“Our legal advice is that Mark Oaten is not a paedophile.”

This entry was posted on
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
11:06 am and is filed
under The Political Weblog Movement, Tolerance.

Guido – Its The Pod What Did It: Wednesday night, a few drinks, a digital recorder, Guido and a drunken Monkey. A beta podcast for a select few emailed on Thursday. Those of you who heard the podcast will know why Guido is smirking. Did it hint enough? We posted the feedback responses over at GuidoandtheMonkey.Com Thursday and Friday. Popbitch (the home of webmongs, gayers and unemployed freelance journos) referred to the libellous nature of the podcast. Anyway it was in the public domain Thursday, “bloggers are making jokes about it”, and coincidentally the News of the Screws swoops…

Recess Monkey – A good job he likes a bit of humiliation: To all those that counselled me a few days ago that I would be sued by Mark Oaten; please feel free to eat your hats.

Europhobia – Oaten outing follow-up: Still can’t quite get my head around what the point of this whole outing thing was… Guido claims the scoop, anyway. Not much to be proud of, I’d have thought, destroying the life of a minor politician and doubtless his family to boot… Still, Guido’s commentors seem to be having fun – latent homophobia or just the repression of wishing they had the guts to hire some arse themselves?

CuriousHamster – Joining the Dots: Oaten’s role in Blair’s blackest day might have already been forgotten by most people in the country. That he was once high on the Sun’s list of traitors may also be forgotten. I tell you what though. I bet I can name at least two other people in this country who do remember. Can you guess? OK, here’s a clue. Their initials are TB and RW.

Chicken Yoghurt – Oaten: What a bloody disgrace. Does this kind of thing really still sell newspapers? In the 21st century? Are people really that lacking in their own lives? What the hell has this got to do with anyone except Oaten and his family (including two daughters who have to go to school tomorrow)? What Oaten did was wrong, yes. But within the confines of his marriage. To say he’s been politically naive is an understatement but that’s not a hanging offence yet either. It seems Oaten has enough problems without the moral adjudicators of a Murdoch newspaper stirring the pot… None other than Guido Fawkes himself is claiming Oaten’s corpse. He says he outed Oaten in a drunken podcast that made its way as far as that august journal of public morality, Popbitch. He also gives some self-serving, arse-covering excuse about Oaten having been hypocritical over the Government’s plans for prostitution. If this is the kind of thing bloggers need to do to get noticed then I for one want no part of it. And if this turns out to be the first stripe British bloggers earn (“British bloggers claim first scalp”), it will have been scrawled with a turd.

DoctorVee – Who said blogging was an antidote to the MSM?: I like Guido’s and Recess Monkey’s blogs. But I wish they would stick with the jokes and jibes rather than this privacy-invading sub-tabloid tittle-tattle.

Jarndyce – Piggy-backing on Oaten, but he was drunk, mind: Look, look at me everybody. Go on, look. LOOK. It’s another one of my scoops that I break fucking ages after it’s broken somewhere else. And look, mummy, I caught one of those nasty bummers this time. Yes, mummy, a horrid, sordid little homo. But I nailed him. I really gave it to him. Roasted the little bastard. Skewered him. His daughters, too. So, pleeeease look. Pleeease. Puh-leeeease.

I’m equally depressed and disappointed by this… and I agree that Guido and Recess Monkey don’t have a lot to be proud of.

Topical as they may have been, the paedo jokes in the podcast that formed the bulk of the ‘obvious’ hints send an insidious message. You should also note that Guido and Recess Monkey make a point of revisiting the same joke/message twice:


“Can you imagine if you were sitting at home watching Big Brother or something and Mark Oaten rings you up, saying ‘Please, can I have your support?’. It’s like… ‘Yeah, just fuck off, and stay away from my kids.'”

“Is he the creepiest Lib-Dem candidate?”

“Yeah, I think he is. Yeah, he’s definitely gay*.”

“Wouldn’t want him near school playground.”

(jokes about pallid complexions and comb-overs, then a change of subject)

“Anyway… Leo.”

“I don’t think Mark Oaten has touched Leo.”

[*This word is talked over… but it was formed of one syllable, began with a strong ‘g’ and rhymed with ‘hey’. Perhaps they said he was definitely ‘grey’? As in pallid? Works for me Your Honour.]

[UPDATE – Here you go; judge for yourself (23kb WMA). Back to the show… seven minutes later… same gag all over again.]


“Do you know what? I would be quite concerned if I saw him hanging around outside a playground.”

“He does have the look of a paedo about him.”

(laughter, then, in a put-on voice…)

“Our legal advice is that Mark Oaten is not a paedophile.”

(change of subject)

“Ah, Leo Blair…”

“No, I don’t think Mark Oaten’s ever been touching Leo…”

Message: If you are a homosexual, you are a pervert. Therefore, no perversion is beneath you. Ipso facto (conspectus procto) if you are a homosexual, you are also a kiddie-fiddler. (Also, there is no such thing as a bisexual. A bisexual is simply a homosexual who hasn’t made his or her mind up yet… between men, women and children, that is.)

It’s a compelling argument (made even more compelling by use of the word ‘rent-boy’ to describe a 23-year-old man), and it’s one echoed by many of those who claim to be our moral guardians, but Guido & Recess Monkey should be warned that it is unlikely to stand up in court.

UPDATE – Before making the script for the podcast, this view was aired by Guido on Jan 9th: “Oaten? A slaphead who most mothers would feel uneasy seeing near a playground.”

About Tim Ireland

Tim is the sole author of Bloggerheads.
This entry was posted in The Political Weblog Movement, Tolerance. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to "“Our legal advice is that Mark Oaten is not a paedophile.”"