Paul Staines punks out

Paul Staines has finally allowed the words 'Policy Exchange' to be used in the comments section of his website!

Manic learned during his extended probing of Staines' comments that often all you have to do is keep plugging away until enough people see your pre-deletion comments for 'Guido' to think that there are perhaps too many witnesses to brush the matter under the carpet. (Often this can result in 'Guido' turning moderation on and/or banning you, but sometimes you can use this method to eventually get an answer to a pertinent/straightforward question.)

This may be what has happened prior to this exchange, but it is also likely (*cough*) that this is the very first time a contributor has seen fit to mention the matter:

At 10:48 AM, onhold said...

[...] Are you going to put anything about the activities of the Policy Exchange in your submission [to the Charity Commission]?

At 10:51 AM, Guido Fawkes Esq. said...

No, suggest you do that yourself.

Oh... that's how it is, is it?

Manic is perturbed... whatever happened to the 'Guido Fawkes' character that favoured no party and took no prisoners?

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Never Gonna Give You Up

Manic wishes to share with you some email correspondence going back many moons.

Feel free to guess which individual all these emails are from under comments... Manic will never tell*!

----- Original Message -----
From: [censored]
To: Manic
Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2004 9:54 PM
Subject: Bloggerheads

> Tim
> I'd be soooo grateful if you'd add a link to my blog
> [censored]
>
> Idiot in The Guardian said [censored]. Typical Guardian!
>
> Enjoyed your Tim Yeo blog.


----- Original Message -----
From: [censored]
To: Manic
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2005 10:42 PM
Subject: Bloggerheads

> Tim, I’ve returned to blogging and would be very grateful for a link, which I will
> reciprocate. I’ve also [censored]. I hope that's OK!


----- Original Message -----
From: [censored]
To: Manic
Sent: Sunday, January 29, 2006 4:35 PM
Subject: Bloggerheads

> Hi Tim, I've just been looking at your blog and I wondered if you'd like to add
> a link to mine? It's at [censored].
>
> If you do add one please let me know and I'll reciprocate - I'm getting several
> thousand hits a day now, so it should drive a bit of traffic your way.


----- Original Message -----
From: [censored]
To: Manic
Sent: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 3:30 PM
Subject: RE: [censored]

> Does this cement our relationship and link exchange? Dontcha think it's
> about time?!


(Psst! In case you need to be told, Manic thought it was not 'about time'... just as he did each and every other time this person went begging for blogroll love.)

Manic has spoken. End communication.

UPDATE - *This post is about Iain Dale; all of the desperate link-begging emails came from him. Manic wasn't going to say anything about that ever ever ever... but he later discovered that Iain was a spammer... and an ungracious twunt.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy called Paul...

Click here to see an early contribution to Teh Interwebs by Paul 'Guido Fawkes' Staines.

Manic has more early appearances to share with you, but he's saving them for 'Ron.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Manic is impressed

Manic is impressed that 'Guido' has managed a name-check via the Telegraph and Downing Street.

Manic is equally impressed that 'Guido' is capable of typing anything on what must be a very sticky keyboard this morning.

Manic is also impressed by the ongoing success of the 'Sith' branding, as he has not seen the like since the Republicans made the Star Wars parody Election Wars, casting themselves as a bunch of earnest rebels.

But, above all, Manic is especially impressed that the words 'Policy Exchange' have not appeared in the comments of Paul Staines' website - at all - in the 3 days since this article went live.

(Manic suspects that Staines' acolyte 'Dizzy' may just have been onto something when - sounding for all the world like the Labour astro-turfers that 'Guido' is always whining about - he proclaimed it to be a non-story.)

Weekend reading

Manic suspects that 'Guido' might think this article to be "long and boring"... but Staines gets a few name-checks throughout the piece, so that should be enough to hold his attention.

Ministry of Truth - Guido, The Smith Institute and the Think Tank he's not writing about

Good luck with it, Guido!

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Friday Caption Contest

Return to the thickets from whence you came

Somebody using a University College London server dropped by last night to leave an anonymous comment. Manic's past experiences with Tory activists lead him to suspect that the person who left said comment is also a member of the University College London Conservative Society.

Manic learned long ago - most notably during his adventures with Anne Milton and her flunkies - that Conservative enthusiasts and activists tend to be very vocal about their political allegiances on their home turf, but prefer anonymity when they leave snarky comments on other people's websites.

Happily, the former makes them very easy to track down when they do the latter.

So, we begin with this I.P. address for UCL (144.82.197.149), which was easily isolated last night as the only one anywhere near the relevant comments link at the time this comment was left.

(Manic recognises that this is a fairly innocuous comment compared to some left by anonymous supporters of Paul Staines, but he feels he is doing the perpetrator a favour by nipping this in the bud. Manic is also amused by the perpetrator's choice of nickname; the character 'Cardenio' once crossed swords with the great and noble Don Quixote.)

Lo and behold, the UCL Conservative Society has a website and the person behind it, Richard Jackson, is very blog-aware (just for starters, there's a blog on the front page and its previous home was at thecaerulean.blogspot.com). Of course, this is not the only UCL-related weblog - here's one campaigning to stop the UCL investing in the arms trade - but the contents of the UCL Conservative Society 'Links' page might just lead one to believe that Richard Jackson is our man.

Manic acknowledges that the perpetrator could just as easily be one of Jackson's fellow site contributors (Stuart Davenport and Oliver Cooper), but picking on Richard is much more fun, as here at Paul Staines' weblog, there are two conflicting claims under comments that he is a staffer at Conservative Central Office or a workaday slob for Shailesh Vara MP. [snip]

[MINI-UPDATE - It would appear that there are two Richard Jacksons in the Conservative realm; a few people have written in to point out that the Richard Jackson referenced above (who does work for Shailesh Vara and did work for CCO) is not only a different chap, but also a decent chap and a nice chap. While the only contact Manic has had regarding our Richard Jackson is from some anonymous person claiming not to be him. Manic thinks that pretty much speaks for itself. Back to the show...]

If you wish, you can click the links below to see pictures of [our] Richard Jackson meeting with various members of the Tory Reform Group:

TRG Chairman Tim Barnes with UCL Conservative Society President Richard Jackson

TRG National Director Clare Whelan with Events Chairman Tim Crockford and UCL Conservative Society President Richard Jackson

And it is here that Manic wishes to draw a veil over the affair and move on; he has no wish to 'obsess' over the matter and no desire to go on a witch hunt armed with nothing but unsubstantiated gossip and circumstantial evidence.

Manic would prefer to leave such antics to 'Guido'.

Instead, Manic wishes to file his very first Tory Totty report, based on images from the UCL Conservative Society Alumni Club's photo-stream.

Because Manic is painfully aware of certain sensitivities regarding copyright, he has chosen to link to the relevant images rather than display them on this website:

Manic's Tory Totty Report #1

Phwoarrrr!

Way-hey-hey!

Cor blimey!

Hang on... wait a minute... what's this?

Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Holy Jumping Jebus!

This is a rare moment, ladies and gentlemen... Manic is writing his reactions 'live' before your very eyes. You have caught him making a major find mid-post.

Manic has just become aware of another reason why Richard Jackson may not be a big fan of this weblog... and Manic has also discovered that he can now publish an image of Richard Jackson without fear of phantom lawsuits.

Richard Jackson was one of the incompetent dipshits who tried to ambush Charles Kennedy on his visit to the University of Surrey on April 19 2005, but ended up having to stand across the road in the rain... and Manic was there to see the action and capture it digitally!

Here are two of the photos Manic took of these geniuses of infiltration and subversion (you may note that they chose to pose for the second):



Richard Jackson is even pictured doing one of Manic's very favourite things in the whole world:

Manic laughs like a drain whenever he sees a Tory activist wearing a t-shirt over a collared shirt!

To honour the magical serendipity of this discovery, Manic has now elevated the likelihood of Richard Jackson being our mystery contributor to 'reasonable certainty'.

Manic also wishes to celebrate with his song of choice; click below to join him:

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Manic's call for a public statement

Come on, 'Guido'... where the fuck is 'Blog Brother 7'?

You already skipped 4, 5, erm... and 5 again.

Manic wants to see your follow-up to your 'spirit of the stairway' claim that the deletion of duplicated comments (and text that mentioned one of the duplicates) somehow equates to the shit you've been up to.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Issues and tissues

Manic has written a very long post here:

The New Conservatives: Parallels and Realities

To save 'Guido' valuable time and effort, Manic has also written his response for him:

"Ha ha ha! Now Blog Brother thinks I am behind a massive Page 3 conspiracy and he wishes to ban boobies! It is clear that he has gone over the edge, and all he has done with this long-winded rant is drive more traffic to my website."

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Hello, hello, hello...

This looks like a fun game. Is Manic allowed to play?

Meet PragueTory

Everything you ever wanted to know about PragueTory (but were probably afraid to ask).

Manic finds it amusing that PragueTory should boo-hoo about being 'outed' when he's been so busy outing himself.

Manic finds it hilarious that PragueTory's response has been to rake over the dead coals of the arson attack that prompted his sudden desire for anonymity.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Guido stuffs ballot-stuffing attempt, misses point

Manic invites you to check out this post by Paul Staines (posting under the name 'Guido Fawkes'), where he mocks Greg Mulholland MP for campaigning for Campaigning Politician of the Year.

'Guido' then goes on to suggest that his readers should vote for Brian Haw 'instead'...

Manic already voted for Brian Haw last week, BTW.

'Guido' deleted Manic's comment that suggested he link to the relevant Channel 4 page instead of shoving his vote-preference down everyone's throats via a single-option 'mailto' link... which is a shame, because Manic was only trying to help.

All Manic wanted to do was give Guido a chance to arrive at an obvious conclusion or two all by himself:

1. 'Guido' failed to notice that the 'mailto:' link he provided had two 'mailto:' commands in it (and the error stayed in place right up until the voting deadline)

Also, if 'Guido' had returned to the relevant section at the Channel 4 website where he copied (then buggered) his 'mailto:' link, then he would have had an extra opportunity to realise:

2. Greg Mulholland MP is not competing in the same category as Brian Haw.

3. Greg Mulholland MP is not even competing in a 'public vote' category!

Manic wishes to leave to one side the issue of whether an MP who campaigns to save a local boy from execution deserves an accolade or a brickbat.

Manic knows that 'Guido' couldn't give a fuck either way.

(But in his defence, Manic will do 'Guido' the courtesy of pointing out that many newspapers found this story 'boring' as well.)

No, the important thing to remember here is that 'Guido' rarely passes up an opportunity to lay into a Lib-Dem...

... and on this occasion, 'Guido' totally failed to notice that Greg Mulholland's researcher appeared to be asking the public to vote for Mulholland in a category that had no public vote!

Manic suspects that something is putting Paul off his stride.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

[UPDATE 1:38pm] - It now emerges via an anonymous comment ('Guido' does do well out of them doesn't he?) that the email 'Guido' published was sent to MPs, who apparently do get to vote in Mulholland's category. Still, 'Guido' failed to mention this at the time (it would have provided valuable - dare we say it? - context)... and he also appeared to suggest that it was a Haw Vs. Mulholland affair, when it clearly wasn't. And he can't master simple HTML, let's not forget that...

:o)

Manic has spoken. Again. End communication. Again.

The man hears what he wants to hear (and disregards the rest)

Oh dear.

(frets)

Oh dear, oh dear.

(frets again)

Manic is worried about 'Guido'; the poor chap went all quiet after Friday, even though he posted over the weekend (a rare thing) and busied himself on Monday.

It wasn't until Tuesday night that 'Guido' suddenly decided that he was back in the game.

Manic can't wait to tell you about that... but first, some background:

Thursday: A 'Guido' reader comments on the 'Blog Brother 2' report: "When Guido stops publishing these we'll know he's fucked"

Friday: Guido publishes Blog Brother 3... then stops after this response

Saturday: Nothing happens

Sunday: Nothing happens

Monday: Nothing happens... apart from 'Guido' referring to Manic under comments as: "he who we do not link to"

Tuesday (evening): 'Guido' suddenly publishes Blog Brother 6, declaring "Gotcha!" (and showing a poor grasp of primary school level mathematics in the process)

What a shame for 'Guido' that the gotcha he clamped onto barely struggles past the letter 'G'.

Manic wishes to cast light on the full significance of this new development by inviting you to an imaginary boxing match:

*DING*

Manic clocks 'Guido', who then retreats to his corner and begins punching himself in the face (as his faithful team gather around and declare that he is obviously winning). Eventually, the self-inflicted beating takes it toll, and 'Guido' pauses to regain his breath and spit blood into a nearby bucket. Suddenly... a lifeline! A member of the crowd passes him a weapon! A steely determination grips 'Guido' as he suddenly springs from his corner and throws... a soggy tissue.

What appears below is a screengrab of the comment that Manic left with 'Guido' last night (before it was swiftly deleted, natch). He leaves you to enjoy this as he departs to go outside and play in the snow.



(PS - Manic apologises for slipping out of 'third person' now and again. In fact, he wonders how Paul Staines keeps it up without surrendering completely to the character he has invented.)

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Blogger outage crashes microsite for 10 minutes!

So all the Illuminati need do to close Manic down is make a direct call to Google!

Slow nudes day

Purnell's Easy Newsnight Ride Shock Scandal Horror Gnash Grind!

Piggy-backing on the hated MSM? Check.

Worrying level of interest in the intimate exchange of body fluids? Check.

Objection to possible nepotism from a proven nepotist? Check.

Censorship and/or shouting down of any party seeking to challenge Guido's agenda in comments? Check.

BBC-bashing and open indulgence of right-wing idiots convinced there is a vast liberal conspiracy working against them? Check and check...

(reads comments again)

... and check and check and check and check and check and check and...

Manic has observed that he is being studiously 'ignored'.

Manic also notices that Guido has yet to publicly burn his TV licence.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

A head of the game

Manic suspects that 'Guido' is touchier than he lets on... especially about his status as 'Mr Scoop'.

(Manic advises you to read this post and the comments that follow.)

Friday Caption Contest

Photo credit: noodlepie.com (original image and licence terms available here).

UPDATE (22 Jan) - The winning caption is;
"Cor, she's got a beard just like mine!"

(Manic would like to point out to those who don't appreciate the true excellence of this joke that 'Guido' considers himself to be an expert at beard-spotting.)

Comment ban shock!

Manic has been banned from leaving comments on the website of PragueTory, merely for leaving this polite and on-topic comment regarding astro-turfing:

Strangely, I appear to be under attack from astro-turfers myself. They use the usual techniques of claiming to be bored or accusing me of obsessive behaviour.

(Damn. Manic forgot to speak in third-person.)

But Manic is man enough to admit that perhaps he was being a teeny bit rude, as his statistics strongly suggest that PragueTory was already well-aware of that situation.

Manic wishes to remind Guido's acolytes that they are only making things worse by writing his material for him.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

You're a mong, friends

Manic must confess; he has been losing sleep... but not over naked images of Glenn Close or even feisty young Page 3 girls.

No, what causes Manic to fret late at night is the little things in life that make you weep for humanity.

Just one small example:

Manic noticed that Guido recently mocked Bob Piper for apologising for his use of the word 'anonymong'. Earlier, he even attempted to claim copyright for the term (Guido and his friends are big fans of copyright law) and in both cases, Guido allowed repeated use of the hyper-pure word 'mong' in comments.

Now, the word is acceptable in some online communities, where it is used in a knowing post-modern sense, when there are few bystanders and as it is unlikely that offence will be taken... but before using the word - even in these conditions - you should at the very least have the common sense to ask yourself one of the following questions (your choice depending on if you have a fucking heart or not):

- Is it likely that someone who might have good cause to be sensitive to the use of this term will read it and take offence?

- Is it likely that someone who might have good cause to be sensitive to the use of this term and is closely associated with the community will read it and take offence?

- Is it likely that someone who might have good cause to be sensitive to the use of this term, is closely associated with the community and can seriously fuck with you will read it and take offence?

Manic now wishes to move on to an entirely unrelated matter; he has noticed that David Cameron's Webcameron site links to The Old Guido in the blogroll.

Manic suspects that Dave has done this purely to gain street-cred and boost his traffic.

Regardless, Manic chooses to give him the benefit of the doubt and include him on his bogroll.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Spare me

Manic fears that Guido's dishonest posturing will eventually lead to his downfall.

In fact, he is paranoid enough to have saved a few files that prove Guido was awake in the early hours, too.

'Unread emails'? Please try harder, Guido.

Manic emailed Guido last night after the 'peace-broker' mentioned here responded to this shiny new weblog within 15 minutes of it going live. Manic graciously repeated this offer and pointed out what should have been obvious, even to someone as deluded as Guido:

Think about it Guido; all you have to do is reign in the remote possibility of the 'time-machine*' stunt in comments by introducing time and date timestamps on comments. It'll take you a minute. I gave a lot of ground for 'Pax' - when I was ahead - and you have to give very little in return.

(*Some Usenet geeks refer to this practice as 'retromoderation'. Manic appears to have missed the invention of this word, as he was busy pursuing a life at the time.)

While Manic is online, he also wishes to issue a warning to the 'gloves are off now' brigade:

Manic is a renowned lost cause enthusiast - and does not respond well to threats and intimidation.

In fact, he has a habit of outing mean-spirited anonymongrels:
Proof: Mike Chambers is directly responsible for the 'paedo' claims

Manic has yet to mess with the life of an anonymous bully NOT suckling at the taxpayer's teat, but there's a first time for everything.

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Spin on this

Manic has learned some new tricks from certain post-pub bloggers:

If you meet someone who is determined:

Describe them as 'obsessive'!

If you encounter someone who will not leave you alone until you give a simple answer to a pertinent question:

Call them a 'stalker'!

If you regularly bully others, and someone finally stands up to you gives you a well-deserved pop on the nose:

Play the victim!

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Guido Fawkes seeks a right of reply

Manic was greatly amused to see the high and mighty Guido Fawkes forced to stoop so low as to pansy about with long-winded chatter in the hugely unpopular and extremely boring realm of the hand-wringing lefties.

And he was in stitches when he read Guido whining about being the victim of "imaginative, unevidenced allegations".

Manic is very tempted to ask "How does it feel, gossip-boy?" but he is also confused... surely if the allegations are that easy to refute, he would have refuted them by now?

Manic has a reliable formula that he learned at the feet of The Great Guido. He urges you to use it wisely:

no comment = guilty

Manic has spoken. End communication.

Owning the zone

Manic has not only decided to get in on a piece of the action, he has decided to get much closer TO the action.

For this reason, he plans to set up a new base of operations just outside the exclusion zone where the public is banned from saying anything nasty about our Lords and Masters without a permission slip from Mr. Plod!

Manic has no desire to have his collar felt!

(Manic had to chuckle when he watched the notorious Queen-cuddler tut-tut-tut about SOCPA on 18DoughtyStreet the other week, because he knows that this man with his finger on the pulse has never mentioned it before on his blog or attended a protest. Mind you, who would want to spend all afternoon with a bunch of soap-dodging hippies?)

So Manic's challenge to you, his faithful acolytes, is to go forth and find a suitable location overlooking Parliament.

Something close to the river would be nice, then Manic can sit by the shore and scoop up any unwanted turds that float his way.

A map has been provided to help you in this worthy cause.

Comments are open, but sternly moderated.

COMING SOON: Somewhat minimal revelations designed to intimidate individuals rather than inform the public (based on guesswork and gossip fed to Manic by disgruntled work-a-day slobs wishing to stick the knife in).

Manic has spoken. End communication.