David Cameron is a moron

Posted by Tim Ireland at July 25, 2008

Category: Tories! Tories! Tories!

This entry was posted on
Friday, July 25th, 2008
3:01 pm and is filed
under Tories! Tories! Tories!.

Evening Standard – Moment David Cameron became a victim of crime: He had chained up his bike in Portobello Road, less than a mile from his home, as he went into a supermarket to buy salad for dinner. However, when he returned five minutes later, the bike was gone. Mr Cameron had chained it to a 2ft bollard, allowing thieves to lift both the bicycle and the lock clear.

Daily Mail – Cameron left stranded as his bike is STOLEN as he shopped for salad: Onlooker Gary Yankee said the theft had perplexed 41-year-old Cameron, who was heard repeatedly saying: “But I locked it.” Mr Yankee said: “He must have been looking around for about five minutes as if he couldn’t believe it had gone.”

Well, it sounds like he’s a moron, but let’s double-check, just to be sure…

Here’s a photo showing the pavement outside the Tesco in Portobello Road. In the foreground you can see the perfectly serviceable rail that runs alllllll the way along the front of the store (i.e. the one that is used by locals to secure, bikes, dogs, etc.), while in the background you can see the type of bollard that David Cameron chose as the anchor for his bike.

[Psst! You can also see to the far left a bike that may or may not be chained to one of these bollards, which only proves that David Cameron may or may not be the only moron in the world.]

You can see a clearer photo of this type of bollard here.

What should be obvious from the height is that even an oompa-loompa with poor upper body strength could lift a bike ‘up and over’ if it were chained to one of these bollards.

What should be obvious from the design is that the only thing that makes one of these bollards marginally more secure than your average bollard is a wee lip at the top… which is a lot like saying “this cell without a door is more secure because it has steps”.

So, yes, David Cameron is a moron.

The thieves that nicked his bike are thoughtless parasites (or, possibly, shy perverts who only wanted some privacy while they sniffed his seat) but David Cameron is a moron.


London Cycling Campaign – Where not to lock your bike: Short posts, or even tall posts that a lock can fit over the top of – your bike will be lifted over the top.

Rolling Resistance – The Bollards of David Cameron: I don’t mean to beat the guy while he’s down, but putting a chain around such as a bollard isn’t really going to offer much protection from theft, just as that helmet hanging from his handlebars will do little to prevent injury.


  1. chickenlittle says

    Is it overly cynical to suggest the whole event was a media set-up to make people think Dave is a victim of crime 'just like us'?

  2. Manic says

    The fool. Knife crime is where it's at.

  3. Letters From A Tory says

    He got the bike back in the end, so all is well. I'm sure the person who nabbed it absolutely crapped themselves when they realise who owned the bike!

  4. Manic says

    C'mon… if they had known who the owner was at any stage before abandoning it, surely they would have kept the helmet as a souvenir."so all is well"I'm a frayed knot. Cameron may have been reunited with most of his property, but he's still on record as being a moron.

  5. Professor Paul says

    The ease with which it was stolen & the ease with which it was found makes me think this was a PR stunt.

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