(Karaoke) – Lyrics to ‘Lieutenant Dan’, the ‘Forrest Gump’ version of ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel

This is a very special song that runs with deeper meaning, and you are invited to explore it for yourself. Lyrics below the fold.

If you ever struggle on any level, don’t hesitate to contact samaritans.org

Lieutenant Dan – (The ‘Forrest Gump’ version of β€˜Piano Man’ by Billy Joel)

LYRICS (by Tim Ireland)

It’s five o’clock at the riverside
Helicopter’s gonna land
There’s a surgery, then a hospital
Free ice cream, and ping pong, and Dan

He said ‘Forrest, you moron,
I should have died,
Like my father and uncles before
But you ran, and you bungled
Back there in the jungle
And robbed me of death in this war!’

Da da da de de da
Da da de de da
da da

You ain’t got legs
You’re Lieutenant Dan
You left them, back in the ‘Nam
But your legs aren’t the end
You’re a legend and friend
And one day you’ll Captain a band

Now Bubba
Was a shrimping boat fisherman
He died right there in Vietnam
That’s all I have to say
About that fateful day
Except for how saddened I am

He said: ‘Forrest, why is this happening?’
(It was happening because he got shot)
Said ‘I wanna go home!’
And he wasn’t alone
But you stick by the friends that you’ve got

Da da da de de da
Da da de de da
da da

Now Jenny’s advice
Was to run away
From trouble, or maybe to fly
But you wouldn’t survive
Or be here alive
If I ran off and left you to die

He said:
‘Gump, you were better off killing me,’
‘And to leave me to die on that day!’
But to die on that ridge
Or to jump off a bridge
It’s the same thing as running away

You ain’t got legs
You’re Lieutenant Dan
You left them, back in the ‘Nam
But your legs aren’t the end
You’re a legend and friend
And one day you’ll Captain a band

Jenny died
On a morning, on a Saturday
I had her placed under our tree
It’s not for forever
We’ll soon be together
When the end of time comes to claim me

You see
Destiny flows like a river
And fate like a feather in flight
But don’t let yourself go
Or just go with the flow
Or go gentle into that good night

Da da da de de da
Da da de de da
da da

You ain’t got legs
You’re Lieutenant Dan
You left them, back in the ‘Nam
But your legs aren’t the end
You’re a legend and friend
And one day you’ll Captain a band








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20 years of Bloggerheads: SOON! But first, this…

On 14 December 2021 I will be celebrating 20 years of blogging at bloggerheads.com

Today I wish to apologise for those times when publication slowed to a complete stop or focused entirely on a specific crisis in my life, but my excuse is that I was the subject of a 12-year campaign to destroy my reputation, and not just online, but in every aspect of my personal and professional life.

One man has spent the last TWELVE YEARS seeking to convince other people that I was a serial stalker and a danger to them. And a lot of familiar Tory names decided to play along, because it suited them to be rid of a left-wing blogger just as likely to ask THEM awkward questions about THEIR behaviour.

Wightman in his own words to an editor of ‘Westminster Journal’

Dominic Wightman did all of this because I caught him sharing my then-unlisted home address with Glen Jenvey while convincing that same man that I was a serial child rapist running a child sex ring out of my house. I still do not know why he did that, but I suspect it is something to do with my exposing his fellow Tories for exactly the same behaviour against another innocent victim.

In this video, I demonstrate that I spelled it all out for Bedfordshire Police 10 years ago AND I include many previously-unseen screen captures that are very real, entirely accurate, and likely to upset all of the (far) right people. Police were too busy ‘firing a shot across my bow’ like the local MP requested. They never interviewed Dominic Wightman about any of my allegations, I suspect because he was a key witness for their ‘case’ every time!

Bedfordshire Police interview Tim Ireland re: Nadine Dorries (19 January 2011)

There is an EPIC supporting thread here (link goes to end of thread at time of publication for ease of navigation):

But today, you should be watching THIS thread for developments…

… because the Culture Secretary seeks to dictate what Twitter can and cannot do in this country, and I am sure they will be VERY interested in knowing the extent to which their platform has been abused by her and her so-called ‘cyberstalking expert’… a man who is so deeply into sock-puppeting that he literally poses as a vicar on Sundays.

You might think I’m in for the fight of my life, but (a) I’m already in it, and (b) your sorry butts are on the line, too. What do you think Boris Johnson and Nadine Dorries want with a so-called ‘Online Safety Bill’? You know what they want to be safe from: facts and accountability.

Oh, and long-time fans of the site will be delighted to know that not only does Grant Shapps have questions to answer about turning his back on ANOTHER bullying scandal…

An email to Grant Shapps that he really should have acted on.

… but Harry Cole set a detonator off under his own sorry butt years ago:

Please be advised that it is VERY unlikely given her silence over the last 10 days, but the possibility remains that – because Dominic Wightman has been secretly sending falsified and fabricated evidence to a series of Tories over many years – Nadine Dorries and others may themselves be the victims of a sustained disinformation attack.

To be clear, it is ENTIRELY possible at this point that Dominic Wightman has been psychologically torturing Nadine Dorries and others over the course of many years, just because his ego couldn’t cope with getting caught doing the wrong thing in the first place.

Back on deck. Sorry I’ve been away for so long.

Howl with the wolves, like fuck.

Cheers, all.








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to We’ve Got Tonight, Spooky version – aka ‘Why Don’t You Scream?’

A haunting but hopefully not-too-horrible take on Bob Seger’s ‘We’ve Got Tonite’ (equally famous as ‘We’ve Got Tonight’ by Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton). Nothing too graphic, just a bit spooky is all. Maybe a smidgen of cannibalism and face-peeling, but nothing entirely untoward.

‘Screaming Ghost’ firelighters by fireburngood.com

LYRICS – ‘Why Don’t You Scream?’, the Spooky version of We’ve Got Tonight

Sung to the tune of ‘We’ve Got Tonite’ by Bob Seger.

I know it’s late
I know you’re weary
I know your plans
don’t include me

Still, here we are
down in the basement
Or maybe a shelter
cellar, or dream

What is your hurry?
No one can hear, girl
Call on your cheer squad!
Bring out your team!

We’ve got tonight
There’s no tomorrow
We’ve got tonight, baby
Why don’t you scream?

I’ve watched you sleep
I’ve watched you changing
Haunted your children
Into their teens

I’ve longed for lungs
Like everyone else does
Or maybe some liver
With fava beans

So there it is girl
You’ve done it all now
Running through quicksand
Falling for me

We’ve got tonight
There’s no tomorrow.
We’ve got tonight, baby
Why don’t you scream?

I know it’s late
I know you’re weary
I know your plans
They don’t include me
Still here we are
We both need our mother
I mean ‘another’

We’ve got tonight
There’s no tomorrow
Cut off your mask, baby
Peel at the seams

Turn out the lights
Run, by all means
I’ve got this knife, baby
Why don’t you scream?

I’ve got this knife, baby
Why don’t you scream?








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Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (Extended Pop Mix)

I’m an old-school pop DJ with a fixation on the 20th century. During lockdown I’ve been keeping my mind busy by programming new pop soundtracks to existing films. My rules are very simple: complete tracks, back to back – NO edits.

I do NOT alter the original visual work and its pacing AT ALL, because the challenge is to find JUST the right songs so they fit scenes not only for mood, theme, and time, but crucially also for individual ‘beats’ and moments within those scenes. And, of course, all of those songs have to flow together as if they are a logical playlist.

I made Die Hard (1988) into a proper Christmas film by adding 40 songs about Christmas. I populated War Games (1983) with songs from that era about computer technology and nuclear war. I made a soundtrack for Dog Day Afternoon (1972) formed from songs that would have been playing on the radio at the time of the actual botched robbery that this film is based on. I took Logan’s Run (1979) and filled it with songs from the post-war B-movie era and can reliably report that you cannot polish a turd, but glitter will do the job every time.

(You can see samples from these movie-length edits in this mixed thread of clips, and in my epic Die Hard thread.)

Now, as a respectful nod to Giorgio Moroder (who did similar work on 1927’s ‘Metropolis’ in the 80s) I have chosen songs mostly from the 80s for my first work on a silent film: ‘Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans’.

The following four clips will reveal much about the premise and some detail about the story, but it will not ruin the film or its ending, and you are welcome.

In ‘Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans’ a married farmer is convinced to murder his wife by his lover, a woman from the city. He rows his wife out into the water with the intention of drowning her, but comes to his senses at the last moment. His redemption arc begins there, as the farmer travels to the city with his wife, who is now terrified of him.

This film has some stunning fantasy sequences that it is rightly famous for, and you will note the different movements within songs announce these changes as if they were mapped out that way. The artists I have selected for my mix are ABC, Tina Arena*, Peabo Bryson, Chicago, Phil Collins, Crowded House, Culture Club, Neil Diamond, Duran Duran, Corey Hart, Hootie & The Blowfish*, Greg Kihn, Level 42, Madonna, Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes, Sheila E, Toto, Terence Trent D’Arby, Kim Wilde and Wham.

(*I did say quite specifically a ‘MOSTLY from the 80s’.)

When silent films were originally shown in the cinema, an orchestra would play music designed to enhance the viewing experience. It was this art form that led us to the modern score and a similar approach using existing songs giving us pop songs in movies, musical montages and music-rich ‘soundtrack’ movies like American Graffiti and The Big Chill and Forrest Gump and Footloose and The Lost Boys and I could go on.

What I have sought to do in Sunrise is fulfil the original role of the orchestra in a silent cinema by doing my best work as a DJ; to choose the right tracks for the right moments. To match the mood as much as the action, and help the audience feel those feels.

I’ve published four clips in this thread on Twitter, and you are invited to join me there and/or contact https://www.bloggerheads.com/contact/me directly if you have any comments or questions about the finished work.








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to You’ve Got Fire (the educational version of I’m on Fire)

I’ve been looking for the right vehicle for these educational couplets for a while now, and the moment I recalled Bruce Springsteen crooning the words ‘Hey little girl, is your daddy home?’ I knew I wanted to burn this song down and start again.

Lyrics below the fold. There’s also an extra ‘no lyrics’ version just below the karaoke video if you feel like spacing out and watching hearts burn for a few minutes. This piano cover of I’m On Fire is by Neil Archer.

KARAOKE VIDEO

INSTRUMENTAL ONLY

LYRICS – You’ve Got Fire

(Sung to ‘I’m on Fire’ by Bruce Springsteen)

Hey, bright sparks, remember this
Every fire starts with pyrolysis
Oh yeah
It’s what’s required
Oh, ho, ho if you want fire

All molecules break down in heat
Into the things combustion eats
Oh yeah
Here’s what’s required:
Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

I’m telling you the source of fire’s heat
Is when two atoms like to meet
Oh yeah
It’s what’s required
Oh, ho, ho if you want fire

The heat of a fire is released when
Hot carbon meets with oxygen
Oh yeah

That heat goes higher
Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

You see photosynthesis
Takes sun like it should
And it grows solar batteries
Made out of wood

The energy will stay stored in there
Until you apply heat and air
Oh ho

It’s what’s required
Oh, ho, ho
if you want fire

The flames above that fire’s soul
Are floating oxidising coals
Oh yeah
Watch them float higher
Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire

Heat, fuel, air
You’ve got fire








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to the ‘We Love Being British’ version of ‘Chariots of Fire’

Nazis specifically and racists generally will hate this song, but hating is what they do, and there’s not a lot I can do about that other than try to educate them.

The differences between us are cultural and cosmetic, and the only thing that can make you less human is abandoning your humanity (e.g. by somehow thinking you are better than other humans).

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – Chariots of Fire: the ‘We Love Being British’ version

(Sung to ‘Chariots of Fire’ by Vangelis)

Britons!
Britons!
Britons!
Britons!

We love being British
We love being free
We love being British
We love it like tea

Though some will like coffee
And some will be black
And some will be mocha
You know that’s a fact

And some will love someone else’s god
And some will love none
And you need to be OK with that
‘Cause there’s nothing wrong

And there’s nothing wrong with Britain now
That it can’t be fixed
But you must be strong and understand:
Results will be mixed

Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed
Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed

If that has you triggered
And fearing you’ll die
Or merely embittered
You’re living a lie.

‘Cause some will love someone else’s god
And some will love none
And some will love all of humankind
And some, just the one

And there’s nothing wrong with Britain now
That it can’t be fixed
But you must be strong and understand:
Results will be mixed

Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed
Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed

Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed
Results will be mixed, dear
Results will be mixed

Britain!
Britain!
Britain!








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(Karaoke) Lyrics ‘The Four Yorkshiremen Sketch version’ of ‘Life in a Northern Town’

Life in a Northern Town by The Dream Academy always reminded me of The Four Yorkshiremen Sketch, so I finally smooshed them together and here we are.

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘The Four Yorkshiremen Sketch version’ of ‘Life in a Northern Town’

(Sung to ‘Life in a Northern Town’ by The Dream Academy)

Who’d a thought back when we
Would be happy with cups of tea
Without sugar or milk for me
Or tea

You were lucky you had a cracked cup
We drank from newspapers we had rolled up
We sucked on a damp cloth or mop
Ohhhh!

Ah hey oh ma ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma ma hey-y-yah

Life in a hole in t’ ground
Ah hey ma ma ma ma

We were happy because we were poor
We were happy and living indoors
A family of twenty or more
With nothin’

You were lucky you had any floors
We lived in a corridor
We lived in a hole underground
With tarpaulins
(Yeah yeah!)

Ah hey oh ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

Life in a hole in t’ ground
Hey ma ma ma ma
Ah hey oh ma ma
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

All t’mills shut down

We’d dream of a corridor
The luxury of a floor
But we were all way too poor
And LUCKY!

We lived in a lake, it were bleak
In a brown paper bag with a leak
Working at mill all week
All week

Ah hey oh ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

Life in a hole in t’ ground
Ah hey oh ma ma ma
Ah hey oh ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

You try and tell kids now!

Ah hey oh ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

Life in a hole in t’ ground
Ah hey oh ma ma ma
Ah hey oh ma mommy doo-din-nie-ya
Ah hey oh ma ma hey-y-yah

You try and tell kids now!








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to the ‘Dear Sandy Duncan’ version of Lady D’Arbanville

I was but a child when I first saw a grown woman dressed as a boy and felt strange feelings that had nought to do with wire work.

This song was years in the making but took two minutes to write.

(Sandy, if you’re reading this, I’m a responsible adult and my feelings for you are respectful and chaste. I can’t speak for the 9-year-old beast inside me, but I’m deeply appreciative of the years you put into your entertainment career, and I hope you’re enjoying your retirement in happiness and good health.)

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘Dear Sandy Duncan’ by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘Lady D’Arbanville’ by Yusuf/Cat Stevens)

My dear Sandy Duncan
Why do I feel these feels?
How are you so elfin?
Are you for real, for real?
Are you for real, for real?

My dear Sandy Duncan
Go flying in your tights
Straight on until morning
Meet a wild boy tonight
A wild boy tonight

My dear Sandy Duncan
Your smile haunts my dreams
Surrounded by Muppets
Love bursting at the seams
Love bursting at the seams

My dear Sandy Duncan
You never brought us shame
You lived with the Hogans
Until they took your name
Until they took your name

My dear Sandy Duncan
Our Star Spangled Girl
The loveliest lady
In the entire world
In the entire world

La la la la la la
la la la la la la
La la la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la la la

My dear Sandy Duncan
Why do I feel these feels?
How are you so elfin?
Are you for real, for real?
Are you for real, for real?

My dear Sandy Duncan
Come flying in your tights
Straight on until morning
Meet this wild boy tonight
This wild boy tonight

I love you, dear Sandy
Come flying in your tights
Straight on until morning
Meet this wild boy tonight
This wild boy tonight








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to the ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ version of ‘The Edge of Reality’

Steve Austin was forced to do work as a secret agent and he clearly resented it, but the government would often remind him that he owed them 6 million dollars… after their plane fell out of the sky and they rebuilt him using experimental bionic parts.

That never made sense to me. The first thing I would do with my bionic right arm is punch a certain secret government agency right in the face before leaving a Steve-Austin-shaped hole in the wall.

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘The Edge of Reality’, as performed by Elvis Presley)

Oh I can hear Steve Austin running
Faster than humans can

He is the cyborg of the future
The Six Million Dollar Man

I heard them say
‘We can make him better,
Science says we can’

‘A better, stronger, faster Steven’
The Six Million Dollar Man

Oh the Six Million Dollar Man
He runs fast as autos can
And has a bionic right arm
Oh the Six Million Dollar Man
His butt has a turbo fan
His pants an electric alarm

‘Gentle-men, we can rebuild him.’
‘Atomic legs and hand’

And oh my lord, they just took his eyeball!
He’s the Six Million Dollar Man!!

Oh the Six Million Dollar Man
He crashed when it all began
Technology cost him his soul
Oh the Six Million Dollar Man
His brains are a custard flan
He woke up and lost all control

Oh Steve escaped from the lab at midnight
This wasn’t in the plan!

If he returns, he may destroy us
The Six Million Dollar Man!








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(Karaoke) Lyrics to the ‘Sideways’ version of ‘My Way’

Did you know that David Bowie wrote his own lyrics to this tune made famous in the English speaking world by Frank Sinatra (via lyrics by Paul Anka)? Great story. I won’t spoil it.

Bowie wrote about a fool who learns to love. My lyrics are about the blue crabs of Chesapeake Bay and their struggle with pollution or just getting ahead in life when they can only go sideways. I guess we each have different outlooks.

If you live near to Chesapeake Bay (or ANY watershed), here are 8 simple things you can do to restore the river and save the bay. If you like, you can also help the Chesapeake Bay Foundation maintain their mission toward a restored Bay, rivers, and streams for today and generations to come.

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘Sideways’ by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘My Way’, as performed by Frank Sinatra)

And now
The bay is near
To crisis point
One thing is certain

My friends
The waters clear
When folks take care
And throw less dirt in

To live a life that’s full
We need our bay
To be more OK

We cry
I’ll tell you why
I’ll tell you
sideways

Phosphorus
And nitrogen
And algae blooms
And microplastics
We need
Solutions now
Both incremental
And somewhat drastic

And why
I hear you cry
Why should I care
About a mere bay
And I
I will reply
I live there
Side
ways

For I’m a crab!
I’m sure you knew
And I’m delicious
In soup
or in stew
They eat me straight
Out of my shell
But if you do
not cook me well
You will be seized
With lung disease
And you’ll go sideways!

And now
That it’s low tide
If you sit still
You may just meet us
But please
I’ll ask you once
And oh so nicely
Maybe don’t eat us
For we’re
No mere entrees
We are the blue crabs
Of Ches-a-peake Bay
We do
Do things like you
But do them
Sideways

For I’m a crab
What have I got?
My life ahead
And that is a lot
But I can’t see
And cannot reach
What lies before
Us on the beach
It’s just not fair
Trash everywhere
And it’s all
Sideways








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