01-15 February, 2002

This entry was posted on
Friday, February 1st, 2002 at
9:36 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20020201

Time
09:36
Remember the 16-year-old from yesterday’s blog who got busted masturbating over Internet porn by his mother? That’s nothing. This kid is only 15 and has just been busted for running his very own Internet child pornography ring. He is so grounded.

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Date
20020201

Time
09:40
I saw it, but I didn’t believe it and didn’t link it. A good thing, too, as snopes has come through with the hard facts about that ‘death by stripper’ story.

I did fall for the orbiting laser cannons, though. Shame on me.

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Date
20020201

Time
09:46
Scrapheap Challenge is about to go to the next level. I don’t think we should expect fights to the death anytime soon, but it certainly sounds promising.

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Date
20020201

Time
09:48
Germany refuses to recognize Scientology as a church, saying it masquerades as a religion to make money. Well, that’s just plain unfair!

There’s no need to panic, though kids…Tom Cruise is on the case.

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Date
20020201

Time
09:53
Some rich bastard, clearly not satisfied with mere general derision, feels it necessary to bait the population with a techno version of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’.

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Date
20020201
Welcome to Pop-Up Hell
Time
10:43

I just happened across this very scary example of a pop-up alert box. Normally these little buggers say something like; “Would you like to earn $5000 a month from home?” or something equally sad/disturbing, but this one, quite entertainingly I thought, offered me the unique opportunity of blind compliance.

There’s no ‘Cancel’ option, so there goes the ‘nay’ vote. Even the ‘Close’ button is disabled, so I can’t abstain either – all that’s left is ‘OK’ – but ‘OK’ to what exactly?

Setting my home page to www.xxxteenfarmgirlsoncrack.com?

Wiping my C: drive?

Selling my soul to Satan, the Prince of Darkness?

I have to do something soon. I mean, I can’t just sit here and stare at it all day – but my curiosity is stopping me from simply Ctrl+Alt+Deleting its sorry arse off my screen and forgetting about it.

I’ll let you know what develops…

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Date
20020201

Time
14:22

They just unveiled the new statue of Thatcher but can’t decide where to put it.

Some want it displayed in the House of Commons but, as the article points out, ‘tradition dictates that Prime Ministers cannot be portrayed at Westminster during their lifetime’. I can guess what the typical response to that will be.

Me, I’ve mellowed since the 80’s. I’d be happy to see it anyplace where pigeons can shit on it.

You can see the bloggerheads version of the statue by clicking here.

Oops – here’s another one…

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Date
20020205

Time
10:33
Get tips on using the Internet from Honor Blackman

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Date
20020205

Time
10:37
Slightly insane bus drivers makes everyone happy. I prefer the guy named ‘Otto’ (yes, really) who took a school bus on a 100-mile detour.

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Date
20020205

Time
12:27
Finally, the Ultimate Insult gets its own domain. Update your links, peeps.

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Date
20020205

Time
12:28
Don’t forget to vote for me in the Anti-Bloggies.

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Date
20020205

Time
14:40
Thought Chick Publications had the Christian comic book marketing cornered? Think again.

Check out this fantastic anti-porn message from The Truth For Youth.

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Date
20020205
Flash Games
Time
14:43
Get addicted to bouncing galactic octopoids.

(While we’re on the subject – is the plural for ‘octopus’ octopi, octopuses or octopodes?. I’m sure you’re just dying to know.)

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Date
20020205

Time
15:24
A man in Florida with a machete beheaded another man during a fight, then placed the severed head on the hood of a car as neighbors watched. Police say the culprit has a history of mental illness.

No! Really?

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Date
20020205
Latest Viral Agent
Time
15:29
Playmore. It’s like a claymore, only potentially more damaging to those in its vicinity.

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Date
20020206

Time
09:22
The only man at the Institute of Contemporary Arts with taste and common sense has quit. He actually thinks, like the rest of us, that most modern art is “pretentious, self-indulgent, craftless tat”. Funnily enough, the rest of the board ganged up on him after this statement and made him fall on his sword.

Hmmm, I just had a great idea for an installation piece…

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Date
20020206
Flash Games
Time
09:26
It’s the Enron Blame Game! I’ll take Kenneth Lay for $300…

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Date
20020206
Naming and Shaming
Time
12:06
Bernard Shifman should be proud. He’s just inspired a generation of namers and shamers – myself included:

Matt Vartan Steals META Tags!

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Date
20020206

Time
13:30
Ronald Reagan is just been announced as the longest living former chief executive. Jinx!

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Date
20020206
What’s Wrong With This Picture?
Time
13:51
The following is taken from the list of Walker’s crisp flavours that are ‘suitable for vegetarians’:

– Walkers Beef & Onion Crisps

– Walkers Smoky Bacon Crisps

– Walkers Roast Chicken Crisps

WTF?!

Crisp fans will note with interest the absence of Cheese and Onion flavour from the list at the site. This is because the cheese powder is made with animal rennet. What’s ‘animal rennet’? It’s an enzyme taken from the stomach of killed newly-born calves. Yum!

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Date
20020207

Time
09:54
More bootleg mixes than you can poke a stick at (link courtesy of popbitch).

This Eminem version of Michael Jackson’s ‘Billie Jean’ is pretty seamless, but I still prefer Diffusion’s Eminem Vs Bob The Builder Mashup (call me biased if you must).

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Date
20020207
Flash Games
Time
10:48
Incriminati 2 is here! New! Improved! Now with added Jonathan King!

hehehehe

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Date
20020207

Time
11:56
Sexy East European girls in fast cars. I can’t get enough of ’em.

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Date
20020207

Time
15:12
I wondered this myself: why is Carrot Top famous?

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Date
20020207
Recycling
Time
15:39
Challenge your mind with the Google Paradox. If you search for Google in Google, then click on the link for the version of Google that’s held in Google’s cache, then you will clearly see that Google it is not affiliated with itself, nor responsible for its own content. Figure that out.

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Date
20020207

Time
15:55
What do you mean “I’m not on the list”?

Tch!

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Date
20020208

Time
09:49
Since featuring on fark.com yesterday, the Matt Vartan Steals META Tags page has received over 10,000 visitors. Blogging will be a little slow this morning, as I have a slight backlog of email to deal with.

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Date
20020208

Time
10:16
You know, now that I think about it, there are a lot of single dads on television.

“Say…do you like gladiator movies, Billy?”

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Date
20020208

Time
10:58
I sense a theme forming today… Discover your lesbian name.

Mine’s Mugwort ProudCheeks

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Date
20020208

Time
16:43

I do apologise for the lack of blogs today. I’ve been ever so busy!

Here’s a quick one to tide you over for the weekend – a tasty meal made especially for the latest farkin’ Photoshopping competition.

Remember who to vote for, people…

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Date
20020211
May the Lord bless you and keep you etc.
Time
08:57
Want to know your rights when testifying in public? Chick has the answer!

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Date
20020211

Time
09:01
Oven-baked Palm Pilot.

Mmmm, Palm Pilot (drool)…

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Date
20020211

Time
09:04
Interesting that a journalist would take the piss out of blogs like this. Where does he think that the next generation of journalists is coming from?

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Date
20020211

Time
09:07
God gives me a full-on robot chubby.

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Date
20020211

Time
09:08
Hmmm, I don’t even remember signing up for the scheme, but Nextcard saw fit to email me during the early hours of Saturday morning to let me know that it was all over:

“NextCard is no longer accepting credit card applications. We apologize for the short notice, as we just received these instructions. Please remove all NextCard links immediately, and please discontinue all current and future plans for NextCard advertising.”

The site’s gone, gone, gone but there’s still lots in the Wayback Machine, including an archive from late last week. Looks like they didn’t even see it coming.

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Date
20020211

Time
09:18
another.com is auctioning thousands of surplus domain names.

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Date
20020211

Time
10:40

It’s long been a dream of mine to see my name in biscuits, now I need dream no longer…

See your name in biscuits here.

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Date
20020211

Time
10:57
Guess which site is the top result in Google for the search query ‘Matt Vartan‘…

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Date
20020212

Time
09:28
Antibloggies – the results are in.

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Date
20020212

Time
09:29
Giant Gippsland Earthworm revealed to be a hoax.

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Date
20020212

Time
10:23
– Intricate and realistic mosque design

– Authentic ‘call to prayer’ alarm

– Glow in the dark face

– Reflective dome with gold finish

– Twin minarets

– Spring-loaded responsive ‘on-off’ button?!

OK, OK, you sold me. I gotta buy a Mosque Clock; even if only because it makes the perfect Christmas gift!

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Date
20020212

Time
16:04
Go on – have a cow.

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Date
20020212

Time
16:29
Yet another short and sweet version of Lord Of The Rings.

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Date
20020213

Time
08:59
We’re going to be on a bit of a religious kick today, as I’ve just launched my very own church.

Let’s begin the day by finding out what kind of Jesus you are and go downhill from there, shall we?

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Date
20020213

Time
09:04
Kick ass for Jesus with the Christian Martial Arts Ministry.

Hiiiiiiiyalujah!

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Date
20020213

Time
09:27
Get horny for God!

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Date
20020213

Time
10:07

Further proof that the web offers everything:

Creationist Clip Art.

This one’s my favourite…

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Date
20020213

Time
10:46
A cool link from The Ultimate Insult:

Tortures and Torments of the Christian Martyrs. Includes many juicy images with frank descriptions.

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Date
20020213

Time
11:20
We take a break from our regular programming to urge you to sign the ‘Save Futurama’ petition.

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Date
20020213

Time
15:42
This chap seems to have a problem with Chick Publications.

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Date
20020213

Time
16:35
Ah me, this brings back memories – Christ On A Bike.

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Date
20020213

Time
16:36
Will you be taken up to heaven when the rapture comes? Send your friends, family and other non-believers an automatic email letting them know what the heck happened to you.

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Date
20020213

Time
17:14
Are you a teen addicted to Jesus?

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Date
20020213

Time
17:16
This is like shooting fish in a barrel, so I’ll let the Adult Christianity site take up the slack from here and toodle off to bed. I’ll be back tomorrow and in the mood for lurve.