime Minister has to govern it.”

Will Graham Allen be the only Labour MP to break ranks? I hope not.

Keep your ears out for the midday news items today and get in touch with your local MP. Now. Find out if they plan on listening to your voice or their master’s.

UPDATE – Alternatively, you may wish to take part in the Stop the War Coalition’s proposed lobby of Parliament on Wednesday. Details are on their site.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224
Photoshopping
Time
13:13
This is my latest artwork, and I’d consider to be a good fit for today’s content. I call it ‘Last Push For Peace.’

If you like it, there’s a large desktop version here (1024 x 768 pixels, 60Kb).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030224

Time
16:30
It has been pointed out by Matt B that Cherie has had a rather busy weekend. Fair enough.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030225
Tony Blair’s Email: Letters Special
Time
09:22
—– Original Message —–

From: “Kenneth”

To:

Sent: Wednesday, February 19, 2003 6:13 PM

Subject: No war on Irak.

–>

–> No war on Irak.

–> KS Sweden

Dear Kenneth,

We currently have no plans to wage war on Irak. We do, however, plan to bomb the shit out of Iraq, as they refuse to surrender their Q’s of mass destruction. The evil State of Qatar is next.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

—– Original Message —–

From: Xxxxx@juno.com

To: romano.prodi@cec.eu.int ; ecu@un.org ; president@gov.ru ; bundeskanzler@bundeskanzler.de ; inguiries@un.org ; premier.ministre@cab.pm.gov.fr ; info@belgium.be ; pm@pm.gc.ca ; christopher.patten@cec.eu.int ; jack.straw@fco.co.gov.uk ; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk; etc. etc. etc.

Sent: Wednesday, February 19, 2003 9:36 PM

Subject: UK’s Daily Mirror


Dear Xxxx,

Rest assured that The Daily Mirror’s stance against the war is purely a marketing exercise meant to distinguish this tabloid rag from The Sun and to improve circulation.

Your forwarding contents from the paper to every man and his dog may at first seem like a good way to improve this on their behalf, but you must remember that the recipients of your email – and this is the important bit – have not paid for the newspaper.

Should you wish to do this again, I would advise that you first write a cheque to cover the purchase price of the newspaper (for each and every recipient) and send it to:

Piers Morgan

Hypocrite and Plagiarist

Daily Mirror

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London E14 2BG

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

—– Original Message —–

From: “LUCKY SAVIMBI”

To:

Sent: Friday, February 21, 2003 3:48 AM

Subject: RE:LUCKY SAVIMBI

–>

–> My dear,

–>

–> Good day. I am Lucky Savimbi jnr, the one of the sons of Mr.Jonas Savimbi.

–> My father was the former Leader of Unita Rebel Movement in Angola, and was

–> killed in a millitary raid by our country’s ruling government army,on 22nd

–> february,2002. After my fathers death,our country’s governmnet immediately

–> seized my father’s properties and blocked his accounts. This has made life

–> very difficult for my family presently, as we live now with nothing and no

–> source of livelihood.

–>

–> The family is urgently in need of a “very competent and investor participant”

–> that we could entrust with the Certificate of Deposit and (PIN) Personal

–> Identification Number Code to help us remove the fund from the security

–> company” since no names were used in securing the vault. The sum of

–> Twenty-three Million and Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars

–> (US$23.6m) which my father had deposited i! n two trunk boxes with a Finance

–> and Security Company in South Africa.


Dear Lucky,

This certainly sounds like an intriguing investment opportunity, but I feel I must refer the matter to Eddie over at the Bank of England. He has much more experience in these matters than I.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

PS – The following news item may be of interest to you:

http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,57760,00.html

—– Original Message —–

From: DavidXxxxx@aol.com

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Friday, February 21, 2003 6:40 PM

Subject: Please Read

–>

–> Hello there.

–> I heard that today on the 21st Febuary 2003 that (we) are going to war

–> against iraq. I am 16 but 17 in may. does this mean that i will have to go

–> to war??? I totaly disagree in myself fighting against other people because

–> I have experienced with bullies & i have lost all my confidence.

–> Please can you reply

Dear David,

Rest assured that, while this war may well drag on long enough for you to be called up to fight the Iraqis, you have nothing to fear from them. I would, however, keep an eye out for American troops if I were you. ‘Friendly fire’ is a bitch.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

—– Original Message —–

From: thinkingofyou123@hotmail.com

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 8:50 AM

Subject: LOOK~ You need Extreme Colon Cleanser z vvjvb

–>

–> Cleanse your body the all-natural way …

–>

–> REMOVE DEADLY TOXINS

–> REMOVE PARASITES

–> PREVENT TOXICITY

Dear Thinkingofyou123,

Thank you very much for this useful information. Ironically, Tony Blair is unlikely to receive it, as he has his head planted firmly in his arse.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

—– Original Message —–

From:

To:

Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 7:27 PM

Subject: Fwd:

–> Good Evenning Sir,

–>

–> it is not to late, to say no !

–> Our time is enough inteligent to find solutions without War.

–> Try it, it is possible!

–>

–> Ask your youngest child, if you do not belive me! It is rearly true.

–>

–> Best regards

–> Jens

Dear Jens,

I did as you suggested, and asked my youngest child about this. The reply was as follows:

“Da-da-ga-sna-foooooooo!”

I think there’s a lesson in that for all of us.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030225
Tony Blair’s Email: Letters Special
Time
11:35
—– Original Message —–

From: Pete Xxxxx

To: escom@parliament.uk ; tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk ; clu@fco.gov.uk ; kay.sweet@fco.gov.uk ; paul.mowat@fco.gov.uk

Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2003 10:22 AM

Subject: MP’s on-line

–> All the Senators, and governors, of the USA are on-line, as are the

–> members of parliament in the Canadian assembly, the same holds

–> for the French, and the Germans, and even those elected to the

–> Knesset. If the Uk Mp’s were on-line, people who through other

–> committments that cannot attend MP’s surgeries, would still have a

–> contact point that has an element of instant availability, which if used

–> in conjunction, with automatic acknowledgemnts would go further to

–> make the machinery of Whitehall operate at a pace.

–> With the forum that has been in operation, for Number Ten, there is

–> evidence, that many of the electorate, would be keen to take-up such an

–> option. The lack of access, currently, does not hold the Uk up to a good

–> light on the international scale, where any internet user, can find that this

–> access, that is on offer in other countries is not in the Uk. On top of anything

–> else, the Uk should not slip behind the French, and the Germans , in such a

–> technical area.

–> Thanx

–> Peter

Dear Peter,

I agree with your views, but must inform you that the current IT situation is far, far worse than you have been led to believe.

This email that you have sent to the PM is actually being answered by a man wearing nothing but a pair of trackydacks and a smile. We have a long way to go before we’re even three steps behind most other nations.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030225

Time
12:54
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

An 81-year-old Ohio man armed with two pistols was briefly detained in Israel and told police that he was on his way to Afghanistan in hopes of hunting down Osama bin Laden and claiming the $25 million bounty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030225

Time
14:24
Well, Tony Blair has had his say. The immediate effect here was a spike in traffic as more and more web users sought out his non-existent email address.

Will there be a Labour Party rebellion?

That, boys and girls, is up to you.

Don’t watch it unfold in front of you. Get off your arse and act. Now.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030225

Time
22:58
Damn. Some unavoidable family stuff has just cropped up and must be dealt with tomorrow, so I won’t be able to make it to Westminster.

I know that my MP will do the responsible thing without me or others having to badger her into it, so there is that – but I can’t help feeling that I’m letting the side down.

I’ll try and be on deck as soon as I can tomorrow, but chances are it’s not going to be until late afternoon.

Cheers all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:04
There’s been a recent flurry of Data Protection registration scams. Here’s a page with the one link you really need and a list of scamming scumbags to watch out for.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:09
The Iraqi debate in parliament, covered point by point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226
Useful In The Right Hands
Time
17:10
How to block spambots, ban spybots, and tell unwanted robots to go to hell.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:13
Porn companies visiting universities on recruitment drives.

A pity they can’t also raid the occasional acting college.

I won’t provide a direct hyperlink to this next one, as it really is NSFW (Not Safe For Work):

Ron Jeremy is on a recruiting drive (to find ‘the next Ron Jeremy’) at www.pornstudsearch.com

No, you don’t have to be a fat, hairy bastard to apply.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:24
Mail thief gets two months in prison. Oh, he also has to spend a total of 100 hours outside a post office with a sign reading: “I have stolen mail. This is my punishment.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:28
Y’see, this is why I don’t enable comments on my site.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:33
Explicit advertising has finally reached that inevitable watershed moment where porn stars are hired as models. Not as spokemodels, you’ll note. ‘Uh-uh-uh-ugnnnnnnh!’ doesn’t really sell cornflakes. Oh, wait, I’m forgetting about a very successful series of shampoo commercials. Maybe there is room for ‘snap, crackle and popshot.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:43
America’s latest weapon in the drive for maximum density.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:44
Steve wants me to link to his online referendum on Iraq. Be careful what you wish for, Steve…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
17:48
Damn. I published a short article on Monday, but forgot to blog it. Yes, the link has been up there at the top of the page this whole time, but most of you won’t see it until I do this:

Established Media: the Necessity of Arrogance and Ignorance

I don’t really see why this is necessary, but it is.

In fact, while we’re here, I may as well give this a go:

Buy a shirt!

Buy a shirt!

Buy a shirt!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
18:08
—– Original Message —–

From: Jill

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Wednesday, February 26, 2003 10:52 AM

Subject: View from Australia

–> Mr Blair, as a Brit who has lived here for 44 years, I am very unhappy

–> about your stance on the Iraq war and your support for the US.


(snip)

Dear Jill,

You haven’t lived here for 44 years, so what makes you think you can step in now and start bossing people around?

Do I email John Howard and advise him to finally cough up for the elevator shoes and plastic surgery he so desperately needs? No, I don’t. I’d love to be able to tell him that he looks like he just fell off the Mr Sheen can, but it simply isn’t my place to do so.

Yours Churlishly,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
20:07
The results are in.

The hawks did their best to soothe the doves by assuring them that this wasn’t the be-all, end-all of votes. The doves took a lesson from us lowly pigeons and shat on the hawks in great numbers, casting an impressive 199 votes on an amendment proposing that the government hadn’t made the case for war.

Defeated or not, this amendment made a powerful statement. This figure – as far as I can tell – suggests that about 30% of Labour MPs told their own leader that they weren’t in his corner.

Tony Blair can still win this and make a good case for regime change in Iraq (if, of course, this is still his main justification for war this time next week). He can even win over France, Russia and Germany if he wants. All he has to do is propose that regime change by force goes ahead, on the condition that it happens with the full backing of the UN and without the involvement of the Bush’s administration.

Of course, it’ll never happen… but it’s nice to have a dream.

Hey, somebody told me that Tony turns 50 soon. Perhaps we should all let him know that it’s nothing personal and throw him a birthday party outside the gates of Downing St. We can have cake and ice cream and party hats and balloons…

What do you think?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030226

Time
20:22
Don’t look at Ross Brown’s blog. It’s rubbish.

Don’t read Paul’s ‘Letters To America’, either. It’s far too wordy and not at all clever.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
10:20
Heh. Someone found this site yesterday by searching for ‘directory of prostitute girl and there mobile number and address from u.k.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
10:21
“According to a recent Gallup poll, 45 percent of Americans think the media is biased toward liberals.”

!!!!!

Hooray for The Wage Slave Journal and their George W. Bush Scorecard of Evil.

(Found via Expat Egghead.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
10:26
—– Original Message —–

From: Don Law

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 2:08 AM

Subject: Tony Blair I think your great

–> This is support for Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher. As an American and a

–> LAW and my wife a YORK before I married her I wish to express my views.

–> Since I have traveled the Middle East many times and this Iraq problem with

–> everybody has been express in Fear of War. The only way you can put out a

–> dictator is WAR. The other dictator was Hitler and what he did and if we

–> didn’t stop him through WAR we all would be under Hitler.

–> I want to say the only time in my life that I had to take off my hat in

–> miss belief was when M. Thatcher took on the Falkland Island. I am 68 years

–> old and have fought 2 wars and England has in the past always sat back to

–> not make waves. When Thather did what she did I jumped up as a long time

–> Englishman and got out the English Flag. It was almost unbelievable that

–> someone would get out of their chair and fight for England. Well the next

–> time I got out the English Flag was when I heard Tony Blair speech. These

–> two people have guts and I would stand back of them in any fight. Here in

–> the USA we have a lot of worms also which don’t want to fight. All I can

–> say where is the English Knights as in the old days. Have all the balance

–> of England gone soft. By the way I have some Scotch in me and they were the

–> McClarions or Highlanders. The shield shows a fighting Cock with swords.

–> Now that I have said my piece I hope the world will come to its senses and

–> fight and remove this poison in Iraq. I know that war has its bloody side

–> but it also has its good side and people become FREE. Dr. Donald Lewis Law

–> PS the Lewis is another part of my family tree John L. Lewis was also my

–> uncle a Welshman and carried two 45s.

Dear Don,

I am pleased that you have some Scotch in you.

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
10:32
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Dubya and Saddam actually had a live televised debate?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
10:55
Mr Rogers is dead.



UPDATE – Read the many, many, many tributes rolling in over at Fark.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
11:02
Student testifies against police officer. He claims that the cop ‘gave him wedgies, grabbed his penis and forced him to do a naked headstand in his office.’

The kid finally contacted authorities when the officer made him pull down his pants for a spanking.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
11:21
Brains. Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
11:43
Australian MP ejected for breastfeeding. Well, not really for breastfeeding. She was busted for bringing a non-elected person into the debating chamber.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
13:19
The Porn Report has just edged into Google’s top ten results for ‘make money selling porn.’ Traffic is brisk.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030227

Time
14:02
It’s a cocks-in-court twofer! This man was cleared of sex charges because his penis was much smaller than described by the victim, and this man is claiming that his is way too short to have reached the victim.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
08:52
The Washington Post defends its pro-war stance. It’s all a bit of yawn. Try instead watching Americans having their say in real time. Probably best if you set aside some time for the latter link – it’s kind of hypnotic.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
08:56
Watch Bush say one thing and do another, again and again and again. Right now he’s rabbiting on about his love for peace. You do the sums.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
08:58
False job postings at monster.com are designed to harvest personal information. If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
09:01
Playboy to publish ‘Women of Starbucks’ issue.

“Starbucks is not affiliated with this project and does not endorse it,” the company said in a terse statement.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
09:03
Man spots his stolen skis for sale on ebay. He called police, who set up a sting operation.

Also for sale on ebay today: Brad Pitt’s fart in a jar.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
09:06
See a satellite photo of London by night. I’ve made a minor change to my copy, just to let you know where I am in case the bombs start dropping.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
09:10
Saddam isn’t just a bastard; he’s a rich bastard.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228
South West Trains
Time
09:14
I wrote this article after a run-in with South West Trains. (A quiet warning to other companies that might wish to fob me off or rip me off – I can be your best customer, or your worst one.)

A reader of the article has sent the following in. I thought you chaps might like to read it:

“I’ve just read your article regarding South West Trains. You’ll be pleased to note that they’re still at it. I was imprisoned on one of their wonderful trains for an hour and ten minutes just outside Feltham, which isn’t the greatest place in the world to be stuck. For this pleasure, plus the further waste of my time getting to a station where I could get off and return home since by this time my journey was effectively wasted, they awarded me a generous 25% of my ticket cost. This amounted to the princely sum of £2.50, or £5.00 if you count the refund for my girlfriend’s ticket. Their excuse for not giving me a full refund was that it would be a free journey, and that would cancel my contract with them. Not only is this legally rubbish, surely a journey is only ‘free’ if it’s something you desire? I’m sure none of the people press ganged onto ships in previous centuries ever considered their journeys to be free. Interestingly, if they’d managed to tell me that there would be a delay, bearing in mind that the delay only started five minutes from my departure point, and I’d elected not to travel, I would have been entitled to a full refund.

“Thank you for the opportunity to rant. Suffice it to say that I shall not be leaving it there…”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228

Time
09:19
Ready.gov breathes new life into ‘All Your Base.’

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228
Navigation Bar
Time
09:30
Exploding Cigar has been added to the navbar under ‘follow me’ (which – in case you haven’t worked it out yet – is a list of sites that I visit on a daily basis).

Their lead link today is a cracker:

The experience of a single anti-war protestor in a pro-Bush crowd. Scary stuff.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228
Tony Blair’s Email: The Letters
Time
09:57
—– Original Message —–

From: “Harish”

To: tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 8:12 PM

Subject: Sir

–>

–> I was browsing my song files and a lyric in your favour jumped out at me.

–> It’s by Elton John:

–>

–> “A man like me is dead in places

–> Other men feel lib-er-ated”

–>

–> Cheers Tony.

–>

–> Harish

–> USA

Dear Harish,

I prefer:

“Saddam is travelling tonight on a plane

I plan to bring him down with support from the States and from Spain

Oh and I see a passenger waving goodbye

God I hope that it’s Saddam, our intel came from the FBI…”

Regards,

Tim Ireland

(on behalf of Tony Blair)

http://www.bloggerheads.com/can_weblogs/tony_blair.asp

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20030228
Feedback Friday
Time
17:26

Is Bloggerheads getting too political?

1. Yes!

2. Yes, but circumstances call for it.

3. No, the mix is just right.

4. No, in fact you should be doing more!

Emails to the usual address. See you Monday.

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