Since an encounter with the BNP at the start of his political career was rediscovered, Paul ‘Guido Fawkes’ Staines has gone to great (and yet disappointing) lengths to assure us that he is not a racist.
Those of us who originally wrote about Staines’ 1986 adventure a couple of years back didn’t regard this to be the central issue at the time, but Staines did. He is, after all, the type of person who will take any scrap of evidence and misrepresent its significance without hesitation… so hopefully you can see how his name being connected to the BNP would make him hypersensitive to the dangers of a ‘racist’ tag.
So what the hell is this about?
Paul ‘Guido’ Staines – Mandy’s Chinky Drinky Kidney Linky: Peter Mandelson drank Chinese milk 9 days before his kidney problems surfaced. He flamboyantly drunk a glass in front of the Chinese media to “show his support for the Chinese dairy industry” which has been hit child poisoning contamination disasters.
*Chinky?!* In this day and age? Really?
Oh well. At least it gives me an excuse to wheel out this excerpt from a Captain Hurricane strip that I found in the boys-annual archives last night. This, apparently, was acceptable entertainment for young boys in 1973:
(Psst! A mistake like “He flamboyantly *drunk* a glass in front of the Chinese media…” is an easy one to make. If you happen to be drank at the time.)
UPDATE – The homophobia in that thread is tipping the scales a bit, too. Here’s a highlight featuring both racism and a certain assumption favoured by many homophobes:
I hope the Chinks didn’t let Barren Mandelsboy near any of the children – he might be on a scouting trip for his new group Gay Gordo and the Paedos*
*For booking gigs, call Enver Hodge, sole agent.
October 13, 2008 1:17 PM
1. Justin McKeating – Say ‘no’ to 42 days.: The House of Lords debates 42 days today and is expected to vote against it, but with the Prime Minister still insisting that he will push through the 42-day proposals, [Amnesty International] will keep on campaigning until it’s defeated once and for all.
Sign the petition. Pass it on.
2. AlertNet – 12 New Stomach-Turning Revelations About Sarah Palin: Palin has taken to smearing Obama. But it’s her own record that continues to yield alarming information, undermining her skills and credibility.
3. Web user makes his views known on the fine body work done by Import Image / iDesign in Walnut, CA. (Ta to Lawrence for the link.)
4. Telegraph – Alisher Usmanov to drop interest in Arsenal takeover: Arsenal shareholder Alisher Usmanov has been advised not to go ahead with a takeover of the club and is reportedly ready to sell his shares.
(Psst! We were chatting at the table the other night when Usmanov’s name came up. The youngest griglet asked who he was, and a certain 10-year-old was heard to reply; “He’s Dad’s Russian arch-nemesis.” I was impressed by the correct and necessary use of a modifier more than anything.)
5. Birmingham: It’s Not Shit – Ten things we found out at the Tory Party Conference: …it became obvious that Nadine [Dorries] didn’t really like blogging (apart from the way that it got her comments straight to the diarists of newspapers), and didn’t really do it anyway – she emails the “blogs” that are part of her “online diary” to a guy who does her website…
The Happy Poster mission to Godalming on Saturday was just as revealing/rewarding as the 2004 mission, but rather than filing a full report I am instead going to suggest that you admire this single image of a sun-dappled noticeboard, because this is what the afternoon felt like:
Next: Happiness comes to a London campus
How Staines reacts to the charge could be revealing; this is the same guy who has for years published a seemingly endless series of claims that he’s the victim of a party-political and/or government-funded sock-puppet squad without producing a shred of evidence to back it up.
Will he actually have the temerity to scream ‘conspiracy theorist’, or (just as likely) will he instead never return to this thread and forbid all mention of it on his website?
(In recent weeks, on Staines’ ‘Guido Fawkes’ site and on the site of Iain ‘liar’ Dale, these authors and their contributors have been imagining the direct input of Derek Draper behind any/all anonymous comments not 100% in their favour. Their only evidence? An article stating that that one day in the future Draper might be developing a ‘rapid response’ unit for weblogs, which was interpreted/presented by the right-wing shouties as an announcement of the immediate launch of a sock-puppeting squad…. presumably because a team of sock-puppeting gits making personal attacks is what passes for the rapid response unit in the funny world where Dale and Staines live.)
[Psst! Paul has yet to clarify which variety of bankrupt he is; former, recently-discharged, or what. Kind of important when he’s claiming to play the market (by short-selling, no less) and telling judges that he earns his money from “advertising”. Meanwhile, the MessageSpace paperwork appears to distance him from the money and any position of responsibility in that advertising network, and the family car (and almost everything else) is filed under the name of his wife and/or somebody else with the last name of ‘Staines’.]
UPDATE – You’re going to love my choice of bonfire fodder this year, I’m sure… but it’s not a local bit player like Dorries, Staines or Dale. Regardless, I have been known to recycle and repurpose cheap Halloween costume materials when building guys in the past, so this £1.99 vampire wig in a local supermarket caught my eye…
This, according to Tesco, is what a bloodsucking servant of evil looks like:
(Note – For newcomers, I should point out that the resemblance is merely uncanny. You would have to ravage the face with years of drug and alcohol abuse, then add a few pounds and some ‘city boy’ clothes that have seen better days to make it downright spooky.)
… unless of course you take the time to reach out to them as fellow adults innerested in producing the best old-fayshoned hamburgers inna binness:
Wendy’s “Grill Skills” 1989 training video (1 of 2) (via)
(NSFV= Not Safe For Vegetarians)
Those of you in a hurry might want to skip forward to 3:30 onwards, when the hamburger totally hangs over the side of the bun.
Part two of this awesome corporate education film can be found here in Grill Skills II: Redneck Boogaloo
Blackwater is a handy little place for a monthly shop; an Aldi lies right opposite a Lidl, and if you lose your head, there’s a giant M&S, Tesco and Sainsbury’s just across the way.
But we mostly go there to stock up on drinks, some of the better chilled/frozen foods and sinful European treats like cheeses, pastries, Bratwurst and Pfeffernusse.
Also, there’s a neat little rare video store in the strip of shops where we distributed posters today that’s usually good for a browse.
It was there that myself and one of the griglets went this very afternoon for the first run in the 2008 edition of The Happy Poster Project:
John McCain: “My fellow prisoners…”
Sarah Palin can read… and write!>
Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart.
The Daily Show – 6 Degrees of Desperation: Sarah Palin reads in the New York Times that Barack Obama is palling around with terrorists!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I take great pleasure in declaring The Happy Poster Project back online and open for business.
I’ll not be putting any posters up until the weekend myself, but feel free to submit happy images immediately.
[Psst! This time around, we’re operating with the minor advantage of already being 6th in Google (UK) for ‘happy’.]
Peter Mullen has got himself into a bit of a muddle:
Disruptive – Dr Peter Mullen: The Rev Dr Peter Mullen is the Rector of St Michael, Cornhill and St Sepulchre without Newgate, and the Chaplain to the Stock Exchange. He is a well-known “conservative” in the Church of England, and fairly frequently airs his views in the comment and letters pages of the “quality press”. He has been in the news in the last couple of days as a result of some homophobic remarks that he made very recently on his blog, which is now no longer available. I noticed that his blog had disappeared for quite different reasons: I had complained to the Bishop of London (in June this year) about some utterly outrageous and repulsive Islamophobic remarks that he had made there…
Guardian – Vicar could be disciplined for blog slurs against gays and Muslims: A Church of England vicar could face disciplinary action for saying gay men should have “sodomy” warnings tattooed on their bodies. The Rev Peter Mullen, who is a parish priest and rector in the City of London, made the remarks on his blog, which has since been removed from the web under an agreement with diocesan officials….
(Psst! See also: Mail article with 141 comments, if you think you can stomach them.)
1. It’s really not fair to describe Peter Mullen as a ‘blogger’ as some people have been doing, because he’s as much a blogger as I am a mountain climber*; like Iain Dale did when he first ‘started’, Mullen turned the engine over with maybe a dozen entries in quick succession in 2006 (1, 2, 3), and gave up for
a bit a lot. He then did slightly better in 2007 with maybe thirty entries (sample), gave up again, and then spat out four entries during what must have been a very quiet or frustrating week in June 2008.
(*Number of mountains I have climbed = 2. Small ones, at that. And it was a very long time ago.)
3. Mullen is now claiming that his outbursts were satire, and the problem (apparently) stems for our inability to understand this. Here’s his statement:
“I wrote some satirical things on my blog and anybody with an ounce of sense of humour or any understanding of the tradition of English satire would immediately assume that they’re light-hearted jokes. I certainly have nothing against homosexuals. Many of my dear friends have been and are of that persuasion. What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.” – Rev Dr Peter Mullen (source: all papers)
And a semi-anonymous web user helpfully expands on this claim here:
“It was satire, you *** satire. We spend money on warning people against the dangers of tobacco but actively promote a sin that shortens the lives of its victims significantly – and not just by AIDS. Are none of you familiar with Swift?” – ‘Geoffrey Baxter-Wright’ (source)
It is in this second claim that you get your first hint that ANY humour in Mullen’s ‘satire’ relies on certain assumptions and prejudices.
Regulars of this weblog should recall one clear example of this kind of thing, where the joke or ‘satire’ is only funny if you’re a bigoted twit with rather unique views about how the world works, but for those who are new here, I offer the following selection of 4 original posts from Peter Mullen’s ‘blog’:
The first is, I think it’s fair to say, an example of where Mullen’s fear of homosexuals intersects with his fear of Muslims, leading to what one might kindly refer to as a state of confusion…
Ramadan at Sandhurst
There’s only one religion in the calendar at Sandhurst Military Academy. Yes, it’s the bottoms-up chaps’ religion again. Ramadan is highlighted in the Academy’s calendar. Christian festivals don’t get a look in.
Originally published by Rev Dr Peter Mullen on September 12, 2007 at:
The second entry should make it clear that Mullen might actually believe what he’s saying when he runs with the ‘satire’ defence. Take a look at the structure and the reliance on certain assumptions and prejudices…
Happy junkies make clean water
Wonderful to hear that the social services are rewarding junkies who provide them with a “clean” urine sample with the drug of their choice. Heroin addicts may be given methadone or antidepressants – or even diamorphine (prescription heroin)
I should like to see this arrangement extended. If I supply a sample of clean wee wee may I claim my free case of Chateau Margaux please?
And the scheme has even wider possibilities: why not reward successful slimmers with cheeseburgers and Black Forest gateau; smokers who’ve managed to quit with 200 packs of Capstan Full Strength; fill the swag sacks of unsuccessful burglars with pieces of household silver etc etc?
Originally published by Rev Dr Peter Mullen on October 18, 2007 at:
But the second and third entries should make it obvious that Mullen is pressing one point to a far greater extent than he is mocking another….
Gay wedding at St Bartholomew’s EC1
The Bishop of London is in a high huff
Because Dr Dudley has married a puff;
And not just one puff – he’s married another:
Two priests, two puffs and either to other.
“It isn’t a wedding, for that’s not allowed;
They’ve just come together and promised and vowed
To shack up and snug up, to have and to hold:
Ooh aren’t we radical! Ooh aren’t we bold!”
Now here’s a most queer and most wonderful thing:
He’s given his hand, he’s offered his ring;
And each to the other forever will bend,
After their troll in the coach up West End.
Not a flash wedding, no pics in Hello!
Just a honeymoon cottage, convenient so.
Of such Dr Dudley a goldmine has found,
From shaven-head puftas the nuptial pink pound.
The new Church of England embraces diversity,
A fresh modulation on ancient perversity:
“I’m C of E and PC so don’t think it odd of me
To offer a licence and blessing for sodomy.”
Originally published by Rev Dr Peter Mullen on June 18, 2008 at:
Here’s the one that did the damage…
Matthew Parris is wilfully refusing to give his readers his opinion about the recent “gay wedding” and about relationships between the church and homosexuals generally. He says, “When it comes to the church, synagogue or mosque, if you think the whole thing ridiculous, its hard to get excited about the ridiculousness of a subset of it. I should feel the same if morris dancers or the British Astrological Society tried to exclude gays.”
So, for Parris, the views of billions of Christians, Jews and Muslims worldwide are of no more consequence than a couple of obscure sectional interests. From what point of privileged judgement does he thus discount 4000 years of civilisation? The great world religions have survived the criticisms of far more intelligent and better informed opponents than the ignorant upstart Parris. There is a whole history and literature of distinguished apologetics for religious belief, but Parris will attend to none of it – sufficient only to attract his disdain is mainstream religion’s disapproval of homosexual acts.
Since Parris will not dirty his hands by entering theological discussions with his readers, perhaps I might answer for religious believers in the purely utilitarian terms which even the lofty Parris is bound to engage with. We disapprove of homosexuality because it is clearly unnatural, a perversion and corruption of natural instincts and affections, and because it is a cause of fatal disease. The AIDS pandemic was originally caused by promiscuous homosexual behaviour. Such promiscuity is itself an evil because its perpetrators merely use others indiscriminately for their own gratification, treating their fellows as sex objects and as means to an end rather than as ends in themselves. I should have thought that Parris, having rejected religious belief, might want to construct his moral beliefs on this Kantian humanistic imperative. But I suspect he is not really interested in morality of any kind – except as a special plea to excuse his lust for gratification at whatever cost to human dignity and the sanctity of human life.
It is time that religious believers began to recommend specific utilitarian discouragements of homosexual practices after the style of warnings on cigarette packets: Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS. In addition the obscene “gay pride” parades and carnivals should be banned for they give rise to passive corruption, comparable to passive smoking. Young people forced to witness these excrescences are corrupted by them.
Let me continue the comparison with smoking which is banned in most public places. Those committing homosexual acts in public places – such behaviour being a crime in any case under the Homosexual Reform Act of 1967 – should be arrested, tried and punished. Parks, open spaces and public lavatories would at once become more wholesome places. There ought to be teaching films shown in sex education classes in all our schools. These would portray acts of sodomy and the soundtrack would reinforce the message that it is a filthy practice ending with the admonition: “We do, after all, know the importance of washing our hands after going to the lavatory.”
But I should like to turn Parris’ disdain for religion back on to him. If I consider that homosexual practices are vile, why should I concern myself with subsets of their aspects? I might as well concern myself with other minor irrelevancies such as the Doris Day fanclub and polo-neck sweaters
Originally published by Rev Dr Peter Mullen on June 19, 2008 at:
UPDATE – As an added bonus, here’s a post on the subject of Stephen Fry. See if you can spot the moment where the Rev Dr Peter Mullen reveals that he might be a wee bit prejudiced:
BBC Four are giving us a “Stephen Fry Night”. Actually it seems to be going on all week. I can’t understand why they should give such space to this overblown wit, but what’s really astonishing is that they put on an episode of Clarke’s “Civilisation” documentary, discussing “the paintings of Michelangelo and Bertini” and billed this as “part of the Stephen Fry Night”. I didn’t know the egotistical exhibitionist and celebrated manic-depressive pufta did those paintings too?
Incidentally, the BBC has been banned by the old KGB hardliners in Russia. Must be because they can’t stand the beeb’s left wing bias!
Originally published by Rev Dr Peter Mullen on August 19, 2007 at: