01-15 January, 2003

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Date
20030101

Time
08:48
The U.S. has begun torturing terrorist suspects. Techniques involve placing bags over suspect’s heads, making them sit/stand in awkward positions and depriving them of sleep. Sounds awfully familiar. Still, Dave Letterman seems happy to toe the line, so why should we be worried?

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Date
20030101

Time
08:59
Gaze in wonder at this Peanuts Tarot Deck.

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Date
20030101

Time
09:01
J.R.R. Tolkein gets the rock star treatment:

A recently ‘discovered’ handwritten translation and interpretation of Beowulf looks set to walk off the shelves in its published form. These secret diaries should also do well.

While we’re on the subject, it’s Tolkein’s birthday in a couple of days (mine too, but the papers always neglect to mention it).

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Date
20030101

Time
09:04
Seems to be the season for birthdays: Happy Birthday to the Internet.

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Date
20030101
Photoshopping
Time
09:12
Are we back with more? Yes, indeedy we are. A gallery update will follow soon (I might have another one up my sleeve today, so a new page seems to be in order).

“Do be careful with that, 007! It’s a fully primed thermal detonator with a 5 second fuse!”

Oh, and here’s some Star wars origami. Enjoy.

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Date
20030101

Time
09:16
Web ‘Game’ Allows Players to Create and Run Virtual Countries. As you no doubt suspect from watching Bush, yes it really is this easy.

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Date
20030101

Time
09:18
How to Write Like A Wanker.

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Date
20030101

Time
09:22
As chance would have it, I am thinking about getting more serious about my approach to art, but I draw the line at eating babies. Too many bones.

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Date
20030101

Time
09:24
Mariah Carey flashes fadge. And here, for no reason whatsoever, is a recipe for Whole Stuffed Camel.

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Date
20030101
Photoshopping
Time
12:46
My new year’s resolution is to be eligible to run for the Turner Prize. Sadly, to run for this year’s prize I would need to have major exhibition before May. Can’t do it. No time. Bummer.

So, I’m in for the long haul, which is good because I still have a fair way to go before I’m finished with this picture.

Oh, thanks go to Pope Nick for suggesting both of today’s well-overdue inclusions.

“I’m not *really* Princess Leia, honest. I was only pullin’ yer leg!”

(BTW, the gallery has now entered its 8th wonderful page. Glory be.)

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Date
20030102
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:27
The Mothers Against Videogame Addiction and Violence link that damn near topped the chart yesterday was a hoax. A nice one, too. Here’s the report.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:30
Here’s a wonderful list of new year’s resolutions, driven by blogs no less.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:33
Soldier of the Year wins supermarket trolley dash, heads straight for meat counter.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:35
This year’s List of Words Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness.

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Date
20030102
Photoshopping
Time
09:36
Sorry I’m running late this morning, BTW. I woke up with an overwhelming desire to ruin a perfectly good book and film.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:40
Diana Ross stopped for drunk driving. Better take this one with a grain of salt. The article states that ‘Ross was cooperative during the incident’, and I’m just not prepared to believe that.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:45
Enter the deluded and disturbing world of a Neil Diamond impersonator.

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Date
20030102

Time
09:47
Our quality of life peaked in 1974. If you’re from the U.S. don’t panic! This does not apply to you. Your quality of life peaked in 1968.

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Date
20030102

Time
10:05
“Most Americans see themselves as innocent victims in a world gone mad and believe, quite naively, that their government holds the moral high ground in its efforts to establish a Pax Americana worldwide. The facts, however, reveal the United States to be not only a part of the cycle of violence, but the largest exporter of death and destruction this world has ever known.”

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Date
20030102

Time
10:07
Another ship has hit that sunken tanker chock-full of BMWs.

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Date
20030102
Photoshopping
Time
15:07
I was going to save this one until tomorrow, but I figured you might need some extra cheering up today, what with being back at work and all.

“Seth, I’m telling you, I saw her signalling the stormtroopers!”

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Date
20030104

Time
08:04
It’s snowing!

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Date
20030104
Photoshopping
Time
08:35
Check out this Spanish discussion board for some reactions to The Star Wars Photoshopping Project. For added entertainment, you may care to run it through Babelfish.

“Attention to which some has mounted pibe with long free time… Vedlo and already you will say to me, because I do not have words to describe it.”

Heh.

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Date
20030106
Blogfast – Day One
Time
08:50
I think you’ll agree that this whole Tony Blair email thing has rattled on just about long enough. They promised to have this sorted out by the new year. It’s the new year. I have stuff to get on with and so does Tony.

So…

As of 9:00am on the 6th of January 2003, Bloggerheads is on strike. Until the folks at Number 10 Downing St can resolve this issue, there will be no bloggage. Instead, bloggage will be replaced by continued and relentless repeats of the picture that haunts my dreams.

If you wish to enjoy continued blog activity, you would do well to contact the chappies in Tony Blair’s office and inform them by mail or fax that you would much rather do so by email. You especially must do this if you live in another country – or even outside of London. I’d even go so far as to advise such far-flung folks to start their letter with the following statement:

“This letter reaches you from _______________. Getting it to you cost me _____. Please make a note of that figure and refer to it specifically in the paragraph of your reply that expresses your profound appreciation of my monetary sacrifice.”

Downing St request that you include your full postal address in any correspondence. That is all.

Snail Mail

Tony Blair

10 Downing Street

London

SW1A 2AA

Facsimile

0207 925 0918

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Date
20030106

Time
14:00
Funnily enough, I find myself in a political mood today. I saw all sorts of interesting sites about George, Jeb and the rest of their wonderful family this morning. I even found a very funny site aimed at American teens showing them how their government works (well, how it’s supposed to work). I’d provide the links, but… well, you know what the score is. Go tell it to Tony.

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Date
20030107
Blogfast – DayTwo
Time
12:11
No, this isn’t a joke, hoax or imaginary tale. I am on strike. No bloggage and this same damn picture again and again and again until Tony Blair comes good with a publicly available email address. Did you send your letter or fax yesterday? If not, today is the day.


Snail Mail

Tony Blair

10 Downing Street

London

SW1A 2AA

Facsimile

+44 (0) 207 925 0918

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Date
20030108
Blogfast – Day Three
Time
08:11
“Quite apart from that, it is massively in our self-interest to remain close allies. Bluntly there are not many countries who wouldn’t wish for the same relationship as we have with the US and that includes most of the ones most critical of it in public. But we should use this alliance to good effect. The problem people have with the US – not the rabid anti-Americans but the average middle ground – is not that, for example, they oppose them on WMD or international terrorism. People listen to the US on these issues and may well agree with them; but they want the US to listen back.”

Read Tony Blair’s speech in full here, then get writing and tell him to stop being such a goddamn hypocrite. Today, people. I want this email address up and running ASAP.

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Date
20030109
Blogfast – Day Four
Time
08:54
Strike action continues, but I can be brought to the negotiating table by a reply from 10 Downing St. If you still haven’t sent your letter or fax to ask Tony when his promised email address will be ready, then do so today. To-day.

Snail Mail

Tony Blair

10 Downing Street

London

SW1A 2AA

Facsimile

+44 (0) 207 925 0918

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Date
20030110
Blogfast – Day Five
Time
08:28
Yep, still on strike, and as frustrating for me as it is for you. What you need to do is put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards) and get that letter written. I doesn’t need to say much, it just needs to include the all-important question:

“Exactly when will this promised email address be ready? Can you perhaps provide us with an expected delivery date?”

FaxYourMP notes a 40% response rate from Tony, so you may even get a nice letter back if you include your full name and address. I’ll be calling Number 10 today to try and get some straight answers. I hold hopes for a brighter and bloggier Monday.

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Date
20030110

Time
11:35
I’ve just talked to the folks what deal with this at 10 Downing St.

Thinking quite foolishly that I’d be able to get a straight answer, I was disappointed to be faced by repeats of their vague promise that it would be ready ‘early in the new year,’ but I did – eventually – manage to find out where they are with it.

No, I don’t have any specific dates, but when I pressed for details, I got the answer that they were still ‘evaluating the process.’ You know as well as I do that when – after all this time – they’re still sitting around talking about how it might be done, that this whole process could take weeks, if not months.

This facility exists for a number of world leaders. Perhaps they could drop a line to these IT departments in more advanced countries and ask them for some advice. They certainly don’t want to hear about any possible solutions from me.

So, where do we go from here?

1) Get back to blogging and trust that they’ll eventually deliver (perhaps even before the war starts).

2) Continue the strike, but this time with images of Tony Blair in pornographic poses.

I’m happy to stay on strike for as long as it takes, but what happens from here on will be decided by you, the union members. (Did you send your letters and faxes? I hope so. Downing St claims not to have seen any.)

Votes will be taken over the weekend by direct email.

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Date
20030111

Time
09:52
Thanks for your votes. We’re split right down the middle at this stage, so keep them coming.

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Date
20030113

Time
08:36
People are stupid.

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Date
20030113

Time
08:37
Store owner in walker shoots would-be robbers. He killed one and wounded the other with one shot from his trusty 12-gauge shotgun. And it’s not the first time this has happened, either…

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Date
20030113

Time
08:40
A juicy WTC conspiracy theory for you to chew on.

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Date
20030113

Time
08:42
The U.S. government has been spamming Iraqis, urging them to rat out their leader over hidden weapons of mass destruction, and disobey orders when it comes time to discharge them. Presumably it promises them a guaranteed financial reward and a larger penis in return.

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Date
20030113
Flash Games
Time
08:53
Play keepy-uppy in memory of Oolong, the finest balancing rabbit the world has ever known.

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Date
20030113
Tony Blair’s Email: The Porn Begins
Time
09:45
As you can probably tell, it’s a gloriously happy Monday morning with close to full bloggage. Voting from readers/members was 50-50 for most of the weekend, which meant that we couldn’t go forward in either direction without disappointing about half of you.

The options provided were as follows:

1) Get back to blogging and trust that they’ll eventually deliver (perhaps even before the war starts).

2) Continue the strike, but this time with images of Tony Blair in pornographic poses.

I must admit that we looked to be a no-win situation until I noticed that many folks voting for a return to work also expressed an interest in Blairporn, and that many who voted for a continued strike action did so mainly because Blairporn came with the package.

Added to this was the fact that I’ve yet to talk to a real person at 10 Downing St.

No matter what I do or how I approach the situation, I always seem to end up talking to an on-message flunky in the press office or someone-or-other in charge of communications. The last such person tried to offer some comfort by assuring me that she could see the IT department from where she was sitting, but this still doesn’t put me directly in touch with the person in charge of the project, now does it? At best, I can hear them playing Bullshit Bingo in the background.

When will this email service be delivered? Are they having any problems? Can I help? I can’t ask any of these questions and have them answered intelligently until I speak to someone in charge.

So far, I’ve tried to be pretty reasonable about this. I’m in command of most top search results pertaining to Tony Blair’s email address. Free email-to-fax services exist that would allow me to immediately provide a well-publicised ‘email Tony Blair now’ service that is sure to overload their fax machines within a day. I haven’t done this. Yet.

But…

The deletion of all remaining emails in my possession will be going ahead as planned in a about a week or so. (There’s a special surprise in store on this front, so do stay tuned for details…)

Additionally, the regular production of Blairporn begins today. We’ll start slowly with a few gentle barbs aimed at Tony. His office should be advised that these images will become increasingly pornographic until I get some real answers from the project leader who’s supposed to deliver this long-overdue email address.

Further, readers of this weblog will be requested to forward these charming images to friends and colleagues. Once each image is released in such a way, it will remain in the public domain pretty much forever. For-ev-er. No matter how many demands they send to have such images removed from this site or any other that cares to host it, they will continue to bounce from inbox to inbox and there won’t be a bloody thing they or I will be able to do about it.

Finally, if there’s a pronounced delay to a real reply from 10 Downing St, we start on Cherie (though we’ll probably kick in with the email-to-fax service before we stoop so low as to target Euan).

Because I’m such a nice chap, I’m going to hang back until this afternoon before publishing the first image, which I’ve just spent the last half-hour producing. I’m sure you’ll like it. It has a simplistic charm combined with a carefully-layered political message.

They’ve got my number. I’m hoping they’ll call.

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Date
20030113

Time
09:50
Heh. Something very interesting just dove into my inbox. One of our readers has received a reply. By email, no less. It clearly shows the interim service Number 10 has been using while the IT team get their act together.

Are you ready for this?

It’s Hotmail.

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Date
20030113

Time
12:40
It’s the afternoon. Shall we try and be fair and wait until around 2:00pm?

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Date
20030113

Time
14:01
I called Downing St. I left a message. I gave them this URL. I gave them my phone number. 4 hours ago. I would consider that to be fair warning, wouldn’t you?

Here’s the first picture, as promised.

You’ll probably want to see the larger version, so you can forward it to friends and colleagues. Actually, this first one is pretty suitable for most of the family, too (but they are going to get steadily worse as time goes by).

Tell you what; I’m in a good mood, so the first reader to email me and explain the full significance of this wonderful picture will get a free book.

UPDATE – We have a winner! Quite a few folks came close by pointing out that Asian Babes is a publication owned by media magnate and Labour party donor Richard Desmond, but Dave was first to recognise the lady on the front cover as Wendi Deng, wife of Rupert Murdoch.

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Date
20030114
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:26
The link to this image is doing well on Blogdex. I’ve also been sent copies of this same image by 5 different people in one morning. Not that that’s a bad thing, it just doesn’t have any nudity is all…

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Date
20030114

Time
08:29
One of the finest news weblogs on the planet has just turned 5 years old. Happy Birthday to The Obscure Store.

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Date
20030114

Time
08:31
Give a gift that keeps on boinking.

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Date
20030114

Time
08:32
I’d better take it slow on these Tony Blair images, or I might end up like this poor soul.

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Date
20030114

Time
08:33
City Bans Smelly People From Buses. But smelly food is OK?

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Date
20030114

Time
08:35
Have you ever wondered how and when the U.S. policy of war on Iraq was set?

I must say, it’s refereshing to see an increasing amount of common sense filtering through the media at last. So, who’s marching in the anti-war protest in Washington this Saturday? (Erm, and would you like some naughty pictures of Bush and Blair for your protest banners?)

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Date
20030114

Time
08:44
OK, I have to settle in in do a Tony picture. If you like, you can use this time to nominate Bloggerheads for the Photobloggies. Back soon.

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Date
20030114
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
10:55
Sorry that took so long. I had a number of page updates to do and needed to create a target page for the Blair Porn Project.

(Oh, I managed to sneak in some real work while I was about it, too.)

Our second image pretty much sums up the United Kingdom’s ‘special relationship’ with the United States.

Please note the inclusion of a nipple in keeping with our promise of steadily increasing naughtiness.

I should also note for the record that images will be created regularly, but not always daily. We want to give the poor folks at Downing St a chance to keep up, now don’t we?

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Date
20030114

Time
11:54
Editor David Yelland ‘moves on’ from The Sun. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

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Date
20030114

Time
12:21
The Mirror newspaper is planning a Valentines Day stunt where two lucky readers will be married in editor Piers Morgan’s office. For this to happen legally (if not tastefully), The Mirror Group have had to apply for a licence to hold marriage services at this specific location.

Private Eye helpfully points out that the conditions of this licence state that the venue must be made ‘regularly available’ for civil marriages – which means that anyone resident in the UK (or Wales) can apply to get married there… but you’ll probably want to do so before February 14th, when the usefulness of this licence comes to an end and rejection is sure to follow.

If you’re planning on getting married in a civil ceremony soon and would like to hold it in this sumptuous office offering knockout views of London, then get your ducks in a row quick-smart and apply to the address below:

Piers Morgan

Editor’s Office

Daily Mirror

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London E14 2BG

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Date
20030115

Time
08:33
$5M kidnap foiled by culprits ordering pizza on their victim’s credit card.

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Date
20030115

Time
08:34
Enjoy some CatholicPro-LifeArt.

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Date
20030115

Time
08:35
Teacher faces sack for demonstrating condom use on a banana. Unless he went on to fill a bra with two melons and sing Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend, I don’t have a problem with that.

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Date
20030115

Time
08:37
Apparently, the folks of Soap Lake in eastern Washington state are planning on building the world’s largest lava lamp in an effort to attract tourists (here’s the news item and here’s the official site).

*Yawn*… Been there, done that.

Nevertheless, this sounds like a feat of human engineering to rival the legendary Golden Gate Tunnel….

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Date
20030115

Time
08:47
Another good reason to shop at local markets and charity stores.

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Date
20030115

Time
08:48
“Hey kids! Eat more pork!”

That cute animated pig is really making me hungry for a bacon sandwich…

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Date
20030115

Time
08:53
You want the truth? Avoid the newspapers. No surprises there. When you have fewer media owners in your country, it’s much easier to set your own agenda. Especially when one of the biggest owners is a cunt like Rupert Murdoch. There, I said it.

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Date
20030115

Time
08:58
Bloggerheads has been awash with lovely Japanese people since a link to The Star Wars Photoshopping Project appeared at this site and went on to spread to a large number of smaller Japanese weblogs. Quite gratifying, I must say. A lot of my ramblings have spread to Dutch and German sites, but this is the first time I’ve really cracked the language barrier.

(Just for the record, Billy Connolly may not trust the Japanese, but that’s OK… I no longer trust Billy Connolly.)

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Date
20030115

Time
09:05
Hey, look at that – Pete Townshend really has been researching.

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Date
20030115
Tony Blair’s Email: The Blair Porn Project
Time
10:51


Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hah!

Still relatively safe for work, but things are only going to get worse as time goes by.

Note to Downing St: Over 10,000 people saw these images yesterday, many of whom would have gone on to send copies to their friends. Perhaps you had best call before I’m forced to get the PM’s nadbags out…

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Date
20030115

Time
11:58
This may sound strange, but for me the best part about getting a haircut is having your neck shaved.

Man, that feels good.

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Date
20030115

Time
12:04
I’m still having trouble locating an Elvis impersonator in the London/Surrey area. Do keep an eye out for one, won’t you?

Oh, I’m also looking to collaborate with a band that can cover The Beatles, The Monkees and possibly even Neil Diamond. Is this you? Then get in touch.

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Date
20030115

Time
12:31
Cool, we made The Inquirer. The write-up is superb, BTW. They’re not the first folks to be lost for words.

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Date
20030115

Time
12:35
Say, is anyone up for a quick beer? I have to dash into London to do some bits and bobs, and I’m supposed to meet an old friend at Azzuro’s (diagonally opposite the front entrance to Waterloo Station) later at 5, but I’ll probably finish up and reach there by 4pm or thereabouts. Drop by if you like. I’ll be the guy sitting and drinking alone (writing small scribbled notes about Star Wars).

Oh, it’s not far from Downing St, either – so if any of you folks from Tony’s office want to drop by and discuss this matter like gentlemen, you know where I’ll be…

15-29 December, 2002

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Date
20021215
Flash Games
Time
08:57
Here you are – go play in the snow.

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Date
20021216
Flash Games
Time
08:42
You might recognise this Santa as the drunk chap on the roof, now he appears to be ski-jumping while under the influence. Professionals may wish to note the placement of the ‘vote for this at Lycos’ link. Votes don’t push you up the table, BTW. Table ranking at Lycos is determined by the number of views.

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Date
20021216

Time
08:47
Bill Clinton is dating Demi Moore. Hang on, that can’t be true. Bill is married, isn’t he?

UPDATE – Bill’s attraction to Demi explained with a single image.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021216

Time
08:55
3,000 luxury cars parked at the bottom of the English Channel. I’m assuming they went down to refuel.

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Date
20021216

Time
08:57
Lend a hand if you can: Operation Santa Claus

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Date
20021216
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:00
Google and its battle against evil. A fight worth fighting, but pity Sergey Brin, the poor man at the centre of it.

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Date
20021216

Time
09:02
A complete list of references to steenkin’ badges? We don’t need no complete list of references to steenkin’ badges!

(link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021216

Time
09:04
Hospital guard charged with stealing winning lottery ticket from corpse.

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Date
20021216

Time
09:06
Did the News Of The World set a ‘honey trap’ in an effort to pluck a strand of hair from Prince Harry’s head and therefore score a DNA sample? The cynic in me says no. In my mind, it’s far more likely that they’ve done this a number of times, and are actually after a ‘I shagged Harry/William’ story.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021216

Time
09:10
Baby Jesus kidnapped. Ransom note demands $800 in small bills.

Heh. The note was signed by by “Me, him and the other kid who was really scared and didn’t want to take your baby Jesus and the whole time all he did was say stuff like you’re going to hell, this isn’t right, stop.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021216

Time
09:13
Genitals, genitals, genitals!

What Every Man Should Know Before Having a Vasectomy and How To Use a Penis and/or Vagina.

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Date
20021216

Time
09:16
Here’s the post celebrating Bloggerheads’ 1st birthday, just in case you missed it.

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Date
20021216
Photoshopping
Time
11:25
There have been many, many requests for the Simpsons, but I’d didn’t want to do the standard Homer/Bart thing.

Oh, I found this fantastic collection of customised Simpsons action figures on my travels. Well worth a look.

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Date
20021216

Time
15:36
The harassment of spam king Al Ralsky continues. Poor diddums. His mailbox is full of junk and now people are dropping by to look at his house. At least Ronald Scelson has had the good sense to keep quiet.

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Date
20021217

Time
07:39
If you live in the U.S. and purchased a CD (or CDs) between 1995 and 2000, please read on. Everybody else, there’s no money in it for you, just the knowledge of one (very small) victory:

Maryland, 41 other states and three territories sued the distributors Bertlesmann Music Group, Inc., EMI Music Distribution, Warner-Elektra-Atlantic Corporation, Sony Music Entertainment, Inc., and Universal Music Group, and the retailers Transworld Entertainment Corporation, and Tower Records and Musicland Stores Corporation for violating antitrust laws. Working collectively to rip you off, in other words.

The suit alleged that the defendant distributors and retailers illegally conspired with one another to fix prices at which CDs could be sold to consumers. The illegal conspiracies allegedly grew out of the practice in the recorded music industry known as Minimum Advertised Price, or M.A.P., in which the distributors would pay for retailer’s advertising in local media, provided the retailers did not advertise CDs at a sale price below a minimum established by the distributor.

The defendants deny the allegations in the suit – but for some strange reason, they’ve settled to the tune of $143 million.



In typical music biz fashion, a portion of this will be paid in free CDs, but over $65 million is earmarked for consumers.

Here’s a press release showing you it’s legit.

Here’s where you can claim your share.

Oh, the defendants ‘have agreed to stop engaging in practices that led to artificially high retail prices for CDs’. Even though they didn’t do anything wrong in the first place… *cough*



UPDATE – There’s a beautiful Fark Thread on this subject. Some paranoia, some cheering, and a lot of cynicism. Best comment to date comes from a Farker who writes:

“I want to have a settlement too. I will send any music company that files a claim $20 for any music that I may have illegally downloaded since 1995. This is not an admission of guilt, just an out of court settlement.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021217

Time
07:45
Oh, FFS: Feng Shui for web designers.

Does pissing myself laughing count as a water feature?

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Date
20021217

Time
07:47
Bishkek’s best brothel announced. You may recognise the image with this story… I used it as the source image for Hamsterdam.

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Date
20021217

Time
07:51
A beautiful story on the Fark effect.

Look at info on Six Steps to Spiritual Revival (a book by Pat Robertson – founder and chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network) and you’ll note recommendations for books on anal sex and assisted suicide. Someone wishes he would fuck off and die, in other words. Like this person.

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Date
20021217

Time
07:57
Be warned: Max Headroom may return. Bring on the BlipVerts!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021217

Time
08:06
The multi-car/ship pile-up in the English Channel continues. They ought to get a traffic cop down there.

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Date
20021217
Photoshopping
Time
09:43
“Sorry Princess, I don’t know what happened to your message to Obi-Wan. Maybe in got… lost in the mail.”

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Date
20021217

Time
11:10
BBC report on Al Ralsky. Thanks, Tony.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021217
Photoshopping
Time
12:12
Here’s a sneaky-peek at the latest image – Young Frankenstein this time. We’re just about to head into the 6th page of the gallery.

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Date
20021218
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:30
This web-tailored multi-permission copyright notification system has received a pretty warm welcome. Perhaps it’s too early in the morning, but to me a it looks like a copyrighted version of copyright. I’ll probably stick with my old-fashioned ©, if that’s OK. It’s not just how people use my material, it’s who uses it that counts a lot as well. This being the case, I really would prefer that they got in touch and asked.

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Date
20021218

Time
08:34
Those cuddly Nigerians are at it again with a new scam involving counterfeit cheques. Read it in full, folks.

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Date
20021218
Flash Games
Time
08:39
Here’s a bunch of stick-figure games for you to enjoy. Mouse-control appears to be the key on these. Get clicking.

(link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021218

Time
08:42
After their baby died from pneumonia, Matthew and Rachel Hartnett figured they could do without monthly reminders of their tragic loss by mail, so asked Tesco to remove his name from their Baby and Toddler Club mailing list.

‘Fine,’ replied Tesco, ‘Just show us the death certificate and we’ll be happy to comply.’



Ed Rooney is alive and well and working for Tesco. Tell your friends. Actually, get a print-out first, then tell your friends… because they won’t believe this one without proof.

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Date
20021218

Time
08:50
Bestiality makes baby Jesus cry:

Man arrested for having sex with sheep in nativity scene.

What an idiot. He’s at least two months too late for the Turner prize.

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Date
20021218

Time
08:55
Santa has a weblog, and he sure is a grumpy old bastard.

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Date
20021218
Photoshopping
Time
08:56
I know this one is terribly obvious, but I slipped another little treat in for hardcore M*A*S*H fans on page 6 of the gallery. Enjoy.

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Date
20021218

Time
09:01
Pete Waterman and company seem to think that they’ve got the Christmas No. 1 wrapped up. Want to prove them wrong? Take action now.

What, are you still here? I said take action now!

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Date
20021219

Time
08:34
Tesco continue a week of PR disasters by giving their employees a £1 Christmas bonus. They only made 1.2 billion last year, so times are tough.

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Date
20021219

Time
08:39
Paul McCartney has switched the writing credit from ‘Lennon-McCartney’ to ‘Paul McCartney and John Lennon’ on his latest album and Yoko is pretty pissed about it.

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Date
20021219

Time
08:39
The Temple of the Vampire is a real church for heartless bloodsuckers. Insert Tesco joke here.

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Date
20021219

Time
08:51
The 50 Most Loathsome People in America. Quite interesting that Tony Blair made the list, don’t you think?

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Date
20021219

Time
08:53
Chirac tells French to drive like the British. How many people died driving on the wrong side of the road before folks realised he was making a broad comment about civility?

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Date
20021219

Time
08:55
He did say he’d be back: watch the trailer for Terminator 3.

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Date
20021219

Time
08:56
Here’s some wonderful online Christmas cards that you can send to friends. They even let you write your own text, so you can send a message of peace, love and bollocks to enemies as well.

(link via funjunkie.co.uk)

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Date
20021219

Time
09:02
The Onion still has that distinctive flavour:

Bill Of Rights Pared Down To A Manageable Six

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Date
20021219

Time
09:04
Man goes into coma and dies after eating two kilograms of baklava on a bet. He won the bet, BTW.

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Date
20021219

Time
09:05
440 guinea pigs destroy home. Hmm, while we’re on the subject on overwhelming infestation, perhaps now is a good time to calculate the Body Mass Index of your houseflies. (Thanks to The Ultimate Insult for that last link.)

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Date
20021219
Photoshopping
Time
09:11
Ed Rooney strikes!

On my travels, I found this incredibly comprehensive collection of highlights from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Oh, and this collection of observations from Star Wars: A New Hope is equally huge and well worth a loooong visit. There you go, that’s your lunch break sorted – for today and tomorrow.

UPDATE – After posting this on B3ta, I discovered that Jeffrey ‘Ed Rooney’ Jones was arrested last month on charges of using a minor for sex acts and possession of child pornography. Ass. Mine. Etc.

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Date
20021219

Time
09:42
Face of Jesus appears on ‘No Parking’ sign.

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Date
20021219
Photoshopping
Time
10:19
The Star Wars gallery is now up to its 7th page, and there’s a cracker of an image starting it off for readers from the UK. The latest version of the screensaver has this and 29 other images, ready to float around your screen while you nip outside for a fag. Enjoy.

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Date
20021219

Time
16:14
“You gotta be shittin’ me Skywalker! Are you honestly telling me that you can’t give me one lousy pull-up?!”

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Date
20021219

Time
16:38
Nestle is demanding $6m in compensation from famine-stricken Ethiopia. Perhaps killing babies with breastmilk substitutes isn’t thinning out the third-world population quite as efficiently as they first thought.

Hmm, I’m looking for a word here that starts with C and ends with T, but can’t…

Can’t!

That’s it!

Nestle are a bunch of can’ts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021220

Time
08:29
The U.S. military is seeking ways to help their soldiers do without sleep. How about lying awake wondering if today is the day you’re going to die? No? OK, mind-altering drugs it is, then.

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Date
20021220

Time
08:32
The Japanese man who’s been stalking Britney Spears is an elite academic, is in his 40′s and still lives with his parents. It’s Comic Book Guy!

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Date
20021220

Time
08:36
Man sentenced to 12 years for throwing dog from 23rd-floor balcony. But dangling babies is OK?

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Date
20021220

Time
08:38
Corn-fed beef may soon be a thing of the past. These Black Angus steers do just fine on leftover chips, nachos, pretzels, popcorn and cheese curls, a meal that we’ll all become familiar with over the coming week of morning afters.

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Date
20021220

Time
08:42
The dumbest crimes of 2002.

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Date
20021220

Time
08:45
For fans of The I Can Eat Glass Project:

How to say ‘Oh my god! There’s an axe in my head,’ in 102 languages.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021220

Time
08:48
Finally, some small profits boost hopes for the future of e-commerce.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021220

Time
08:49
Prank victim eats bat-sandwich.

I’m sorry, but whenever I hear the words ‘bat-sandwich,’ I can’t help thinking of Adam West’s (alleged) comments to Burt Ward and collapsing into fits of giggles.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021220
Photoshopping
Time
08:55
Today, Private Pyle meets Private Pyle. This short Kubrick Season continues with 2001 on Page 7 of the gallery.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021220
Flash Games
Time
09:01
Ooh, they are quick:

See if you can park your ship in the English Channel without sinking too many tug boats.

While we’re on the subject of flash games and what not, I have about three-dozen Christmas-themed viral thingies stinking up my inbox. Do you guys want to see them, or does overkill ruin your seasonal goodwill?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021221

Time
07:21
Damn, now I’m starting to have dreams about that bloody picture. I honestly don’t know where this will end.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021222
Photoshopping
Time
09:19
The Mirror has won News Photograph of the Year for that picture. Editor Piers Morgan stepped down from the mount and up to the podium to ever-so-graciously give credit to creator Carl Baldwin, but the picture shouldn’t have been entered in the first place, and The Mirror certainly shouldn’t be accepting an award a picture they just took without asking and slapped onto the front page with their usual ‘hey, everything on the interwebnet is free’ arrogance. Is Carl Baldwin a member of staff? No. Is Carl Baldwin a regular freelancer for the paper? No. Was he paid for this front-page image? Well, he got a few inches of publicity the next day. No, in other words.

Will The Mirror rabbit on about how they won picture of the year without giving Carl any further mention? I suspect so.

Nice also that the 3am Girls won Showbusiness Reporter (what, are they all one person?) of the Year, especially as they’ve stolen not only some distinctive reporting techniques from Popbitch, but one hell of a lot of material as well.

Something’s got to be done about this. I’ll have a think about it when I’m done fuming.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:10
Remember the bat-sandwich? The kid behind it faces charges. Oh, and the bat was raw.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:12
Erm, and Daypop:

Coffee, Tea, or Should We Feel Your Pregnant Wife’s Breasts Before Throwing You in a Cell at the Airport and Then Lying About Why We Put You There?

This closes with a great little quotable, but I won’t ruin it for you by repeating it here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:16
I was reading the graphic novel Uncle Sam last night. It’s a great piece of work, but the earnest inclusion of this fake Lincoln quote ruined it a bit for me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:20
A weighty but groovy article on copyright online that even spares a few words for fair use.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223
Flash Games
Time
09:21
How many girls can your perv on before getting busted by your girlfriend?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:22
Spam is killing off small ISPs. They’re collapsing under the weight of it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:23
Lingerie Barbie is on the way. Still no joy when you strip the undies off, though. Perhaps there’s money to be made from little plastic merkins and paste-on peni…

Now wait a minute, that’s not a bad idea. Anybody here in the plastics industry?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:26
The U.S. government is bending over forwards for big business again. They’ve just blocked a global deal to provide cheap drugs to poor countries, following ‘intense lobbying of the White House by America’s pharmaceutical giants.’

Well, they can’t be expected to give it away now can they? Besides, they need to save most of the hard stuff for the military.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:30
Gay porn just got more dangerous; the 3D monitor is on its way.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:32
The bright sparks who force pop-ups into our lives no doubt think that making them more intrusive will improve their performance. Dickheads.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021223

Time
09:35
Waytoomuchinformationaboutcaffeine!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:12
Police go undercover on nude beach. “Gosh Sarge, we’re in plain clothes but everyone still seems to know that we’re cops. Why is that?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:14
Here’s a picture of the Lingerie Barbie we blogged yesterday.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:16
C’mon everybody, sing! What the world needs now…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:17
Weblogs influence the news. A Lott.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:18
Baby Jesus returned unharmed. The church has forgiven the kidnapper, who is now unlikely to face charges.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
09:20
Take a tour of Arlington, Massachusetts. It sucks, apparently.

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Date
20021224
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:21
The death of Joe Strummer: 1, 2, 3, 4, and a tribute board.

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Date
20021224

Time
09:26
Jakob Nielsen’s Top Ten Web-Design Mistakes of 2002.

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Date
20021224

Time
09:27
Buying or selling a flight manual on ebay? Be prepared to be hassled by the feds.

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Date
20021224

Time
09:30
15-year-old lesbian sues over locker room ban.

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Date
20021224

Time
09:59
I was reading Joe Sacco’s classic Palestine last night. It’s worth reading in the current political climate. This popular Shin Bet joke is begging to be shared, too:

A CIA agent, a KGB agent, and a Shin Bet agent are walking by the woods. They see a rabbit running into the trees. The CIA agent dashes after it, and returns with the rabbit in less than 10 minutes. The KGB agent thinks he can do better, so they release the rabbit and the KGB agent gives chase. He returns triumphant in less than 5 minutes. The Shin Bet agent thinks he can do better, so the rabbit is released again. The Shin Bet agent disappears into the trees, but nothing is heard from him for 5 minutes. Then 10. Then 20. A full half-hour passes, and the two remaining agents decide to go and look for their friend.

They move cautiously into the trees, and begin to search the forest for the Shin Bet agent. They search and search.

Suddenly, they hear someone yelling and screaming, and run toward the sound with guns drawn. They enter a clearing to see the Shin Bet agent with a donkey that is tied to a tree. The Shin Bet agent is punching the donkey in the face again and again and screaming in its ear: “Admit you’re the rabbit! Admit you’re the rabbit!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021224

Time
12:13
The Corporations That Supplied Iraq’s Weapons Program. You are highly unlikely to see this list in an American newspaper.

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Date
20021224

Time
12:15
The Sheboygan Art Museum offers much more than first appears.

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Date
20021224

Time
12:52
OK, that’s about it from me until Friday. You still have time to buy me something nice, but rest assured that I’ll be spending tomorrow celebrating the birth of our saviour and the next day regretting the creation of a hangover. Here’s a swag of Christmassy viral mechanisms to keep you busy in the meantime:

Send a rancidass ecard, hunt a turkey, have a snowball fight, watch an offensive video, throw more snowballs, this time at celebrities, enjoy even more snow, go ski-jumping with Santa, help him to collect presents, listen to some Santa banter, then send an anonymous Christmas kiss.

Should be enough to keep you busy.

Make sure you cook that turkey properly, and don’t drive if you’ve been drinking.

Best singing voices at the ready people…

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Jeeeeeeeesus,

Happy birthday to you!

Any many morrrrrrrrrre…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021227

Time
09:17
This is the first time I’ve really stopped in close to two years, and I’m beginning to enjoy it. I do believe I’m going to take a few more days off, just because I can. See you soon.

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Date
20021229

Time
13:02
Still on a break, but kind of busy getting my ducks in a row. I’ve started by letting on that one of them has been sneaking slugs on the side.

Bloggerheads – Year One

Ever since I arrived in this country, I have longed to drive your beautiful cars and make love to your expensive women.

No, wait… let me start again.

Ever since I arrived in this country, I’ve been neck-deep in the internet. This past year has been the best by far, both professionally and personally, and I owe it mostly to the publishing format known as weblogging.

While I’ve participated in some very large sites and run a few small sites of my own in the past, most of what I really had to say was broadcast into usenet and various web, chat and email communities. It’s a format you may be familiar with – quietly defining myself a paragraph at a time, sharing a few links, having a few laughs, and maybe even beating my chest when necessary.

It wasn’t until I started broadcasting on a central web-hosted channel that I could really bring this together with what I knew about search engine optimisation. The weblog format also allowed me to attract and hold an audience that appreciates the way I think (at the speed I think). In short, I could not only bring new people into an audience via established ideas, but also expose new ideas to an established audience. This advance in knowledge and ability is a significant highlight in my rise to the lofty heights of benevolent dictator.

So, enough about me, let’s crunch a few numbers and then talk about you for a bit.

In the past 365 days, I’ve made a total of 2,374 posts (not including this one). I’m kind of lazy about weekends, so we can pretty safely say that this indicates an average of 8-9 posts a day. Looking at the file sizes now, this amounts to 1.61MB of raw .TXT data. That’s a lot of typing. Probably a few spilling mistakes, too. Actually, I think I may be developing Advanced Computer-Induced Dyslexia. This seems to arise from a general reliance on spell-checkers and auto-complete functions, combined with constant interruptions to data entry by pop-up browser windows.

Moving swiftly back to the point, 762 photoshopped images were produced purely for my – and your – amusement. Again, taking the disgraceful wasteland of weekends into account, this gives us an average of 3 images a day. Most of these were broadcast into the messageboards at Fark or B3ta, but only about 1 in 5 turned up here. At least 2 new readers find us every day by searching for ‘bloggerheads’ or ‘bloggerheads.com’ after seeing one of these images. About a dozen or so are smart enough to simply type the URL.

Boy, bean counting is fun isn’t it? You’d best settle in, we’re about to tackle some big numbers…

As a result of general blogging and the dozen or so campaigns we ran over the last year, Bloggerheads attracted 101,302 unique visitors to the core weblog. (This does not include traffic numbers from the campaigns themselves, just visitors to the main weblog. The M*A*S*H Quiz alone has attracted over 45,000 visitors.)

89,837 weblog readers returned for more, and from here is gets a bit vague, but clearly and visibly whittles down… Roughly 1,000 turned into regular visitors, but only about 90 – the core faithful – visit every single day (usually at 9:30 or over lunch).

Erm, and I hear from about dozen of you. Sometimes.

You certainly are a quiet lot, but this is to be expected. Almost every weblog or online community has a large, hidden audience (even sites that run an anonymous comments feature).

You lovable lurkers, you. I give so much, but I hear so little. It breaks my heart. Tell you what, one-off deal, just between you and me, not a word to the tax-man; the first 3 long-time lurkers to get in touch by email after this post will receive by snail mail an autographed copy of my now-remaindered (and therefore highly collectible) book on marketing. I’ll even sign it with the swearword of your choice or draw a rude picture if you like.

Yep, gotcha. The point…

The production and ongoing broadcast of images, ideas, games, campaigns and the weblog content overall generated a total of 2,466 inbound links. Google can’t see them all, but it knows about a heck of a lot more than it lets on. It’s kind of like dark matter. You can’t see it via a PageRank or even a manual search, but I know from the way Bloggerheads behaves that it is there and it is working for me.

So, what have I done with my abilities in the dark art of search engine optimisation and the added power of weblogging?

Well, I’ve (hopefully) entertained and/or motivated over a quarter of a million people in one way or another. Along the way I’ve developed a system that will let any suitable organisation plug into positive customer behaviour and use that to attract new customers via search engines.

Starting out with some asshat who stole my Tags and Titles, I also found the time to administer some vital and highly visible clue-by-fours to a number of worthy individuals and/or organisations. The most popular campaign of this type was the thing we ran over spammer Ronald Scelson. (I like the way I worded that. It makes it sound like we mowed him down with a robust form of vehicular transport. Anyway, this was the most-visited page of the year.)

Together we also located Mustard Man, but in the end failed to find him a date. Despite the fact that for 6 clear weeks he was the top search result for ‘find a man’ in Google.

What tickles me most, however, is that I actually managed to get a parliamentary question tabled – and an answer from Tony Blair.

Oh, and I started my own religion. No biggie.

Still no email address for Tony, though – and that spammer is still spamming. I made the shortlist for Best British Blog, but didn’t pull ahead to break the tape. I also didn’t quite manage to make the front page of a broadsheet, finish my first novel, write a top ten single or successfully engage my universal micropayment solution.

Next year, folks. Next year.

01-14 December, 2002

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Date
20021201

Time
08:42
He’s only 14, so I should cut him some slack.

(No. Can’t control myself, sorry.)

Is people this stupid all over big world?

BTW, I’m not entirely happy with Huntington Life Sciences myself. I also have a small problem with child molesters/murderers/managers, but the mobs that bay for their blood scare me. Same goes for some of these animal rights campaigners – especially those who campaign in the High Street with very upsetting posters showing all manner of mutilated animals.

Fine, the animals don’t deserve to be assaulted – but then, neither do my kids.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021202
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
07:43
Good morning pop-pickers! With a prize-winning 60 links, it’s linkandthink.org at No. 1 – for reasons that should be obvious.

You’ll also notice a bunch of commercial links lurking at the bottom, because a bunch of weblogs have died and been taken over by LinkVista. I won’t bother doing a whole report on this one. You’ll just have to take my word for it, or read my report from last time.

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Date
20021202
Christianity Watch
Time
07:49
Look out Bibleman, there’s a new Christian superhero on the block. There’s a lot I could say about Armorman, but I feel this short cut-and-paste from the site says it all:

Q. What can we do to help you?

A.

1) Pray for us . Wisdom, ect…
(sic)

2) Pray more

Oh, it also goes on to request that I:

3) Share the web site with your e-mail friends and tell your youth leaders

Done and done.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021202
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
07:59
OMG, it’s the Lego USS Enterprise. Don’t get too excited – it’s only the TNG version.

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Date
20021202

Time
08:06
I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Everybody does it. Erm, it’s just that not everybody takes it out, has a good look at it, then eats it.

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Date
20021202

Time
09:37
Here are the technical readouts of the Death Star battle station. You might want to study them for a weak spot. My advice would be to go for the main reactor – that always seems to work.

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Date
20021202

Time
11:12
We’re repeating this image today especially for all the folks who are dropping by via Google, desperate for information about the Posh/Becks rumour.

OK, here’s what you need to know:

1. It’s not true

2. See No. 1

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Date
20021202

Time
12:37
Mike Wiley is a self-confessed ‘Road Geek’. His website at ylekot.com includes many, many pictures of roads and road signs. BTW, ‘ylekot’ is not only his domain name, it’s also his personalised numberplate. What does it stand for? Well, Mike helpfully tells us that ‘if you say the individual letters (Y-L-E-K-O-T) you will phonetically say my nickname.’

You’ll work it out…

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Date
20021202

Time
15:46
And they’re still coming. Man, you should see the traffic stats showing people who are here purely for the Posh/Becks gossip.

‘Hello’ if this includes you, by the way.

Sorry, we don’t have that rumour published here any more (though there may be mention of it in the archive).

We do, however, have details of the latest rumour about Charlotte Church and one of Princess Anne’s bull terriers.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:26
More really bad comics, this time with a 119 flavour. She’s a top-heavy site, but the trailers are well worth viewing.

Oh, BTW, a a French author has claimed that the Sept. 11 attacks were faked ‘to promote a U.S. military agenda that included waging war in Afghanistan.’

He’s actually planning a a promotional tour in the States. Should be worth keeping tabs on.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021203

Time
09:32
Do clowns scare you? You’re not alone.

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Date
20021203
Classics
Time
09:35
Legodeath.com hasn’t expanded much since we first blogged it, but it’s still worth revisiting.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:38
Several Australian kindergartens have banned Santa Claus this Christmas for fear that he may offend minority groups.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:40
Here’s a copy of that banned 2DTV ad we mentioned last Thursday.

(Links directly to MPG file. Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021203

Time
09:42
This pen tablet pc link is mostly for my reference. You may as well ignore it.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:43
Wal-mart don’t like bare human breasts and think that blood is green. Do we need further proof that they’re a strange and mysterious cult linked to the shape-shifting aliens?

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Date
20021203

Time
09:45
Here’s the shortlist of Saddam Hussein’s favourite torture techniques and here’s the full report on crime and human rights abuses released by the Foreign & Commonwealth Office (PDF format).

This should win a few hearts and minds. Looks like we’re gearing up for the big one. Time to review a few security measures, methinks.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:50
Enjoy this list of Top Ten Rejected Jedi Force Powers.

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Date
20021203
Flash Games
Time
09:51
A very difficult ski jump game (via funjunkie.co.uk).

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Date
20021203

Time
09:53
The 3rd Annual 20 Worst People, Places, And Things On The Internet For 2002.

I failed to make the list again, but the shallow end of the pool that is Blogger.com does rate a mention.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021203

Time
09:55
$165 million lottery winner still plays the lottery.

I’ve got to stop reporting stories like this one. It’s not healthy.

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Date
20021203

Time
09:58
And I thought Alan Funt was a bastard…

Fox takes reality TV to a new low.

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Date
20021203

Time
13:19
Hooray for the return of Daypop. We’ll just see how she holds up before we think about reinstatement on the nav bar.

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Date
20021203

Time
17:30
The developer of x-blog (one Adrian J. Frost) seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. Too bad, really, because I like his product and I’d like to keep using it – but I have a question or two that I’d like to ask first.

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Date
20021204
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:38
Oh, not much really. Just a little justified paranoia.

Oh, this is performing quite well, too:

You are under my power. Do not try to resist. Ignore the man behind the picture frame.

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Date
20021204

Time
09:42
A Californian company is selling tickets to heaven for $15 (plus a $4.95 shipping and handling fee). It took me a while (their SEO is really quite pathetic), but I eventually found their website so you could take the time to read the all-important disclaimer.

My advice? Don’t buy tickets from scalpers. Contact your local authorised House of God instead. All they want is your soul.

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Date
20021204

Time
09:47
Michael Jackson on crutches after being bitten by spider. Was it a rock spider by any chance?

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Date
20021204

Time
09:49
A group of Australia women plan to plan to break the drought by doing a naked rain dance. No cameras will be present.

Well, they won’t get far with that attitude.

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Date
20021204

Time
09:51
Here’s a nice little write-up on that Barbie weblog we mentioned last week. Hits the nail on the head.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204
Posh, Becks and Popbitch
Time
09:54
Hehehehe. I’m still laughing about it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204

Time
09:58
Man fined $100,000 over snuff film website.

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Date
20021204

Time
10:00
This Engrish ‘Earth run by aliens’ site is jam-packed with paranoia and bad grammar.

This is far more lucid, but no less entertaining:

UFOs found in 15th century paintings.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204
Classifieds
Time
11:14
WANTED: Illustrator for children’s book. Must be able to draw bunnies, hamsters, and frightened humans. Emails to the usual address.

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Date
20021204

Time
13:41
It’s just gone live if you want to take a peek:

I’ve put all those ‘same’ images from Star Wars in the one place and I’m even working on more. No, you can’t stop me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204

Time
13:54
Well, well, lookie here:

MAD magazine gets in on the Photoshopping/seeding game.

Quite a respectable effort, too. The credits are wonderful, and Spiro Agnew isn’t mentioned once.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204

Time
14:34
Man, this guy must really like Snoopy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021204

Time
16:40
Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to make your nominations for the Bloggies.

You know who to mention. Get to it. Erm, but don’t let me influence you or anything…

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Date
20021205

Time
08:18
Keep those troops coming, boys…

Mobsters smuggle sperm out of prison to impregnate their wives.

(I had a joke about chipmunks here, but it was too distasteful.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205

Time
08:21
How Dickensian! Mum & Dad wanted to relax with a few drinks with friends, so they strapped the kids into their car seats and dumped them in front of a space heater in the attic. Did they cook to death? No, but the rats gave them a good seeing-to.

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Date
20021205
Flash Games
Time
08:25
We blogged this last year, but it’s still fun: Sober Santa.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205

Time
08:26
Michael Jackson tells upstart attorney to ‘go to hell.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205

Time
08:29
A Dutch student has been busted at a Canadian airport with over 3,500 Viagra pills. At first he claimed they were for his own personal use. Some quick mental arithmetic followed before he decided that he actually had smuggled them in so he could give them away to strangers.

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Date
20021205

Time
08:32
Story. Of. The. Year.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205

Time
08:55
The U.S. military is using high school databases for recruitment purposes. Presumably they want to nab students before they reach college and become idealists.

On a similar note, Kids in Combat is a website from Good News Ministries that comes with a dire warning on the main entry page:

“Before you click on the spinning “R”, remember it is “R” RATED. You may have to ask permission from your parents. WHY? Because it is not for kids that are weak, wimpy and easily scared! It’s not for kids that fool around at church and just play games all the time.”

The ‘R’, by the way, stands for ‘radical’ (dude).

The sophistication of Christian recruitment methods never fails to amaze me.

They should just advertise the lifestyle of cocaine, porn and sex and be done with it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205

Time
09:00
Amazing new cat door uses image recognition to stop dead animals being brought into the house. Calm down, it’s still in development.

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Date
20021205
Photoshopping
Time
10:20
The interim Star Wars gallery continues to expand.

No, I have no plans to stop just yet.

(Oh, if you don’t know who these two people are are, then do yourself a favour and discover the joys of Red Dwarf.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021205
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
14:00
OK, folks. We’ve just shifted into high gear on the Tony Blair campaign. We heard from quite a few people wanting to take part in our proposed mass-deletion, so we’re having an auction to see who gets to push the button.

All proceeds go to Oxfam’s Ethiopia Appeal.

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Date
20021205
Photoshopping
Time
17:21
The Star Wars gallery has grown again. This one features the cast of ‘Ghost’. Don’t show it to your girlfriend, or you’ll find yourself hiring the video tonight, you mark my words.

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Date
20021205

Time
17:32
Bear mauls baby Jesus. Now there’s a headline!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021206
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:32
A busy day with little bloggage, as happens from time to time.

I do have a few moments to rattle out the following, though:

1. Ebay is has been down for scheduled maintenance this morning, and will remain down for at least another half-hour.

2. Thanks to the anonymous individual who emailed me a list of parliament email addresses. Yes, I know how the system works and that the standardised naming hierarchy makes it easy to work out what should be the address for Tony – but it’s the only one on the list that doesn’t work. All emails to this address are currently vaporised on arrival.

3. Kevin Marks has chipped in with a very good email-to-fax solution. It’s far from ideal, but I think I know just how to use this information for the greater good. I’ll get back to you.

Busy, busy, busy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021206

Time
14:48
I found this nifty Java game when looking for ‘Cheers’ pictures: Cliffie the Mailman.

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Date
20021206

Time
14:52
Wow, look at these, like, totally famous members of the Chi Omega Psi Kappa Chapter.

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Date
20021206

Time
17:04
Remember the fun we had a while ago with spam-king Ronald Scelson? Well, it looks like we may have started a very healthy trend.



Thanks to Rod for the heads-up.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021207
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:58
Bloody hell. You can even email Alexander Lukashenko, the President of the Republic of Belarus. This is getting ridiculous.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021207

Time
09:07
Cool. Someone met Mustard Man in a class visit. This thread also contains comments from Mustard Man’s earliest adopter.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021207

Time
16:49
Wal-Mart shows us the true meaning of Christmas.

Like Dr Frankenstein and his most famous creation, there’s a lot of confusion about Wal-Mart. Y’see, Wal-Mart isn’t a monster; Wal-Mart simply creates the monsters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021207

Time
16:53
Multidenominational absolution can be yours for the rock bottom price of two American dollars at payforyoursins.com!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021208

Time
10:04
Are people really this stupid? Two more bright sparks, Kylie and Lucy, have left a message for Tony Blair in the ‘comments’ section of the campaign listing at the Weblog Action Centre. Kylie and Lucy have a problems with foreigners being let into the country, apparently ‘they are laughing at us!’

No, darlings, we are laughing at you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021208

Time
10:11
Suicide mistaken for performance art.

This would be a better story if it involved a mime. Not funnier… just better.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209

Time
08:32
How many times have I told you kids to stay out of my darn yard?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209

Time
08:34
Bombs hit cinemas in Bangladesh. Insert tasteless Madonna/Ritchie joke here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:36
Some guy has had too much of the WWJD? thing. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the question:

“What Would Jesus Drive?”

I don’t know for sure, but the answer to this question may lie in the greatest band name ever: God Drives A Galaxy.

Also charting well, some other chap is using Fed-ex’s delivery tracking to trace Santa’s actual location.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209

Time
08:42
Nobilis Software has laid off poor old Scott from ultimateinsult.net two weeks before Christmas – without notice and without a penny of severance pay.

Boo, hiss!

Reach out and touch a Scrooge. Send your letter of complaint today.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209

Time
08:49
Fatal shooting sparked by argument over last beer in fridge. There’s a XXXX ad in there somewhere…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:52
Well, the traffic is healthy at the main page, but I’m very disappointed with the actual bidding. C’mon guys, it’s for charideeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209

Time
09:16
Good news. Barbara has finally come to terms with her name.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021209
Photoshopping
Time
15:58
The interim Star Wars gallery continues to grow unchecked. I cannot be stopped.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:08
Popdex. Looks like Blogdex. Tastes like chicken.

Oh, and another commercial link has topped the chart, this time because Tripod seems to have shoehorned this standard text link in under the compulsory banner.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:14
An intriguing technical problem. Send it to your admin and make his day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:16
Baby takes radio station off the air.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:18
Man sentenced to 37 months for joke about ‘burning Bush.’ Dare I comment on lost perspective from a distance? OK, how about this..

Granny frisked at airport as part of terrorist search. The three men next to her (kitted out in militia-style camouflage, no less) where whisked straight through.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:25
TinkleToonz… the musical potty that makes toilet training your child fun. I can barely contain my excitement.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
09:27
It’s raining in Sydney and there’s more on the way. Hallelujah!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210
Classifieds
Time
09:32
WANTED: Professional Elvis Impersonator in London/Surrey area. Must posses own sense of humour.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210
Photoshopping
Time
11:11
Hey, how about that? Two Dicks for the price of one…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
12:36
Blogging the progress of a burgeoning beard.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021210

Time
13:01
Volvo ‘humour’. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211
Flash Games
Time
08:28
Another game featuring Michael Jackson throwing babies. This one is awfully pretty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211

Time
08:30
As The Ultimate Insult notes, the Memory Hole is well worth repeat visits. The U.S. government has been cleaning up references to Operation TIPS and unflattering images of Henry Kissinger, but the best example of Internet censorship this week is CNN spiking its own story about people complaining that it spikes stories.

Well, they do have limited server capacity, and obviously they needed to make room for this story about a dentist who climbed a tree to fix a protester’s molar.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211
Christianity Watch
Time
08:35
Upgrade to Jesus 1.0 (also available as Yeshua 1.0).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211

Time
08:40
Dateline Uganda: Reward offered for capture of minor deity.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211

Time
08:41
Some rather brave students want Iran to move into the 21st century ‘with the rest of the world.’ The UK is no doubt lined up to go in after them.

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Date
20021211

Time
08:46
Woman shoots husband after finding porn video under their bed. It’s his own damn fault for using the most obvious hiding place in the world.

Factoid #1: People who hide porn under the bed are 67% more likely to use the word ‘password’ as their password.

Factoid #2: If you ever ask me around to your place, do not allow me upstairs, because the first thing I’ll do is peek under your mattress.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211

Time
08:52
Britney Spears has a Japanese stalker. Well, she does insist on wearing those school uniforms…

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Date
20021211

Time
08:53
Cops bust another drive-through drug dealership. It was Burger King this time. Last time it was Wendy’s (if memory serves). There hasn’t been a bust at McDonalds because their staff are mostly from another planet and as such enjoy diplomatic immunity.

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Date
20021211
Videos, Etc.
Time
09:20
Never mind the foreplay, get to the stuffing! (Links to 4MB .WMV file.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211
Photoshopping
Time
10:43


A little bit of politics has just crept into page 3 of the Star Wars gallery.

(Oh, and here’s a large version of this pic just in case you feel like changing desktops today…)

You know, after I made my offer to help Downing St sort out the whole email problem, my stats clearly showed someone from their office going through this site with a fine tooth comb. They obviously decided I wasn’t trustworthy enough to take on this responsibility, as a refusal of my kind offer soon followed.

I wasn’t offended… until now, that is.

BTW, there’s only 26 hours left on the auction to delete Tony Blair’s email. Only one bid so far, too. Get your act together, people…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021211

Time
17:05
In a few days, Bloggerheads is going to celebrate its first year online. I’m thinking of knocking together a bit of a CD Annual to mark the occasion, and already have some bits and bobs made up – but if you want to request anything in particular on the CD (like your favourite image as a desktop or screensaver) then now is the time.

Oh, and I’m still looking for an Elvis impersonator in Surrey…

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Date
20021212
Repeat Post
Time
08:51
In a couple of days, Bloggerheads is going to celebrate its first year online. I’m thinking of knocking together a bit of a CD Annual to mark the occasion, and already have some bits and bobs made up – but if you want to request anything in particular on the CD (like your favourite image as a desktop or screensaver) then now is the time.

Oh, and I’m still looking for an Elvis impersonator in Surrey…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212

Time
08:52
Santa is dead! No, wait… Santa is Jewish! No, wait… Santa abuses children! No, wait…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212
New From Google
Time
08:56
The most popular search words of 2002 (well, most of it, anyway) and a new Google gadget.

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Date
20021212

Time
09:00
4-year-old girl gives teacher $5 bag of marijuana. Now that’s a nice holiday gift for teacher. It might even help her to get through all those damn apples.

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Date
20021212
Flash Games
Time
09:03
Belter is exactly like Asteroids, but looks much, much prettier.

(link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021212

Time
09:05
Developer plans to introduce charging system for spammers and telemarketers. Don’t hold your breath; the proposed program relies on the introduction of entirely new systems and protocols. Not likely. Besides, this still wouldn’t help much. The bulk of spam comes from recruited affiliates who decide to try it ‘just the once.’

This idea, as clever as it is, is like trying to catch fly posters in the act. This rarely solves the problem, but once local councils start fining the nightclubs, artists and record labels involved, well…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:16
America is experiencing techincal difficulties. Please stand by.

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Date
20021212

Time
09:17
There aren’t just naked people at clothesfree.com, there’s news that Robbie Williams performed tracks from the new Escapology album while naked and screensavers featuring people that run across your screen, erm, while naked and…

OK, so the site is full of naked people. Lots of them. They even link to a Nudist Casino (which appears to be just like any other online casino, you just take your pants off before you lose your shirt).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:41
Only 4 hours to go on the auction to delete Tony Blair’s email. Bidding has finally taken off, and currently stands at £62. We’ll feed those starving kiddies yet…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212

Time
12:44
The Star Wars gallery is just about to spill over onto a 4th page. This is the final image for Page 3.

His name is John Leslie, just in case you’re asking. Look him up by all means… erm, but don’t tell Michael that I told you to, he has a history of going straight for the balls.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
13:55
The auction is over and the right to delete over 8MB of Tony Blair’s email has been won for £62.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021212
Flash Games
Time
18:23
I’ve just received word that Crackermatic 2 may not eventuate this Christmas. Instead, the clever chaps at the Dial Media Group have come up with Reindeer Training School. I don’t have time to test it out right now (I have to go and do the Daddy thing), but I’ll have a play with it tomorrow morning and let you know how I get on.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021213

Time
07:30
Damn. Sudden illness strikes and I must attend. All I have for you right now is this collection of three bears. You need to be a citizen of the world to know who they all are.

BTW, Sooty not only digs being fisted all day long, he’s into amyl nitrate, too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021213

Time
11:11
Next time someone tells you to go to hell, feel free to use any one of these handy entrances.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021213

Time
15:37
The best images from the Star Wars Photoshopping Project are now available as a random image screensaver.

Heh. Yeah, I thought you’d like that.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021214
Worst. Spam. Ever.
Time
09:01
Did anyone else get this?

Hi

Its been proposted to me by a indian company few days ago for 100$ to make design, job; matrimonial penpal databases, chat, but finally he said is difficult mantain the thing, so he said can can do the web design, and i am not interested only on that, what about you?

I don’t want copyrigths things, that for make clear.

Thanks

Abdullatif

Oh, and the spam brigade have given up on trying to sell me a longer penis. The latest offers all seem to be about increased thickness. Next, I’m sure they’ll get onto the need for healthier, more lustrous pubic hair.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021214

Time
14:49
Thank Dog for Popjustice. Without them, I wouldn’t have known that Fame Academy is finally over. Man, that show sucked up a lot of airtime (but I still managed to avoid seeing any of it).

The justintimberlake.co.uk story is also worth a read. Go look.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Date
20021214

Time
22:18
So, Johnny Vegas. Will the ruling be:

A – drunken outburst

B – comedy genius

or

C – desperate plea for attention

Well, it all depends on who his PR chap has been lunching with…

17-30 November, 2002

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021117

Time
08:18
Have you noticed that most spam gets sent at weekends? What does this tell you?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118
Christianity Watch
Time
08:52
The ever-progressive Church of England (aka Catholicism Lite) has given the go-ahead for ‘raves in the nave’. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘big fish, little fish…’ don’t you think?

Oh, and Jesus Christ is back, but there’s no need to look busy just yet. Currently he’s being distracted by some minor hosting problems.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
08:59
I’m amazed that there isn’t a copy of this fine album in my record collection. I must be slacking.

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:01
There’s a nice meteor storm due tomorrow. No doubt it will be overcast here and we’ll miss out (again), but if you want to watch a minor cosmic spectacle, possibly go blind and end up wandering the streets only to be picked off by vicious Triffids, then here are the peak viewing times in your neck of the woods.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:05
Cool. Bloggerheads is available in China.

Check here to see if your website has been filtered (i.e. censored) yet.

Oh, and if you are reading this from China, please allow me to take this opportunity to say that your government is tr*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:11
All 22,000 copies of the phone book for the University of Texas have been recalled because there are two ads for strip clubs on the back page.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:12
A guy on ebay asked for a buyer to loan him ‘$60 til next Friday’. The auction went through and he got his $60.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:15
The French are claiming that they invented cricket again.

The first documented reference to the game of cricket as we know it was made just outside of Guildford, Surrey (just down the road) but they shouldn’t let that stop them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
09:18
Famous People who have Ridden in my Taxi.

Well, not my taxi. The taxi of the guy who runs this website. No, not this website, the website I linked to just now. Oh, you know what I mean…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
11:05
For the last three years, the Surrey Fire & Rescue Service has run a fire-safety awareness competition aimed at 10 and 11-year-olds. This year’s theme includes the following challenge:

Write a front page newspaper article about an incident involving Surrey Fire & Rescue Service.

Oops. No prizes for guessing which topic is sure to dominate the entries.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021118

Time
16:45
Now I’ve seen everything. A pop-up (at Guardian online) advertising a campaign case study.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
09:46
Hi everyone. Sorry I’m late. I woke up in the early hours this morning to watch the meteor shower. The cloud bank that was in place at about 3:30am cleared away almost completely by 4:00am, and we were treated to one hell of a show. There were long ones, fat ones, short ones, skinny ones, but – sadly – none that squiggled and squirmed.

Just for the record, all of the plants seem to be behaving themselves and I woke up this morning with 20/20 vision – but my neck hurts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
09:49
Dog bless the Web Archive. Here’s a very large collection of movies, archived for your education, pleasure and amusement.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
09:52
Woman imprisoned for not paying overdue book fine.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
09:59
This story is incredibly tragic, but I dare you to try to and get through it without stifling a giggle at least once:

Paul and Valerie Jungck had a baby.

Being devout Christians, they named him Zion.

At age 2, he died.

A filing cabinet fell on him.

They had him embalmed, but didn’t buy a tot-coffin straight away.

They were busy praying for his resurrection so didn’t want to order a casket, just in case.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
10:14
Fox Exec says:

“Stealing’s bad. Stop doing it.”

Now he wants our help to stop piracy. I’m sorry, but he’s already put me offside by assuming that I’m a pirate. Oh, and his boss is an arsehole.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
10:17
Hmm. I could swear that I’ve blogged www.survive2012.com before but, as a few of you may not be aware that we have less than a decade left on this planet (or at least, in human form on this planet), I really must risk reblogging for your sake. You’re welcome.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:21
From Stanford Web Credibility Research comes

10 guidelines for building the credibility of a web site.

Tony, please take note of Guideline 5:

Make it easy to contact you.

‘A simple way to boost your site’s credibility is by making your contact information clear: phone number, physical address, and email address.’

Shall we stop for a brief deletion?

Oooh, a juicy one a Wales TUC Cymru Research Officer. We hear from some of the same nutters, and he’s just announced to everyone, including (he thinks) Tony Blair, that he’s trying to get his e-mails screened, ‘to remove this person from sending me stuff.’

Wow. Big problem. I hope he doesn’t hurt his head trying to figure that one out.

*delete*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021119

Time
10:34
Well, there it is: 10:34 and our youngest child has officially been on the loose on this great planet for a full 12 months.

Happy Birthday, griglet!

It should be stated for the record that this little one has a wonderful nature, is always ready with a smile, and can be reduced to fits of giggles at the drop of a hat. Of course, she is drunk out of her mind most of the time.

As you can probably tell from this photo, we keep her locked up in a darkened room – but this is for her own good, and helps keep her hangovers down to a dull roar.

(BTW, this excellent pic was by B3tan TooMuch2AM…)

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Date
20021119

Time
10:43
Now here’s an E-ticket ride waiting to happen:

Over 200 WWII bombs dug up at Hong Kong Disney site.

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Date
20021119

Time
10:45
Here’s a newsflash for you:

‘…in this country – England, that is – we cling grotesquely to the certain belief that we are a major power in world sport and we just won’t learn we are not.’

We are, it must be said, also quite good at teaching a country a new sport and then promptly being beaten at it by that same country.

Of course, I use the term ‘we’ loosely. I’m not sure if I qualify as being English. And I couldn’t care less about sport.

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Date
20021120

Time
08:36
It looks like Daypop (announced as being ‘down for a few days’ a few weeks ago) may have to be dropped from the nav bar. Hey, I held out for as long as I could, but I think it may be time to finally pull the plug.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021120
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:44
Spam is killing email. The most enlightened comment so far has been: ‘Duh!’

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Date
20021120

Time
08:52
Michael Jackson dangles baby from hotel window (includes video footage). Is he going to use the ‘we were just playing’ defence again, or was Uri Geller in the background using a standard levitation spell?

1. The baby is white.

2. The baby is bagged and tagged like a terrorist suspect!

3. Did he really almost drop the baby? It certainly looks like it.

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Date
20021120
Christianity Watch
Time
08:57
Desecration Digest is a new online magazine ‘exposing the demons enslaving this world’ . My favourite article so far is See How Legalized Abortion Encourages Psychopaths. I wonder if he’s ever seen the film Basketcase?

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021120

Time
09:04
Learn to become a Ninja in the comfort of your own home via this excellent home study program.

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Date
20021120

Time
09:07
57 gnome hostages discovered in 16-year-old’s garage.

Police managed to rescue them without killing a single one.

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Date
20021120

Time
09:15
Take the Hoax Photo Test. I got 19 out of 20. Nyer.

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Date
20021120

Time
10:05
In Australia, there are four primary kinds of place names:

Firstly, there’s the ‘Does What It Says On The Tin’ name. For example, Stoney Creek Road goes past a waterway with a few rocks in it. Similarly, the Pacific Highway idles past a somewhat larger body of water that most of us are familiar with. I shouldn’t really have to explain what the Blue Mountains are all about.

Secondly, there’s the ‘It Reminds Me Of Home – A Bit’ name. This includes many examples of false advertising, including the patently ridiculous New South Wales.

Thirdly, there are many, many places that are named after the white guy who ‘discovered’, built, or funded structures in (or expeditions to) the place in question. Until recently, Uluru was named Ayers Rock. Not after the white bloke whose major contribution was going for a walk and identifying a very large object that had been there for millions of years mind you, but the South Australian premier Sir Henry Ayers, who he was no doubt trying to suck up to at the time. This is a common variation on this theme that includes many names in tribute to folks who were dead famous, or just dead. The state of Victoria springs to mind, but on a less grandiose level, it should also be mentioned that there’s a swimming pool named after former Prime Minister Harold Holt. Who drowned.

Fourthdiddly, and finally, there’s the Aboriginal place name (or bastardisation thereof). This has given us place names such as Parramatta (which means ‘place where the eels lie’) and Woolloomooloo (which roughly translates as ‘temporary home of many a drunken sailor’, or so I’m led to believe).

It’s this last form of place name that’s causing a minor stink at home, after an Aboriginal group has proposed that local councils pay for the right to use/assign these names.

Thousands of place names (and millions of dollars) would be involved.

I have a feeling that local councillors will soon be scanning these towns and streets for identifying landmarks, aspects that remind them of some obscure town in Europe, or records of dead/famous/white people that may have lived or passed through there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021120
A Reader Writes…
Time
11:26
I just wanted to say that your site has had me in fits of laughter for hours. I’m going to stick it on my links page (or rather my researcher is because obviously I’m internet illiterate…being an MP and all).

Tom Watson – MP for West Bromwich East

Huzzah for Tom! I’ve had a peek at his site (yes, I’ve warned him about the evils of frames) and he looks to be one of the good ones. Perhaps he might even care to question his glorious leader on the small matter of accessibility. We shall see.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021120
Photoshopping
Time
11:56
Sorry, it just had to be done.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021120
Flash Thingies
Time
13:11
This is wonderful beyond description.

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Date
20021120
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
17:34
An email on a subject close to my heart arrived today. In fact, I barely have the heart to delete it – but delete it I must.

It’s from an American, whose daughter is married to a British businessman. Her life is made a misery by her train commute (she has to travel 3 days a week, the poor dear) but her husband has replied calmly that the service sucks because of privatisation and nothing can be done.

His father-in-law quite rightly points out in this email that Amtrak is privately owned, but still manages to run to some sort of timetable (even if water unexpectedly falls from the sky) and asks just what the hell is going on over here.

I can understand his frustration. A ‘simple’ run to and from London via South West Trains damn near killed me from sheer exhaustion and yes, what these companies get away with beggars belief.

I think the secret lies somewhere in the husband’s reaction, which reeks of meek acceptance. Excuses are made, blame is shifted, and soon people are given something else to worry about. It’s very rare that someone will actually stand up and demand to see a head on a stick (unless they’re told to do so by a tabloid newspaper).

At least this man has taken action and shown us the moxy that has made the U.S. famous… erm, by sending his complaint to me.

*delete*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021121
Flash Music Video
Time
09:19
It’s choppy, it’s amatuerish, but dammit it’s got charm:

We Didn’t Start The Fire

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Date
20021121

Time
09:21
The Ultimate Insult notes that many of its readers are from the UK. This site (from the UK) gets most of its readers from the United States. I knew there was some kind of weird synergy at work. Anyways, this was a nice link, and I’ll be hammering my connection accessing the bulk of it later today: a fine collection of opening credits from UK TV shows.

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Date
20021121

Time
09:26
Proof that politicians will say anything to get their way. Nevada’s recent pot legalization proposal took a nose-dive – primarily because this twit was running around claiming that the marijuana we have today is 30 times more powerful than it was in the 70′s. If only. Still, it was enough to wipe out much of the ‘I smoked it and it never did me any harm’ vote. A job well done, then.

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Date
20021121
LOTR
Time
09:33
Would the Lord Of The Rings series have been any good if it were made through the Hollywood system? Find out.

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Date
20021121

Time
09:35
What is your favourite color? Blue… No, I mean red! Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!

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Date
20021121

Time
09:37
A reporter finds out what became of the boy who bullied him at school.

I had lots of bullies at school. The worst one died from a heroin overdose. I’m still not sure how I feel about that.

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Date
20021121

Time
09:40
Yet another ironic lottery win, this time a man who is too old to enjoy it wins more than $30 million in the Pennsylvania Lottery.

When asked if he would play the lottery again, he replied, “No, never, I swear. I don’t want this problem again… It’s more money than I’ve ever had.”

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Date
20021121

Time
09:42
Who in their right minds would want to play a Wuthering Heights Role Playing Game?

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Date
20021121
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:30
Today is a good day.

Sometime ago, I got in touch with the two major opposing parties about Tony Blair’s email address. It probably goes without saying that the Tories weren’t much help (but I can’t give you details right now, sorry).

However, and this is how my good day started, I found out (via their email newsletter) that our campaign got a mention at the activist site ParliamentUK.com

Then the mail arrived. It was a letter from the lovely Sue Doughty, a Lib Dem and my local MP.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, (and especially Squidboy, who asked all those weeks ago ‘Can Weblogs… get a question asked in the Houses of Parliament without using a bribe?’) we have – and you know what’s coming don’t you? – we have indeed had such a question asked, and no bribes were involved.

Monday 4th November 2002

Sue Doughty:
‘To ask the Prime Minister, what email address members of the public may use to contact him.’

Wednesday 6th November

The Prime Minister:
‘At present there is no e-mail address by which members of the public can contact me. However an address will be made available in the new year.’

1. You can always tell a newbie by the way they spell ‘email’.

2. Be warned that ‘in the new year’ in politicspeak does not mean January 1st. Or any date in January for that matter. It could even mean December 2003. We have to keep the pressure up.

Still, huzzah for Sue Doughty. I’m glad I voted for her.

Finally, this afternoon, after I’ve trawled through miles of download sites researching software for a new PDA, I’m changing into clean underwear for a dinner date at the House of Commons with the honourable Tom Watson, MP. As he notes, it should be a hoot.

Like I said, today is a good day. But I can’t help but feeling that I’m forgetting something… Oh, yes – a fresh deletion. (We cant afford to go soft now!)

There’s been lots of email about Iraq and, more recently, about the Firefighter’s strike. What makes today’s deletion so interesting is that it’s about both, based on the armed forces complaint yesterday that they can’t prepare to fight a war and put out fires – and Tony’s evasive response to same. I’ll quote the juiciest bit for you. Bloggerheads recognises the outraged member of the public from Reading:

‘My impression is that you seem to be fixated on your relationship with George Bush to the detriment of all of us in this country. Would it be too much to ask a nominally left of centre Prime Minister to put away his toy soldiers for a day and to sit down with Andy Gilchrist and the Local Authorities to broker a deal to end the Firefighters strike? I cannot believe that the Government are prepared to stand by and watch the next strike go ahead without intervention. You seem to be losing sight of what got you elected in the first place; commitment to essential services or playing the International Statesman with the most right wing and oil influenced US government in memory?’

That’s the longest quote I’ve published here at Bloggerheads, but it deserved to be read by someone, even if it wasn’t Tony.

*delete*

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Date
20021122

Time
11:30
Yes, it was a hoot. Yes he he is one of the good ones. Typically, though, I’m suddenly too busy to tell you all about it. In fact, today you may very well have to entertain yourselves.

Some suggestions? OK, how about choosing a site at random and looking it up at the web archive? Very educational. Much retro fun to be had.

Want to waste an hour or five? OK, head to www.b3ta.com/board and have a spazz through the older messages. Dig deep. Things move very fast at B3ta, and the typical web user only sees about 1% of it.

I’ve also stuck by ilovebacon.com for a long time. For a reason. Dig deep and enjoy.

Very soon, I’m going to drop Daypop from the navbar and add FunJunkie instead. It’s well worth my time, and therefore well worth yours. Visit. Again, dig deep. It’s equally enjoyable and has backed everything worthwhile that we’ve done here.

Alternatively, you may choose to dig through my archives. The 12-month anniversary of Bloggerheads approaches, and a lot has changed in the last year.

In fact, it’s probably fair to say that we’ve spent the last 12 months proving what we can do. The coming year is going to be about doing.

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Date
20021123

Time
11:44
I worked like a dog yesterday (and had a fair bit of travel there and back). I also have some nasty sinus congestion, so today I’ve crawled into a hole and only plan on coming out to dope myself up real good from time to time and maybe say ‘hi’ to you guys.

So, erm… Hi. Here’s another spammer following the publicity trail (thanks to Scott for the heads-up).

OK, that’s that done. Where are the drugs?

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Date
20021124

Time
09:28
Oh, I do so love trawling through my weekend spam:

‘Want to see what those HOT Soccer MOMS do when their husbands are at work?’

Heh. Hot Soccer Moms. Do they have any upskirt shots of them climbing into their 4WDs?

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Date
20021125
Flash Games
Time
08:49
Here you go; have a Happy Pill.

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Date
20021125
Photoshopping
Time
09:14
Each year, the BBC program What The Papers does a review of the year in pictures. This year, the Beeb has invited us to select our favourite newspaper picture as kind of a warm-up. There was a big hassle at B3ta on Friday when someone noticed that the image of the Argentinean football team holding handbags was credited as ‘Copyright The Daily Mirror’, when it’s public knowledge (at least on the internet) that they did not create – or pay for – the image. They picked it up off the internet and – showing typical tabloid arrogance – used it without the permission of the creator.

A few things should be noted for the record:

The folks behind B3ta were not the people pointing the finger. It was the community on the board making all of the noise, and B3ta did their best to calm them down. I could say something rude here, but I’ve promised to be nice.

One thing that worked in The Mirror’s favour was the ‘startling’ revelation that the chap widely credited with the pic actually seems to have nicked the finished product himself. (We made the same mistake here, but eventually discovered that the original was done by one Carl Baldwin. I’ve been in touch, I’ve seen the original PSD file, it looks authentic.)

So, concluded The Mirror, we didn’t steal it after all.

Oh, yes you did. In Carl’s own words, he was ‘gobsmacked’ when he first saw the paper. In other words, you used his image without notifying him. And then ran it on the front page without a care in the world. When I called the picture desk of The Mirror about this, they insisted that it wasn’t an original work, just ‘a Reuters image with some pictures put on it’ or some such nonsense.

They ran a small piece on Carl the next day and, as it turns out, he seems happy enough with the notoriety alone, but for The Mirror to enter it into this competition and state that they owned the copyright? Well, it got a lot of hackles up.

The caption for this picture at the BBC site now reads: ‘Used by The Daily Mirror’

A good short-term compromise (and words that ring true), but really it should read: ‘Created by Carl Baldwin.’

Just as it would for any other photographer or artist.

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Date
20021125

Time
09:15
Afterlifetelegrams.com: send telegrams to loved ones who have passed away with the help of terminally ill volunteers.

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Date
20021125

Time
09:19
42-year-old pastor arrested after accidentally closing a PowerPoint slidshow with child porn.

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Date
20021125
Notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat
Time
09:22
This is sure to annoy a few folks:

Boffins study homosexual sheep and claim that there’s something wrong with their brains.

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Date
20021125

Time
09:24
Apparently, blocking cookies and pop-ups is theft. Riiiiight. And what about the theft of my bandwidth?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021125

Time
09:26
Watch women getting cream pies in the face and ‘other messy indignities.’

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Date
20021125
Elvis Lives
Time
09:28
Graceland has reversed its ban on Elvis impersonators. And justice for all….

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Date
20021125

Time
10:50
Dinner at The House of Commons went splendidly. Tom Watson is a gentleman of the highest order.

David Icke thinks that he’s a shape-shifting lizard, but I saw no evidence of that on the night. He did have his steak a little on the rare side, but that’s OK – so did I.

It wasn’t the only thing we had in common, either. Truth be told, we got on like a house on fire from the word ‘go’, so I was a little worried having read Mystic Meg’s message for Capricorns earlier that day:

Said Meg: ‘Someone you find easy to talk to and laugh with the moment you meet has lots of love potential.’

I must admit that we had to fight the urge to do it right there on the table (especially after I produced said horoscope and discovered that Tom was a Capricorn too) but doing so would no doubt have upset the other diners. Erm, and probably my bowl of crab bisque as well.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021125

Time
12:30
I was watching the dire program/poll fiasco Great Britons last night, when something awfully obvious occurred to me…

If that doesn’t tickle your funny bone, then perhaps this will.

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Date
20021125

Time
16:25
Yes, it’s real.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021125
Flash Games
Time
08:47
Here you go; have a Happy Pill.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126

Time
08:40
Barbie is corrupting the minds of Russian children. Of course she is. She’s teaching them that you need to buy friends.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:42
RIAA invades the U.S. Navy.

Oh, and just for the record, The Register really need to sort out their Page Titles. The complete lack of them not only has a negative effect on search engine results for individual articles, it also stops folks who scan Blogdex from knowing what their articles are all about.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126

Time
08:45
Is the United States the new Roman Empire?

Erm, and if so, when is it due to collapse?

You won’t find the answer in this article; it rattles on mostly about military power. Collapse comes from within, so if you’re an American and are worried about such things, you should keep an eye out for signs of political turmoil, unfettered greed, widespread gluttony and sexual depravity. Fark.com is a good place to start. That, or you can turn on your television set.

Oh, and here are some pictures of places that the U.S. has bombed.

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Date
20021126

Time
08:54
2x, 4x, 8x, 16x, 32x, 56x, 64x… CD-ROM readers seem to double in speed every few years. This site asks: ‘At what speed will a CD blow up, and can you do something to prevent it from exploding?’

Of course, to find this out, first you have to spin a CD-ROM so fast that it does explode – and therein lies the entertainment. At one stage, they actually ripped holes in the ceiling.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126
You Better Watch Out…
Time
09:02
Think twice before you sit on a stranger’s lap:

70 out of 1,000 Santa and Santa helper applicants are found to have criminal records.

‘Even the elves are fingerprinted and drug-tested.’ Heh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126

Time
09:07
Lawyer Marc Smith decided to rent out his white stucco home as an adult film location ‘on a whim.’ It’s now turned out to be extremely popular as a repeat location as the house can be made to look like a modern dwelling (‘Here’s that pizza you ordered. Say, why are all you girls naked?’), a nightclub (‘Do you come here often?’) or even a corporate boardroom (‘No, I won’t fire the board of directors – dramatic pause – but I will sack your cook!’).

The problem is the house isn’t isolated enough, and the neighbours are up in arms.

One film company reportedly ordered a 10-year-old girl playing in the yard next door to go inside her house ‘before the cameras started rolling for one explicit scene.’ Oh well, at least she got to watch the rehearsal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021126
Photoshopping
Time
11:18
Some images are too large to post on the front page, but too big to go without a mention.

This is one of them.

I hope it cheers you up.

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Date
20021126
Photoshopping
Time
17:13
Here comes another one, just like the other one (badda-dedum-dum-dum).

You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the system!

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Date
20021127

Time
07:37
I’m sorry, but the brain project sounds like a really mental idea to me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021127

Time
07:38
The Stark County recorder’s office and the mystery of the lacy women’s underwear. Zoinks!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021127

Time
07:42
I thought I told you kids to stay the hell out of my yard!

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Date
20021127

Time
07:44
European scientists plan on using their new BBT (bloody big telecope) to take a very close look at the moon to see if the NASA moonlanding craft is still there. You would think that this would settle matters for most conspiracy theorists, but some are already claiming that NASA sent mock (robot-powered) landing craft just in case such a telescope was ever invented. I bet they sent some fake golfballs up, too.

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Date
20021127

Time
07:50
Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley are getting divorced after just 4 months. Shortest. Publicity Stunt. Ever. In fact, it may just deserve the Celebrity Bestiality treatment. We shall see.

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Date
20021127

Time
07:54
This is a nice article on the subject of link whoring and permalinking. You’ll note that there are no permalinks on this site. The archive isn’t indexed by Google, either. If I think I have something of merit to say, I write an article and use a dedicated page for it – everything else is shelved in the archive. I have enough impact on search engines as it is. Can you imagine what it would be like if an entire year of Bloggerheads output hit Google’s database?

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Date
20021127

Time
08:04
As the Ultimate Insult notes, this tool that lets you enter the URL of one weblog to find other weblogs like it is far from intuitive. You might be better off using a dartboard. And a blindfold.

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Date
20021127

Time
08:09
Hello to all of the lovely people who’ve wound up here from Crackermatic.

No, I don’t know when Crackermatic will return, but the elves have promised to get back to me about it soon.

In the meantime, drop over to FunJunkie; they have lots of flash wotsits featured today.

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Date
20021127
Photoshopping
Time
10:11
What can I say, but: ‘Heyyyyyyy!’?

I like this, it turned out well. I’m especially happy with how Joanie looks hot for those bulging Fonzarelli biceps.



Now, to work!

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Date
20021127
Photoshopping
Time
17:12
Here’s a couple of extras for you:

1. More Happy Days meets Star Wars

2. Luke and Leia didn’t know they were brother and sister. But that’s OK – neither did their parents…

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Date
20021128

Time
09:14
Big Blagger is running an ongoing feature on Celebrity Big Brother. If anybody out there cares. I haven’t watched much of it at all. Still, the site does have an animated GIF of Jade shoving her fist in her mouth and that’s got to be worth something.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:16
Hey kids! It’s Woody’s World of Penis Euphemisms!

I’ve just added mine. I call him Mr Rogers, because the little fella normally wakes up in an unusually good mood.

(Link via FunJunkie)

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Date
20021128

Time
09:20
The Colossal Colon is on tour! Sadly, it doesn’t look to be scheduled for a UK visit. And I had my miner’s helmet ready and everything…

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Date
20021128

Time
09:22
Some people spend a worrying amount of time obsessing over Peter Gabriel lyrics.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:25
This pretty much gets down to the guts of the whole ‘fair use parody’ thing. Shows like 2DTV can pretty much say and do what they like when it’s ‘art’, but when they use the same material for advertising purposes the shit usually hits the fan.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:27
Some Californian lawyer out to make a name for herself is pressing local authorities to investigate Michael Jackson over the whole baby-dangling thing.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:29
At first glance I thought it was surplus to requirements, but this

link popularity tool for weblogs is actually pretty good. For a start, it digs a little deeper than your standard link check and actually ranks links according to their ‘freshness’ (i.e. recency). Very useful, and added to the main links bar as of today.

Oh, if you want to do a standard link popularity test, Webmaster Toolchest (it’s on my old software page is still the fastest and easiest way to go about it.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:35
Well, it’s crass and rather pointless, but at least it shows that someone out there is listening:

Barbie has a weblog.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:36
Tomorrow is Buy Nothing Day. Yes, I will be participating, even though it’s pay day.

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Date
20021128

Time
09:38
This is pretty Hollywood:

Drowning men blown to safety by helicopter.

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Date
20021128
Photoshopping
Time
11:06
“It’s 1.12 parsecs to Yavin IV. We’ve got a droid full of stolen plans, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.”

“Hit it!”

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Date
20021128

Time
12:13
There’s a very persistant rumour going around that Posh has dumped Becks because he’s been sleeping with Michael Owen’s girlfriend’s sister (or something like that). It didn’t start at Popbitch, but this didn’t stop lawyers representing Posh and Becks from jumping straight down their throat. Says Popbitch:

‘Their last letter told us that no-one using the site was even allowed to mention David Beckham’s name.’

(You see, this is what happens when an underground movement becomes a mainstream success…)

I’m sure you’ll hear the rumour about a dozen times today, but just in case you don’t, you can see this post to uk.misc or this thread in alt.gossip.celebrities

Is it true? Well, let’s just put it this way… a lot of people wish it were true.

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Date
20021128
Photoshopping
Time
16:10
And another one, this time with the A-Team. Do let me know if you’re getting sick of these.

Oh, I do have a small variation: Darth Maul goes out of business.

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Date
20021128

Time
21:51
I’m willing to bet that there will be a fax not unlike this one waiting on the desk of the kind people who sort out my hosting tomorrow morning. Bloggerheads may well be taken down as a result, merely for reporting the fact (fact, I will remind you) that there is an unsubstantiated rumour doing the rounds about Posh and Becks.

As noted in the post below, this rumour spread to Usenet. As busy as the Poshbecks lawyers may be today, they certainly can’t hope to regulate Usenet (though Google may be pressured into removing it from their archive). The best they can hope for if the rumour is (as I suspect) false is for enough search results to turn up on this matter saying ‘Yeah, right! Sheyahh! And monkeys might fly out of my butt!’

Most people with two or more brain cells will then recognise it for what it is – a very seductive urban legend.

Doing business this way is sure to add fuel to the fire, which I believe is my right to note. We shall see what my host makes of it tomorrow morning.

[BTW, I tried to look these chaps up just now. For 'IP Law Specialists', they certainly are hard to find on the web. No listing at 192, either.Hey, I tried.]

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Date
20021129

Time
08:38
Good news, daahlinks. Zsa Zsa Gabor isn’t really in a coma.

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Date
20021129

Time
08:42
Something for the geek in you; Star Trek ASCII art.

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021129

Time
08:43
What? More geekage?

It’s… the Monty Python and the Holy Grail Sweepstakes!

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Date
20021129

Time
08:45
Some very good advice on search engine optimisation from Google. Long overdue.

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Date
20021129
Christianity Watch
Time
08:47
Lordy, lordy, it’s a Christian musical about the Columbine High School Massacre. It’s a pity you have to pay good money to see the full transcript, but I am tempted. Too bad it’s Buy Nothing Day today. Perhaps tomorrow, then.

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Date
20021129

Time
09:04
And now, the news you’ve all been waiting for…

No word from my host yet, but The Guardian has reported the story (minus the rumour, of course).

As the statement from the Beckham camp notes:

‘… repeating the rumours could result in legal action.’

‘Could?’. Try ‘will.’

But how do I know if I’m repeating the rumour when, like most urban legends, it continues to morph as it’s passed from person to person?

Last I heard, Becks was leaving Posh because she’s really a man and the father of Prince William (purple monkey dishwasher).

And of course, this is only going to get worse as their lawyers shut down these websites. Those who previously would have disbelieved it (or perhaps couldn’t care less) will now be champing at the bit, trying to find out what’s going on.

Many other sites have also repeated the rumour, merely because they’re not allowed to.

In other words, Posh and Becks tried to nip something in the bud when it was already a great big f**king tree. Now, we’re looking at something more like a forest.

More soon.

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Date
20021129

Time
09:25
Well, I’ve talked to my host and they haven’t received any nasty faxes. Let’s hope it stays that way. In the meantime, please feel free to soothe your jangled nerves with this, my first sponsored Photoshop.

If the thought of losing Bloggerheads causes you concern, then perhaps you would also care enough to send a copy of this wonderful Christmas message to the special person in your life.

Erm, or you could cut out the middleman and head straight to itsmywishlist.com

If you wanted to. No pressure.

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Date
20021129

Time
10:14
Heh. I’ve been tagged, and tagged well. If you look closely, you might even see that my nose is bleeding.



You can all calm down, folks. I’d tell you more, but I don’t want to spoil anyone’s fun. All you need to know for now is that there is no need for panic. Erm, and my planned article about weblog marketing and issues of trust just got a few paragraphs longer.

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Date
20021129

Time
11:50
Yet another Posh/Becks headline. It’s just now coming up on midday, so I can make the following announcement:

The fax at FunJunkie is a fake. A hoax.

Despite being unable to find any firm by the name given on the fax, I didn’t suspect enough to mention it.

Despite seeing that the fax described legal action that was in no way legal (and had some glaring inconsistencies), I didn’t suspect enough to mention it.

A lot of this has to do with the factor of trust. Another major contributing factor is the fact that there are people in the world stupid enough to try this kind of thing.

Well, Rich owes me about 3 or 4 hours sleep, but I bear him no ill will. It was a point well made.

And now, back to our regular programming…

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Date
20021129

Time
12:54
Well, the season is upon us. The most promising mechanisms to be first out of the gate are this gaseous version of the 12 Days of Christmas (link via TTR2) and this quite addictive Santa game (link via those rotten beggars at FunJunkie).

Oh, and I’ve just realised that I’ve linked to itsmywishlist.com on International Buy Nothing Day. Oops.

Still, it’s not as if I want to buy anything (except for me, that is). Just make a list and check it twice. Sorry, they don’t let you ask for sexy lingerie. I’ve already checked.

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Date
20021129

Time
13:28
Major lottery winner buys another ticket and wins again. No, it wasn’t Michael Carroll.

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Date
20021129
Photoshopping
Time
13:38
Another glorious Star Wars image for you:

The New Testament marked the end of the Old Republic…

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Date
20021129
Flash Games
Time
18:53
Blimey! That didn’t take long:

Michael Jackson Baby Drop

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Date
20021130
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:21
Bloody hell. My another.com account has maxed out again. You know what? I’m tempted to delete all of Tony Blair’s email in one go. It’s taking up nearly 9MB of valuable space and, damn it, I feel like making a statement.

So, if I did this, would anyone out there be interested in personally pressing the ‘delete’ button?

You know, like when they get some lucky local kid to press the plunger at a major demolition.

Let me know.

Michael Carroll needs more money!

You can only imagine how devastated Michael Carroll must have been when he first learned that he had only won 9.7 million on the National Lottery. To have come that close to a significant monetary landmark only to fall a mere 300 grand short must have been a real kick in the guts.

Also, you must agree, it makes for a pretty pissweak headline. ‘Tagged Offender Wins 9.7 million!’ doesn’t have anywhere near the same pizzazz as ‘Tagged Offender Wins 10 million!’

Michael Carroll - Card One
    Michael Carroll - Card Two

The population of this country also requires this easy-to-remember figure in order to be able to quote it accurately whilst expressing outrage down at the bingo hall or in the local pub.

For this reason, we’re running a special campaign to help Michael make up the shortfall – and we want it to come out of your pocket. This will not only help Michael to reach that all-important 10-million landmark, it will also give you an easier number to remember – and further justification to vent your rage.

How much you give is up to you, but our target is 300,000 squid (and you’ll probably want to give an exceedingly generous amount so you can get a decent red mist going).

Michael Carroll - Card Three
    Michael Carroll - Card Four

We suggest a donation amount of 25 pounds (as this is roughly the average amount spent each week by National Lottery players). If you can’t afford this, then perhaps you can simply choose to not play the lottery this week and instead send the amount you would otherwise have gambled directly to Michael.

After all, it’s not like you’re going to win or anything…

Where to send your donations:

This address has been removed on legal advice. More soon.

UPDATE (7th July 2004) – I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to know that an on-the-ball team of patent and trademark attorneys toils night and day to protect the good name of the National Lottery. In fact, they sent what was no doubt a rather expensive letter to my service provider (instead of, say, emailing me directly, which would have been far cheaper and much more polite). In their letter, they demanded that I remove the address of the National Lottery’s head office from this page; because they were concerned that you – the unwitting web user – would assume that this campaign was endorsed by the Camelot Group or some such nonsense.

For the record; no, this isn’t a serious fundraising effort on behalf of Michael Carroll. I should also point out – just so we’re all clear on this matter – that this web page which actually suggests that you shouldn’t waste your money on the National Lottery is in no way endorsed by the good people from the National Lottery.

However, it may appear to some people that lottery money has been spent (or perhaps even wasted) on this web page; courtesy of the good people at David Keltie Associates. (A copy of their letter has been posted below for your reference.)

Letter from David Keltie Associates

01-15 November, 2002

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Date
20021101
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:53
U.S. Senator Paul Wellstone (a self-described ‘liberal Democrat’) died when his plane crashed in Minnesota last week. The black boxes are missing. Speculation is rife, and the focus is on George Dubya Bush. Dr. Michael I. Niman provided the main ammunition for conspiracy theorists with this piece, which was followed by this, a more tempered article by Ted Rall. Both have now been hammered over at Salon.com, and all three links have been dominating Blogdex for days.

So, who’s right?

Personally, I think the truth lies somewhere in Ted Rall’s piece (which was quoted waaay out of context by Salon.com – who also neglected to provide a link to the full article). If you read it in full, he’s not saying Dubya is an arsehole who will stop at nothing; he’s suggesting that Dubya is an arsehole that nobody trusts.

[UPDATE - You've probably also noticed that some folks don't think he's very bright.]

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Date
20021101

Time
08:55
Never mind the hackers, it’s the boogeymen that are after you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021101

Time
08:57
Meet the Hugman. He loves. He hugs. He loves to hug.

Just like Barney the dinosaur. In other words, he’s evil incarnate.

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Date
20021101

Time
09:00
Elwood Blues (aka Dan Akroyd) said it best – over twenty years ago, I might add – on the excellent album Briefcase Full of Blues:

“You know, so much of the music we hear today is preprogrammed electronic disco. We never get to hear master blues men practicing their craft any more. By the year 2006 the music we know today as the blues will exist only in the classical records department of your local public library.”

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Date
20021101

Time
09:07
Someone popped a cap into Jam Master Jay.

Just in case you haven’t aleady heard about it a dozen times already.

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Date
20021101

Time
09:09
Get a personal consulation (erm, via email) from Daniel DiCriscio, the makeover artist to the ‘stars’.

I’m tempted to offer him a design consultation by email. His website sucks.

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Date
20021101

Time
09:24
Heh. I watched The Shining last night, so this amused me for all of 30 seconds.

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021101

Time
09:48
Sometimes, I even manage to amuse myself.

*yawn*

OK, must get ready for London now.

I gots me a photo shoot to do.

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Date
20021101

Time
09:52
Oh, just before I go:

Is visiting this site costing your boss money?

Probably. Still, you can always claim that you’re researching viral marketing and what not. It works for me, but then I’m my own boss.

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Date
20021102

Time
02:03
Congratulations to the gentlemen who tonight insisted that our creative differences stemmed from the ‘fact’ that he was an ‘artist’.

Now I ask you: Is this art, or is this art?

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Date
20021102
Is It Art?
Time
10:07
Dammit. For months now, I’ve been trying to decide whether I should reclassify myself as an Artist.

Actually, I’ve been entertaining this notion since seeing the work at conceptlab.com over two years ago. The problem is, after my run-in with a self-proclaimed ‘artist’ last night – a man who is convinced that I’m riding on his coat tails – any move I now make in this direction is sure to be seen as yet another imitation of what he does.

So…

1) Should I let this stop me?

2) Is what I do art (or is it too sullied by filthy lucre)?

I’m serious, BTW. Feedback would be appreciated. The last thing I want to do is look like a pretentious tosser.

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Date
20021102
25 Years Ago
Time
10:32
I received a fantastic parcel in the post this morning – a diary from when I was 7 years old. Thanks Mum.



You know what’s going to happen now, don’t you? It’s inevitable, really:

Monday, 7th March, 1977

on Saturday I made a barricade on top of a big pile of mud in the corner. Then I put a pile of coal in it and spreaded them out for the floor. When I came up with the last mud rock I slipped in a big muddy puddle and whem I got back home mum gave me a smack and I went to bed.

Teacher’s comments: Four corrections, three ticks and two stars.

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Date
20021103

Time
09:04
Yep, that’s art.

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Date
20021103

Time
09:10
It looks like all references to John Leslie are being quietly erased over at the BBC website.

This page has been removed, but is still in Google’s cache.

John Leslie even seems to have disappeared from this listing in H2G2, which is a disgrace – especially as the site is littered with the happy-happy banner message: “On h2g2, you get to decide what goes into the Guide.”

But they get to decide what gets taken out, obviously.

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Date
20021103

Time
13:04
The latest edition of Celebrity Bestiality is out. The subject this month just had to be John Leslie.

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Date
20021103

Time
13:11
Ooh, lookie. A nice collection of sites by people who contribute to B3ta. I am by far the most normal. No, really.

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Date
20021103

Time
21:32
Well, she’s finally done it. Together with News of the World, Posh Spice has finally pulled off the ultimate publicity stunt.

Barrymore, Leslie and now Mrs Beckham…

Christ, doesn’t anyone call the police first anymore?

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Date
20021104

Time
10:02
Catherine Zeta Jones has turned down a multi-million dollar offer to star in a grumble flick. What a shame. I’m sure John Leslie would have been able to talk her into it.

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Date
20021104

Time
10:06
How fast can you type?

Well, as a hunter and pecker I don’t do too badly, but I am starting to suffer from computer-aided dyslexia.

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Date
20021104

Time
10:07
So, who was really behind the shooting of John Lennon? The answer is as entertaining as it is thought-provoking. Have a dig through the site – it’s all good stuff.

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Date
20021104

Time
10:09
Well, how about that? Folks are finally realising that Icann is crap. They’re also largely unnecessary. Think about it – do you place your trust in name.com first, or go straight to Google?

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Date
20021104
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:12
The Mirror Project should do well over the next few days, tapping as it does into a common bond that all photgraphers share and then making a largely pointless website about it.

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Date
20021104

Time
10:14
As if airplanes weren’t dangerous enough. Now it’s not even safe to drink the water. Do what I do and stick to those little bottle of Bourbon. The hours just fly by.

(Oh, and for safety’s sake, do try to get a seat in the rear of the plane. There has never been a recorded instance of a plane backing into a mountain.)

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Date
20021104
25 Years Ago
Time
10:17
From the genuine diary of Manic (Age 7)

Monday, March 14th, 1977

Today I started riding my bike to school but Rowan lost the key. I got a idea to use a bobey pin as a key and when I tried it fitted the lock. So today mum will be buying a new lock and key.

Teacher’s comments: Four corrections, one tick and a little witchy stamp.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021104
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
13:29
Tch! Would you look at that? (See first comment below entry.) No wonder I get so much of Tony’s mail. People are stupid.

Oh, and FunJunkie just now buzzed me a link to this article at The Register. Basically, it outlines a report that found 3/4 of all UK government sites are shite.

It also specifically mentions the site for 10 Downing Street, saying that one of the reasons it rated so poorly was that ‘it allows no way for members of the public to contact either the Prime Minister or his office.’

Well, there you have it. And you can’t say that I didn’t offer to help.

So, today, I do believe I will delete… (Manic asks youngest son for number between 1 and 10)…

10? 10 it is.

Hmm, let’s have a look. Nothing interesting in there, really – just the usual pleas for peace, love and mung beans. Oh, wait, there is one chap who is sure that the quake in Italy was triggered by Crux Orientalis, through ‘subtaranean, atomic explosion’. Ooh, lookie, and another Italian who by the looks of things has CC’ed every other world leader in an appeal for immediate economic aid.

Oh well, I’m sure Tony already knows. And cares. That’s why he only wants to hear from you by snail mail.

OK, here we go…

10 wonderful emails intended for the PM. Count them as they disappear into oblivion!

Ah 1 *delete*, ah 2 *delete*, ah 3 *delete*, ah 4 *delete*, ah 5 *delete* – Ahahahahaha!

Ah 6 *delete*, ah 7 *delete*, ah 8 *delete*, ah 9 *delete*, and ah 10 *delete*!

10 deleted emails! Ahahahahaha!

[Ths blog was brought to you by the number 10 and the letters W, T, and F.]

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Date
20021104

Time
14:38
Here’s one of the more interesting sites that links to the whole Tony Blair email thing:

“Believe it or not, in Britain, guide dogs who arrive at a British airport or port from most countries in the world cannot enter – customs officials will send them to a quarantine kennel for six months.”

Read more here.

Six months?! What the bloody hell is a blind person supposed to do without their guide dog for six months?

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Date
20021105
Christianity Watch
Time
08:41
The athiest boy scout was, ultimately, kicked out. Time to leave the planet, methinks.

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Date
20021105

Time
08:45
Pop-ups may be on the way out (says the article with a pop-up for American Express).

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Date
20021105

Time
08:47
A 19-year-old offender with ‘countless’ court cases behind him and an electronic tag on his wrist has won close to £10 million on the lottery. What the Daily Mail will make of this one is anybody’s guess.

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Date
20021105
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:50
Retro for the geeks – CD-Rs that look like vinyl records. I’m a vinyl junkie from way back – but I’m also a cheapskate. The £10 bulk packs will do me fine, thanks.

Oh, and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Yet Another Lame Quiz rate well on Blogdex, so this rates a mention also:

Which Founding Father Are You?

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Date
20021105

Time
08:55
Teacher threatens to shoot pupils for not playing recorders correctly.

Now that’s just not on. I’ve heard some horrible recorder recitals in my time and let me tell you that even one bullet would be a waste. Clubbing’s the way to go, so it is.

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Date
20021105

Time
09:04
How the bloody hell did I miss this?

OJ claims to be ‘not 100% sure’ that he’s innocent.

“If it turns out that I’m actually the one who did it, then looking for the real killers would be a big old waste of time.”

Hmm, pehaps he was being a tad sarcastic. Just a stab in the dark, mind you…

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Date
20021105
Viral Marketing
Time
09:08
I was so busy yesterday that I didn’t pick up my copy of Monday’s Guardian until well after midnight, and was greatly amused to discover – shock, horror – that not all ‘amateur’ virals are by amateurs. This article even suggests seeding such things requires you ‘to walk into an internet cafe and email it to viral sites such as Lycos’ Viral Chart.’

This is just my personal opinion, mind, but I’m pretty sure that no such cloak and dagger nonsense in necessary when it comes to Lycos. Judging by the pretty lame material that have in their ‘featured’ selection, I’m pretty sure that there’s a commercial wire going right into the guts of the thing.

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Date
20021105
Flash Games
Time
11:08
Kill Harry Potter!

This was released for the last film, but it’s still fun.

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Date
20021105

Time
13:20
Here’s some nifty London trivia for you.

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Date
20021105
Photoshopping
Time
16:20
I had a bit of a London-ey thing going on today, so there were a few images floating around. You may recognise the rather familiar landmark on the right, you might (or might not) also recognise this one.

All quite fun, but only this one made the front page at B3ta.

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Date
20021105
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
17:23
WARNING: This is only for those with a hefty connection (.MOV file size is 14MB):

See the trailer for Star Wars Episode III – The Rise of The Empire made entirely out of Lego.

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Date
20021106
Been There, Done That
Time
08:46
We’ve already seen Dancing Paul and the commercial adaptation for the UK – Stereo MPs (built by Paul) – so why the hell should we care about Dancing Bush (also built by Paul)?

It’s time to change the bloody record, surely?

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Date
20021106

Time
08:52
Posh Spice (she’s the one who looks and acts as common as dog’s muck) doesn’t want to be known as ‘Posh’ anymore – but she sure as hell doesn’t want anyone else to use the name, either.

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Date
20021106
Christianity Watch
Time
08:54
We’ve blogged this Bible-quiz based television show before, but now it’s got a slammin’ new site with funky dance music.

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Date
20021106

Time
08:57
Family robs bank to pay mortgage.

It’s OK, folks. The two 14-year-old daughters only used fake handguns.

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Date
20021106

Time
09:00
Jennifer Dute was arrested by Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis’s deputies for ‘pandering obscenity’ (she was selling homemade porn tapes through a website at www.jendd.com). She fought back by using www.simonleis.com as a portal to her own site, so found herself in court again and got a year in prison.

The article says the sites have since been taken down, but – and here’s a treat for you – there’s still a copy of simonleis.com live in the Web Archive. Enjoy.

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Date
20021106

Time
09:09
More on the tagged hooligan who won close to £10 million. There’s even a picture of him if want to see it. I wonder how many of his past victims are now thinking of suing him for compensation? Probably all of them, I would expect.

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Date
20021106

Time
09:18
The U.S. government is bugging Internet access in public libraries and the FTC wants you to send them your spam instead of deleting it. Man, that’s a lot of data collection.

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Date
20021106
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:21
The Founding Fathers quiz we blogged yesterday shot from #28 to #1 – so well-picked, I would say.

I’ll even go out on a limb and predict that tomorrow’s No. 1 is sure to be the re-design blogger.com competition.

A slightly easier pick, but I’d like to be right two days in a row. Just once.

(Oh, BTW, the pain is over for Dr. Smith…)

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Date
20021106

Time
09:28
New York finally gets a real superhero – and it’s a woman. Yes, she actually dresses up in tights and patrols the city fighting evil. (She goes by the name of Terrifica, but – having no super powers to speak of – she’s got nothing on this woman, who can change into a werewolf.)

More predictions? OK…

Terrifica will be an established Fark.com cliche within a week – and in court or the morgue within a year.

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Date
20021106
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:42
Bloody hell. You can even send email to Santa Claus – but not the PM.

As FunJunkie notes: “Frankly, it’s embarrassing!”

Today’s deletion is a fitting one – a rare spam with the subject header: Losing Touch With Your Clients?

*delete*

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Date
20021107

Time
07:55
Let me make this as clear as possible for you: 98% of marketing folk are scum. Or stupid. Or both. (Then, of course, there’s that 1% that are very intelligent scum – you have to watch out especially for these guys.)

As for the final 1% – well, I try as hard as I can to fall into this category. I certainly wouldn’t get a town to consider changing its name to ‘Got Milk..?’ and then leave them to the debate as I (sorry) milked the issue for all the publicity it was worth.

This is just what has been done to the small town of Biggs, who have fought back by turning around and telling everybody to fuck right off. Is the community united in this? Well, let’s put it this way; the only interviewee who still thought the scheme was a good idea used the word ‘proactive’.

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Date
20021107

Time
08:04
I have a busy, busy morning and must rush off (sorry). Here’s a picture to tide you over and somewhere you can waste a few clicks with a clear conscience. Back soon.

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Date
20021107

Time
08:10
Oh, Winona Ryder is guilty, BTW – and the first satirical article is already live.

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Date
20021107

Time
13:37
Huh. How about that?

I’m only 15% insane.

I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

Remember when I was convinced that killer toys were on the loose in the woods? Does this kind of openly shared delusion count for nothing? I demand a recount! (mutter, grumble, etc.)

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Date
20021107

Time
13:38
I’m not sure how well this flash-based t-shirt store is supposed to be doing.

It’s decidedly Boo-esque (and then some).

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Date
20021107

Time
13:47
Michael Carroll, the tagged offender who won £9.7 million, is no longer tagged. His curfew has been lifted, supposedly so he can hide out from the journalists who have been camped on his doorstep since the news was announced. FFS, can we just hand control of the government over to the media and be done with it?

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Date
20021107

Time
17:22
OK, I’ve got a head of steam up (and the red mist is rising).

Time for a new campaign (just a quickie this time):

Michael Carroll needs more money!

Enjoy.

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Date
20021107

Time
21:06
On the 8th of March this year, I found a photo of a woman wrapped in plastic and learned how to shave my testicles. On the 8th of March next year, 8march2003.com ensures us that an even more astounding discovery will be revealed. (I’m not so sure about that, to be honest. The shaved testicles thing is going to be pretty hard to top.)

[UPDATE - It should be noted for the record that 7march2003.com has already been grabbed by an enterprising cybersquatter. There's no link because there's no content - just a shitty pop-up.]

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Date
20021107
OK, So I’m a Star Wars Geek
Time
21:20
Anakin Sywalker explains why he switched to the dark side. Heh. Wow, is that for real or was it written by Emporer Palpatine’s PR company? Also, see the new version of the ‘Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi’ scene. (Links straight to NSFW 2.87MB MPG file – got all of that?)

[Links shamelessly grabbed from BBSpot and TTR2... erm, D2... (sorry, couldn't help myself).]

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Date
20021107

Time
22:31
Jusht two drinksh can cloud your judgement.

*hic*

(You’re all my besht mates, you are….)

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee are the champyuns, my fre-hend….

Actually, do you think it would be interesting to have a multi-blog bull session? Just three or four blogs getting ‘together’ as it were, spending the day/night/whatever exchanging links/stories and becoming increasingly blasted…

It might be worth it just to do a comparative study on the frequency of typos as the blood/alcohol levels increase.

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Date
20021108
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:31
You might just be wondering how this link almost ended up topping Blogdex:

http://www.ecreditrepair.com/creditrepair.asp?RefId=26364

It’s pretty obvious that it’s an affiliate link – but how did a unique affiliate link get to #6 on Blogdex? Surely that would involve at least a dozen blogs linking to it? Actually, the total number of ‘independent’ links in this case is 14. Culturally it makes no sense – until you take a peek at the link tracker and start poking around.

All of the domains for the blogs involved appear to have been hosted via ItsYourDomain.com. As far as I can tell, at one stage all of them were actual weblogs. Obviously they would have to have been, or Blogdex simply wouldn’t list them. Still, here’s two examples:

Here’s the web archive of accented.org and here’s the whois lookup.

Here’s the web archive of ewwgene.com and here’s the whois lookup.

For each of the 14 sites listed in the link tracker, the domain appears to have been handed over to a company called PopularEnterprises.com (though I’m only assuming that it’s a truly separate company). Popular Enterprises have obviously decided to monetise what appear to be dead/expired domains registered through ItsYourDomain.com by redirecting each (via Javascript) to a shitty multisearch page (each with its own individual code so they can track the results). While it looks like a busy page, almost every link is a search command that feeds back into the core domain via search.netster.com – so Blogdex ignores them. But, down the bottom, on each and every version of this page is a banner that links to – you guessed it – http://www.ecreditrepair.com/creditrepair.asp?RefId=26364

When all of these domains were rejigged after midnight (EST) Blogdex gobbled up the multiple instances of this unique link and fed it into the chart as a valid link of cultural merit.

So, there you go. Mystery solved. Were PopularEnterprises.com lucky, or clever (albeit in a moronic way)? Who cares? It’s an ‘Improve Your Credit Rating’ link. That’s right up there with ‘Get a Bigger Penis’ and ‘Work From Home’. (BTW, just for the record, my credit record is just fine, I’m very happy with my penis size – and I already work from home. So fuck off.)

FFS, people. We don’t mind if you let your weblog die, but do try to at least separate its head from its neck so it can’t rise from the dead and become an agent of evil.

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Date
20021108
Look It Up
Time
09:50
Braille versions of Playboy are available at the Library of Congress (centrefolds not included).

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Date
20021108

Time
09:54
“I was so impressed, I… ka-BLAM!

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Date
20021108
Photoshopping
Time
13:33
My dreams? You do not want to hear about my dreams…

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Date
20021108

Time
13:42
You see, office pranks are only good if they’re clever.

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Date
20021108
Christianity Watch
Time
17:15
How did animals get from the Ark to isolated places, such as Australia?

The understand the answer, first you must place unwavering faith in the word of God. Well, there you go.

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Date
20021108
Photoshopping
Time
17:27
This week’s B3ta challenge is simplicity in itself: Photoshop an Ostrich.

It may not seem like there’s much variety to be had, but the usual Friday rush has already turned up a staggering assortment. My best entry so far is here. Oh, I was also greatly impressed to discover via one of my image searches that you can actually buy an ostrich online. A real, live ostrich. At a discount price, no less.

They even have giraffes but, sadly, no affiliate scheme.

(OK, so it’s a joke. Do you have to spoil all of my fun?)

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Date
20021109
Michael Carroll
Time
07:51
Here’s a view from the outside: Lottery sparks UK social debate

Oh, and the first search results are in. Not bad. Let’s see what it does for the campaign.

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Date
20021109
Yet Another 1,675,324 Lame Quizzes
Time
08:02
(See also: It Had To Happen)

Quizilla allows you to take and make quizzes to your heart’s content, thus removing the barrier-to-entry that is coding and allowing every two-bit idea to (finally) be born. This sounds the death knell for the online quiz, surely? Oh, go on – pleeeeease?

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Date
20021110

Time
12:33
FFS, have you seen the papers this morning? Whatever happened to dignity?

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Date
20021111

Time
07:45
Here’s a nice little FAQ covering specialised search engines.

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Date
20021111

Time
07:48
On Friday we blogged Quizilla. Today we find Ghostzilla, the ‘Camouflage Web Browser’. One can only imagine what’s being said behind closed doors over at Toho Ltd..

Anyway, Ghostzilla is an application designed to aid stealthier surfing in the office, so you can happily dodge your responsibilities and reduce your productivity without anyone being the wiser – until someone takes a look at your access logs, that is…

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Date
20021111
So This Is It: We’re All Going To Die
Time
08:09
Earths magnetic field is weakening, but it’s not clapping out; it’s just getting ready to flip. We’re going to be exposed to high levels of radiation and most of our satellites will be fried as a result, but at least Australia will be at the top of the world map where it belongs.

Oh, Mars is sneaking up on us, too. Watch your backs.

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Date
20021111

Time
08:14
Teacher sends raccoon head to headmaster.

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Date
20021111

Time
08:15
Bad news for the Bruces: sheep dip has been linked to depression.

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Date
20021111

Time
08:20
Miss America wannabe dropped from pageant – erm, for being Canadian.

Serves her right. Canadians cannot be trusted.

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Date
20021111
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:23
Is it any wonder that the UK the only western country unable to send email to its democratically-elected leader? The Queen still uses goatskin for notepaper, FFS.

Robin Cook, the ‘modernising leader of the Commons’ is behind the drive for change. He’ll get an email from me this morning – and I’m sure you can guess what it’s about.

While we’re on the subject, it’s been a few days without deletion, and I do believe that 8 is a nice round number (well, it is all curvy and stuff).

Today, amongst other things, Tony Blair didn’t learn about the plight of an Indian man with passport problems, or see a copy of a release from the Institute for the Study of Islam and Christianity (ISIC) saying that Jews are defined as ‘desendants (sic) of pigs and apes’ and that ‘any suicide attack against an Israeli, whether child, woman or youth, is a legitimate act and an Islamic duty.’

He also completely missed out an amazing new deal on ink cartridge refills.

*delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*

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Date
20021111
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:44
Waypath is designed to help you start with one weblog, and then (hopefully) use that URL to find several others that share ‘common themes, ideas, and topics.’

I haven’t looked myself up yet – I’m trying to maintain the delusion that I’m reasonably unique.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Waypath is one of the top links on Blogdex today. About this time last year, it was the lovely Firda’s Are You A Blogaholic? quiz.

We are a self-interested bunch, aren’t we?

Still, at least we can unite when the cause is worthy.

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Date
20021112

Time
08:59
See a great collection of old newspaper ads (us Photshoppers live to find collections like this) and some footage of LSD being tested on British Troops (14MB MPG file).

(Both links nabbed from the ever-excellent ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021112

Time
09:03
The New Science Institute offer ‘preventive science’ to make terrorist attacks ‘improbable’. That doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence, but if your favourite part of the Bond movie is anything involving Q, then you’ll want to pop along just for the gadgets.

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Date
20021112

Time
09:12
Sod simple bloggage; marketingfix.com may very well make it into the navigation bar (when I get around to updating it, that is).

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Date
20021112

Time
09:15
From the ‘does what it says on the tin’ department comes fuckmicrosoft.com and nomoreaolcds.com

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Date
20021112

Time
09:17
Teenagers posing as traffic cops pull over local Chief of Police.

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Date
20021112
Riding High on Blogdex meets Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:19
This is getting ridiculous. Even Saddam Hussein’s son has email. I bet Euan has email, too. Hell, he probably has to show Daddy how to use it. Get your ship together, Tony – before I have a day or two to spare and end up doing something you might regret.

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Date
20021112
Latest Viral Agent
Time
09:22
Oh, now this is good. Which? magazine already has credibility wrapped up – all they needed to do for a good viral mechanism was to somehow make product testing entertaining. They’ve done it. And without harming any animals. OK, so I’m kind of diappointed about that last bit, but this is still pretty cool:

Not only are they running this washing machine non-stop until it breaks, they have four live cams on it and they’re running a pool on when it will finally give up the ghost. Great stuff.

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Date
20021112

Time
09:28
Church of England introduces ‘dress down Sundays’ for vicars. Heh. Can I just say for the record that I get along quite well with my local vicar? Mind you, I’ve yet to tell him that I’ve started my own religion…

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Date
20021112

Time
09:31
Son uses father’s identity to make $5,400 worth of phone-sex calls.

Dad’s pressing charges, which you might consider to be a bit harsh until you consider that the son in question is 34 years old.

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Date
20021112
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
09:55
Andrew just dropped a line with this new search result.

This is pretty good, too considering that my nickname is a fairly generic term and I’m up against bands like the Manic Street Preachers. A pity, though, that the guy above me is also into SEO. Still, Manic isn’t a trading name, it’s just a little voice in the back of my head.

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Date
20021112

Time
10:02
Our Powwow water cooler arrived a couple of weeks ago. We ran out of water last night, but two new bottles just arrived. The delivery man even had some treats for the kids. Huzzah for Powwow!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021112
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
13:06
Searching for Tony Blair’s email address? Even the BBC agrees that this is the best place to start looking, probably because we can tell you that it doesn’t exist. Yet.

(Oh, BTW, one lost soul found this site today because they were looking for ‘email for u.k. president tony blair’…)

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Date
20021112
Photoshopping
Time
17:23
Yeah, I know – straight to hell. What the hey, at least I’m recycling… erm, and that’s got to count for something, right? Right?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021113

Time
08:37
The boys from Jackass have been outdone: a helicopter has crashed while trying to film the bounce of the world’s largest rubber band ball.

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Date
20021113

Time
08:41
This is a joke, but – sadly – this is for real:

As part of their Anti-Harry Potter Conference, the Jesus Party will be cutting up a copy of one book. One book.

Book-burning is rather passé (and environmentally unfriendly), but book-cutting is kind of dull, don’t you think? If they had any imagination – or perhaps a decent flair for the dramatic – they’d gather a pile of books, get one of those industrial wood-chippers in for the day and make a real spectacle of it.

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Date
20021113

Time
08:52
If radial pong doesn’t test your limits sufficiently, perhaps you might like to enjoy some real-life excitement and instead attend Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship in Toronto, Canada this Saturday.

It’s an open tournament, so anyone can compete – but be warned that you’ll be up against Master Roshambollah, ‘the Bobby Fischer of the rock, paper, scissors world’…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021113

Time
08:59
Marge Simpson is getting a boob job.

Completely unnecessary in my opinion. Marge is all-woman, and an all-round domestic goddess. I never went in for the Jessica Rabbit type. I’m more of a Betty Rubble man, myself. Even though she giggles like an idiot and her womb is barren.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021113

Time
09:13
Heading a football too much can kill you. So can eating glass, but it’s a great way to make sure foreigners don’t mess with you.

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Date
20021113

Time
09:16
Bush is a lying sumbitch #872

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Date
20021113
Death By Success
Time
09:18
The folks behind 8march2003.com have realised the campaign has gained too much momentum, waaaay too fast.

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Date
20021113

Time
09:21
The creator of Bondage Barbie has had her day in court and won. Not only is it art, but there’s no case for impact on sales, either. The judge noted quite soberly that ‘to the court’s knowledge, there is no Mattel line of S&M Barbie.’

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Date
20021113

Time
09:25
If you plan on dating an inmate, you really should take the time during a conjugal visit to scan their tattoos in order to get to know them better. The word ‘Peckerwood’ or a picture of a bluebird lets you know that they’re a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. The numbers on that tattooed headstone will let you know exactly how many years he’s in for, and a picture of a crying female suggests that he has another woman waiting for him on the outside.

Oh, it’s not listed on the site, but you should probably also keep an eye out for a tattoo above the buttocks saying Get It Here

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Date
20021114

Time
09:49
I actually wrote a personal letter to Michael Carroll the other day, (yes, I know the real address, and – la-la-la – I’m not going to tell yoooou) but now I wish I’d waited, because I’ve just had the greatest idea.

He’s got close to 10 million squid and a perceived debt to society, right?

Well, obviously he should do the whole Bruce Wayne thing. You know… set up a secret cave, buy a range of range of cool non-lethal gadgets, then dress up in the finest Kevlar bodysuit so he can go out at nights fighting crime – just like Terrifica.

Brilliant, huh?

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Date
20021114

Time
09:54
Here’s a nice Thai bride for you. Gosh, do you think the name is a hint?

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Date
20021114

Time
09:56
Three people have died since the firefighters srtike began. Apparently the interim service provided by the army has been struggling under the load – which includes a rash of hoax calls and ‘minor’ arson attacks. I can’t say I’m surprised. In fact, I was expecting some major arson attacks. It was, after all, a rare night to shine for dedicated pyromaniacs (it’s not often you get to watch something burn right to the ground).

Firefighters on strike. I haven’t been this dumbfounded since the day I left Australia – when they were privatising unemployment. How’s that going, BTW? Is the entire employment sector rotten with recruitment scum yet?

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Date
20021114

Time
10:04
Woman arrested for preaching from the Bible. This may have had something to do with the fact that she was naked at the time.

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Date
20021114
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:06
Are bloggers primarily geeks? 2nd-top story today: Stan Lee sues Marvel.

‘Nuff said.

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Date
20021114

Time
10:08
Meet career spammer Laura Betterly. Just as selfish and weak-minded as Ronald Scelson, and desperately in need of a clue-by-four. She’s a pretty little thing, too.

Should we run the same thing again, or try something different this time?

(Oh, there’s some light reading on spammers to help get your blood up here and here. Enjoy.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021114
Christianity Watch
Time
10:13
Explore the Bible/UFO connection. Better yet, take a closer look at the Hollywood/Jesus connection. Both come from different directions, but are equally entertaining.

Oh, and from the ‘yet Another Lame Quiz’ department comes What Christian Theologian are you?

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Date
20021114

Time
10:42
OK, own up.Who found our site today by searching for Discounted Tennis Balls for Dogs?

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Date
20021114

Time
13:37
Enjoy some songs about the stock market written by a bunch of fifth-graders.

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Date
20021115

Time
08:58
This morning I had to go out and buy soap – but I needed a shower before I could go out. I washed myself with shampoo. I’m a disgrace.

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Date
20021115
Viral Marketing
Time
09:02
Here’s a handy run-down of viral portals. Not terribly useful if you’re looking for viral content, as most of them are used by commercial chappies looking to seed their ‘hilarious’ material. The real stuff turns up on your doorstep. Eventually.

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Date
20021115

Time
09:03
Woman kept in prison an extra 6 years after Supreme Court order for her release is delayed in the mail.

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Date
20021115
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:06
There’s many things ranking higher, but only one issue with multiple links – Michael Jackson’s face:

Image at Yahoo! News

Same image at Reuters

Article detailing his appearance in court. (Includes link to slide show – of his face sliding off his skull, by the looks of things…)

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Date
20021115

Time
09:12
AOL ‘free’ trial costs witless man $916 in phone charges.

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Date
20021115
LOTR
Time
09:15
Fellowship Of The Peeps. I didn’t find it that amusing, I’m sorry. Are my geek powers waning?

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Date
20021115

Time
09:19
Here are some nice fake flyers for you to distribute in your neighbourhood.

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Date
20021115
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
13:16
OK, I’m in the mood (and waiting for a phone call) so let’s delete some more of Tony Blair’s email.

I feel like deleting a baker’s dozen today, so out the door and into the ether goes:

Email 1 – It’s a reply to that chap with passport problems. A nice lady from the Passport Examiner’s office in the Consular Section of the British High Commission has obviously seen the CC the chappie sent to Tony, and decided to CC on the reply as well (the answer was a firm ‘no’, by the way). She obviously wants Tony to know that she’s working ever so hard keeping dirty foreigners at bay. Sorry, love. He doesn’t know and he never will. *delete*

Email 2 – A mother and her two young sons were gunned down in the boys’ bedroom as she read them a bedtime story. You’d expect this thing to be front page of the Daily Mail and what not – but it happened in Israel, so it doesn’t count. Sorry. You might think that Tony cares, but now we’ll never know, will we? Sorry again. *delete*

Email 3 – Oops, here we go. Another email about the same murder. The culprit is revealed to be an operative of Arafat’s Fatah, who belongs to same Sirhan family and ‘carries the same name as the man who murdered Robert Kennedy’ in 1968. I think this last fact was added in an effort to impress George Bush (who also got a copy of this email). Sorry, Robert Kennedy was a Democrat, so he doesn’t count either. *delete*

Email 4 – Ah, here we go. Change of subject. Iraq this time, and someone who is worried that the UN Inspection Team will be snapped up and scattered across the country to serve as a human shield against missile attack. The better take their baseball gloves with them, then. *delete*

Email 5 – What? Israel again? It’s a long one too, outlining seven reasons why the nation of Israel deserves their land. Well, there’s one reason why Tony Blair will never read them. Let me see if you can guess what it is. *delete*

Email 6 – Another passport plea. You know, my proposal to fix this ‘no email for Tony’ problem involved forwarding such emails directly to the departments concerned. Not that anybody at Number 10 listened. Out it goes. *delete*

Email 7 – Yet more email on Israel. I’m deleting this one without reading it. *delete*

Email 8 – And another. This is getting easier as we go along. *delete*

Email 9 – Israel again. That murder again. A touching picture is included this time. I’ve posted it here (left) so at least someone will see it. *delete*

Email 10 – Finally, a change of subject. ‘EU funding is being used’… oh, wait… ‘by the PA to finance its crimes against the people of Isr*delete*

Email 11 – Israel again. That murder again. You should see the CC list on this one. Just about every world leader is in there. Including Tony Blair. Who’s the only one among them who doesn’t have a real email address. Don’t you feel just a little bit embarrassed when you turn up to those world summits, Tony? *delete*

Email 12 – Israel, murder, etc. *delete*

Email 13 – Murder, Israel, etc. *delete*

Oh, OK. One more for luck:

Email 14 – Yep, you guessed it. Little kiddies being gunned down in their beds again. Funny, it seems to have struck a chord. *delete*

16-31 October, 2002

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Date
20021016

Time
09:20
Yay! New Wallace and Gromit!

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Date
20021016

Time
09:24
AOL has finally bowed to pressure from their users and done away with pop-up advertising. Also interesting is this article, which not only outlines a great many of AOL’s current (and past) woes, but also explains why the Usenet group alt.aol-sucks has been so quiet of late. According to one poster, it’s because ‘everyone knows AOL sucks’. Kind of takes the sport out of it, I agree.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021016

Time
09:30
The man who had sex with a traffic cone is in court. Apparently he did it because a pair of trainers was unavailable at the time.

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Date
20021016
The End Of Free
Time
14:09
There goes AskMe.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021016

Time
15:58
Here’s a little image to cheer you up.

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Date
20021016

Time
15:59
This is what Bloggerheads would look like if it were written by Chris Eubanks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021016
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
16:05
Still waiting – and still deleting Tony’s email.

Today: An email from a young man in India who is having visa problems, but still wishes to study in this country and ‘pursue a career in electrical and electronic engineering’.

*zap*

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Date
20021017

Time
11:03
Heh. Just like in them there movies with the spasms and the squirting and the griiiinding pain, please make it stop! Football team’s water cooler spiked with laxatives.

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Date
20021017
119
Time
11:06
A new store selling anti-terrorism goods has opened a few blocks from Ground Zero.

Oh, and this guy thinks that a UFO played some part in the tragedy. I’m looking at his photographic ‘proof’ of the UFO and damn me if it doesn’t look like a Flying Rod.

What’s a Flying Rod? Well, I’m glad you asked.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021017

Time
11:13
Saddam wins in election landslide.

Yes, that’s 100% of the vote, people. No pregnant chads here.

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Date
20021017

Time
11:15
Here’s a beautifully comprehesive rundown of the Microsoft ‘switch’ debacle, leading into a few details of similar MS porkies that could very well lead to a new online sport: bull-fishing.

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Date
20021017

Time
11:19
Take heart. Woody Harrelson is out to save the world in a rollicking opinion piece. Oh, and he appears in On an Average Day at the Comedy Theatre, Panton Street, London SW1 until November 3. Box office: 020-7369 1731

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Date
20021017

Time
11:23
I don’t know how the hell I missed this story:

A new perfume has been created in Germany which smells of rancid beer and cigarette butts.

It’s meant to remind you of the glorious day you spent at the last Oktoberfest. Can’t we expect a hint of vomit as well, then?

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Date
20021017
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
11:27
And in Daypop: This wonderfully complete photographic timeline of a growing family.

I was going to blog it yesterday, but I gave up after wasting ages looking for a partner link. (Remember that range of mug shots showing the steady disintegration of a street prostitute? I’m buggered if I can find it…)

UPDATE – Whoops, speak of the devil. I can’t for the life of me find the original, but I just tripped over this animated version which pretty much tells the story.

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Date
20021017

Time
11:33
I know it’s a bit early, but I thought you might need to read these evangelist’s tips for Halloween now (so you have time to stock up on lamb’s blood and such things).

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Date
20021017

Time
11:36
You can’t fire me for wearing a eyebrow ring! I belong to the Church of Body Modification, which not only requires me to wear such things as a sign of faith, but also allows me to sue your ass!

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Date
20021017

Time
11:38
I have no idea what this is about, but it shure is purdy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021017

Time
11:40
Meet Jeef and Tracy. They’re good people. They live right next door. And they smoke pot.

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Date
20021017

Time
13:21
This report on How the Star Wars Galaxy Scores in the Areas of Energy, Garbage and the Environment inspired me to bring that bloody shark back for yet another run.

Remember, starwarskids.com is to blame.

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Date
20021017
Latest Viral Agent
Time
13:32
You see, a little bit of thought has gone into this one – and a fair amount of faith.

Let’s just say that I don’t hate it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021018

Time
10:13
A laff-a-minute court transcript. The defendant in question is accused of stealing 40,000 coat hangers. Impressive. Even the Beatles only managed to steal four.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:18
Oh won’t somebody pleeease think of the web designers?

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Date
20021018
Flash Games
Time
10:20
Play Strip Russian Roulette.

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021018

Time
10:21
Spam Masquerades as Admin Alerts. Windows Messenger full of holes. Microsoft making money hand over fist. Film at 11.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:24
The ultimate counterscript for victims of persistant telemarketers.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:25
An interesting variation on What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Punctuate your day with a sweet little love song.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:30
Couple sue local authority over ‘vicious’ child.

Seems they didn’t check the tot for the mark of the beast before tagging him as fit for adoption. Instead of cutting the cake at a recent birthday party, he went after his adoptive father with the carving knife. He was 8 at the time.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:38
45-year-old wife fatally bites 65-year-old husband for refusing sex. Her name is Pratt and there’s a picture of this sexy (if somewhat demanding) lass here.

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Date
20021018

Time
10:41
OK, people are dying and it’s all very scary – but I must admit to laughing out loud when I heard snippets of the advice given to Washington residents to avoid sniper attack read out on the news last night, especially this instruction:

“When moving outside, walk briskly in a zigzag pattern.”

Altogether now, it’s: Stagger, stagger, stagger, roll… stagger, stagger, fall down… crawl… stagger, stagger…

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Date
20021018

Time
10:48
Join the Ultimate Life Church today. Their USP appears to be group frottage.

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Date
20021018
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:52
I was having so much fun yesterday that I completely forgot to delete some of Tony’s Email. Sorry about that. Let me make it up to you with the following double-hitter.

Today: 1) Kind words from an American who is proud of his British roots disappear forever into the ether. Sorry old chum, but we’re still stuck in the 20th century over here dontchaknow? 2) The second message fairs slightly better in that it was CC’ed to George Bush and John Howard (who, if you remember, both have real email addresses). Perhaps they’ll get the ‘future of the world is in your hands’ and ‘war is not the answer’ message – but Tony won’t.

*delete* *delete*

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Date
20021018
Lycos ‘Viral’ Chart
Time
12:42
Can I just note for the record that this image was doing the rounds about a year ago?

Thanks.

(Oh, here’s a bit of proof. Kind of. Just in case you’re interested. See clicky right down at bottom of page.)

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Date
20021018
Flash Games
Time
14:44
Play Swearing Simon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021018
Photoshopping
Time
15:50
This week’s challenge over at B3ta is Badly Misheard Instructions. As you can probably tell, I’m still on a bit of a Star wars kick…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021021

Time
07:33
I’m off to a funeral today, so there will be little or no bloggage. I’ll try not to cry like a bitch or publicly agonise about matters of life and death for weeks afterwards. I know you appreciate it.

BTW, most of you have been wondering, so just allow me to say for the record that it’s a dark load. Luke feels he is ready to face the dark load. There, now you can sleep.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021022

Time
09:19
“NOTICE: Daypop will go offline starting Oct. 25 for a couple weeks.”

Shall I be a pedantic ass and let them know about the typo?

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Date
20021022

Time
09:21
Porn store owner closes store and burns $10,000 worth of stock because Jesus told him to. Either that, or he’s trying to dodge charges of advertising and distributing obscene material.

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Date
20021022

Time
09:25
Russian officer receives two-year suspended sentence for beating his troops with a dildo.

Insert ‘privates’ joke here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021022

Time
09:30
Telemarketer claims that telemarketers are people too. No they’re not. They’re scum. At least, they are if they don’t have the decency to be ashamed of what they do for a living.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021022

Time
09:34
Locks of Love is a charity that provides hairpieces to ‘financially disadvantaged children’ suffering from long-term medical hair loss. Nice people will be wondering how they can donate their hair. Evil folks (yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, buddy) will want to go straight to the ‘Before & After’ pictures.

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Date
20021022

Time
09:39
Blog detectives and the 1,567,422 theories about the Washington sniper.

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Date
20021022
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:41
Jesus H. Christ on crutches! How do these people get anything done?

I can’t give you too many details at the moment, but I can tell you that this is turning out to be a bigger mess than I first thought.

Oh, and emails to Tony are edging ever-closer to maxing out my storage space at another.com, so today I’m just going to delete a dozen emails without even looking at them.

*delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*

Hm. That wasn’t as much fun as I thought it was going to be. Let’s take a close look at one and delete that as well, shall we?

Ooh, look. Here’s an email from a young man who desperately wants to help in the fight against terrorism, but keeps failing the Army medical. He’s doesn’t want to give up – and has offered to sign a disclaimer making him responsible for all costs should he wash out.

What a shame. Perfect cannon-fodder up for grabs and the boss will never know.

*delete*

Damn, that’s 13 isn’t it? Better do one more, just for luck…

Ooh, lookie – it’s a plea from a young man asking Tony to think again about IR35. He then goes on to whinge about Aussies and Kiwis taking up all the good jobs when they should go back to bar work.

Ahem.

I’m tempted to email him back and point out that I’ve married one of his women, too.

But I shan’t.

*delete*

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Date
20021022

Time
10:15
A rather questionable publicity shot for Star Wars.

Oh, here’s a small collection of blooper images, too.

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Date
20021022

Time
10:57
Boy, this kid has lived!

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Date
20021023

Time
10:28
Proof that Trekkies have infiltrated the U.S. miltary.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:31
Dress your child as a pimp this Halloween. It sure would reduce the embarrassment-factor of Mum having to chaperone on the candy run. All the kid has to do is claim that she’s one of his bitches.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:33
Some detailed background into the Nigerian scam spammers.

Includes some history (it’s been going on for much longer than you would think) and closes with the quite wonderful assertion that the activity is good for Nigeria’s economy.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:37
Bush lies. Well, duh.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:38
Remember the advice given to Washington residents to avoid sniper attack?

Read the observations of a gas-station attendant as he describes the ducking, weaving and dancing of nervous customers doing the ‘Sniper Shuffle’.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:43
Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical

What a shame they took out the only thing that made the movie interesting.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:45
Man robs store in nude after smoking joint dipped in embalming fluid.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:46
Porn stars plan to protest over ‘unjust’ tax on adult entertainment. Insert ‘money shot’ joke here. Insert ‘hehehehe, you just said insert‘ joke here.

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Date
20021023

Time
10:49
SquirrelJumper.com claims to be ‘the leader in squirrel removal, extraction and relocation applications and services.’ Seems a bit harsh is you ask me. And dull. Squirrel fishing is much more fun.

(It should also be noted for the record that there is an entire category dedicated to squirrel humour in many directories. Thank God for the Interwebnet.)

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Date
20021023

Time
10:56
Blackpeopleloveus.com. I think it’s meant to be funny – and possibly enlightening in some way. No matter. Cliff Yablonski still hates them, and that’s the important thing.

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Date
20021023
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:02
This morning’s deleted email was mostly about firefighters and the upcoming strike, so I took the added measure of printing a copy and taking it outside for a ceremonial burning. People stared.

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Date
20021023

Time
11:07
I received a particularly insulting/amusing spam this morning. The product was a book with ‘over 200 pages of techniques for successful Internet Marketing’. Now, admittedly, my book is only 106 pages. But it only costs $7.95. The book being plugged in this spam costs $149 (and this is a special offer limited to the next 72 hours). Oh, and it’s being touted by people who spam. In other words, they don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing. So don’t buy their book. Not that I’m going to tell you where to get it. I can, however, tell you that they ‘collect eMail contact addresses from various publicly available sources’ (in other words, they harvested it from my site or bought from someone who did).

I can also tell you that the people responsible for the spam are The Maverick Partnership (a division of The Which Company Pty Ltd). If you’re a reader from Western Australia, you might wish to visit their office at 42 Wickham Street, East Perth, or maybe drop them a line on 08 6210 1348 and yell ‘asshats!’ down the phone.

I know they’ll appreciate it, just as they knew that I’d appreciate their offer.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:08
Two arrests made in Washington sniper case and sniper complains about ‘incompetent’ authorities. Oh, and radio station follows sniper attack report with ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’

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Date
20021024

Time
10:16
Yet another site riding on the coat-tails of Google: find out what Google thinks of you at googlism.com

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Date
20021024

Time
10:19
Former Clinton aide asks government to declassify records of UFO sightings. Yeah, that’ll happen. Then monkeys will fly out of my butt. Erm, and then sightings of same will end up as classified information.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:22
Some tips for digital photographers.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:24
Firefighter tricked into appearing in porn film. Ahhh, he’s only mad because he didn’t get laid as a result.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:25
The recently updated UK blogs list is back.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:27
A guide to spa etiquette and how to behave in a strip club. For Dog’s sake, don’t get them mixed up.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:29
A list of comments overheard at STD clinics.

It opens with a cracker:

“I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks.”

That’s better than splashbacks, surely?

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Date
20021024

Time
10:31
Cartoons of people tickling each other.

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Date
20021024

Time
10:33
I keep telling my children that manual labour is good for them. Now I’ve got this great guide to rock-picking for kids there’s nothing holding me back. According to this, I can work them like slaves for up to 15 minutes at a time. That’s pretty impressive, seeing as I normally struggle to get their full attention for a microsecond.

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Date
20021024
Latest Viral Agent
Time
10:38
Get jiggy with Cartman’s Boombox.

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Date
20021024
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
11:34
Hurrah! My Nebulon-B escort frigate is finished at last. I won’t be able to do an update on Lugjam for a while, but I do have a special preview just for you. Isn’t it pretty? Isn’t it awesome? Please feel free to send emails of praise, I worked ever so hard on it.

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Date
20021024

Time
14:49
Here’s an image that’s destined for the gallery:

“Help me Scooby Doo Kenoobi, you’re my only hope!”

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Date
20021025

Time
09:25
You’ll have to pardon me, but I worked my butt of yesterday to clear the decks so the boys and I could go out and play today (it’s the first day of half-term holidays).

So, I won’t be around much, but I can leave you with some desperately unfunny geek humour, the news that Courtney Love’s dog died after eating one of her breast implants, a great 404 page as discovered by The Ultimate Insult (and a bunch of others for those of you who haven’t yet discovered The 404 Research Lab).

Also, I found out today that Tom Jones prefers it when girls throw used panties and Martin got to see the CEO of the RIAA but didn’t throw anything. Perhaps he’d run out of fruit. Or wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Anyway, let’s close with some good advice: It’s probably not a good idea to try and poison your science teacher. They’re too damn clever when it comes to chemicals, and a little paranoid besides.

(Heh. I’ve just thought of the wonderfully smarmy and sadistic Mr Rose for the first time in years. Threatening to rip open your rib cage and pull out internal organs for you to name one by one until you got it right? Now there was a science teacher.)

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Date
20021028

Time
18:41
Oops. Sorry there was no bloggage today. The web server was down this morning, and us boys took off pretty early to see the James Bond exhibition at the Science Museum. I’ll probably do a full review later, but in the meantime let me assure you that it’s not worth £8.95 (for adults). For kids, who are allowed admission at the remarkable knockdown price of £6.95, it’s worth even less. More on this and much bloggage tomorrow, folks.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:01
Today is an Achievement day. Let’s see how many balls I can knock out of the park.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:04
A police officer who used to visit schools dressed as McGruff the Crime Dog has been accused of using the Internet to seek sexual encounters with children.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:07
Female hospital staff sue director over webcam in toilet.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:11
While this is a pretty good list of mistakes in M*A*S*H, it does miss a biggie – the episode in which they take the urban legend about Charles Drew as gospel. Larry Gelbart himself has acknowledged this error in alt.tv.mash

How do I know? I was there at the time.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:18
Winona Ryder’s jury of peers includes Sony Entertainment Pictures Chairman Peter Guber. Oh, and here’s a related image from the photoshopping archive and the Celebrity Bestiality article on this subject for good measure.

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Date
20021029

Time
09:23
MSN and AOL portals relaunch for autumn. Both are still crap, of course, but they look sooooo much prettier.

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Date
20021029
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:26
The Weblog Action Centre is getting some well-deserved attention. I’ll send them an email today and see what they make of the whole Tony Blair thing.

Oops, that reminds me. Heres a nice story about emails sent to Saddam Hussein by members of the public.

I just received another alert about my storage capacity at another.com, too – so today I do believe I will delete… (author refers to random number generator running out of the back end of the prime number shitting bear) …today I do believe I will delete 13 of Tony’s emails. Well, I have been slack on deletions lately and, let’s face it, I need the space.

Browsing through them, they mostly appear to be the usual emails about war, but there is an email from one chap who wants Tony to help him set up a new Art Bistro and Internet Cafe in Coseley in the West Midlands. Hmm, better make that but there was an email from one chap who wants Tony to help him set up a new Art Bistro and Internet Cafe in Coseley in the West Midlands.

*delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021029

Time
09:42
Bloody hell. They’ll try anything, won’t they? Spammers target referral logs.

Remarkable that something can be clever and moronic at the same time, isn’t it?

(Oh, and is it just me or has anyone else noticed a pronounced increase in email Spam over the last week?)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021029
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:50
B3tans crack it again with The Realistic Internet Simulator.

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Date
20021029
READERS IN LONDON – WE NEED YOU!
Time
11:37
We’re doing a photo shoot in London this Friday folks, and have a few needs to address. To put it simply, if you live in London and maybe want the chance to appear in Viz, then check out this thread over at B3ta and drop me a line.

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Date
20021029

Time
17:21
Marketing in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

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Date
20021030

Time
09:04
Blogdex is back with a vengeance, and boy it shure is purdy. I love the ‘year ago today’ feature, and this fabbo Tron costume made a scan through this year-old list well worth it.

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Date
20021030

Time
09:38
Poor old Angus Deayton has been stitched up like a kipper. OK, so he’s a cheating powder-hound, but you really have to take time out to question the motives – and the methods – of the people behind these revelations. Murdoch’s News of the World is the rag behind it. (If you’re not familiar with NoW and what this shameless tit-filled tabloid is capable of, then you might enjoy this delightful story.

Not satisfied with deliberately timing the release of this new information with the broadcast of the new series of Have I Got News For You (thereby ensuring maximum pressure on the BBC to act as they have done by sacking Deayton from the show), NoW actually went so far as to place the girl at the centre of the original scandal – a prostitute by the name of Caroline Martin – in the audience of the show immediately following publication. (She was the lovely lady who helpfully called out ‘Leave him alone!’)

What isn’t widely reported (or, indeed, mentioned at all in any of Murdoch’s papers) is that the original scandal was actually a set-up. Caroline Martin was sent in by News of the World to target Deayton – and a number of other celebrities – in what is known as a ‘honey-trap’.

This is normally the kind of thing you get to read about in Private Eye, but with editor Ian Hislop being so close to the issue, how much detail will be printed in this week’s issue remains to be seen.

Hang on. It’s out today, innit? I might just pop down to the newsgents soon and check it out.

After I’ve finished amusing myself, of course.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021030

Time
09:39
More telemarketing fun.

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Date
20021030

Time
09:40
We have a hedghog in our garden, and the little fella appears to be building a nest.

This site showed me how I can help things along.

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Date
20021030
Christianity Watch
Time
09:43
Atheist scout faces the boot. He has a week to decide ‘in his heart’ if he’s truly an atheist. If he sticks to his beliefs, then he’s out. Nice.

Oh, here are some outstandingly naff Christian t-shirts for you to enjoy, too. I must admit, they’re pretty effective. The first thing I thought when I saw this knockout combination of Cafepress and MS Paint was; ‘Oh, for the love of God…’

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Date
20021030

Time
09:48
I’d be more impressed by this ass-kicking machine if it took names as well.

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Date
20021030

Time
09:52
Hmm, looks like Winona didn’t have time to steal underwear.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021030

Time
15:30
Those hits out of the park I was after yesterday? There was a pronounced 24-hour delay, but I just got two into the bleachers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021030
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
15:31
The deletion of Tony Blair’s email continues (blah, blah, blah).

Today: Someone wanting to know what the Prime Minister is doing to control the growing menace of the date-rape drug Progesterex. Erm, it’s a hoax. And this isn’t Tony Blair’s real email address. Go away.

*delete*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021031

Time
09:10
My, how times have changed. MyWay.com thinks that you want a lighter version of Google, and they’re getting quite a bit of support.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021031

Time
09:14
Well, that was a waste of 30 seconds.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021031
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:15
The Evil Clown Generator. As usual, it featured on B3ta first.

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Date
20021031

Time
09:16
“You wanna see something really scary…?”

Here you go, boys and girls – the ultimate in horror costumes for Halloween. Dress up as a CEO and go door to door engaging in a hostile takeover of every candy provider in your neighbourhood. All you need do is download one of these masks, get yourself an expensive power suit and finish off the ensemble with a few bags of blood-stained money.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021031
In the News
Time
09:23
Read about the Dad who used a tramp as an impromptu babysitter and the bank robber who stopped across the road for a quick bite to eat.

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Date
20021031

Time
09:26
A nice ‘thank you’ to record companies, courtesy of Rolling Stone magazine (links to .pdf file).

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20021031

Time
09:29
I had a dream last night that I robbed a convenience store. I’m not sure how much cash I nabbed, but I remember being happy enough getting away with a stick of hot Pepperami and a block of cheese without paying for it. (Why I didn’t grab any crackers or beer is anybody’s guess.)

I had two accomplices, and we made our getaway along a nearby dirt track in an Atlantis-blue Holden Kingswood not unlike this one.

(This information is provided just in case you want to shop me to the dream police.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021031
Christianity Watch
Time
09:35
Heh. Spice up your Bible Study sessions by interpreting old episodes of I Love Lucy. Does it cover wife-beating? I’m keen to find out, but it’s $23 per episode. Ho-hum.

You may also be interested to know that an old marketing technique (slipping your business card as a ‘bookmark’ into related books in your local public library) is being used by overzealous Christians in Maine. They’ve been using Counterfeit bills with quotes from the Bible. Their main target is the gay and lesbian literature section.

No, wait, don’t tell me… Romans 1:26-27, right?

01-15 October, 2002

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Date
20021001

Time
09:47
Well, that’s an interesting start to the morning. I just got an email from Bernard Shifman (who he?) requesting that I ‘please remove the content about Bernard Shifman’ from the website.

A real email from Bernard Shifman? I feel honoured. Bloggerheads is now part of interwebnet history.

Thing is, there is no content regarding this on Bloggerheads, just a link on this page, but he does go on to say that ‘it’s causing a ton of problems’ and ‘is escalating because people like (me) are linking to it’.

Perhaps if he proved some evidence for his claims that ‘it’s all made up’, I’d be more inclined to comply. If it is a fabrication, then a heck of a lot of people seem to be in on it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021001
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:04
Sexy suicide bombers and a report that porn spam is getting raunchier.

True, very true.

I recently received a porn spam trying to attract me to a ‘Lolita’ site. The (HTML) email actually featured an image of naked and openly provocative girl no older than 8 or 10. After years of porn spam, I can honestly say that this outrage is a first for me.

In fact, I would argue that it smacks of desperation. You can find out more in the Porn Report.

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Date
20021001

Time
10:13
A US sheriff’s department was so taken in by this Onion report that they actually released a circular to warn county residents of telemarketing programs ‘believed to be operated by Al-Qaeda’.

It’s not quite as amusing as Evil Bert’s intrusion into reality, but it’s close.

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Date
20021001
LOTR
Time
10:18
Probably old news to a web aficionado like your good self, but I really should go on the record with this bandwidth-sucking link to the Two Towers Trailer.

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Date
20021001

Time
10:21
Youth pastor resigns over addiction to adult pornography. And rightly so. A youth pastor should be addicted to youth pornography.

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Date
20021001
OK, So I’m a Star Wars Geek
Time
12:25
We mentioned the new Lego Imperial Star Destroyer the other day. If you want to save a few bob and build one yourself, take a look at this awesome original that puts mine to shame.

Oh, I also found some great Lego lightsabers and other weapons at the same site.

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Date
20021001
Can Weblogs…?
Time
15:27
Remember, deletion of Tony Blair’s email begins tomorrow.

To be honest, I don’t have much choice in the matter. Email for Tony currently takes up 6.6Mb of the 10Mb I’m allowed on the another.com account. Between his email and mine, I do believe I’m choose, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm… his.

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Date
20021001
Photoshopping
Time
15:59
More Elvis today, because yoooooouu asked for it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:53
The first of Tony Blair’s emails is up for deletion today.

I’m starting with the most recent and working my way back. Because it’s easier this way.

Today: An email that attempted to bring to his attention this New York Times article on the ethics of shooting first.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
09:58
Jeffrey Archer has finally settled with the Daily Star, in a £1.5m out-of-court settlement. Problem is, the Daily Star was recently purchased by Richard Desmond The Pornographer, so all this really amounts to is a money transfer from one scumbag to another.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:08
Trace the almost-daily reports from a school worker as he reveals what’s for lunch.

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
How’s The Novel Going?
Time
10:12
Well, I’m glad you asked. After about 6 months of running the plot through my head and fleshing out the characters, I finally have a full and detailed synopsis written (complete with important plot landmarks and snippets of dialogue throughout). We are ‘go’ for launch. The author of this article, charting well on Blogdex, thinks I should think again. Sorry, gestation is complete. It’s time to give birth. Erm, when my crappy laptop gets fixed, that is. Timing. Murphy. You know how it is.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:22
The report that blondes would be extinct in 200 years was a hoax.

Phew!

Well, that takes the pressure off me, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:25
U.S. Special Forces have been kicking arse and taking names in eastern Afghanistan with unrivalled tact and diplomacy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:27
Father shoots himself in head while giving son gun safety lesson.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:29
The oldest known penis is 100 million years old. It belongs to an ostracod, an early crustacean. Well, actually, I should say ‘they belong’, as the lucky little blighter had two of the trouser beasts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
NSFW
Time
10:33
A porn starlet expresses her grief over 911. Of course, she gets her clothes off in the process. As you do.

It’s all part of the healing process, people.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
People Are Stupid
Time
10:37
Barbara Steisand recently gave a lecture at a gala/concert thingy to make her case against war with Iraq. I know, it’s funny already, right? Wait, it gets better.

She quoted Shakespeare.

Well, at least she thought she did.

Her quote came from a hoax email not unlike the fake Nostradamus gumpf that did the rounds this time last year.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:45
Jim Carroll asks: “Have blogs made it on to your strategic radar?”

But he doesn’t quote me, the bastard.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
10:47
Isn’t it funny how nobody talks about bin Laden anymore?

(Oh, if you follow the above link, you’ll probably be headed off at the pass with a page asking you to fill out a data form, as ‘knowing more about our audience will help us continue to improve our web site and provide ads that are relevant to our audience’. Isn’t that nice? I told them I lived in Antarctica, but they didn’t buy it when I told them I was born in 1856.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
11:03
Tee hee. Someone found Bloggerheads this morning by using the following query in Google:

‘i need U.K president email address’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
11:12
See Edwina Currie’s muff.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
12:21
Keep the ‘Elvis in…’ requests coming, folks. It makes for great lunchtime therapy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002

Time
12:44
Onion considers charging for content. Again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
15:06
Hey, that’s me (Lugjam) at No. 2 in Google for ‘lego models’, so it is.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021002
Flash Games
Time
15:28
Cool Tron bike game.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:53
The Onion : RIAA Sues Radio Stations For Giving Away Free Music.

Not as silly as it sounds. Once upon a time, the big labels decided to impose ‘per play’ charges on Australian radio stations. Locals fought back by featuring more local artists (many of whom re-recorded upcoming hits by foreign artists). A strong and independent music industry soon resulted, and I think the same thing will one day happen on the web.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
09:58
Babs has her say on the whole fake Shakespeare quote thing.

“The authorship of this is important. But it doesn’t detract from the fact that the words themselves are powerful and true and beautifully written. Whoever wrote this is damn talented and should be writing their own play.”

Huh. Whoever wrote this wanted to prove how stupid people can be. And succeeded.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
10:00
The White House press secretary drops a less-than-subtle hint to anyone in Iraq who feels they might want to take a pot-shot at Saddam. Their reward, no doubt, will be a recreational vehicle, a dream home in California and all the Happy Meals they can eat.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
10:03
Make your own fake porn page. Fighting fire with fire? I like it. In fact, I’ve been doing it for years.



(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
10:08
META Tags are dead. Duh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
10:09
Man begins to change colour after continued intake of colloidal silver.

He doesn’t take the supplement any more (it has antibiotic properties, in case you were wondering), but the skin condition it set off – argyria – is permanent.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
10:12
Halloween costumes for kids in wheelchairs.

I’d question the good taste of the Superman costume, but the construction outfits are just great.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
11:03
What lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Bloody hell. The result buttons are enormous!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:43
The day-by-day deletion of Tony’s email continues.

Today: An email from a ‘world citizen’ asking for ‘Middle East piece’ (sic).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003
Photoshopping
Time
13:18
Today’s ‘Elvis In…’ request:

The Graduate (for Lea)

Keep ‘em coming, folks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021003

Time
15:01
Spend a pleasant afternoon browsing through cases of animal abuse.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021004
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:29
A busy day with little bloggage, unfortunately – but there is time to say farewell to yet another of Tony’s emails.

Today: A letter from a Bangladeshi boy whose father is a government officer. He’s asked if Tony can drop round and visit his house sometime. His chances are pretty slim, wouldn’t you think?

Especially now.

*delete*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021005
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:50
Oi be zoider-making today! Ooh-arr, ooharr.

But there’s always time for Tony…

Today: A long email from a Muslim who thinks that war is not the answer. He urges Tony to ‘start listening to a multitude of voices’. How ironic that his message must be sacrificed in order to ensure that those voices are heard.

*sigh*

Oh, sorry. I got a bit full of myself there.

Where was I?

Oh, yes…

Oi be zoider-making today! Ooh-arr, ooh-arr.

Unload them bags, pulp them apples, press that flesh and fill them barrels. Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, ooh-arr.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007

Time
08:47
Google may start charging for some searches. With stuff like this regularly pounding their service, I’m not surprised.

Oh, when the ‘end of free’ does eventually come to Google, you can bet it will include a nominal charge for the privilege of daily indexing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007

Time
08:52
Promotional CD for New Zealand orchestra gets pornalised.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007

Time
08:53
‘Crazy lady with lots of cats’ story enjoys new twist. This time there’s kitties and kiddies.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007

Time
08:58
Man lives after he is shot 25 times.The shooter (who is still at large) pulled out one handgun, emptied into the victim, pulled out another, emptied that – and then pulled out a third!

Police spokesman Sgt. Paul Accardo said that “preliminary investigation indicates the (shooting) motive may stem from some type of argument.”

Oh, really?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:05
Oops, I forgot to delete some of Tony’s email yesterday, so we’ve got a ‘twofer’ this morning.

Today: Two AOL users, as chance would have it. One simply says ‘please, no war’, the other goes into a little more detail, suggesting as he does that Tony not get involved and instead ‘leave the Middle East polecats to kill each other off.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021007

Time
17:57
The latest edition of Celebrity Bestiality is live. Late. Again.

This month: A loud-mouthed dolphin spills the beans on the recent Barrymore unpleasantness.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008

Time
09:29
How’s this for a dream job? The Home Office is looking for a writer for their propaganda department. They ask:

‘Could you write articles for both national papers and magazines in the fight against terrorism and crime?’

It then goes on to explain that ‘you will be handling sensitive issues about people’s rights and responsibilities – sometimes to unsympathetic readers’ and that ‘it’s a tough challenge but one of the most rewarding jobs around with a huge audience at your fingertips.’

What do you think – should I apply?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008
In the News
Time
09:31
Father puts seatbelt on case of beer, but not his son.

Angry neighbour shoots man for mowing lawn too often.

Cows given illegal boob jobs for World Dairy Expo.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008

Time
09:37
You may have noticed Blogdex has been down for the last few days. In truth, it’s been struggling to keep up for months. It seems they ‘didn’t build the index with the future in mind’ and are paying for it now. Oops.

The two features that overloaded the system were the ‘URL search’ and the ‘all time index’, both of which have been dropped from the primary navigation bar since about May, but it only takes a quick URL workaround to query the system for either of these, so the demand no doubt has continued regardless of this strategic withdrawal.

We hope to see a bigger and better Blogdex return in a week or so.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:44
Yes, we’re still deleting Tony’s email.

Today: A very angry letter about the ‘United Nazis Organization’. Not a big loss, this deletion. After all, it was CC’ed to George Bush and Iain Duncan Smith.

Yes, even IDS has a public email address. He also wants to be a pirate, but that’s beside the point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008

Time
10:04
After months of neglect, the Photoshopping gallery has been updated with some fresh material, including quite a few samples from my recent ‘Elvis’ phase. If you’ve been to the Photoshopping gallery before, you might want to jump straight to where the new stuff begins. If it’s just Elvis you’re after, you might want to start here.

BTW, requests for ‘Elvis In…’ are still being taken. Emails to the usual address.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008
Latest Viral Agent
Time
15:43
Issue an arrest warrant for the waste of space in your life. This is by the clever chaps behind Crackermatic, and really is wonderful. And I’m not just saying that. No, really.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021008

Time
15:56
Here you are – go play in traffic. Completely irresponsible. You’ll love it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021009

Time
09:04
There may be little bloggage today.

The Tony Blair thing got a nice write-up in Metro and I have a few things to do.

I’ll bring you up to speed shortly.

Oh, OK, here’s a link to keep you busy in the meantime:

Think your kids are something special? They’re not. In fact, they’re rubbish.

UPDATE – I’m declaring a 24-hour amnesty on deletion. I could be nasty and go straight out and use this article as leverage, but two things have resulted from this article:

1) The statement from Downing Street regarding this read as follows:

‘We have plans to introduce an e-mail address for the Prime Minister in the near future, but we have set no date set yet.’

2) The journalist who wrote the piece asked me a very interesting question at the close of the interview. He asked if I would be willing to set up the service personally and you know, I actually had to think about that for a second or two. The answer? Yes, I would. In fact, yes I could

I’ve done some research on the number of search queries made for Tony Blair’s email address and I’m estimating from that a total of 10,000 emails a month. I talked to a service provider that can not only handle the email, but also scan it for any nasty viruses along the way (being a published address, it will be vulnerable to attacks – automated and otherwise). These guys do some serious work at a local government level and have dealt with beefier back-ends and higher processing requirements than this.

I’m also in a unique position in that I know how to publicise the address in search engines. I could have the service set up in a week. A week. Search engine results would be live in Google within days following launch, and I’m pretty sure I can expedite quite a few other results given my list of contacts combined with the nature and importance of the content.

Haven’t set a date? How’s a week from tomorrow sound?

I’ll get back to you and let you know what the folks in charge have to say about it all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021009
Photoshopping
Time
11:58
It’s a fact: MC Hammer taught Hitler how to dance.

No, really, it’s true.

You can see some other far less interesting moments from the past here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021009

Time
13:29
Well, I’m having a good day.

I just got a call from the wonderful folks at Powwow water.

I entered an online draw a few weeks ago, and now I gots me a free water cooler for a year and two free bottles of water a fortnight.

I know, I’m such a jammy bastard – but I need one more for the hat trick. I’ve got a lottery ticket for tonight’s draw, so here’s hoping.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021009

Time
16:12
Bloody hell, it feels like I’ve been on the phone the whole day.

Actually, I think I have been on the phone all day.

I’ll let you know what comes of it all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:31
FBI gets tough with anti-porn email stalker by turning up at his door and telling him to ‘knock it off’.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:33
Eating dogs and cats will soon be illegal in Australia. Well, in one state anyway.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:34
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… eurgh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:36
Elvis impersonator sues rival for sabotaging his business by telling fans that he’s a registered sex offender. A lie. A blatant lie. As it turns out, the man in question used to be a registered sex offender, but isn’t any more – so he should be free to grind his pelvis in public whenever he pleases.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:40
Alarm clock mistaken for bomb. Gosh, I can’t imagine why. Take a look at the picture featured in this article and judge for yourself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:43
Uncle Herb comes to life as man in Spain invents baby translator.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:45
Daily Evergreen newspaper learns the hard way that not everything published on the Internet is true. By cutting and pasting a big chunk of their piece from a web site, they managed to get the following ‘fact’-oid into print:

“On Oct. 18, 1857, the first Filipinos landed on the shores of Morro Bay, California, on a Spanish galleon called the Nuestra Señora de Buena Esperanza, which translates to ‘The Big Ass Spanish Boat.’ “

Heh.

While we’re on the subject, you might want to check out bigassfans.com

No, it’s not a site about fat groupies.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:52
The deletion amnesty has been extended for another 24 hours until the office of the e-envoy gets back to me.

It was also nice yesterday to hear from Andrew, who is experiencing similar problems with a fake email address for Prince William. Be warned, however, that Andrew is much more forthcoming about details/contents, and the young prince has a lot of sexually frustrated fans.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
08:55
If you were strapped to a table and being tubed-up for a state-approved lethal injection, what would your last words be?

Thomas J. Grasso (executed in 1995) breathed his last with:

“I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”

(You think this is an over-reaction? Come over my place sometime and see what happens when I serve up the wrong-shaped pasta to my kids…)

Ricky Ray Rector didn’t complain about his last meal, but did give credence to claims that he was mentally retarded when he told the guards taking him from his cell to the execution chamber that he was going to leave his dessert on the side of his bunk and said:

“I’m going to eat it after my execution.”

This week we have a new hall-of-famer, serial killer Aileen Wuornos, who killed six men while working as a prostitute. When the curtain rolled back to reveal the audience(!), the lovely Ms Wuornos made her final statement as follows:

“I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the Rock and I’ll be back like Independence Day with Jesus, June 6, like the movie, big mothership and all. I’ll be back!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010

Time
10:37
One for the jobseekers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010
Lycos ‘Viral’ Chart
Time
13:43
An amusing letter in today’s Ask Jack:

A friend has just pointed out that my emails carry a textual addition reading: “Check out all the latest outrageous email attachments on the Outrageous Email Chart! – http://viral.lycos.co.uk.” The website leads to some appalling pornography.

Some outdated rubbish, too. Topping the chart today is the bunny-breeding thing that reached most of us about 6 months ago.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021010
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
21:14
I’m off to Oxford again tomorrow, so there will be little bloggage (if any). Also, I got word back from Number 10 late this afternoon, and the news is not good. A serious clue-by-four is necessary. We get serious on Monday.

If anybody would like to offer link support or – even better – share some good contacts with either of the main opposing parties, then please do get in touch over the weekend.

Cheers all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021011
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
10:28
Hi guys. I have just enough time to let you know that after a quick poke through my stats, I can confirm that real people working for the government have been poking around Bloggerheads – probably wondering what my intentions are. Like everyone else, they’ll have to wait until Monday to find out.

The real reason I feel obliged to blog under a heavy workload today is to make the announcement that, according to Google, Douglas Adams is now the No. 1 saint on the web.

A proud moment for the Universal Church of the Interactive Network and all of its supporters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021011

Time
12:31
Go shopping with Satan!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
10:49
There’s been lots of buzz in the last few days about Google’s new & improved algorithms, which seem to put the kibosh on Googlebombing. I’m still poking around results, but it seems to have very little effect on actual cultural support, just Googlebombing for the sheer hell of it. What really counts is that any site linked to in this way needs corresponding content to support the link (so the old ‘dumb motherfucker’ gag is unlikely to work again). Some form of foundation listing in the Open Directory Project also appears to be necessary. Things are bouncing about a bit, but I can see why they’re trying to clean house.

Oh, another thing they’ve cleaned up is the pleasant little anomaly that used to appear in Yahoo, the presentation of Open Directory Project categories in the web results when Yahoo failed to deliver. This is now, sadly, a thing of the past.

Is Google losing it? Well, let’s put it this way, they’ve had better weeks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014

Time
10:54
Hurrah, Blogdex has emerged from intensive care and, despite needing round-the-clock care, looks to be in pretty good shape.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014

Time
10:59
Well, it certainly looks like the US has got another ally. Bad news all round, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014

Time
11:01
The Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle has cancelled an upcoming appearance by Leonard Nimoy because his new art-photography book contains images of actual human flesh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014
People are Stupid
Time
11:11
Gosh, could this story really be true?

Erm, no.

A lesson to remember – when in doubt, see Snopes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021014
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:14
Now, let me see, there was something else I had to blog this morning…

Oh, yes, here it is:

Tony Blair’s Email – Phase 2

I’ll be kind of busy for the rest of the day, but I’ll bring you updates when I can.

In the meantime, I should let you know that deletion of the hostages begins afresh this morning.

Today: A little girl who has been ‘really sick for the past four years’ has taken the time to thank Tony Blair for helping the United States. But of course, he’ll never get to read this message because he wants her to get off her arse and go out to buy stamps.

*delete*

UPDATE – I addressed the Lib-Dem issue almost immediately, and expect to hear something back by Thursday at the latest. There were, however, a few false starts with the Conservatives along the lines of:

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’d like to talk to somebody about the absence of a publicly available email address for Tony Blair.”

“Tony Blair? But this is the Conservative Party!”

etc.

Heh.

Still, I got there in the end – and again, I’ll let you know as and when.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021015
People Aren’t Stupid
Time
11:26
If you’re concerned about all the dead links in Blogdex today, don’t worry. Blogdex isn’t broken again – it’s just that Microsoft are busy covering their backs after being caught out in a big way over a bullshit ‘reality’ column on their site.

The feature, supposedly written by a freelance writer who ‘finally made the switch from Mac to PC’ (and ironically enough opening with the words ‘Yes, it’s true.’), made one enterprising Slashdotter suspicious enough to dig through an image archive. Lo and behold, there was the photo of the so-called independent contributor in the collection of stock images.

I could provide you with a link to the offending page, but it’s long gone. Google indexed it, but it’s since been removed from the cache. The stock image has also now been removed from Getty Images.

So, with all the evidence gone, we can be pretty sure that it never really happened – right?

Erm, no. You can see screengrabs of the offending article here and here. If these ever disappear, then please do drop me a line. I saved a copy of each to my hard drive.



UPDATE – Microsoft attempts to soften the blow by insisting the writer was an actual customer erm, who just happens to be an employee at a public relations company hired by them. Heh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021015
People are Stupid
Time
11:45
There’s probably only one or two large companies behind this Nigerian email scam, who solicit the aid of witless affiliates to do most of their dirty work. This was pretty much confirmed for me this morning when I received yet another copy of this email, this time from someone who has obviously read a set of instructions on how to best open their story. It arrived in my Inbox with the welcoming words:

HELLO! (COMPLIMENT)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021015
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
11:49
It should be noted for the record, beause it’s a very seductive idea and seems to be working a treat. The site at iusedtobelieve.com asks you to add your thoughts to ‘a collection of ideas that adults thought were true when they were children’.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021015
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
15:46
Today: a message containing a copy of the W32.klez.h@mm virus was deleted.

There, now Tony owes me one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20021015
Emma Jones: Hardcore Journalist
Time
22:20
I’m sorry, I don’t know what Emma Jones (the so-called serious journalist) was doing interrogating showbiz folk backstage at the National Backslapping Awards, but it seemed to me that she was out of her gourd.

16-30 September, 2002

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916
Blogwatch
Time
10:10
The Daypop drought continues. The reason for the disturbance? It ran out of disk space.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916
Can Weblogs…?
Time
10:13
As I suspected, no-one gives a toss about about our little train problem – so I’m having a quiet little think about what to do next. Bear with me – or get on the blower and make a suggestion.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
10:19
You’re sitting in a riverside restaurant. A boat arrives carrying a naked man, who begins to yell before pausing for a quick dump on nearby rocks. When the Harbourmaster objects, he reacts by wrapping himself in cling film and babbling about a ‘survival suit’.

And people are surprised?

It should be obvious the man pulled up at a restaurant because he ran out of aluminium foil. If any of the dimwit waiters had realised this and thrown him one of those swan-shaped leftover trays upon arrival, he would have left without a fuss and shat on somebody else’s rocks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
10:26
Just what the world needs: a BDSM bed and breakfast. Be warned that the site has two main barriers at the front where they wish to make absolutely sure that you are an adult and not easily offended before allowing you to proceed – but once you’re inside it’s all sweetness and light.

From the FAQ:

If we don’t understand how to use some of the equipment, will you help us?

Yes. We don’t want you to get hurt. Just understand that we will help you and then leave. We are not going to interrupt your time with that special someone.

Can I have an extra egg with breakfast?

Yes, but you’ll have to pay a surcharge.

(OK, so I made that last one up…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916
It Had To Happen
Time
10:35
Homeless guy runs blog. Becomes famous. Acts surprised.

To answer those two question you have:

1. He posts from the local public library.

2. No, he hasn’t asked anyone for money – but he’s not stupid, either:

“If you check through my blog you will notice that I have not made any pitch for donations. And as a homeless person, I have never asked for money from other people. Yet I have never refused money that people have offered. At the time of this post I have only recieved two ten dollar donations. I currently have no clean clothes and will use part of this money to do laundry. I also have a bad case of athletes foot, so the rest will go for medication. If you’ve every bought the stuff, you’ll know that foot creams are expensive.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
11:00
Seen in The Guardian this morning and immediately submitted to Viz’s fabulous ‘Up The Arse Corner’ — –>

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
11:05
B3ta is down this morning. Damn. And here’s me with a kitten picture just waiting for an audience.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
11:10
Emoticon actually predates ‘original’ found and hijacked by Microsoft.

*Phew* – well, no need for the fully armed crusade, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
13:10
B3ta is back up. Just in time for lunch. Yay!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020916

Time
15:27
Those of you who listened to my drunken ramblings on Saturday (you know who you are) will know why I was on the lookout for a custom stamp today. I just found this nice chappie offering one-off free samples, P&P only.

I’ll give a customer review when my stamp arrives – erm, and also maybe let the rest of you know what I’m up to.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020917

Time
10:07
Ho-hum. A work-heavy day today will result in low bloggage. I also have to plow through the suggestions you sent in for Can Weblogs….?. Squidboy’s multi-suggestion email alone will take me about 20 minutes to read in full – but I did spot one in there straight away that shows great potential:

‘Can Weblogs Change Government Policy?’

That noise you hear is gears grinding away in my brain.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020917
Christianity Watch
Time
10:27
Keep your hands above the covers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020917

Time
10:29
Woo-hoo! Top 10, and in the running for a free flight from Cheapflights!

Write a caption for this little image what I done made and you’re in the running, too.

The prize list includes pairs of tickets to New York, Paris, Barcelona, Dubai, Johannesburg, Havana, Rome and Guadeloupe.

Guadelope?

Ah, yes. Here it is. Population 431,170, main export bananas. Sounds nice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020917

Time
14:44
Buy a CD for a buck. A buck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
10:27
Good morning, everyone.

I have to head into an important meeting right now, but I will be back for bloggage later.

In the meantime, I have good news.

The latest ‘Can Weblogs…?’ project is ready to roll – and it’s a cracker:

Can Weblogs Make a Politician Keep a Promise?

Thanks again to Squidboy for the prompt.

Oh, and just quickly – I still need you to submit captions for this, my entry over at Cheapflights. If I win, it’s going to be a toss-up between New York and Guadeloupe. If, by the way, anyone has actually been to Guadeloupe, please let me know what it’s like and how tasty the bananas are.

Cheers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:11
It begins…

Bloggage rolling in already from:

http://www.funjunkie.co.uk

http://www.mba-experience.com

http://www.bbspot.com

…and so far no reports of major spelling mistakes (I wrote it in the train on the way to work on an ancient Mac with no spill chucker). Oh, and Martin wishes to claim any credit for coverage I get at the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. It’s a start, I suppose.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:35
Forget the kittens, here comes crashbonsai.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:36
Tera Patrick is in town and the Mayor doesn’t want to talk about it?

C’mon…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:38
What a waste of a prime domain name. Trawl through the highly unlikely and mostly unfunny stunts at prank.org if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:43
Virgin Atlantic Airways has to replace the baby-changing tables in their planes because budding mile-high club members keep breaking them. It’s a baby-changing table, people, not a baby-making table. Tch!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
13:48
See Willard Scott as Ronald McDonald in the first three commercials of this kind. I got over wondering what the weather was like in McDonaldland after I saw how shamelessly these ads shove burgers down kid’s throats. Now I’m wondering how many ‘lovely old dears’ over there actually make it to 109, what with all the bowel cancer, heart disease and all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918
One Of Our Planes Is Missing
Time
13:57
Well, actually, it’s only 3 minutes on the cockpit voice recorder for Flight 93 that’s missing, but it’s enough to raise the same old whispers, such as maybe the gap is there because it formerly contained the words:

“Targeting us? What do you mean, you’re targeting us?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918
Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat
Time
15:15
Dmoz duty has its moments sometimes. The Guildford Area Gay Society features its glorious acronym in the URL: www.gags.org.uk

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020918

Time
15:52
The U.S. Department of Education is overhauling its site ‘to make it easier to use and to remove outdated data’, but also destined for the memory hole just every scrap of information that doesn’t gel with the Bush administration’s political philosophy.

You all know I’ve been trying to avoid references to Nineteen Eighty-Four, but FFS, George Jnr. is not making it easy. *sigh* Oh well, at least he has accessible email address.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
10:00
Avast, ye swabs, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Discover ye pirate name and expand ye vocabulary, says I.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
10:03
New Scientist is running a competition with a top-notch first prize – immortality (erm, or a trip to Hawaii).

Basically, if you win (and choose immortality) teams will be on standby to cryogenically freeze you to arrest decay. In the future, as we all know, everyone runs around in silver jumpsuits and little things like death are easy to cure.

Pretty cool, but two problems that I see are:

1. The prize should include a wad of cash held in a trust fund, otherwise you’ll wake up with no money and won’t be able to afford a flying car.

2. What happens if you die by falling under a bus – or into a liquidiser?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:47
Teen anarchist sues school principal and pictureyourself.org, bringing us ever closer to the rectal vanishing point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
11:53
Remember folks, I still need your caption entries for this picture and I still need to hear from anybody who’s actually been to Guadeloupe.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
14:05
Tumbling Woman is a sculpture depicting a naked woman, limbs flailing and face freaked out, at the exact moment her head smacks into the pavement following a leap from the flaming WTC. Funnily enough, it’s drawing more than a few complaints.

(New link includes picture.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
14:20
Enjoy the Elmer Fudd version of Google.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
14:21
What a cool pencil sharper. I want one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020919

Time
16:08
We close today as we began, with pirates. More specifically, with the Bearded Lesbianic Amazon Pirates (of the South Seas).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
09:56
Great, so now bloggerheads is evil?

When did that happen?

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
10:04
The teens over at fatnats.com don’t mind being fat. In fact, they aspire to it and even have hints and tips on ‘gaining’. The logo makes sense, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
10:07
The statue of the woman falling from the WTC has been covered up. Insert Flight 93 joke here.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920
I Want One
Time
10:09
Visit spudtech.com, ‘home of the world’s most advanced hand held laser-guided bolt-action aluminum SP9004 potato rifle’ – now with rifled barrels for improved accuracy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920
Weblog Marketing
Time
10:40
It’s been on the loose for about a month now, but it wasn’t until it featured at evhead.com that WTF is Weblog Marketing? finally spread to a number of personal and business blogs. Thanks to everyone for their kind bloggage. Here’s hoping that it does some good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
13:01
Live life on the edge – play P45 roulette. Gather the workmates around, take turns clicking and see who’s first to get fired. (NSFW, obviously…)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
13:37
Heh. There’s a new version of the Nigerian Email Scam targeted directly at bloggers. Keep an eye out for it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
13:47
Alisa really likes dressing up, but she watches far too much anime for my liking. Supergirl is cool, though. I likes a bit of proto-matter, I does.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
14:08
Last chance to get your captions in, folks.

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

I wanna go to Guadeloupe!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
14:42
Ooooooooooooooh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Waste a few moments with some pretty fireworks.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020920

Time
15:41
Oooh, lookie – it’s an ugly Princess Di doll. Oops, and here’s another one.

Argh! Here’s a really, really big one and there’s heaps of them in here.

What is wrong with these people?

What’s so wrong with me, that I stop looking?

Arrrrgh! Paper dress-em-up Dianas!!!

This madness stops now. I’m walking away from my computer and not coming back until Monday.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020923

Time
09:51
It’s always amused me that the tabloid boys show tits! tits! tits! from cover to cover (even in the comics), but use asterisks for even the most inoffensive words such as w****er. The Guardian has no such problem, and has even taken the time today to attempt to explain its complex, yet flexible policy on the subject.

“In the year up to {1998} there had been more than 400 pieces in the Guardian in which the word fuck or fucking appeared. In the same period there were 28 references to cunt: the word, in fact, occurs more frequently in the Guardian than in any other newspaper on earth.”

I can’t help but suspect that the ease which with these choice words can be spelled is sure to be pointed out in the next issue of Private Eye.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020923

Time
10:18
Filming up women’s skirts legal in Seattle. Now there’s an industry just waiting to happen.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020923

Time
10:34
Are you a Star Wars fan or and Elvis fan?

No, it’s not another lame quiz – just if you’re either or both you might enjoy this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020923

Time
10:50
It’s the anarchist scavenger hunt!

Break a McDonald’s window, get 300 points. Puncture a Washington D.C. police car tire to win 75 points. Score 400 points for a pie in the face of a corporate executive or World Bank delegate.

Of course, if you’re a real anarchist, tallying up points (or taking part in any organised competition for that matter) goes against your nature.

Once, and I swear this is true, a Sydney outfit held a public meeting for wannabe anarchists with a ‘bring your own plate’ policy. Everybody who turned up with a meal/snack was turned away. They might have made their point, but according to the journalists outside, they missed out on some mighty fine hummus and at least three plates of fairy bread.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020923

Time
13:55
Don’t ask ‘why?’ – it just complicates matters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924

Time
09:52
Bummer. There don’t seem to be any results in Scoot for ‘hitman’ orcontract killer‘.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:54
Lego figures rolling and smoking dope. Patience is required, as the server for this site is taking quite a hammering.

Also doing well is this fetish map.

It has to be noted that both of these featured on B3ta days ago. Could B3ta be a key to Blogdex success?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924

Time
09:56
Fat teens sue McDonalds. Kids ‘just can’t resist those happy meals’, says one case adviser.

Hmm, maybe this is why:

A fast-food worker has been arrested on suspicion of selling marijuana through the drive-up window.

Oooooh, déjà vu.

Oh, and the Dutch have plans to do it properly.

Just remember, kids – drugs are bad, m’kay?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924

Time
10:21
Hmm. What amuses me here is the wording, which suggests that this threesome (in every sense of the word), weren’t actually arrested for having sex on a train, but instead for refusing to stop.

In the good old days, there used to be a bucket of cold water in every carriage to stop this kind of thing happening. No, really.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924
OK, So I’m a Star Wars Geek
Time
12:29
Waste a few minutes with this wonderful lightsaber emulator.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924

Time
13:05
As usual, it does you little good to ask “Why?” – but if you’re getting tired of the whole “It’s a Trap!” thing, then you may want to check out these alternative phrases from the Lucas community.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020924
We have a winner!
Time
14:10
Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hah!

Get in there!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

I’m going to Guadeloupe!

Oops, I should have read the rules and regs a little closer. I can choose from New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg. Guadeloupe is the main prize – but I’m still in the draw for that in about 6 weeks time.

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

I may be going to Guadeloupe!

Right now, I can ‘only’ choose from New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg.

I say again: Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hah!

This couldn’t have happened at a better time. Life has sucked on quite a few levels lately and I could really do with a break.

Ahhhh, happiness, you are finally (albeit temporarily) in my grasp once more.

I’ll write more later when I can resist the urge to dance around singing ‘We Are The Champions’. It makes typing difficult, y’see.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20020925

Time
07:02
Oxford, today – and little bloggage.

Sorry about that.

Here’s Elvis on a Landspeeder.

It’s not much, but it should be enough to keep you going.

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Date
20020925

Time
15:33
Sorry, I’m still busy. Why don’t you play with some fridge magnets while you’re waiting?

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Date
20020925

Time
17:01
When Bloggers Commit Journalism.

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Date
20020925

Time
21:55
Hmmm. I just got home to check my email (long day, long way) and I’m disturbed to note that no-one’s written in yelling and screaming that they’d won the Cheapflights caption thingy. I’m kind of bummed out about that given the effort you guys put in to add to the pixie dust, but I am happy to say that I’m pretty much settled on a trip to NYC, even though Andy and Mich make a good case for heading to South Africa for the eclipse on December 4th.

Hmmm.

Tempting.

Oh, bugger.

Why must you people complicate things?

I mean, really.

*sigh*

OK, if you live in – or know of anything interesting going on in – New York, Barcelona, Dubai, Rome, Havana, Paris or Johannesburg in the next 6 months (it may just be me and the missus, but we might also be able to stretch enough to take the sprogs along) then for Dog’s sake pipe up now, while I’m still in a state of mental confusion.

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Date
20020926

Time
09:45
The results are in for the Guardian’s Best British Blog competition. The criteria suggests that Bloggerheads missed out on a gong due to a central lack of porpoise.

Story of my life, really – as is forever remaining in the lower division of the top 10%.

It’s kind of like living next to a biscuit factory. You can see it, you can smell it. Often, you can almost taste it. But actually biting into it is a pretty rare treat.

Dunking, of course, is completely out of the question.

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Date
20020926
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:57
One victim of the Nigerian email scam.

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Date
20020926

Time
10:00
It was interesting yesterday to watch every single tabloid ‘showbiz’ column run a completely different story about Britney Spears – each of which was based on old news at best (when, of course, they weren’t arguing for or against war on Iraq like two drunks in a pub).

Obviously, the copy was there to justify running this same image of Britney Spears smuggling peanuts, but only the grubby Daily Sport had the honesty to go front page with the ‘Phwoarrr!’ angle. I was, however, disappointed that aforementioned rag stopped short of running a decent red-blooded headline such as ‘NIPS LIKE BULLETS’.

For shame.

Actually, now we’re on the subject, something’s been nagging at me lately.

The increasing attempts by tabloids to dig up more and more celeb gossip have resulted in a disturbing culture of ‘information sharing’ led by this sad collection of nobodies (who actually have the temerity to shame anyone merely for the ‘disgrace’ of being classified in the B to Z class).

For the main gossip-mongers, one page has spread to two – and in many cases a tabloid will have up to three separate sections of celebrity scandal. Daily.

Talk about pressure.

Apart from scouring the Popbitch board for wicked whispers, there’s only so much a team can do in a day, which is why they resort to pleas like:

“Have you seen a celebrity? Give us a call and help us add to the inches!”

I can’t help but wonder how many potential stalkers get their first taste of fame – and blood – in this manner.

I’m not going to mount my high horse and ride off into the sunset about it, but I would like to note for the record that it’s not a healthy thing to propagate.

UPDATE – You may as well read tomorrow’s big story today.

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Date
20020926

Time
10:13
Menspantys.com – ‘because men deserve nice undies, too’. Oh dear.

Fans of Seinfeld will want to head straight for the bra section. It’s very uplifting.

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Date
20020926

Time
11:43
Elvis Presley in Underwear. You know you want it.

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Date
20020926

Time
12:43


More ‘Elvis in Movies’ for you. The one on the right should be obvious, as should the one below, which is a bit big for blog display:

“Jabba! This is your last chance. Free us, or die (uh-huh).”

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Date
20020927
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:06
The results of the Guardian’s Best British Blog Competition, obviously. Also, file sharing up-and-comers Kazza going nerny-nerny-ner-ner.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:09
As noted at The Ultimate Insult, it’s sooo last Tuesday – but we simply cannot allow elitism to keep you from hearing and/or seeing George Dubya Bush fumbling through the ‘fool me once’ truism.

Remember, you too can be this eloquent.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:17
Girl who objects to dissection kicked out of class, then allowed to return to perfom procedure on computer simulation. She’ll probably want to steer clear of Romania. They do things for real there.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:21
Couldn’t agree more.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:22
A very long Fark thread debating which movie was the worst of the 80′s.

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Date
20020927

Time
10:26
Have you noticed that every time there’s a Tube strike we also have to put up with an extremely snotty attitude from drivers and guards on all the other transport networks? That goes for bus drivers, too.

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Date
20020927

Time
12:15
More Elvis movie joy for you. I think I’ve gone off Star Wars for a bit, but you never know.

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Date
20020930

Time
09:48
Bugger. With everything else going on this week, I completely forgot about the British Mascot Grand National.

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Date
20020930

Time
09:55
Mother shoots son with pellet gun when he refuses to come down from tree. It works for cats, too.

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Date
20020930
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
09:57
Which smiley (emoticon) are you?

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Date
20020930

Time
10:16
Lego has released an official (and I must say very impressive) model of the Imperial Star Destroyer.

Traffic at Lugjam has soared as a result. Why? Because my little site outperforms theirs for the core search query in Google. But can I get them to return my calls?

Can I, bunnies!

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Date
20020930
Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat
Time
10:28
I w-w-w-want to s-s-s-suck your c-c-c-

(Link via ultimateinsult.net)

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Date
20020930

Time
11:05
Go on, be honest – did ever really think he had it in him?

(Or that Edwina had in her, for that matter?)

[UPDATE - Woo! Yay! My little animation (left) just graduated to the front page over at B3ta.]

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Date
20020930

Time
11:31
Pay a visit to Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz (he’s been the drummer for “Weird Al” Yankovic since 1980, dontchaknow).

If this excites you, then pop over to drumheads.org where they’ve got Pt. 2 of a great interview with the man on the front page. (Pt. 1 is stashed here.)

If you couldn’t care less, then Rock & Roll lies is sure to amuse you regardless.

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Date
20020930

Time
14:18
Tony Blair’s two-week deadline is about to pass.

If I don’t hear from his office by Wednesday, I’ll start deleting emails.

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Date
20020930
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
14:41
Some increasingly generic results are coming through lately. That’s us at No. 3 for ‘religion prayer’.

Of course, the Holy Grail is the top search result in Google for plain old ‘religion’. We’re getting there. You may remember at the beginning of August we were the 251st (up from 300th or so the month before that). We are now 144th and climbing.

Get out there and testify, people!

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Date
20020930

Time
15:52
Cool, two front-pagers at B3ta in one day. Of course, I’d probably be happier if I actually had a life or something.