Bloggers issued with hastily-carved ‘Ten Commandments’

Oi, you lot!

Go work your own side of the streetthis spot’s taken.

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Dracula’s Lament (by Jason Segel) – lyrics and tabs

This is my new favourite thing:
Dracula’s Lament (Jason Segel)

From the not-bad movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

The best cover I’ve heard so far is here.

It’s so sad and lovely, and I’d like to encourage further appearances of this song, so consider this a litle way-station for people who are taking a serious interest in it.

Here are the lyrics:

Jason Segel – Dracula’s Lament

It’s getting kind of hard to believe things are going to better.
I’ve been drowning too long to believe that the tide’s going to turn.
And I’ve been living too hard to believe things are going to get easier now.
I’m still trying to shake off the pain from the lessons I’ve learned.
And if I see Van Helsing I swear to the Lord I will slay him. AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
He’d take it from me, but I swear I won’t let it be so. AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
Blood will run down his face when he is decapitated. AH!
His head on my mantle is how I will let this one know: how much I love you.




I can’t.


I just need a moment…


UPDATE – OK, some passable tabs can be found here (hidden under ‘more info’), complete with a handy video. Fine and selfless work from enigma515, who has also done this same job on Peter, You Suck).

Do shout out if you find a better/tidier version or if you think you can better/tidy any of this.

Posted in Geekage | 4 Comments

“But she’s got a new hat.”

By now most of you would have seen this video of Sarah Palin crashing and burning on CBS just as David Letterman pointed out that McCain himself doesn’t appear to think that Palin can handle the campaign, never mind the presidency.

Glenn Greenwald offers further evidence and says; “it’s now conclusively, disturbingly clear that the McCain campaign really does intend essentially to shield her from any and all media scrutiny until the election.”

And it’s not just media scrutiny she wants to avoid, boys and girls, but witchcraft as well.

(Lovely apolitical message from the pulpit there, too; “Bring finances her way even for the campaign in the name of Jesus!”… *pause*…. and lo, there was a miracle, as those who heard his words took this as some sort of hint, though this was not the way it was meant at all! Truly the work of Teh Lord.)

And to top off a great week, she’s just declared victory in Iraq!

But join me now as we step past her awesome vacuity (via this excellent post on the subject of Nadine Dorries and her awesome vacuity) and look instead at the outright lies she has told:

Andrew Sullivan – The Twelve Lies Of Sarah Palin: So for the record, let it be known that the candidate for vice-president for the GOP is a compulsive, repetitive, demonstrable liar. If you follow the links, here is the proof. I repeat: proof…

Do click and read that post in full. It contains some of that magic pixie dust that Sarah promised to return with just before running over the horizon with her tail between her legs.

sarah palin wants steak

“But she’s got a new hat.”
“But she’s got a new hat.”
“But she’s got a new hat.”

Can anyone give me one good reason why I shouldn’t burn Sarah Palin in effigy this coming bonfire night? I’ve rather cooled on the idea of burning Staines, not least because the requisite voodoo would require a long soaking in a large amount of alcohol and put the eyebrows of an entire village at risk. (For those who came in late: 2005, 2007)

Posted in Christ..., US Presidential Election 2008 | 3 Comments

Nadine Dorries: the second-boldest liar in the blogosphere

FACT: Nadine Dorries was using facilities paid for by the taxpayer for campaigning purposes… – Nadine Dorries and the minor matter of misappropriation
Liberal Conspiracy – The case against Nadine Dorries MP (pt 1)

FACT: Nadine Dorries was found to be in the wrong…
Ministry of Truth – Dishonesty Dorries Rides [Yet] Again
Liberal Conspiracy – Our complaint against Nadine Dorries MP upheld

But if you were to believe Nadine Dorries (usually a mistake), she has been the victim of a party-political attack that has been a waste of taxpayer’s money! The projection is quite extraordinary…
Nadine Dorries – The Big Issues Of Our Time (And Wasting Parliamentary Time)

[WARNING – The above link only works in some browsers, because Nadine’s ‘blog’ is a joke. You will have to scroll down the page in search of the relevant entry.]

And you were to give Iain Dale the benefit of the doubt (again, usually a mistake), he was merely taking a friend at her word and not trying to reinforce her distortion or further her projection…
Iain ‘Liar’ Dale – Sunny Hundal & Nadine Owe Each Other An Apology

I initially waited to comment on this because I wanted to see more of the letter than what Dorries chose to disclose (the woman has a history of cherry-picking evidence in order to present a grand distortion of the truth).

Now I’m waiting patiently to see how Iain Dale addresses his earlier demand for an apology and his description of Sunny’s complaint as a ‘smear’.

But one aspect I can tackle immediately is Dorries’ quite sickening attempt to hide under a pile of dead bodies and despair:

Nadine Dorries – The Big Issues Of Our Time (And Wasting Parliamentary Time)

This whole matter has been a personal wake-up call for me.

There’s the threat of international terrorism; a rudderless government in decline; huge economic uncertainty; the war in Afghanistan; a global energy crisis; the re-emergence of Russian aggression; and the spread of HIV in Africa.

But what about the complainant? Does the content of my blog really warrant such attention?

I think this has been a most revealing episode as to his type of politics – it’s certainly not mine.

Putting aside the deceit that how we conduct political debates matters less than any given subject that may or may not be worthy of debate, lets take a look and see how Nadine Dorries addresses the issues she lists as more important than paying any (negative) attention to what she laughingly describes as a blog:

Apart from this particular mention, on that ‘blog’ of hers she has mentioned HIV once, and Africa once. And not in the same breath or even in the same year.

FFS, Abba got more mentions on her ‘blog’ than HIV or Africa or HIV in Africa.

She has mentioned Afghanistan three times, and Russia three times (once to describe her ‘blogging’ as a form of Russian roulette). Ditto for terrorism/terrorists. On the economy, I did searches for words like ‘economy’, ‘debt’ and ‘credit crunch’ and found a mere half-dozen entries.

Further, Iraq is only mentioned five times, and torture doesn’t rate a single mention.

Meanwhile, ‘abortion’, her personal campaign cow, brings up 51 entries. The bulk of these entries are from the period when the weblog was clearly an integrated part of a website paid for by taxpayers.

(If you would like to play this game yourself, simply click here and then add the word of your choice in the search box.)

Related bloggage:
Septicisle – Nadine Dorries just cannot stop lying
Mark Pack – What does “completely cleared” mean?
Sim-O – Nadine spins
Enemies of Reason – Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies
Back Toward The Locus – Sorry, Are You Into Politics?

Posted in Christ..., The Political Weblog Movement, Tories! Tories! Tories! | Comments Off

The return of Sgt Streetwise

I have another thrill-a-minute excerpt from Sgt Streetwise for you. In this episode, Wise is a lush lush on the hush-hush. Tramps never go out of fashion!

(Psst! Did you know that Sgt Streetwise was written on a regular basis by Gerry Finley-Day, creator of Rogue Trooper? Well, you do know.)

Action, adventure and immaculate hair await you below the fold. Enjoy!

Continue reading

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Matti Juhani Saari (and assorted idiots)

An alert popped into my inbox at around 3am this morning, letting me know that Julie Moult finally returned to work late last night (almost a month after this embarrasment), apparently by ‘researching’ the vapour-trail left behind by Finnish gunman Matti Juhani Saari and then adding fresh details to this Daily Mail article.

Actually, the edit timestamps and the author’s failure to know/note the difference between profile text and a “posting” suggest that Julie simply lifted some details from this growing Wikipedia entry and invented the rest.

Here, let me show you what I mean…

This is what the article claims:

One posting made five days before the shooting said: ‘Whole life is war and whole life is pain. And you will fight alone in your personal war.’ (source)

Oh, really?

1. It is not a “posting”; it is text that appears in his YouTube profile. Like his list of interests/hobbies (“Computers, guns, sex and beers”) it is not a post, article or announcement, but instead intended to be general background about the user.

So far we’ve only split a hair, but stay with me…

2. No mention is made of the fact that these are lyrics, and not the words of Saari himself. Yes, lyrics can be chosen and used a personal statement, but why not say that? And while we’re at it, why would the Daily Mail of all papers miss an opportunity to jump up and down and point the finger at people with long hair who make loud music? (See also: Saari’s chosen screen name, Wumpscut86, and this link from his small pile of 18 ‘favourites’.)

Again with the hair, but we’re almost there. Here’s the whopper…

3. Did Saari dramatically post this text to Teh Internets “five days before the shooting”, as this article suggests? No, he didn’t. The text has been in place for well over a month, as the following screen capture of the time-stamped Google cache clearly shows.

The man killed 10 people. FFS, why would anyone feel the need to invent drama?

Perhaps to capitalise on the tragedy and shift a few more units? I’ll leave you to decide.

screengrab of cache of wumpscut86 youtube profile

Speaking of capitalising on a tragedy, several YouTube users are cunningly adding ‘wumpscut86′ to their profiles and/or video details in order to capture a few extra viewers, so hooray for them.

One bright spark even went so far as to pose as Matti Saari, posting several of his videos under the profile name ‘Mydadhitsmymom’ and claiming “yea whats up its me the guy that shot the school – i did it for the lulz”. Hilarious.

Still, I invite you to take a look at the comments left under that version of the ‘Good BYE’ footage. Essentially, these people have just been trolled by someone who is as funny as cancer, yet I can’t help but wonder what they were thinking as they posted these comments under what most of them clearly thought to be the account of a man who had just killed 10 people and was, at the time*, lying in a hospital suffering from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

(*These comments were all made between 0930 and 1030 GMT.)

Were they hoping that Saari would be able to read their comments in the afterlife? If by some miracle he had lived and was then tried, convicted and imprisoned, did they expect him to login to YouTube and reply from his cell? It boggles the mind.

grab of comments submitted to wumpscut86 video hosted by mydadhitsmymom

(BTW, for those who are wondering, ‘kusipää’ is a Finnish word that’s used in much the same way that you or I would say ‘bastard’, ‘arsehole’, or ‘Hendren’. Literally, it translates as ‘pisshead’.)

Ingram 2.0 – Shooter’s YouTube account didn’t help

Posted in Humanity, Old Media, Teh Interwebs | Comments Off

Nobody could have predicted…

Independent – Bush launches $700bn rescue plan and confesses he didn’t realise how severe problems were

Justin sees another parallel here.

Applaud* the artist here.

(*Save something for Tinkerbell.)

(Oh, and for Dog’s sake, stop playing with your pocket change.)

[Image not stolen. Used with permission. I don’t normally need to point that out, but a certain someone fresh from a rough afternoon should be on his umpteenth unit and *this* close to kicking the cat by now and I feel like rubbing his nose in it, just to set him off. Because I loathe cats. And because that’s what leading bloggers do. Apparently.]

Posted in Consume!, George W. Bush, The War on Stupid | Comments Off

This. (and another thing….)

Never Trust a Hippy – A declaration – draft 1: I thought it would be asking you – my readers – to help me compose a certificate that could be sent out to every Thatcherite and right-wing libertarian that you have contact details for….

To be read in full over coffee… but not too near the screen, especially if you’re going to stray into comments.

Speaking of which, allow me to draw your attention not only to that post, but also to this response from that champion of truth and justice, Paul de Laire Staines:

Guido Fawkes said

A re-draft:

“Greed — for lack of a better word — is good.

Greed is right.

Greed works.

Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Greed, in all of its forms — greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge — has marked the upward surge of mankind.”

1. As usual, there’s not an original thought in the man’s head.

2. But at least the ‘city boy’ shirt mystery has been cleared up; Staines wears part of this 80s-era uniform almost everywhere for the same reason that children wear Superman* outfits.

(*Batman outfits are OK for grown-ups. Kevlar is a useful and practical material, especially in these stabby times.)

3. Not that we should expect anything less than a deceptive narrative from a man who’s made crafting these his raison d’etre, but greed for money is not the same as lust for life. Unless of course we are talking about circumstances in which your enjoyment of life can lead to someone having less of it… or none of it.

[Psst! That Staines is one of Britain’s most shameless hypocrites is not news, but just for the record; OMG, the thieving tosspot doesn’t like people stealing ‘his’ stuff.]

Posted in Consume! | 2 Comments

Oprah Winfrey royally trolled: this is your brain on paedo-fear

Oprah has gone all quiet, mid-campaign. Her official messageboard community and the user-powered blogs at have been closed for ‘maintenance’ for days. Here’s why:

Oprah vs. over 9000 PENISES

“Let me read you something that was posted on our message board by someone who claims to be a member of a known paedophile network. It said this; He does not forgive, he does not forget, his group has over nine thousand penises, and they are all raping children.” – Oprah Winfrey (19 Sep 2008)

Now that every reference to “over 9000 penises” has been scrubbed from her web space, Oprah probably hopes to return to her campaign with little-to-no mention of her Paedogeddon moment.

I wish her luck.

Next stop: disappointment and outrage that 4chan/Anon aren’t thinking of the children.

(To be fair to Oprah and her researchers, “It’s over 9000!” is a slightly more obscure meme than ‘All Your Base’. But still…)

Posted in Teh Interwebs | Comments Off

Clarkson Island

Via poons:

Harry and Paul: Clarkson Island

Too many Jeremy Clarksons and yet not enough Jeremy Clarksons to go round? My solution to that problem is remarkably Clarkson-like. First, you get yourself a 100+ horsepower industrial shredder, a really big shovel, and some drinking straws…

Posted in Video | 2 Comments