Posted by Tim Ireland at January 15, 2021

Category: Karaoke

This song is about evolution, it is designed to educate all ages, and so I have twinned it with a sequence from a famous educational animation that you can see in full here. Said animation was released in 1971, and so was being produced in the same year I was, which I think is a nice touch.

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘Darwin Again’ by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘You Win Again’ by The Bee Gees)

I couldn’t figure out
Why you went and gave me these
new mutated genes

Didn’t know you’d let me
hand them down
To my babies

Find out
everybody grows
according to their scene

I’m surprised my kind are still around

One day I’m gonna have to make another
That looks and sounds like me
They gotta be a little different, though
Characteristically

It’s not right
You can’t fight
This battle of life you see

Darwin again!
So over time
we do nothing but compete

There’s new life
on earth
New qualities
see me through

Darwin again!
Some never try
But if anybody can, we can

So I’ll win
Survivin’
Much longer than you!

Oh girl
New world
Babies!
A species from now on

I’m gonna
outlive my ancestors
one by one

I’m gonna conquer
and divide
Spread my gene pool
far and wide

Nobody stops
biology
breaking through

You better beware
I swear
I’m gonna
rise above my peers

It’s really strange
to remain unchanged
for eighteen million years!

It’s not right
You can’t fight
This battle of life you see

Darwin again!
So over time
we do nothing but compete

There’s new life
on earth
New qualities
see me through

Darwin again!
Some never try
But if anybody can, we can

So I’ll win
Survivin’
Longer than you!

(New world)

Darwin again!
So over time
we do nothing but compete

There’s new life
on earth
New qualities
see me through

Darwin again!
Some never try
But if anybody can, we can

Darwin again!
So over time
we do nothing but compete

There’s new life
on earth
New qualities
see me through

Darwin again!
Some never try
But if anybody can, we can








Posted by Tim Ireland at January 12, 2021

Category: Karaoke

This song is based on the conflict between The Beatles during the recording of the album ‘Let It Be’, and is sung according to the melody of the title song. It tells a tale of people losing sight of each other in a sea of correspondence and contracts from the POV of a man of peace struggling to find it. It can also teach you almost all of the alphabet!

Lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS – ‘Letter B’, by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘Let It Be’ by The Beatles)

When I find myself in Times New Roman
reading all your guarantees
The font of words of wisdom
Letter B

The quick brown fox is jumping over
lazy dogs and ‘crazy’ me
Your character’s in question
Letter B

If you know
Your ABCs
Won’t you come
And sing with me
‘Did you read my letters?’ Letter B

So let me spell it out in my way
very characteristically:
Yes, I read your letters
Letter B

I’m showing you I read your letters
very effing thoroughly
Each and every letter
Letter B

Letter B
Letter C
Letter D
Letter E
F, G, H, I, J-K-L
M-N-O, P
Q, R, S
T, U, V
W
X, Y and Z
A song about an A-hole
Letter B

(instrumental)

And when I read your letters
I can ignore where we disagree
Because I read the letters
Letter B

It doesn’t take a doctorate
or associate or law degree
I always read your letters
‘Letter B’

Letter B
Letter C
Letter D
Letter E
F, G, H, I, J-K-L
M-N-O, P
Q, R, S
T, U, V
W
X, Y and Z
A song about an A-hole
Letter B

Letter B
Letter C
Letter D
Letter E
F, G, H, I, J-K-L
M-N-O, P
Q, R, S
T, U, V
W
X, Y and Z
Yes, I read your letters! Thoroughly.

I read your letters
eff
ing
thu
roh
lee








Posted by Tim Ireland at January 11, 2021

Category: Uncategorized

This song is based on The Dandy Warhols ‘Bohemian Like You’, and follows the path of the Death Star plans from the point of view of a plucky little droid named ‘Artoo’, alleged force-wielder and unsung hero of the Battle of Yavin.

There’s a bonus ‘faux-dialogue’ song at the front if it takes your fancy. Have fun, and may The Force be with you!

LYRICS: ‘I’m Artoo’, by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘Bohemian Like You’ by The Dandy Warhols)

I got the death star
Plans are planted in my brain
Yeah, it’s got a minor flaw
There’s a port to the main core

I really love
These sand dunes, yeah
And the Jawas mean no harm
Now we’re here at Owen’s farm

So, what do you do?
Oh yeah, I like X-wings too

No, I haven’t seen you fly
But I’ve a feeling that you do

And if you dig on ad-ven-ture
Well come over to Kenobi’s

I can show you
Something that you’ll really love

‘Cause I’m Artoo
Yeah I’m Artoo
And I’m joining the rebellion like you

Yeah I’m Artoo
Yeah, I’m Artoo
And I feel
whoa ho
woo!

(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)

Wait
Who’s that guy
Hangin’ at the landing pad

He’s looking kinda bummed
Oh, a death mark?
That’s too bad

I guess it’s fair
if we get to Alderaan
And he takes it like a man

If the planet isn’t home
when we’re there

‘Cause I’m Artoo
Yeah I’m Artoo
And I’m part of the rebellion like you

‘Cause I’m Artoo
Yeah I’m Artoo
And I feel
whoa ho
woo!

(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)

I feel the force
And I’m part of the rebellion like you

That port is ahead, so please
Just fly casual, casual easily

Hit it!
Hit it for me!

And I’m Artoo
yeah I’m Artoo

And I’m Artoo
I’m Artoo
I’m Artoo

I’m Artoo
I’m Artoo
I’m Artoo

I’m Artoo

And I feel
Whoa ho
woo!

(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)
(beeping and whistling)








Posted by Tim Ireland at January 11, 2021

Category: Karaoke

We’re all racing through time, most of us only go in one direction, and none of us want to do it alone.

This tells the love story of Doc Brown and Clara Clayton from Back to the Future III, but if you study the lyrics and know the original movie Back to the Future, you will immediately recognise that this song is also about the friendship between Doc Brown and Marty McFly, and that moment right before they captured lightning to send Marty back to the future. Well, *a* future, but that’s another story.

Full lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS: ‘Back to the Future’ version of ‘Time in a Bottle’, by Tim Ireland

(Sung to ‘Time in a Bottle’ by Jim Croce)

If I could control flux capacity
The first thing that I’d like to do

Is to travel through time
In DeLoreans designed
Not for roads
But for me, and for you

If I could go back to the future
Or maybe exist ’til next week

I’d say every way
I could think of ‘I love you’
If only we had time to speak

But it’s ten o clock
you hear the chimes
It’s here and now
we race through time
as partners

You need to find
that special friend
Who’ll stick around
until the end
for starters

For I’ve got a gigawatt of wishes
Bursting to live and come true

I’d break through dimensions
and risk time collapsing
Just to travel
through more time with you

But it’s ten o clock
you hear the chimes
It’s here and now
we race through time
as partners

You need to find
that special friend
Who’ll stick around
until the end
for starters

File this song under ‘as approved by Mary Steenburgen’. Damn right I’m proud.








Posted by Tim Ireland at January 7, 2021

Category: Karaoke

I’ve decided to bring all of my songs to life through the magic of karaoke, and today I share with you my version of Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’, with new and improved lyrics about the greatest animated love story of our times: the saga of Scooby-Doo’s unrequited love for Shaggy.

Full lyrics below the fold.

LYRICS: ‘Ruh-roh!’ by Tim Ireland

(sung to ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie)

I’ve been alone with you so many times
But in my dreams I’ve licked your face
Then you’ve licked mine

My heart is full
These Scooby snacks are yours
Ruh-roh
I can’t hide this anymore

I can see we’re teen cartoons
So I know we’ll keep it clean
But I’ve seen you looking at me
In the Mystery Machine

‘Cause Fred knows just what to say
Velma knows just what to do
But I want to tell you Raggy
Ry ruv ru

When Daphne runs
I watch your flowing hair
I’d tie you down with Fred’s neck scarf
but I don’t dare

I worry I’ll be unmasked every show
Ruh-roh!
Raggy I, Doo, ruv you so

‘Cause I wonder where we are,
and I do not understand
Like we have another mystery
on our mother-jinking hands

Let’s see who the monster is
now we’ve stumbled on some clues
But let me start by saying
Ry ruv ru

(instrumental break)

Ruh-roh!
Raggy I, Doo, ruv you so

‘Cause I want to kiss your face off
as we run from room to room

In an old abandoned building
or amusement park of doom

I should leap into your arms
but I don’t know what you’ll do

And I hope that you’ll say ‘Scooby,’
‘I ruv you’








Posted by Tim Ireland at December 10, 2020

Category: Uncategorized

I was a music video DJ for about a decade, starting in the late 80s. I’ve been mixing video to music on and off since, and over time I’ve discovered the joy of finding music that matches up entirely to unrelated footage without edits. I’ve since expanded it into a new feature-length art form I call ‘FM’ (‘Featuring Music’ or, if you prefer: ‘Faux Musical’).

Much like Giorgio Moroder’s soundtrack project for 1927’s ‘Metropolis’ in the 80s, ‘FM’ describes the process of adding a back-to-back pop/rock soundtrack to an entire film, only in this case, all of the music has to match the theme, mood and multiple visual beats of a scene and work in, under, around or over existing dialogue, ambient noise, and occasional orchestral swells/stings… without editing the film, and without editing the song(s). Entire songs are arranged back-to-back and play throughout the film, with only very short/occasional breaks for key moments/dialogue.

My first film project was Star Wars FM. It starts like if Dark Side of the Moon really did line up with the Wizard of Oz (in space) and ends like Top Gun (in space).

I first performed this as you might expect a DJ to: by mixing the two soundtracks live for the benefit of an audience while the film’s vision played on a big screen.

During lockdown, I mixed a shareable proof-of-concept for Star Wars FM and also programmed music for The Empire Strikes Back FM and Return of the Jedi FM.

I know you’re not going to let me mention all of that and not deliver a sample, so here’s ONE song from ‘Star Wars FM’/#StarWarsFM

But if we can move on to the main Christmas business at hand: you are here today to hear about a special treat I have cooked up for you based on an entirely different movie.

A Christmas movie!

Introducing…

12 Days Of Die Hard

The 12 Days Of Die Hard start on 13 December and end on 24 December (Christmas Eve).

After that, you can get the ordinary bog-standard 12 Days of Christmas from your usual providers. (Watch out for the ‘bird’ days; they are a right bastard.)

For every day of the 12 Days Of Die Hard I will be on Twitter evangelising about why Die Hard is so obviously a Christmas film and showing off short clips from my proof-of-concept for the pop and rock soundtrack musical version of that same film:

Die Hard FM: A Christmas Miracle

Yes, of course the soundtrack is 100% Christmas music.

How could it be otherwise? Die Hard is a Christmas movie!

I’m on Twitter at @bloggerheads, I will be kicking off on Sunday 13 December with a fresh clip every day until Christmas Eve, and making relevant updates on this post.

Throughout, I will be using the hashtags #DieHardFM & #12DaysOfDieHard and reaching out to legends like @StevenEdeSouza in an effort to gain the blessing of any/all concerned in the hopes that one day ‘Die Hard FM: A Christmas Miracle’ can actually exist as a legitimate edit and everybody can enjoy a musical machine-gun Christmas with ho-ho-hos all round.

If I make any progress on that front, you better believe I will be making further updates on this post.

Hey, while you’re here and waiting on those updates: DeVoreaux Sefas White aka Argyle The Limo Driver is on Twitter and deserves more followers. Maybe you can wish him a Merry Christmas and pay your respects while you’re there: ‘Dae’ brought you joy through his performance in this unique Christmas movie, and saying thank you costs nothing.

The ‘Die Hard’ clips start Sunday (13 December). Be ready.


I am delighted to report that it was on Day 3 of the 12 Days of Die Hard that I earned a round of applause from screenwriting legend Steven E. de Souza.








Posted by Tim Ireland at December 7, 2020

Category: Uncategorized

Many of us will be missing our families this year, but few of us will be missing a cross-country drive to see them. This song is for the drivers, and the subtext behind the swears is this: you are traffic.

Go easy out there.

LYRICS

I’m driving home for Christmas
Oh, and I hope that they’re all OK
I’m driving home for Christmas
Yeah
Get the fuck out of my way

And it’s plain to see
You got your licence
From a licensee

Or maybe the bin
Like your silly car
Driving home for Christmas

Yes, do take your time
We’ll all get there

Back to back hot ballsacks
Oh, I got red cracks all around
But soon there’ll be a lay-by
Yeah
To cool my genitals back down
But we’re stuck right here
Like Friends we’re moving
In second gear
You’re far too near me!
Jerk!
Learn to drive a car!
You’re driving home for Christmas
I’ll be home it time for Christmas
Or if not, then New Years Eve

I take look at this moron next to me
He looks insane
He looks insane

End to end with arseholes
Oh, I got red mist all around
We’re driving home for Christmas
Yeah
It’s a fucking battleground
So I shout ‘fuck you!’
Though you can’t hear me
You’re shouting too
You’re far too near me!
Twat!
Do you own the road?
You’re driving home for Christmas
I’ll be home it time for Christmas
If not, maybe January

There’s a jerk sitting here next to me
He looks insane
He’s driving home, driving home
Driving home for Christmas








Posted by Tim Ireland at December 3, 2020

Category: Karaoke

I’ve had these lyrics for The Raiders March stuck in my head for years, and now your loved ones can suffer too.

LYRICS

Indiana flippin’ Jones
Indiana
‘Junior’ flip-ping Jones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Crack a whip
Find some bones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
and
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Indiana
‘Junior’ flip-ping Jones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Run from balls
Find some bones
Indiana flippin’ Jones

Find some bones
Indiana Jones
Find some bones
Indiana Jones
Find some bones
Indiana Jones

Find some bones, Indy
Bones, Indy
Bones, Indy, bones

Find some bones
Indiana Jones
Find some bones
Indiana Jones
Find some bones
Indiana Jones

Find some bones, Indy
Bones, Indy
Bones, Indy, bones

Find some bones, Indy
Bones, Indy
Bones, Indy, bones

Find some bones, Indy
Stones, Indy
Bones, Indy
Stones, Indy
Bones, Indy
Bones, Indy, bones

Indiana flippin’ Jones
Indiana
‘Junior’ flip-ping Jones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Punch a Nazi
Find some bones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
and
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Indiana
‘Junior’ flip-ping Jones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Kiss the girl
Find some bones
Indiana flippin’ Jones
Flipping Jones!

Find us some bones!
Doctor Jones!
Find us some bones!
Doctor Jones!
Find us some bones!
Doctor Jones!
Find us some bones!

Give me the bones!!








Posted by Tim Ireland at November 27, 2020

Category: Karaoke

I did promise some more family-friendly entertainment, and here it is.

A karaoke version of the Hill Street Blues Theme with long-awaited lyrics. Enjoy!

LYRICS

Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues
Let’s be careful out there
Hill Street blues








Posted by Tim Ireland at November 26, 2020

Category: Karaoke

I couldn’t find a karaoke video that I liked for the Deadpool 2 / MTV Unplugged version of ‘Take On Me’ by a-ha… so I made one.

And now I’ve made one, I’ve found out that they’re a bit like potato chips.

You have been warned.

(Please excuse the age restriction necessitated by adult themes. They won’t all be this violent.)








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