Archive for the ‘Page 3 – News in Briefs’ Category

Posted by Tim Ireland at February 23, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

This is rather predictable and sad, but it needs to be blogged for the archives…

Today, Page 3 stunna Katie (19, from Liverpool) ‘thinks’ it’s a terrible the Queen won’t be attending Prince Charles’ wedding and ‘reckons’ it is a deliberate snub. She ‘says’: “It must be awful to have your mother miss one of the biggest days of your life. And what a slap in the face to Camilla. I know a civil wedding is probably not what the Queen had in mind, but if it’s good enough for the rest of us, why isn’t it good enough for her?”

For reference: BBC – Q&A: Queen’s wedding decision

Just wondering: There must be a release these girls have to sign that covers The Scum, allowing them to put these words into the mouths of their models. I’d love to see a copy.

Also: A lot of what is printed in newspapers is entered into LexisNexis. I bet this isn’t.
(Photograph) – BECKY, 24, from London

BECKY can’t believe the Beckhams have called the latest addition to their family Cruz. She said: “I know David is a footballer but giving your son the Spanish name for cross is ridiculous. On me ‘ead!”

Picture: Allan Strutt Underwear: Daniel Axel”

Posted by Tim Ireland at February 17, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

Today, Page 3 lovely Peta (18, from Essex) backs Tony Blair’s call for Ken Livingstone to apologise over his ‘anti-Jewish’ remarks (Boris Johnson, BTW, has a slightly different view). She says: “I found his comments totally abhorrent. As Mayor of London he should be setting a good example. If he won’t apologise he should be forced to give up his leadership.”

Hmmm. Won’t apologise… should be forced to give up his leadership… that rings bells for some strange reason.

UPDATE – Ah, good. I’m not alone.

UPDATE – Ooh, look – there goes another one.

Posted by Tim Ireland at February 11, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs, The War on Stupid, UK General Election 2005

Glorious front page on the Independent today. Here’s a round-up. How brave of Tony to appear on the hard-hitting show Richard and Judy. How pleasant that Bush tried to suppress the pre-9/11 report into al-Qaeda. Ooh, look… nukes!

Oh, did you miss that bit about the Bush administration opening a torture franchise? You did? Then you may also have missed the ID cards bill slipping through the Commons yesterday (for the record, Blair knew about the Charles/Camilla announcement at least 5 days in advance).

Y’see, it’s all about Teh War on Terrerer. We take it very seriously. And we don’t mismanage matters, lie about it and then manipulate the threat. That would be a very silly thing to do.

Oh, that chap who’s marrying a horse… I know you’re dying to know what the girl with the tits thinks about it.

Today, Danni (18, from Coventry) has been closely following news of Charles and Camilla’s wedding. She says: “They really seem to be in love and it’s great that they’ve made this decision. Camilla is certainly not a princess like Diana but I’m sure everyone will warm to her.”

Yes. Quite.

I got home last night planning to have my first 8+ hours of sleep in a over a week. It didn’t happen. I have a new song in my head. Chicken Yoghurt gets credit for partially inspiring it. BTW, this is a mighty fine post about vague numbers of very dead people. We wouldn’t claim to be invading Iraq for humanitarian reasons and then fiddle/hide the number of civilian casualties. That wouldn’t be too clever at all.

Send me more money you cheap bastards! The major parties are booking up ad-space like there’s no tomorrow. If you want to see giant Backing Blair billboards then you should be sending me money today and telling other people to do the same.

Lots of linky goodness over at Washinton Monthly today. Go see.

PS – Don’t forget to send me money.

Posted by Tim Ireland at February 7, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

I wanted to do a long post this morning about the government boldly acting on perceptions ahead of problems (including such aspects as that wonderfully high percentage of people who confuse asylum with immigration), but I just don’t have it in me today. Page 3 has sucked all the fun out of it.

Today, Nicola T (22, from Croydon) backs Labour’s tough stance on immigration – as long as those in real need are not targeted. She says: “We must be sure people in need of genuine help are not turned away. That would go against everything that Britain stands for.”

Yes. Which is why the Tories – and now Labour – are so keen to emulate the Australians.

Oh, I do apologise. I appear to have deliberately blurred the line between asylum and immigration. You see how easily these things can happen?

Posted by Tim Ireland at February 1, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

Today Page 3 regular Zoe (23, from London) reckons the Michael Jackson child abuse case in America (Really? It’s in America? Do tell.) will grip the world in the coming months. But she adds: “People should not jump to conclusions. Remember people are innocent until proven guilty.”

Unless you’re a suspected terrorist. Or an outspoken Muslim cleric. Or Michael Jackson…

In the print edition of this article reporting Michale Jackson’s pre-trial video statement, The Sun runs with the headline: DISGUSTING, FLASE, UGLY, MALICIOUS.. Talking about yourself, Michael?

Posted by Tim Ireland at January 26, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs, Rupert 'The Evil One' Murdoch, UK General Election 2005

Today Page 3 stunna Jak (19, from Tunbridge Wells) thinks there’s nothing racist about protecting Britain’s borders. She says: “We’re a small island nation and we’re already overcrowded. Michael Howard’s view on immigration is shared throughout the country. It simply makes sense.”

See? It’s. Just. Common. Sense.

The girl with the boobs has spoken.

An important thing to remember about Murdoch and Blair is that – as cosy as their relationship might seem – Murdoch will not hesitate to give Blair a solid kicking over issues like the EU and immigration… which is why you can expect Blair or Clarke to make a ‘common-sense stand on immigration’ someday soon.

So… when/where did this latest round of immigration ‘debate’ originate?

I’ve said it elsewhere (1, 2) and I’ll say it here; it’s almost as if some bright spark working for the Tories was watching ITV’s Vote For Me and taking notes.

The winner, in case you missed this landmark show that was broadcast for the post-pub audience and over in little more than a week, was one Rodney Hylton-Potts.

Guardian/Observer – Row erupts as TV’s new political idol accused of being racist: A innovative attempt to revitalise the public’s interest in politics, by subjecting would-be MPs to a Pop Idol-style reality TV show, descended into ugly scenes last night after the winner was accused of holding views to the right of the British National Party. Rodney Hylton-Potts, who has served two years in Brixton prison for fraud, should have been spending this weekend celebrating his Friday night victory in ITV’s Vote For Me competition. But instead he is being forced to deny allegations that he told a fellow competitor that in the 1960s ‘you could drive to Henley without seeing a nigger on the streets’. Hylton-Potts, who won the competition on the strength of what he calls his ‘cabbie’s manifesto’ – the mandatory castration of paedophiles, the legalisation of all drugs, the repeal of the human rights act, a massive prison-building scheme and an immigrant deportation programme that would reduce Britain’s population by 20 million – vehemently denies the allegation.

So, thanks ITV, for liberating political democracy from its current cultural ghetto.

Also, thanks for placing me in one of those rare situations when I am forced to agree with Alastair Campbell…

Guardian – ‘Political idol’ loses Campbell’s vote: Campbell claimed the show was exploitative and said it would further undermine the public’s faith in the political system. “It’s crass. They say it is about engaging young people in politics but it will have the effect of further undermining politics,” said Campbell.

Posted by Tim Ireland at January 24, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

Today The Sun is fighting back against Misery Monday “to give you some FUN on the most depressing day of the year.”

To combat depression and/or prove this boffin wrong (no doubt he’s a killjoy leftie) they’ve “peppered the site/paper with happy stories” and provided readers with a long-overdue break from right-wing propaganda on Page 3.

Today, ‘cheery’ Neval (21, from London) helps put a smile on our faces by getting her boobs out and says: “How can it be ‘Misery Monday’, the most depressing day of the year? I’m here on Page 3 to brighten the day for Sun readers. I’ll know they’ll make the breast of it.”

That near-classic pun is the icing on the cake. It almost makes up for the ‘happy’ story about the Yorkshire Ripper on the front page.

Remember, folks…

Page 3 = Harmless Fun

… and anybody who says otherwise is trying to take away your will to live!

Stay happy.

PS – Johnny Carson is dead.

Well, isn’t that interesting? Richard Desmond appears to be trying to get on Tony’s good side by not running the images and instead reminding us what this fight is ‘really’ about… and that we could all get blowed up…

BBC – ‘Abuse’ pictures dominate papers: The Express is the only paper that does not feature images of alleged abuse on its front page. Instead the paper leads with a special investigation by two of its reporters trying to show “how easy it is for bombers to get into Britain”. It describes how they smuggled fake bombs across the Channel by boat, then took them to various places including the London Eye and Heathrow airport.

Normally, this is the kind of helpful stunt The Sun would pull.

For the record, I should note that I didn’t see a newspaper rack until late yesterday, but when I did I found that the Express also bigged-up the Omar Bakri Mohammed ‘story’. And today they continue the good work.

(Oh, and I haven’t seen a newspaper this morning, either… so I don’t know what the girl with the tits thinks.)

One would almost think that the Bakri matter was pushed/generated in expectation of the release of these pictures, in order to reach that fuzzy area in the back of people’s brains that still links the war in Iraq with the War on Terror… a link that in some small way is supposed to excuse these pictures.

In fact, while The Sun has run with the pictures today, they tie up the messy ends with the following neat little bow….

The Sun – Army’s shame: The country is asking one question today: How COULD the British Army let such terrible things happen? The truth is that only a few revolting individuals have allowed themselves to sink so low… The fine work of 99 per cent of our magnificent Army has been tarnished by a handful of morons. The Sun feels deep sympathy for the mistreated Iraqis, and we know our readers will too. The soldiers on trial must, if convicted, pay a heavy penalty. That is vital. We cannot afford to let the likes of Omar Bakri, the fanatical Muslim cleric, try to make mileage out of these events.

I’m sorry, but I feel the need to correct that middle sentence… The fine work of 100 per cent of our magnificent Army has been tarnished by a handful of morons that are in charge.

Blair! Hoon! Stop pretending to cry at the back there and pay attention! This concerns you.

The same strategists who worked so hard to link the invasion of Iraq with the War on Terror at home did equally fine work contributing to the mentality of our troops. Mix a getsomegetsomegetsome atitude with a false picture of the population you’re invading (Iraqis were responsible for 911, don’t you know), and you’re away.

Combine this with the practice of bagging/hooding that magically turns people into objects, and you have your very own recipe for disaster.

Of course, an incident like this happening so early in the war should have been a warning sign for someone senior along the way. Unless of course such a go-getter attitude was seen as a necessary evil. Or perhaps even a desirable attribute, given that someone would have to get tough sooner or later in order to track down those pesky WMDs. That never existed.

But what makes me angriest about this is that – while no-one is stupid enough to be quite as overt as Rumsfeld about it (though The Sun tries) – the same game to win hearts and minds that led to this is still being played in order to excuse it.

Iraq, Friendly Fire, Civilian Casualties, and a Total Lack Of Torture
Something Funny Happened On The Way To Abu Ghraib

UPDATE – Today’s topless totty has been moved to page 7. There, Ruthie (23, from Kent) is angered by photos of British troops abusing Iraqi prisoners and turns away from the camera to show a suitably respectful hint of nipple. She says: “Stories like this play right into the hands of our enemies. People who abuse prisoners should be punished.”

And by that she means pilloried.

Posted by Tim Ireland at January 13, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs, Rupert 'The Evil One' Murdoch

Prince Harry joins Nazis shock!Prince Harry has made a total arse of himself, and the timing could be better… but you don’t want to hear my opinion on that – you want to know what the girl with the tits thinks:

Today in The Sun, Katie (19, from Liverpool) – who so memorably was almost moved to tears after the departure of David Blunkett – is alarmed to see Prince Harry sporting a Nazi armband. She says: “British people will be horrified by a Royal wearing such gear. The snap will send shockwaves around britain. He really ought to know better.”

Deeper in, it’s HarryHitlerHitlerHarryHitlerHitler… which is probably why the paper that assured us we were 45 minutes from doom ran out of room and didn’t have space for the following news item:

Washington Post – Search for Banned Arms In Iraq Ended Last Month: The hunt for biological, chemical and nuclear weapons in Iraq has come to an end nearly two years after President Bush ordered U.S. troops to disarm Saddam Hussein. The top CIA weapons hunter is home, and analysts are back at Langley.

Guardian – US gives up search for Saddam’s WMD: The US investigators searching for Saddam Hussein’s alleged weapons of mass destruction have given up the hunt and left Iraq with an appeal to the Pentagon for the release of several Iraqi scientists still being questioned, it was reported yesterday… (The) assessment found Saddam had destroyed his last weapons of mass destruction more than 10 years ago, and his capacity to build new ones had been dwindling for years by the time of the second Gulf war.

(Image posted to B3ta.)

Oh, Murdoch-related item. Bit of a rush this morning. No time to explain. Via TTR2:

FOXBlocker – Keep The Radical Right Out Your Home By Filtering Out FOX News!

UPDATE – Hahahahahahahahaha! Headline Of The Day from Peter.

UPDATE – More Harry/Nazi photoshopping here:

The B3ta board is bound to be alive with this today. Worth watching if you have the time. Feel free to post any highlights you see under comments.

Posted by Tim Ireland at January 11, 2005

Category: Page 3 - News in Briefs

Today Page 3 lovely Nikkala (22, from Middlesex) thinks a principal’s decision to ban The Sun from her college is a disgrace. She adds: “I just can’t understand the thinking behind this petty-minded move. Page 3 is just harmless fun and it helps brighten up the day for a lot of blokes. Surely she must have better things to do with her time.”

Harmless fun. I love it when they say that.

The Sun – Sun-sorship at college: A killjoy college boss has angered students and staff by banning them from reading The Sun. Leftie Ruth Silver ordered the Sun-sorship even though not one of her 15,000 students has complained about the paper. Ms Silver claims Britain’s favourite newspaper – read each day by millions of females – is “degrading to women”. One angry student told The Sun that the principal had even ticked off a member of staff for taking the paper to fun-free Lewisham College, South East London.

Leftist killjoys. I love it when they say that.

Here’s the contact page for Lewisham College. I hope you’ll join me in sending a message of support.

UPDATE – Phones are jammed, by the looks of things. Well done The Sun. No email addresses on the site, but I did manage to squeeze through the system and ask for one. If you want it (I don’t want to publish it here) just email me and ask for it.

Hey, and guess what? John Beyer got back to me on this thoughts about a topless woman backing his case. He said: “I think it is a great pity and wrong that young women are enticed by newspapers to pose indecently. I have stated this publicly on numerous occasions.”

John, if you’re reading this, I expect you to send a message of support. Or perhaps run a campaign. That is what you do, isn’t it?

PS – The ‘on hold’ music for Lewisham College is to die for. :o)

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