MSN Spaces bans “Democracy” and “freedom” for China users
Rupert Murdoch Cosies up to “Communist China”
Rupert Murdoch urges his readers to freely express their views via… MSN Spaces
(Heads-up via Scaryduck.)
Keep your eyes on the sideshow
Try not to think about the implausible claims of WMDs. Try not to balance these claims with the fact that we used WMDs on Iraqis.
We did – after all – bring democracy to that country!
What’s that I hear you say? The civilian death toll soared following that ‘mission accomplished’ moment? They’ve started to climb again since we saw the first purple-finger-of-hope thrust skywards?
Damn it, people – that’s because you’re not clapping hard enough!
Iraq would have been a complete success had we all believed in it. And – even though people are dying on a daily basis – it’s still a Good Thing.
George Bush: “Our troops are fighting these terrorists in Iraq so you will not have to face them here at home.”
Y’see? This is a Good Thing. We The insurgents turned Iraq into a terrorist hotspot (and, as we all know, all insurgents are terrorists), and we may have swept weapons into their hands, but this is still a Good Thing. If you look at it from a certain viewpoint. Like, say, from 6,000 miles away. Admittedly, the Iraqis may be less than pleased with this ‘central front’ brought to their doorstep, but – damn it – we brought them democracy!
Also, because we refused to tolerate the unlawful actions of a brutal dictator, we have – through our strength of will – brought them *justice*.
But you’re still not clapping hard enough. This is why we have to *show* you the good work that has been done by ‘accidentally’ leaking pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear and, today, expanding on the theme with a series of Pentagon-approved interviews with his guards…
The Sun – Sadd the sexist: Saddam Hussein is a sexist pig who believes wives should cook, clean and be kept in check by their husbands, his guards have revealed. The captured tyrant is also fanatical about cleanliness, loves crisps and Raisin Bran Crunch cereal, and is a fan of late US president Ronald Reagan. The fresh insight into the Butcher of Baghdad’s life as a prisoner was given by five US soldiers who have been his personal jailers at a secret military compound for nine months.
And, just in case any girly-men are reading…
The Sun – Don’t pity him: The picture painted of Saddam Hussein by his young captors is a misleading one. By telling the world that Saddam loves Raisin Bran Crunch, is friendly and talkative, and does his own laundry, there is a danger the former Iraqi dictator will be seen as Mr Nice Guy. He isn’t. He is a murderous maniac who killed hundreds of thousands of his own people without a trace of guilt, like a man swatting a fly. He defied the world by refusing to obey international law. Saddam got everything he deserved. He is not worthy of your sympathy.
And, just in case you *still* miss the point, we’ve got a handy boiled-down version served up with a side of naked breasts on Page 3…
Today, Becky (24, from London) is fascinated by the insight into Saddam’s prison life. She says: “It’s incredible to hear about the world’s most notorious prisoner sitting eating Raisin Bran Crunch. The fact he’s obsessed with washing his hands isn’t surprising… it shows he has a guilty conscience.”
See? There you have it. The girl with the tits has spoken. We’ve caged the monster and fed him rabbit food. Saddam got his just desserts. Erm, even though it’s a breakfast cereal. Which goes to show you – once again – that this is a complicated issue that you cannot hope to fully understand.
Now stop thinking and start *clapping*, damn you!
Posted in Page 3 - News in Briefs
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Priorities
On ITV news this evening, there was an in-depth report on the exclusion zone and what impact this new law might have on us in the future.
Sorry, just kidding.
On ITV ‘news’ this evening was an in-depth report on Tom Cruise being squirted with water and what impact this might have on them in the future.
Said the reporter: “It might not have been water. I could have been acid, it could have been petrol. The days might be over when the common man (reporter gestures to self) can enjoy such close proximity to celebrities.
BTW, Cruise hasn’t suddenly turned into a tosspot overnight. He’s always been a tosspot. It’s just that now he doesn’t have Pat Kingsley (more here).
Posted in Consume!
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My role in the Uzbekistan massacre
How many people were shot dead for protesting in Uzbekistan? Was it 15? 500? More?
Well, it looks like we’ll never know now. But, at least we can sleep soundly in our beds knowing that they were shot humanely, effectively and efficiently:
New York Times – Uzbek Ministries in Crackdown Received U.S. Aid: Uzbek law enforcement and security ministries implicated by witnesses in the deadly crackdown in the city of Andijon last month have for years received training and equipment from counterterrorism programs run by the United States, according to American officials and Congressional records. The security aid, provided by several United States agencies, has been intended in part to improve the abilities of soldiers and law enforcement officers from the Uzbek intelligence service, military and Ministry of Internal Affairs, the national law enforcement service. Besides equipment aid, at least hundreds of special forces soldiers and security officers, many of whom fight terrorism, have received training.
And what did Karimov claim to be doing when he ordered the shooting of protestors? That’s right, he claimed to be fighting terrorism. And we provided the training and the bullets!
Yes, I mean *we*, white boy:
Private Eye (No 1134): While foreign secretary Jack Straw rushed to condemn Uzbekistan’s army for shooting dead civilians in Andijan, no one bothered to suspend the British Army’s training programme for the very same Uzbek soldiers. The ministry of defence told Private Eye that the UK-Uzbekistan military cooperation programme was under review following the shootings, but had not been suspended. Under this programme Uzbek officers train at Sandhurst, the Royal College of Defence Studies in London and at the Joint Service Command and Staff College near Swindon.
But don’t hold your breath for a “Prince Harry trains side-by-side with terror squad” headline in the Scum anytime soon.
PS – Considering that it’s your taxes paying for this, you might want to take a peek at the following item…
BBC – Blair called to protester’s trial: Tony Blair has been summonsed to appear at a Weymouth court for the trial of a woman who refuses to pay her income tax in protest against the Iraq war. Pat Blackburn’s son-in-law was killed in the conflict, and she refuses to pay more than £16,000 in tax until Mr Blair resigns or apologises. The judge at her trial has backed her calls for the Prime Minister to appear as a witness.
Posted in The War on Stupid, Uzbekistan
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Trust
A great post on the use of napalm in Iraq from Chicken Yoghurt.
Whoops! There goes another!
Can we believe the Bush administration when they assure us that napalm was only used on military targets in Baghdad? After they denied using it at all? Judge for yourself. But please take into account that Bush is till peddling these whoppers:
George W. Bush – Radio Address – 18 June 2005: “We went to war because we were attacked, and we are at war today because there are still people out there who want to harm our country and hurt our citizens. Some may disagree with my decision to remove Saddam Hussein from power, but all of us can agree that the world’s terrorists have now made Iraq a central front in the war on terror. These foreign terrorists violently oppose the rise of a free and democratic Iraq, because they know that when we replace despair and hatred with liberty and hope, they lose their recruiting grounds for terror. Our troops are fighting these terrorists in Iraq so you will not have to face them here at home.”
Posted in It's War! It's Legal! It's Lovely!
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Daddy or Chips?
Guardian – Couch potato label gives veg a bad name – farmers: British farmers have launched a campaign to remove the term “couch potato” from the dictionary because they fear its negative connotations are putting people off buying the vegetable. The British Potato Council has written to the Oxford English Dictionary to ask for it to be taken out. It has also planned demonstrations outside the offices of the Oxford University Press and in Parliament Square in London today to demand that it be replaced with the term “couch slouch”.
1. They might have an easier time of it getting the term ‘love spuds‘ removed from Roger’s Profanisauras.
2. Bloody hell! Just look at them all! This item even made the ‘and finally’ slot on Radio 4 this morning:
The Scum – Farmers’ chip on shoulder
Scotsman – Tattie-bye to the ‘couch potato’
BBC – Farmers stew over ‘couch potato’
So far, daily coverage out-numbers that of the exclusion zone 2-to-1 (of which there is *zero* coverage today).
So, if the meat is the Oxford Dictionary entry, why have these people got the two-veg to stage a protest at Parliament Square? Because somehow the British Potato Council managed to convince Conservative MP Nigel Evans to table an early-day motion (which I’ll link to as soon as it goes live here).
Whether you think this is getting more coverage because the media is lazy/whipped or because Alastair Campbell is spuds-deep in the affair, you have to agree that this absurd and rather OTT stunt provides a spin-adept government with some timely ammunition. Then again, perhaps you don’t…
Kathryn Race, Marketing Manager of the British Potato Council, confirmed that this is the first time they have staged or arranged a protest outside of Parliament, but denied that its timing was prompted or inspired by the new exclusion zone (of which she was aware). She also rejected any suggestion that it belittles or threatens serious protests at this location.
Nigel Evans – despite agreeing that the new exclusion measures were “draconian” and describing them as “a hammer used to crack a nut” (no pun intended) – also rejected the idea that “light-hearted” protests like this played into the hands of the government. But – quite tellingly, I thought – he knew what my primary question was going to be before I posed it.
Meanwhile, in the background, there are a number of us talking about the best way to get this law under scrutiny and off the books.
We care little for potatoes, and are far more concerned with the public being treated like mushrooms.
UPDATE – CNN, now. FFS… CNN – Couch potato ‘ruins spud’s image’
UPDATE – By Wednesday, there were 153 individual and syndicated reports on this important story visible in Google News. It even made Pravda. You may cry now.
Posted in The War on Stupid
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Smells like… election victory
Independent – US lied to Britain over use of napalm in Iraq war: American officials lied to British ministers over the use of “internationally reviled” napalm-type firebombs in Iraq. Yesterday’s disclosure led to calls by MPs for a full statement to the Commons and opened ministers to allegations that they held back the facts until after the general election. Despite persistent rumours of injuries among Iraqis consistent with the use of incendiary weapons such as napalm, Adam Ingram, the Defence minister, assured Labour MPs in January that US forces had not used a new generation of incendiary weapons, codenamed MK77, in Iraq. But Mr Ingram admitted to the Labour MP Harry Cohen in a private letter obtained by The Independent that he had inadvertently misled Parliament because he had been misinformed by the US. “The US confirmed to my officials that they had not used MK77s in Iraq at any time and this was the basis of my response to you,” he told Mr Cohen. “I regret to say that I have since discovered that this is not the case and must now correct the position.” Mr Ingram said 30 MK77 firebombs were used by the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force in the invasion of Iraq between 31 March and 2 April 2003. They were used against military targets “away from civilian targets”, he said. This avoids breaching the 1980 Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons (CCW), which permits their use only against military targets.
(Link via this post at Chicken Yoghurt. )
“Persistent rumours”…? Try instead “multiple reports from eyewitnesses”…. and not only about its use in Baghdad:
The Generals Love Napalm
US used napalm in Fallujah
Here’s an early denial:
SMH – March 22 2003: Marine Cobra helicopter gunships firing Hellfire missiles swept in low from the south. Then the marine howitzers, with a range of 30 kilometres, opened a sustained barrage over the next eight hours. They were supported by US Navy aircraft which dropped 40,000 pounds of explosives and napalm, a US officer told the Herald. But a navy spokesman in Washington, Lieutenant Commander Danny Hernandez, denied that napalm – which was banned by a United Nations convention in 1980 – was used. The Pentagon subsequently issued a statement to the Herald: Your story (‘Dead bodies everywhere’, by Lindsay Murdoch, March 22, 2003) claiming US forces are using napalm in Iraq, is patently false. The US took napalm out of service in the early 1970s. We completed destruction of our last batch of napalm on April 4, 2001, and no longer maintain any stocks of napalm.
The secret to this denial is that they don’t call it napalm any more. It’s been rebranded for PR reasons. It’s still fiery, indiscriminating death from above… it just has a different name is all.
So you’d best regard that headline above as US used I Can’t Believe It’s Not Napalm in Fallujah.
But, of course, it was only used selectively in Baghdad. And we have every reason to believe that the US authorities are telling the truth about this
But even if this is the case, you have to consider that they call this kind of thing a ‘dumb bomb’ for a reason. Any military target it’s used against will want to be at least half a mile from civilians. And I hear that Baghdad is a pretty crowded place. People actually live there. (Insert past-tense for people who no longer live there and/or are no longer alive.)
CNN – October 24, 2003: In Iraq, Corporal Casey Brommer remembers the trip along the Tigris River to Baghdad and coming under fire. “We called in with some artillery and some napalm. Some innocent women and child got hit. They came out. We met them on the road and they had little girls with noses blown off and husbands carrying their dead wives,” Brommer recalls.
Hooray for Adam Ingram (contact details), who remained ignorant of this mainly because he stood with his back turned and his fingers in his ears chanting; “La-la-la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you-why-do-you-hate-America?”
Posted in It's War! It's Legal! It's Lovely!
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Defying the parliament exclusion zone
I’ve been racking my brain over the best way to deal with this disgraceful state of affairs (slipped into law late last Friday afternoon), but Robin seems to have a worthwhile approach:
Perfect – They’ve taken away another little bit of our freedom
The Pledge: “I will apply for authorisation to demonstrate in the vicinity of Parliament every day for a month from 1st August 2005 but only if 50 other responsible citizens will too.”
This is a start, but something needs to be done to shut this down before it comes into action.
Telegraph – Why I’d join the nutty protester in Parliament Square: Mr Haw may be a nuisance and a pain. But suddenly I feel the urge to join him in Parliament Square. Who is up for a mass demonstration, supporting the freedom to demonstrate?
Sorry, but a mass protest will almost certainly be spun as a justification for the legislation. Using the ‘nutter’ angle yourself doesn’t help much, either.
Guardian – Liberty backs exclusion zone protest: Liberty, the human rights group, indicated yesterday that it would consider aiding the first protester arrested under new regulations banning unauthorised demonstrations within half a mile of parliament.
Yes, well, good luck with that. Via the Mayor of London Blog we learn of a cheeky little passage in Explanatory Memorandum (PDF):
6. European Convention on Human Rights
6.1 Not applicable.
Pfft! That pretty much sums up the Home Office’s stance on just about everything these days.
Still thinking….
UPDATE: Chicken Yoghurt – Hit me baby one more time
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Posted in The War on Stupid
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Jerry Springer – legal bid rejected
BBC – Springer Opera legal bid rejected: A bid to bring judicial review proceedings against the BBC for its broadcast of Jerry Springer – The Opera has been rejected. The Christian Institute said the BBC discriminated against Christians and breached its Royal Charter by screening the opera on BBC Two in January. But the High Court refused to grant the group permission to take legal action.
(Heads-up via Toby.)
Be warned that – as this press release indicates – Christian Voice are still planning something.
More at Media Watch Watch, as well as an interview with Stephen Green.
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Patent Application #20050071741 – implications and indications
SEOmoz – Google’s Patent: Information Retrieval Based on Historical Data: This report has been prepared to help SEOs understand the concepts and practical applications contained in Google’s US Patent Application #20050071741 – Information Retrieval Based on Historical Data. My own advice and interpretation is offered throughout this paper – please conduct your own research before acting on the recommendations.
It’s a hefty read for the novice, and a lot of other people are chatting and theorising about Patent Application #20050071741, but here’s where I stand:
18 months ago, I ran a number of seminars on SEO and held the position that automated link farming was worthless. What sites really needed in order to perform was an organic link-generation programme. Earning genuine, unsolicited links from real members of the online community. This kind of investment seems speculative to most novices (sadly, these are often the people who sign the cheques) but it is worth it for three reasons:
1. Google became Teh Daddy for a *reason*. I predicted that Yahoo and MSN would develop their new databases along Google’s lines, because it made economic sense for them to do so. And I was right. So…. Then: it would work in Google now and in the future, and in Yahoo and MSN not far into the future. Now: it should work in Google, Yahoo and MSN now and in the future.
2. Google *remembers*. There are important aspects to the algorithm that remember past links, past updates, and possibly past click-through behaviour. That is, if you work to get ahead of your competitors (in a sensible and sustainable way) then they will have trouble catching up to you without a time machine. A lot of the details in this patent confirm Google’s interest in a site’s past history.
3. Forget the technical aspects. These will continue to change. But they will continue to change with a *purpose that will not vary*. What you need to do is keep your eye on this purpose. Google is working to provide their users with quality information that has gained a valid reputation. Any site that works honestly to live up to these expectations – with little to no jiggery-pokery beyond simple robot-accessibility (time/focus that used to be spent on playing catch-up over small technical matters should instead be spent improving the site’s reputation) – will start to perform and continue to perform over time. And, of course, the longer they perform in this way… (see: 2)
Genuine content. Ongoing inbound link activity.
There are some interesting nuggets here, but nothing to change my methodology apart from a very clear need to register a domain well before launch and/or place a *slightly* greater value in an existing domain (even if it may not be ideal in terms of keyword strategy or branding).
Posted in Search Engine Optimisation
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