Free Wally

Posted by Tim Ireland at January 23, 2006

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs, Rupert 'The Evil One' Murdoch

This entry was posted on
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
8:51 am and is filed
under Page 3 – News in Briefs, Rupert ‘The Evil One’ Murdoch.

Appropriate responses to the death of an innocent mammal (tick one):

[ ] Sadness
[ ] Sadness tempered with a sense of inevitability
[ ] Sadness tempered with a sense of priorities
[ ] “Hang on, there might be a quid in this…”

The Scum – Memorial to Wally whale: The Sun today launches a 10,000 pound appeal to save Wally the Whale’s bones for the nation. We have teamed up with experts and conservationists to help preserve the skeleton for crucial scientific research. We also want to provide a lasting tribute to the whale that captivated the world by swimming up the Thames into central London. Wally – who died on Saturday after two days of drama – belongs to the Queen under a salvage law passed in 1324.

I’m sorry but, as of now, ‘Wally’ is the property of News International.

Let’s go to Page 3 for the round-up:

Today, Keeley (19, from Kent) gets her cha-chas out to praise The Sun for saving Wally’s remains and says: “I was really sad that rescue workers were unable to save Wally. It is right that scientists try to find out more about her. They may stop a tragedy happening again.”

Myself, I’m really sad that they couldn’t afford Lady Diana this same level of respect.


  1. cheeks says

    “…the whale that captivated the world…”.It makes me think of Independence Day (the film), where groups of stereotypical foreigners stand in front of their most recognisable national landmark and watch the rolling news coverage on TV, enraptured.

  2. Wolf Solent says

    Before you feel too sad about this bottlenosed intruder, remember:CLIVE:Whales are f*cking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who’s written the equivalent of, er, ‘Othello’, Shakespeare, ‘Health & Efficiency’? They’ve produced nothing in the way of literature. All they’ve f*cking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is f*cking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of f*cking plankton going in?DEREK:Yeah, I can imagine that.CLIVE:You’d like it, would you, just drifting around in the sea? And you can’t-, they’re such c*nts they can’t even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole f*cking time and spouting. Then some c*nt comes on telly and he says, “Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales.” Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales w-, rallying round and saying, “Save England!” I didn’t notice many down my part of the world.DEREK:Oh, f*cking-CLIVE:I didn’t see whales coming up with Union Jacks saying, “We’ll fight the Boche”. No, they were doing f*cking all …..DEREK:No, ’cause they …..CLIVE:….. swimming around the f*cking sea sucking f*cking plankton down!DEREK:The whales were all Nazis!CLIVE:They call that f*cking- ….. wha-DEREK:They were at the Nuremberg rallies, mate. They were all whales.CLIVE:What, they were tried …..DEREK:They were whales!CLIVE:….. at the Nuremberg trial?DEREK:No, they were whales at the rallies. Hitler-, Hitler was talking to whales.CLIVE:Well, that doesn’t make them more intelligent ’cause, er, Hitler lost, didn’t he?

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