So who’s going on the bonfire this year?
That’s right; you, ya bastard.
You are going in the fire, and you are going to burn, and you are going to like it.
More below the fold.
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OK, the time has finally come for me to (almost) reveal what the plan is for Guy Fawkes Night this year, starting with a list of who is not going to be burned in effigy this year:
No, it’s not serial liar and fantasist Nadine Dorries or Sarah Palin or (as rumoured in seedier corners of the internets) both of them in a three-way forked-tongue-a-thon with Julie Moult. I have a reputation for hitting girls with sticks as it is.
Speaking of serial liars who deserve to be hit with sticks, no, it’s not Iain Dale, either. I did consider burning Ashcroft and popping Iain in the pocket until I realised that Iain would have to be in more intimate and out-of-sight location for the voodoo to work. Then I realised I’d have to stuff a certain nuisance-calling twat up the arse on an effigy that was already up the arse of another effigy, and the whole thing just got too damn Russian for me, so I scrapped the idea.
Speaking of Russian intrigue; no, it’s not Uzbek-born Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov, much as I’d like to highlight the antics of that local landowner to a mob of torch-wielding villagers, I’d just as soon not see J Paul Getty’s old place going up in flames.
Speaking of morbidly obese outright bastards with a love for vodka, no it’s not Paul Staines (aka ‘Guido Fawkes’) either, because I’d have to pickle the bloody thing in alcohol to get the voodoo right on that one. Not a good idea anywhere near flaming torches and other naked flames, and not something I can afford, even with some of the ‘cheap booze’ specials advertised on Paul’s* low-rent banner advertising network.
(*Note – “Paul Staines is neither a shareholder, director or employee of MessageSpace and never has been.”)
And finally, no, it’s not a banker or a hedge-funder, because if I were to take a guy, make it suitably fat, stick in it a ‘city boy’ shirt, and put a screwed-up ball of grubby fivers where its heart should be, I’d be stuck with Paul Staines all over again.
So who (or what) is going on the bonfire this Saturday night?
Can you guess?
(No hints from the small group of people who already know, please.)
How does that speech made by Hazel Blears warrant careful analysis? It only barely qualifies for a link.
The name-dropping is an obvious plea for attention, which ironically rewards two attention-seekers with the star billing they crave from others (when they’re not awarding it to each other), and this sentence reveals that whoever wrote Blears’ speech did little more than a surface scan of our community before passing judgement on it:
“The most popular blogs are rightwing, ranging from the considered Tory views of Iain Dale, to the vicious nihilism of Guido Fawkes.”
That the word ‘nihilism’ would be included in the same sentence that uses Iain Dale as a positive contrast to Paul Staines shows that the author can’t even use Google properly.
(Psst! Add to your list of absurdities that Paul Staines was invited to speak on the subject of “why transparency in lobbying matters” this week.)
That is all.
Some updates or titbits may appear in this post.
It’s 4pm in London, 11am in New York and 7am in Alaska.
1. You’ll need perspective from Atrios before you step into this pool or any pool like it, as there’ll be rogue agents, power-playing wannabes and many, many excitable puppies editing almost every wiki in the western world today.
2. Early morning ‘I voted’ threads can be found at the following locations if you’re interested in catching a vibe or two, but please do keep in mind that some neighbourhoods are more friendly than others and today is not a good day to start barging in anywhere, especially not on the last thread in this list:
– Fark: A deeply cynical but jocular mix of left and right.
– Wonkette: Leftish, but quite even-handed with it.
– Democratic Underground: Really quite far to the left.
– FreeRepublic: All the way over there to the right. No, further… no, back past “Obama’s grandmother is faking it!”. There you go.
4. Hahahahaha! I’ve only just seen this via TPM, so do excuse me; Sarah Palin promised that she would release her medical records but, on the eve of the election, she’s now offering a two-page letter from her doctor. (Ooooh, she’ll have trouble with electoral observers if she forgot her note from home today.)
UPDATE – And I’ll mention again that I’ll be live blogging over at Liberal Conspiracy this evening.
She is way, way wayyyyy out of her depth. Please let today be the end of it. For a while, at least.