This entry was posted on
Friday, September 10th, 2004 at
1:39 pm and is filed
under George W. Bush.
[See also: George W. Bush: a coward and a liar]
The source of the forged TANG documents has been revealed to be George W. Bush’s housekeeper, Alice. Independent investigators tracked the forgeries to her desktop via the discovery of a pattern of dropped W’s.
When questioned by journalists, she immediately admitted to creating the forgeries saying; “I only wanted to help young George. It’s not easy being the eldest child, with so much responsibility in the war on terror and such.”
The documents were created on a 1971 IBM typewriter, and an attempt was made to emulate Microsoft Word as closely as possible in order to throw people off the scent.
“It was simple plan,” said Alice, “All we had to do was get people questioning the validity of some documents, and that would make people doubt the entire story.
“So now – even though I’ve been caught red-handed – as far as anybody is concerned, George served his entire time in the Texas Air National Guard – and there aren’t even any pesky questions about him jumping the queue to get in, dodging service in Vietnam and all of that nonsense.”
This method worked very well in the UK recently. When fake images of abuse of Iraqi prisoners dominated the news and swamped the information stream, genuine cases of abuse, mistreatment, government neglect, or outright murder passed by with barely a ripple.
(UPDATE – It gets betterer and betterer – but try to ignore this, as it’s not real, because one set of pictures was faked; MoD faces more than 40 cases of abuse and killings in Iraq.)
Alice has been the trusted housekeeper of the Bush clan since Dubya was a tot. Much has been made of how well she has aged, but she puts this down to “… clean living, hard work and a regular supply of virgin’s blood from our family butcher, Mr Rove.”
When asked about Bush’s whereabouts in the early seventies, Alice only had this to say:
“George is a good boy, so I’m sure he did his duty. Mind you, he seemed to spend a lot of time in my kitchen in late 1972. For some reason, he just couldn’t get enough of my meatloaf cookies.”
A further document also released by the White House this week has yet to be discredited, but several internet sites question the use of colours, with one claiming that “crayons of the navy blue variety were not used by the Air Force as a matter of principle.”