This entry was posted on
Tuesday, October 1st, 2002 at
9:47 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.
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Date
20021001
Time
09:47
Well, that’s an interesting start to the morning. I just got an email from Bernard Shifman (who he?) requesting that I ‘please remove the content about Bernard Shifman’ from the website.
A real email from Bernard Shifman? I feel honoured. Bloggerheads is now part of interwebnet history.
Thing is, there is no content regarding this on Bloggerheads, just a link on this page, but he does go on to say that ‘it’s causing a ton of problems’ and ‘is escalating because people like (me) are linking to it’.
Perhaps if he proved some evidence for his claims that ‘it’s all made up’, I’d be more inclined to comply. If it is a fabrication, then a heck of a lot of people seem to be in on it.
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Date
20021001
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
10:04
Sexy suicide bombers and a report that porn spam is getting raunchier.
True, very true.
I recently received a porn spam trying to attract me to a ‘Lolita’ site. The (HTML) email actually featured an image of naked and openly provocative girl no older than 8 or 10. After years of porn spam, I can honestly say that this outrage is a first for me.
In fact, I would argue that it smacks of desperation. You can find out more in the Porn Report.
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Date
20021001
Time
10:13
A US sheriff’s department was so taken in by this Onion report that they actually released a circular to warn county residents of telemarketing programs ‘believed to be operated by Al-Qaeda’.
It’s not quite as amusing as Evil Bert’s intrusion into reality, but it’s close.
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Date
20021001
LOTR
Time
10:18
Probably old news to a web aficionado like your good self, but I really should go on the record with this bandwidth-sucking link to the Two Towers Trailer.
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Date
20021001
Time
10:21
Youth pastor resigns over addiction to adult pornography. And rightly so. A youth pastor should be addicted to youth pornography.
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Date
20021001
OK, So I’m a Star Wars Geek
Time
12:25
We mentioned the new Lego Imperial Star Destroyer the other day. If you want to save a few bob and build one yourself, take a look at this awesome original that puts mine to shame.
Oh, I also found some great Lego lightsabers and other weapons at the same site.
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Date
20021001
Can Weblogs…?
Time
15:27
Remember, deletion of Tony Blair’s email begins tomorrow.
To be honest, I don’t have much choice in the matter. Email for Tony currently takes up 6.6Mb of the 10Mb I’m allowed on the another.com account. Between his email and mine, I do believe I’m choose, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm… his.
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Date
20021001
Photoshopping
Time
15:59
More Elvis today, because yoooooouu asked for it.
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Date
20021002
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:53
The first of Tony Blair’s emails is up for deletion today.
I’m starting with the most recent and working my way back. Because it’s easier this way.
Today: An email that attempted to bring to his attention this New York Times article on the ethics of shooting first.
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Date
20021002
Time
09:58
Jeffrey Archer has finally settled with the Daily Star, in a £1.5m out-of-court settlement. Problem is, the Daily Star was recently purchased by Richard Desmond The Pornographer, so all this really amounts to is a money transfer from one scumbag to another.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:08
Trace the almost-daily reports from a school worker as he reveals what’s for lunch.
(Link via ultimateinsult.net)
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Date
20021002
How’s The Novel Going?
Time
10:12
Well, I’m glad you asked. After about 6 months of running the plot through my head and fleshing out the characters, I finally have a full and detailed synopsis written (complete with important plot landmarks and snippets of dialogue throughout). We are ‘go’ for launch. The author of this article, charting well on Blogdex, thinks I should think again. Sorry, gestation is complete. It’s time to give birth. Erm, when my crappy laptop gets fixed, that is. Timing. Murphy. You know how it is.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:22
The report that blondes would be extinct in 200 years was a hoax.
Phew!
Well, that takes the pressure off me, then.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:25
U.S. Special Forces have been kicking arse and taking names in eastern Afghanistan with unrivalled tact and diplomacy.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:27
Father shoots himself in head while giving son gun safety lesson.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:29
The oldest known penis is 100 million years old. It belongs to an ostracod, an early crustacean. Well, actually, I should say ‘they belong’, as the lucky little blighter had two of the trouser beasts.
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Date
20021002
NSFW
Time
10:33
A porn starlet expresses her grief over 911. Of course, she gets her clothes off in the process. As you do.
It’s all part of the healing process, people.
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Date
20021002
People Are Stupid
Time
10:37
Barbara Steisand recently gave a lecture at a gala/concert thingy to make her case against war with Iraq. I know, it’s funny already, right? Wait, it gets better.
She quoted Shakespeare.
Well, at least she thought she did.
Her quote came from a hoax email not unlike the fake Nostradamus gumpf that did the rounds this time last year.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:45
Jim Carroll asks: “Have blogs made it on to your strategic radar?”
But he doesn’t quote me, the bastard.
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Date
20021002
Time
10:47
Isn’t it funny how nobody talks about bin Laden anymore?
(Oh, if you follow the above link, you’ll probably be headed off at the pass with a page asking you to fill out a data form, as ‘knowing more about our audience will help us continue to improve our web site and provide ads that are relevant to our audience’. Isn’t that nice? I told them I lived in Antarctica, but they didn’t buy it when I told them I was born in 1856.)
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Date
20021002
Time
11:03
Tee hee. Someone found Bloggerheads this morning by using the following query in Google:
‘i need U.K president email address’
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Date
20021002
Time
11:12
See Edwina Currie’s muff.
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Date
20021002
Time
12:21
Keep the ‘Elvis in…’ requests coming, folks. It makes for great lunchtime therapy.
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Date
20021002
Time
12:44
Onion considers charging for content. Again.
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Date
20021002
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
15:06
Hey, that’s me (Lugjam) at No. 2 in Google for ‘lego models’, so it is.
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Date
20021002
Flash Games
Time
15:28
Cool Tron bike game.
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Date
20021003
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:53
The Onion : RIAA Sues Radio Stations For Giving Away Free Music.
Not as silly as it sounds. Once upon a time, the big labels decided to impose ‘per play’ charges on Australian radio stations. Locals fought back by featuring more local artists (many of whom re-recorded upcoming hits by foreign artists). A strong and independent music industry soon resulted, and I think the same thing will one day happen on the web.
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Date
20021003
Time
09:58
Babs has her say on the whole fake Shakespeare quote thing.
“The authorship of this is important. But it doesn’t detract from the fact that the words themselves are powerful and true and beautifully written. Whoever wrote this is damn talented and should be writing their own play.”
Huh. Whoever wrote this wanted to prove how stupid people can be. And succeeded.
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Date
20021003
Time
10:00
The White House press secretary drops a less-than-subtle hint to anyone in Iraq who feels they might want to take a pot-shot at Saddam. Their reward, no doubt, will be a recreational vehicle, a dream home in California and all the Happy Meals they can eat.
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Date
20021003
Time
10:03
Make your own fake porn page. Fighting fire with fire? I like it. In fact, I’ve been doing it for years.
(Link via ultimateinsult.net)
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Date
20021003
Time
10:08
META Tags are dead. Duh.
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Date
20021003
Time
10:09
Man begins to change colour after continued intake of colloidal silver.
He doesn’t take the supplement any more (it has antibiotic properties, in case you were wondering), but the skin condition it set off – argyria – is permanent.
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Date
20021003
Time
10:12
Halloween costumes for kids in wheelchairs.
I’d question the good taste of the Superman costume, but the construction outfits are just great.
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Date
20021003
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
11:03
What lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Bloody hell. The result buttons are enormous!
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Date
20021003
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:43
The day-by-day deletion of Tony’s email continues.
Today: An email from a ‘world citizen’ asking for ‘Middle East piece’ (sic).
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Date
20021003
Photoshopping
Time
13:18
Today’s ‘Elvis In…’ request:
The Graduate (for Lea)
Keep ’em coming, folks.
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Date
20021003
Time
15:01
Spend a pleasant afternoon browsing through cases of animal abuse.
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Date
20021004
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:29
A busy day with little bloggage, unfortunately – but there is time to say farewell to yet another of Tony’s emails.
Today: A letter from a Bangladeshi boy whose father is a government officer. He’s asked if Tony can drop round and visit his house sometime. His chances are pretty slim, wouldn’t you think?
Especially now.
*delete*
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Date
20021005
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:50
Oi be zoider-making today! Ooh-arr, ooharr.
But there’s always time for Tony…
Today: A long email from a Muslim who thinks that war is not the answer. He urges Tony to ‘start listening to a multitude of voices’. How ironic that his message must be sacrificed in order to ensure that those voices are heard.
*sigh*
Oh, sorry. I got a bit full of myself there.
Where was I?
Oh, yes…
Oi be zoider-making today! Ooh-arr, ooh-arr.
Unload them bags, pulp them apples, press that flesh and fill them barrels. Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, ooh-arr.
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Date
20021007
Time
08:47
Google may start charging for some searches. With stuff like this regularly pounding their service, I’m not surprised.
Oh, when the ‘end of free’ does eventually come to Google, you can bet it will include a nominal charge for the privilege of daily indexing.
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Date
20021007
Time
08:52
Promotional CD for New Zealand orchestra gets pornalised.
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Date
20021007
Time
08:53
‘Crazy lady with lots of cats’ story enjoys new twist. This time there’s kitties and kiddies.
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Date
20021007
Time
08:58
Man lives after he is shot 25 times.The shooter (who is still at large) pulled out one handgun, emptied into the victim, pulled out another, emptied that – and then pulled out a third!
Police spokesman Sgt. Paul Accardo said that “preliminary investigation indicates the (shooting) motive may stem from some type of argument.”
Oh, really?
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Date
20021007
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:05
Oops, I forgot to delete some of Tony’s email yesterday, so we’ve got a ‘twofer’ this morning.
Today: Two AOL users, as chance would have it. One simply says ‘please, no war’, the other goes into a little more detail, suggesting as he does that Tony not get involved and instead ‘leave the Middle East polecats to kill each other off.’
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Date
20021007
Time
17:57
The latest edition of Celebrity Bestiality is live. Late. Again.
This month: A loud-mouthed dolphin spills the beans on the recent Barrymore unpleasantness.
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Date
20021008
Time
09:29
How’s this for a dream job? The Home Office is looking for a writer for their propaganda department. They ask:
‘Could you write articles for both national papers and magazines in the fight against terrorism and crime?’
It then goes on to explain that ‘you will be handling sensitive issues about people’s rights and responsibilities – sometimes to unsympathetic readers’ and that ‘it’s a tough challenge but one of the most rewarding jobs around with a huge audience at your fingertips.’
What do you think – should I apply?
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Date
20021008
In the News
Time
09:31
Father puts seatbelt on case of beer, but not his son.
Angry neighbour shoots man for mowing lawn too often.
Cows given illegal boob jobs for World Dairy Expo.
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Date
20021008
Time
09:37
You may have noticed Blogdex has been down for the last few days. In truth, it’s been struggling to keep up for months. It seems they ‘didn’t build the index with the future in mind’ and are paying for it now. Oops.
The two features that overloaded the system were the ‘URL search’ and the ‘all time index’, both of which have been dropped from the primary navigation bar since about May, but it only takes a quick URL workaround to query the system for either of these, so the demand no doubt has continued regardless of this strategic withdrawal.
We hope to see a bigger and better Blogdex return in a week or so.
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Date
20021008
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:44
Yes, we’re still deleting Tony’s email.
Today: A very angry letter about the ‘United Nazis Organization’. Not a big loss, this deletion. After all, it was CC’ed to George Bush and Iain Duncan Smith.
Yes, even IDS has a public email address. He also wants to be a pirate, but that’s beside the point.
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Date
20021008
Time
10:04
After months of neglect, the Photoshopping gallery has been updated with some fresh material, including quite a few samples from my recent ‘Elvis’ phase. If you’ve been to the Photoshopping gallery before, you might want to jump straight to where the new stuff begins. If it’s just Elvis you’re after, you might want to start here.
BTW, requests for ‘Elvis In…’ are still being taken. Emails to the usual address.
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Date
20021008
Latest Viral Agent
Time
15:43
Issue an arrest warrant for the waste of space in your life. This is by the clever chaps behind Crackermatic, and really is wonderful. And I’m not just saying that. No, really.
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Date
20021008
Time
15:56
Here you are – go play in traffic. Completely irresponsible. You’ll love it.
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Date
20021009
Time
09:04
There may be little bloggage today.
The Tony Blair thing got a nice write-up in Metro and I have a few things to do.
I’ll bring you up to speed shortly.
Oh, OK, here’s a link to keep you busy in the meantime:
Think your kids are something special? They’re not. In fact, they’re rubbish.
UPDATE – I’m declaring a 24-hour amnesty on deletion. I could be nasty and go straight out and use this article as leverage, but two things have resulted from this article:
1) The statement from Downing Street regarding this read as follows:
‘We have plans to introduce an e-mail address for the Prime Minister in the near future, but we have set no date set yet.’
2) The journalist who wrote the piece asked me a very interesting question at the close of the interview. He asked if I would be willing to set up the service personally and you know, I actually had to think about that for a second or two. The answer? Yes, I would. In fact, yes I could…
I’ve done some research on the number of search queries made for Tony Blair’s email address and I’m estimating from that a total of 10,000 emails a month. I talked to a service provider that can not only handle the email, but also scan it for any nasty viruses along the way (being a published address, it will be vulnerable to attacks – automated and otherwise). These guys do some serious work at a local government level and have dealt with beefier back-ends and higher processing requirements than this.
I’m also in a unique position in that I know how to publicise the address in search engines. I could have the service set up in a week. A week. Search engine results would be live in Google within days following launch, and I’m pretty sure I can expedite quite a few other results given my list of contacts combined with the nature and importance of the content.
Haven’t set a date? How’s a week from tomorrow sound?
I’ll get back to you and let you know what the folks in charge have to say about it all.
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Date
20021009
Photoshopping
Time
11:58
It’s a fact: MC Hammer taught Hitler how to dance.
No, really, it’s true.
You can see some other far less interesting moments from the past here.
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Date
20021009
Time
13:29
Well, I’m having a good day.
I just got a call from the wonderful folks at Powwow water.
I entered an online draw a few weeks ago, and now I gots me a free water cooler for a year and two free bottles of water a fortnight.
I know, I’m such a jammy bastard – but I need one more for the hat trick. I’ve got a lottery ticket for tonight’s draw, so here’s hoping.
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Date
20021009
Time
16:12
Bloody hell, it feels like I’ve been on the phone the whole day.
Actually, I think I have been on the phone all day.
I’ll let you know what comes of it all.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:31
FBI gets tough with anti-porn email stalker by turning up at his door and telling him to ‘knock it off’.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:33
Eating dogs and cats will soon be illegal in Australia. Well, in one state anyway.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:34
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… eurgh.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:36
Elvis impersonator sues rival for sabotaging his business by telling fans that he’s a registered sex offender. A lie. A blatant lie. As it turns out, the man in question used to be a registered sex offender, but isn’t any more – so he should be free to grind his pelvis in public whenever he pleases.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:40
Alarm clock mistaken for bomb. Gosh, I can’t imagine why. Take a look at the picture featured in this article and judge for yourself.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:43
Uncle Herb comes to life as man in Spain invents baby translator.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:45
Daily Evergreen newspaper learns the hard way that not everything published on the Internet is true. By cutting and pasting a big chunk of their piece from a web site, they managed to get the following ‘fact’-oid into print:
“On Oct. 18, 1857, the first Filipinos landed on the shores of Morro Bay, California, on a Spanish galleon called the Nuestra Señora de Buena Esperanza, which translates to ‘The Big Ass Spanish Boat.’ “
Heh.
While we’re on the subject, you might want to check out bigassfans.com
No, it’s not a site about fat groupies.
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Date
20021010
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
08:52
The deletion amnesty has been extended for another 24 hours until the office of the e-envoy gets back to me.
It was also nice yesterday to hear from Andrew, who is experiencing similar problems with a fake email address for Prince William. Be warned, however, that Andrew is much more forthcoming about details/contents, and the young prince has a lot of sexually frustrated fans.
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Date
20021010
Time
08:55
If you were strapped to a table and being tubed-up for a state-approved lethal injection, what would your last words be?
Thomas J. Grasso (executed in 1995) breathed his last with:
“I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”
(You think this is an over-reaction? Come over my place sometime and see what happens when I serve up the wrong-shaped pasta to my kids…)
Ricky Ray Rector didn’t complain about his last meal, but did give credence to claims that he was mentally retarded when he told the guards taking him from his cell to the execution chamber that he was going to leave his dessert on the side of his bunk and said:
“I’m going to eat it after my execution.”
This week we have a new hall-of-famer, serial killer Aileen Wuornos, who killed six men while working as a prostitute. When the curtain rolled back to reveal the audience(!), the lovely Ms Wuornos made her final statement as follows:
“I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the Rock and I’ll be back like Independence Day with Jesus, June 6, like the movie, big mothership and all. I’ll be back!”
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Date
20021010
Time
10:37
One for the jobseekers.
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Date
20021010
Lycos ‘Viral’ Chart
Time
13:43
An amusing letter in today’s Ask Jack:
A friend has just pointed out that my emails carry a textual addition reading: “Check out all the latest outrageous email attachments on the Outrageous Email Chart! – http://viral.lycos.co.uk.” The website leads to some appalling pornography.
Some outdated rubbish, too. Topping the chart today is the bunny-breeding thing that reached most of us about 6 months ago.
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Date
20021010
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
21:14
I’m off to Oxford again tomorrow, so there will be little bloggage (if any). Also, I got word back from Number 10 late this afternoon, and the news is not good. A serious clue-by-four is necessary. We get serious on Monday.
If anybody would like to offer link support or – even better – share some good contacts with either of the main opposing parties, then please do get in touch over the weekend.
Cheers all.
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Date
20021011
Universal Church of the Interactive Network
Time
10:28
Hi guys. I have just enough time to let you know that after a quick poke through my stats, I can confirm that real people working for the government have been poking around Bloggerheads – probably wondering what my intentions are. Like everyone else, they’ll have to wait until Monday to find out.
The real reason I feel obliged to blog under a heavy workload today is to make the announcement that, according to Google, Douglas Adams is now the No. 1 saint on the web.
A proud moment for the Universal Church of the Interactive Network and all of its supporters.
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Date
20021011
Time
12:31
Go shopping with Satan!
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Date
20021014
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
10:49
There’s been lots of buzz in the last few days about Google’s new & improved algorithms, which seem to put the kibosh on Googlebombing. I’m still poking around results, but it seems to have very little effect on actual cultural support, just Googlebombing for the sheer hell of it. What really counts is that any site linked to in this way needs corresponding content to support the link (so the old ‘dumb motherfucker’ gag is unlikely to work again). Some form of foundation listing in the Open Directory Project also appears to be necessary. Things are bouncing about a bit, but I can see why they’re trying to clean house.
Oh, another thing they’ve cleaned up is the pleasant little anomaly that used to appear in Yahoo, the presentation of Open Directory Project categories in the web results when Yahoo failed to deliver. This is now, sadly, a thing of the past.
Is Google losing it? Well, let’s put it this way, they’ve had better weeks.
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Date
20021014
Time
10:54
Hurrah, Blogdex has emerged from intensive care and, despite needing round-the-clock care, looks to be in pretty good shape.
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Date
20021014
Time
10:59
Well, it certainly looks like the US has got another ally. Bad news all round, then.
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Date
20021014
Time
11:01
The Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle has cancelled an upcoming appearance by Leonard Nimoy because his new art-photography book contains images of actual human flesh.
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Date
20021014
People are Stupid
Time
11:11
Gosh, could this story really be true?
Erm, no.
A lesson to remember – when in doubt, see Snopes.
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Date
20021014
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:14
Now, let me see, there was something else I had to blog this morning…
Oh, yes, here it is:
Tony Blair’s Email – Phase 2
I’ll be kind of busy for the rest of the day, but I’ll bring you updates when I can.
In the meantime, I should let you know that deletion of the hostages begins afresh this morning.
Today: A little girl who has been ‘really sick for the past four years’ has taken the time to thank Tony Blair for helping the United States. But of course, he’ll never get to read this message because he wants her to get off her arse and go out to buy stamps.
*delete*
UPDATE – I addressed the Lib-Dem issue almost immediately, and expect to hear something back by Thursday at the latest. There were, however, a few false starts with the Conservatives along the lines of:
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’d like to talk to somebody about the absence of a publicly available email address for Tony Blair.”
“Tony Blair? But this is the Conservative Party!”
etc.
Heh.
Still, I got there in the end – and again, I’ll let you know as and when.
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Date
20021015
People Aren’t Stupid
Time
11:26
If you’re concerned about all the dead links in Blogdex today, don’t worry. Blogdex isn’t broken again – it’s just that Microsoft are busy covering their backs after being caught out in a big way over a bullshit ‘reality’ column on their site.
The feature, supposedly written by a freelance writer who ‘finally made the switch from Mac to PC’ (and ironically enough opening with the words ‘Yes, it’s true.’), made one enterprising Slashdotter suspicious enough to dig through an image archive. Lo and behold, there was the photo of the so-called independent contributor in the collection of stock images.
I could provide you with a link to the offending page, but it’s long gone. Google indexed it, but it’s since been removed from the cache. The stock image has also now been removed from Getty Images.
So, with all the evidence gone, we can be pretty sure that it never really happened – right?
Erm, no. You can see screengrabs of the offending article here and here. If these ever disappear, then please do drop me a line. I saved a copy of each to my hard drive.
UPDATE – Microsoft attempts to soften the blow by insisting the writer was an actual customer erm, who just happens to be an employee at a public relations company hired by them. Heh.
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Date
20021015
People are Stupid
Time
11:45
There’s probably only one or two large companies behind this Nigerian email scam, who solicit the aid of witless affiliates to do most of their dirty work. This was pretty much confirmed for me this morning when I received yet another copy of this email, this time from someone who has obviously read a set of instructions on how to best open their story. It arrived in my Inbox with the welcoming words:
HELLO! (COMPLIMENT)
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Date
20021015
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
11:49
It should be noted for the record, beause it’s a very seductive idea and seems to be working a treat. The site at iusedtobelieve.com asks you to add your thoughts to ‘a collection of ideas that adults thought were true when they were children’.
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Date
20021015
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
15:46
Today: a message containing a copy of the W32.klez.h@mm virus was deleted.
There, now Tony owes me one.
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Date
20021015
Emma Jones: Hardcore Journalist
Time
22:20
I’m sorry, I don’t know what Emma Jones (the so-called serious journalist) was doing interrogating showbiz folk backstage at the National Backslapping Awards, but it seemed to me that she was out of her gourd.
